Heart Of A Cowboy

by Margaret Daley

“We’re gonna roast marshmallows and tell scary stories,” Nicholas piped in and returned to Becca.

  “I know I’m not much of a nature buff, but I can tell scary stories. You’re not gonna sleep at all tonight.” She winked at Zachary and sauntered past him to help Becca with dinner.

  “We’ll just see who’s up the whole night, too scared to sleep,” he said behind her with a chuckle.

  She was afraid it might be her. Not that she would let Zachary know she didn’t get any sleep.

  After helping Becca with the dinner, Jordan sat down with her plate, piled high with a thick, juicy hamburger, baked beans, macaroni and cheese and cole slaw. The heat from the fire that Zachary and Paul, Becca’s husband, had built warmed her. Now that the sun had disappeared behind the tall pines, scrub oaks and hackberry trees, the temperature had dropped a few degrees.

  “How early are you and Nicholas going fishing tomorrow morning?” Jordan asked when Zachary took a seat near her.

  “Crack of dawn.”

  “That early?” Who was she kidding? She wouldn’t probably close her eyes all night so why not get up and join them. “I’d like to go with you two. Is anyone else coming?”

  “Nope. Paul and I have a challenge going. He has a favorite fishing hole and I have one. We’re gonna see who can get the most. He’s taking his boys.”

  “Then I’ll even out the numbers. Three to three.”

  His brow wrinkled, he looked sideways at her. “Then you want to fish?”

  “Why not? If you and Nicholas are gonna, I might as well try.”

  “You’ll bait your own hook?”

  “Fine. Isn’t it just rubbery things?”

  He grinned. “Live worms. They come in dirt.”

  “I know how worms come.”

  “Just wanted you to know all the details.”

  “Okay, so I’m a girly girl.”

  His smile broadened, reaching deep into his eyes. “I’ve been impressed so far.”

  “Yeah, well, wait. It isn’t totally dark yet.”

  His robust laugh echoed through the woods encircling them, bouncing off objects and returning to enclose them in an intimacy. For just a moment. “We still have the scary stories,” he said, cutting through the emotion-packed tension.

  “I have a better idea.” Jordan turned to the rest of them around the fire. “Why don’t we play charades?”

  “Yeah, I like that game,” Ashley said opposite Jordan.

  “I’m good at it.” Nicholas jumped to his feet and threw his plate away, then grabbed a brownie.

  Zachary rubbed his chin. “That’s actually a good suggestion. Charades it is.”

  An hour later with darkness surrounding them like a black curtain and their stomachs full of chocolate and marshmallows, the fire the only bright spot, Jordan sat with Becca and Ashley across from Zachary, Mike, Cal and Nicholas. Paul held the tin container out for Jordan to draw her final selection for charades. She read it and gulped then handed it to Paul, who showed it to the guy team.

  She unfolded her hands to resemble a book then turned her hand in a full circle.

  “A book and movie,” Becca shouted.

  She held up seven fingers, then indicated the second word. Without roaring, she gave a fierce face and acted as if she pounced on prey.

  “Bobcat,” Zachary said with a laugh.

  Swinging around, she glared at him.

  Becca snapped her fingers. “Lion.”

  Ashley bounced up and down on her seat. “Oh, oh. It’s The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.”

  “Yes!” Jordan high-fived Ashley. “Way to go.”

  Next Zachary stood, groaned when he read his pick, The Princess Diaries, then faced his team to begin. He started to do something, scowled then walked to Paul and whispered something to him. “Ah, okay,” Zachary said and came back to the center.

  He pantomimed it was a movie and three words. He paused, thought a few seconds then pranced around the fire as though he wore high heels, then eased daintily into a chair. His team looked at him as if he were crazy.

  For the next few minutes Zachary tried to coax the title out of the three boys. When he opened his hand like a book and pretended to write in it, Nicholas finally said, “Journal.”

  Zachary smacked his palms together and shouted, “Close.”

  “Hey, no talking.” Jordan pointed toward Zachary. “That should be a thirty-second penalty.”

  “Time, without even adding a penalty. Girls win three to two.”

  Mike stuck out his chest, a pout on his face. “We had harder ones. That’s the only reason you all won.”

  “Mike, they won fair and square.” Paul put the tin container back with the other dishes. “It’s bedtime. We need to get up early tomorrow. Got a challenge to win.”

  After standing, Jordan stretched and rolled her head to ease her tight muscles. Exhausted, she covered her open mouth. “I don’t think I’m gonna have any trouble sleeping tonight.”

  “Well, don’t let the bed bugs bite.” Zachary winked and headed with Nicholas to the tent they were sharing.

  Jordan watched everyone scatter to their respective tents. How did she get stuck by herself? ’Cause you don’t belong. This is Zachary’s family, not yours.

  Flipping back the flap, she crawled inside the small space where she would sleep. After snuggling into the warmth of her bag, Zachary’s comment about the bed bugs came back to haunt her. She switched on her flashlight and checked everywhere around her for any sign of an insect or any other creepy, crawling critters. When she thought it was safe, she relaxed and zipped herself in.

  That was when the sounds intruded. The constant chatter of the crickets with an occasional bullfrog taunted her with the idea of sleep—just out of her reach. She stared into the darkness. The hoot of an owl nearby made her gasp. She hunkered down into her bag and squeezed her eyes closed. Sleep finally descended when she relaxed her tense muscles enough to allow it in.

  Only to be jerked wide-awake by a howl. She bolted upright, flinging her arms out, connecting with the side of the tent. Canvas swallowed her in its clutches, trying to smother her rather than shelter her. Trapped. With a shudder, she squirmed in her sleeping bag, fighting with the zipper while shoving at the walls of the tent that had fallen on her. Twisting to the side, she searched for an opening and rolled down a small incline, ending up at the bottom in a tangle.

  Her heartbeat thundered so loud in her ears she barely heard Zachary call her name. Then suddenly he freed her from the canvas and knelt down next to her.

  “What happened, Jordan?”

  “My zipper is stuck,” she said between pants. She needed to get out of the confining sleeping bag.

  He placed a calming hand on her. “Let me.”

  Five seconds later he liberated her totally. She sat up and inhaled deeply of the oxygen-rich air. Another howl reverberated through the woods. “What’s that?” She threw herself into his strong arms.

  For a moment he held her before saying, “It’s a coyote.” He helped her up, stooped and grabbed the tent and bedding. “We’re safe.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I’ve been camping here many times and a coyote hasn’t bothered me yet.”

  “There’s always a first time.” The trembling in her hands quickly overtook her whole body.

  He tossed the items on the ground not too far from the fire then drew her into his embrace again. “You’re all right.”

  She laid her head against his chest, feeling the steady beating of his heart beneath her ear. “You said a coyote hasn’t bothered you. Has something else?”

  “Raccoons. That’s why our food is locked away in the car.”

  “Oh.” Although she didn’t want to encounter a raccoon, it sounded better than a coyote. From the dim light of the dying fire, she noticed the time on her watch was four in the morning. Even though her body didn’t feel like it, she’d gotten a few hours of sleep. “I think I’m done for the night.”

&n
bsp; “Dawn is still a couple of hours away.”

  “I know but I’m not wrestling with my tent again.”

  “I can stay out here. Why don’t you sleep with Nicholas?”

  “You’d sleep out in the open?” His warmth encircled her and lured her into a serenity she wished she could maintain.

  “I’ve done it before.” His fingers skimmed down her spine.

  She pressed closer. The thumping of his heartbeat increased. A sudden intake of air attested to her effect on him. She smiled. Hope blossomed within her and spread through her.

  He stepped back. “I’ll use this sleeping bag. You can use mine. That way we won’t disturb Nicholas.”

  Still keyed up with her fight with her tent, she moved toward the glowing embers of the fire and sat. “I might take you up on it, but right now I can’t sleep a wink.”

  He sank into a lawn chair nearby. “I probably can’t, either.”

  “Ha! We have something in common.”

  His chuckles tickled down her spine like the feel of his fingers seconds ago. “Besides Nicholas. Yeah, I guess we do.”

  “Well, certainly not camping. I suck at it.”

  “Nicholas is having a good time.”

  “That’s your genes. Not mine.”

  “But studying and the love of books are yours.”

  “He’s a little bit of both of us and a whole lot of his own.”

  Zachary crossed his right arm over his chest while stroking his chin with his left hand. “Aren’t most children?”

  “Probably. I’d love to find out. I never pictured being a mother of one child. Growing up I enjoyed my relationship with my sister.” The second she admitted that to Zachary she chanced a peek at his face.

  His earlier neutral expression morphed into a frown, the cleft in his chin prominent.

  “How about you? You were engaged once. Did you two talk about having a family?”

  He blinked. The silence stretched between them.

  “I’m sorry. I had no right to ask.” What had happened to Zachary from the time she’d left to when she’d come back to Tallgrass?

  “Yeah, I wanted a family. Being around my nephews and niece made me realize that.”

  “That’s the way I feel about Rachel’s family. Every year she and Mom would drive across country and visit Nicholas and I for a couple of weeks. We spent time at the beach, seeing the sights. The time we went to Jamestown and Williamsburg was so much fun. Nicholas was four. Before he got so sick he couldn’t go far from home. I think that trip sparked his love of history.”

  Zachary’s intense gaze trapped hers. “At four?”

  “He was reading by three, calculating addition, subtraction and even multiplication in his head.”

  “What an unusual son we have.”

  For a long moment a bond sprang up between them. He’d roped her as if he’d taken her into his arms again. She wished he would.

  Finally he turned his head, poking the fire with a stick they’d roasted marshmallows on. “What happened when he got sick?”

  “His health began to deteriorate until finally his doctor heard his heart murmur and referred us to a pediatric cardiologist. They put a catheter in to repair the hole. It’s like a plug. But it became infected and they had to repair it surgically. He almost died. It took quite a toll on him.” And me, but my son’s alive through the grace and power of the Lord.

  He folded both arms over his chest. “I wish I could have been there for him.”

  “I wish you’d been there, too.” It should have been that way. If only… The brief connection she’d experienced with Zachary came crashing down about her. Her memories and emotions—mostly sadness—swamped her, sagging her shoulders. She pushed to her feet. “I think I can sleep now.”

  As she made her way to the tent where Nicholas was, Zachary’s continued silence emphasized the distance between them. She wanted his forgiveness and trust. Neither of which she had. If she ever wanted that family she’d told him she wanted, she needed to move on. Why hadn’t she while she lived in South Carolina? Her excuse had always been Nicholas. But now that she was back in Tallgrass she realized it was because she’d never stopped loving Zachary, even when she’d felt rejected by him.

  When she settled next to Nicholas, weariness surrounded her like the sleeping bag. But Zachary’s distinctive male scent ridiculed her thoughts of slumber.

  Nicholas chattered most of the way back to the ranch from the lake the next evening. Zachary tried to follow what his son said, but his mind was filled with images from the weekend camping trip. Lying in the sleeping bag where Jordan had been moments before—her vanilla fragrance taunting him. Her trying to bait her hook with a wiggly worm. Her glee at reeling in a fish only to have to throw it back because of its small size. The sleepy-eyed look she’d given him that morning when she’d crawled out of the tent behind Nicholas.

  And if truth be known, he’d enjoyed himself and believed she had, too. What would it have been like if he’d known about his son from the very beginning? Would they have a parcel of kids by now? Would he have become a bull rider? Had the rodeo accident? That day changed so much for him. His career was over. His fiancée walked away because he couldn’t give her what she wanted—a family. Like Jordan wants.

  The thought she wanted more kids marked his heart like a branding iron used on horses. It was too late for him but not her. Even if he could put aside his mistrust, how could he ask her to give him a second chance when he couldn’t give her any more children?

  “Dad?”

  “Huh?”

  “Who’s that at Aunt Becca’s?”

  Zachary swept his attention toward the blue house as he passed it. Stiffening, he sucked in a sharp breath. “My parents.” He’d avoided having any real conversation with his mother about Nicholas and what had happened eleven years ago. He should have known she wouldn’t be put off for long.

  He slid his gaze toward Jordan in the front seat. Her ashen features spoke of her own turmoil at his parents’ visit.

  Chapter Eleven

  When Zachary pulled up behind his parents’ car, Jordan sank lower in the seat, her hands clenched beside her. What do I say to the woman who kept my calls from Zachary, Lord? Things would be so different if she hadn’t.

  “They’re my grandparents?” Nicholas pushed open the back door of the truck and jumped down. Without waiting for a reply to his question, he darted across the yard toward them.

  Zachary sent her a look full of concern. “I can understand if you’d rather not talk with my mom.”

  “I imagine she’s not too happy with me, and I’m certainly not with her.” Jordan stared out the windshield at her son, who embraced his grandparents as though he’d known them all his life. Didn’t he realize that woman was the reason he didn’t know about his father?

  “She shouldn’t have kept the message from me, but she was doing what mothers do—protecting their children.”

  She knew she wasn’t being fair but the past month had been hard for her, her son and Zachary. Yes, she was to blame as well as his mother, but she’d been young, hardly an adult thrust into an adult situation she didn’t know how to handle. “So you can forgive her but not me?” Finally she swung her full attention toward Zachary, narrowing her eyes when she saw the deep furrows on his forehead, the muscle in his cheek twitch, the flare of his nostrils.

  His grip on the steering wheel whitened his knuckles. “You can’t compare apples to oranges. The two situations are not the same.”

  “Yes, I can. She lied to me.” Jordan shoved open the door. “It seems to me you have a double standard. I’m getting my car and leaving. I’ll stop by and get Nicholas. He needs to go home. He’s had a long, tiring weekend.”

  She started for the barn where she’d left her car parked and had only taken a few steps before Zachary blocked her path. “Nicholas can stay the night with me. He needs to spend some time with his grandparents.”

  Moving into his personal space, she shoved
her face close to his. “No. He can visit tomorrow after he’s rested and done his schoolwork.”

  His glare drilled through her. “I’ll bring him home early tomorrow afternoon. This isn’t a request. He’s my son, too.”

  The stubborn set to his jaw declared his intention to fight for Nicholas to stay and frankly at the moment she was exhausted from the weekend’s ups and downs. Her anger and energy siphoned from her. She stepped back. “Fine, but I need him home by noon. He has his anatomy class tomorrow at one.”

  Skirting around him, she marched down the road toward the barn. Pinpricks ran down her spine. She wouldn’t look back at Zachary. She didn’t need to see that he watched her.

  “Mom said you’re upset.” Rachel came into the kitchen where Jordan was working on her laptop the next morning.

  She twisted toward her older sister. “Zachary’s mother is at the ranch.”

  “And Nicholas is out there?”

  “Yeah, but it’s not so much that as what she did to me.”

  Rachel crossed to the coffeepot and poured her some in a mug, then sat across from Jordan. “You’re having a hard time forgiving her.”

  “Yes.” She pushed her laptop to the side and cradled her coffee, the warmth from the drink doing nothing to take the chill from her fingers. “Everything would be so different if she hadn’t kept my calls from Zachary.”

  “If you can’t forgive her, how can you expect Zachary to forgive you?” Rachel sipped her drink.

  Her sister’s question threw her off balance. She stared down at her mug, trying to come up with an appropriate answer. She opened her mouth to say something. The situation between her and Zachary’s mother was different, wasn’t it?

  But it wasn’t. The Lord forgives us, but He expects us to forgive others in return. How can I not?

  “I know it won’t be easy, but don’t you think you should make the first move? Show Zachary you can forgive.”

  Jordan shook her head. “I don’t know if I can.”

  “Just think on it. We can’t expect to receive forgiveness if we can’t forgive.”

  “How did you become so wise?”

  “It’s the duty of an older sister.” Rachel took another swig of her coffee.