After the Fire

by Jen Talty

  “Why’d you have to go and sleep with him?” Cade said with a long breath. “Gavin is taking a full month off. Losing Fletcher before Rochelle comes back is going to be tough.”

  “Not unless you can do a swap. I know Heidi at the 86th would love to hop over here.”

  “She’s already going to be doing swing shifts to cover Gavin.” Cade ran a hand across the top of his head. “I want you to talk Fletcher out of this insanity.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “He’s not going to listen to me.”

  “You broke it off with him already?”

  “That’s none of your business,” she said.

  “When your love life messes with the personnel of my station house, I’m going to make it my damn business.” He slapped his hand on the desk. “I know you’ve been through a lot and getting over Devon’s death hasn’t been an easy road, and maybe I made a mistake by bringing Fletcher here to begin with, but chasing him away isn’t going to solve anything.”

  “You don’t know jack shit.”

  “I know that you try like hell not to love and when you get close, you push back, hard.”

  “You think that’s what I’m doing with Fletcher?” She let out a sarcastic laugh. “That’s ridiculous.”

  Cade stood. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk.”

  She followed her cousin through the station and out the back door to the picnic table. She took a seat on the bench. “You’re way off base, Cade.”

  “Right now, I’m not your captain. I’m just family.”

  “Okay,” Renee said. “You’re still talking out of your ass.”

  “Have you been seeing Fletcher romantically?”

  “If you want to know if he’s been sleeping in my bed occasionally, the answer is yes. I wouldn’t call it being romantic.”

  “Semantics,” Cade said, shaking his head.

  “And don’t start this shit that I have feelings for him and that’s why I’m up his ass on the job and in his face when he fucks up, because Gavin already went down that road, and I’m sure you can understand how absurd that sounds.”

  “When you pull it out of context, sure, it’s sounds crazy. But so does calling him reckless.”

  She let out a harsh puff of air. Cade was right. Fletcher was no more reckless than she was. If anything, he was just more confident, something she’d lost when she lost the baby. Tears stung at her eyes.

  Cade reached out and squeezed her hand. “What’s going on?”

  She glanced toward the sky, letting the bright sunrays hit her eyes like a flash of lightning. She had no idea which end was up anymore. Everything about her life had been turned upside down, and all she wanted to do was feel guilty, only Fletcher made her feel anything but, and she knew deep down Devon would want her to move on with her life. They’d actually voiced that very thought a week before their wedding. She had a bad feeling in her gut when Devon had made her promise she’d live her life if something ever happened to him. He made her promise she wouldn’t hide under a rock and use his death as an excuse to go back to her old lifestyle.

  Of course, Devon didn’t believe for one second she had anything to do with the death of her past boyfriends, so of course he would say all that because he also didn’t think he was going to die anytime soon.

  “I was pregnant,” she whispered.

  “What?” Cade jumped from one side of the table to the other and put his arms around Renee. “When?”

  “The night Devon died. I’d just found out. He’d gone out to buy baby stuff. That’s why he wasn’t in the room with me.”

  “Do your parents know?”

  “I didn’t tell anyone.” She tapped at her chest. “Did you know that Fletcher has second degree burns on his chest?”

  “I knew he was injured.”

  “He was burned when he went back in to find Devon.”

  “What does this have to do with you having a baby?” Cade asked.

  “Nothing, everything.” She swiped at her cheeks. “I lost the baby three weeks after the fire. It felt like I not only failed to protect my child, but I lost the last bit of Devon.”

  “I’m so sorry you went through that alone.”

  She let out a dry laugh. “My mom is always on me to share my real feelings. She says I hide behind my tough exterior.”

  “She’s right,” Cade said. “But we all do that a little bit. In our line of work, we have to.”

  She nodded. “After I lost the baby, it was like my heart turned to stone. I couldn’t feel pain. I couldn’t feel love. I was a walking zombie. And I liked it. Then you hired Fletcher.”

  “You hated him when I first brought him here.”

  “I wanted to blame him for everything because I was tired of blaming myself.”

  “Oh, Renee. None of this is your fault.”

  “Intellectually and rationally, I know that,” she said. “But I literally felt dead inside, and the second Fletcher stepped foot into the 29, a mix of emotions stirred in the center of my belly, and I wanted it to stop. I thought if I slept with him it would go away.”

  “I take it the complete opposite has happened,” Cade said.

  “I don’t want to care about Fletcher. I can’t.”

  “But you do and don’t get hung up on the time frame. Everyone grieves differently, and no one is judging. We all just want you to be happy.” Cade gave her shoulders a good squeeze. “Maybe if you let Fletcher in, opened yourself—”

  “He knows all this. I even told him about the baby,” she said.

  “Did that scare him away or something because we can all feel the tension between the two of you.”

  She shook her head. “While I’m falling for him, he’s not falling for me. I’m a fling. That’s all he’s capable of.”

  “Wow,” Cade said. “Are you sure?”

  “That transfer request proves it. He mentioned it in passing, but we haven’t had a chance to talk about it. The fact that he did it without telling me first, that speaks volumes.”

  “I haven’t filed it yet. Maybe you should go talk to him.”

  “I have no idea what I would say. We both made it clear that this would be a very short-lived thing all in the name of making it easy for us to work together.”

  Cade laughed. “That is fucked up.”

  “Yeah, well, it worked, in a weird way.”

  “Promise me you’ll have a conversation with him. I’ll hold off until next week before I file his request. Maybe he’ll have a change of heart.”

  “I’ll go see him later today or tomorrow, but you have to be prepared he might not stay.”

  “Are you going to tell him how you feel?” Cade asked.

  “I’m not exactly sure how I really feel, and I don’t want that to be the reason he continues at the 29. It needs to be because it’s become his family. His home.” She gave her cousin a big bear hug. “I’ll let you know what he says.” She would do anything to make this right and talk Fletcher into staying at the station, because he was what was best for the 29, but she wouldn’t put her heart on the line. Not again. Not with him.

  Anytime Fletcher left a fire station he had a pang of sadness, but he also left with a tinge of excitement as he went on to his next adventure.

  But not this time.

  Fire Station 29 had become his home. He couldn’t imagine working anywhere else, but he had to leave because it’s what was best for the woman he…

  Nope. He wasn’t even going to think it, especially when he was strolling down the street, heading for her house in hopes of clearing the air one final time. She needed to know that he had no regrets. That he liked her, genuinely, and his decision to leave wasn’t out of anger, but respect.

  Fuck.

  What the hell was he doing? This had to be the dumbest idea he’d ever had.

  He should at least be honest with himself.

  The sound of young boys playing caught his attention. Jared and two boys, who looked just like Jared, tossed a football in the side yard.
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br />   Jared waved. “If you’re looking for Renee, she went to the salon with Ryan and my girls. Something about needing a spa day.”

  “Oh boy,” Fletcher said. “That sounds expensive for you.”

  “You have no idea.” He chucked the ball toward one of the boys. “Patrick, why don’t you and Jared go get a couple of beers for me and Fletcher and then you two can go swimming.”

  “Can we jump off the deck?” Patrick asked.

  “Sure. But if you’re going to do that, bring out a small cooler and a bag of chips,” Jared said.

  “Oh, Mom is going to be mad at you for eating this close to dinner,” Patrick said.

  “Don’t you worry about me and your mom. Just do as you’re told.” Jared pointed toward the house.

  “Yes, sir.”

  The two boys raced off toward the house.

  “You run a tight ship.” Fletcher followed Jared down to the waterfront and up a flight of stairs that led to a sundeck covering a couple of boats.

  “I’m on the verge of losing control of those monsters every day. Ryan is so much better at handling them than I am. And to think, I tried to talk her into having another one.”

  The boys came flying up the stairs, tossed a small cooler at their father, and then immediately jumped into the water, laughing.

  “You’re in trouble when they become teenagers.” Fletcher twisted off the cap and took a hefty swig.

  “Oh, I’ll be able to handle those two; it’s my girls that are going to be the death of me. Caitlyn is boy crazy, and she’s so pretty they are already starting to show interest in her, not to mention she takes after her mother and is developing way too early.”

  “Little girls grow up.”

  “Speaking of which, I heard you and Renee helped Charlotte and Gavin deliver their baby girl.”

  “That was a tough one.” Fletcher raised his beer. “But little Renee is thriving.”

  “How is big Renee doing? I don’t mean to be too forward, but we noticed that you haven’t been around much this past week or so.”

  “I’ve been busy,” Fletcher said, not bothering to be annoyed by Jared’s question. He’d learned pretty quickly that the firefighters and the police that lived in this area were family and they were all up in each other’s business. At first, he hated it. But now, he’d come to appreciate it on a level he couldn’t understand.

  “She’s been through a lot, that one,” Jared said.

  “Yeah, she has.”

  Jared leaned against the railing, looking down at his kids playing in the water. “I’m going to say something that I shouldn’t, but I’ve known Renee all of her life. Hell, my wife used to babysit her when she was a teenager, and it was Ryan who pressed me to open up the carriage house and let her rent it.”

  “You don’t normally lease it?”

  “The last tenant was Ryan. After we had kids, we just decided we didn’t want anyone living on the property. Plus, my parents and sister like staying there so they don’t have to deal with the kids at five in the morning.”

  “That’s understandable.”

  “But Ryan saw in Renee the same darkness that filled my heart for years.” Jared turned his attention to Fletcher. “And she sees it in you as well.”

  “Does she now.” Fletcher stared at a boat pulling a water-skier about one hundred feet off the shore. He might have gotten used to the small-town gossip, but he didn’t like how easily some people could read him. “What does she see, exactly?”

  “Just a man who’s carrying a heavy burden and a whole lot of hurt.”

  “Don’t we all?” Fletcher asked.

  “Sure, but some of us have deeper scars and open wounds.” Jared ran a hand across the back of his neck. “Did you know I was married before Ryan?”

  “I’d heard that.”

  “My first wife and I had a little boy. His name was Johnny. He died when he was just a few months old.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Fletcher swallowed the lump lodged in his throat. Everyone at some point in their life was going to experience death. It was completely unavoidable.

  But the death of a child had to be the worst suffering of all.

  “I let that pain nearly destroy me, and I almost lost the only woman that ever really mattered to me,” Jared said. “I watched Renee open up to Devon, which wasn’t easy for her, and then fate fucked her over good.”

  “You can say that again.” It still killed him inside that Renee had taken the risk only to have her own irrational fears materialize, which got him thinking about his rules when it came to dating women and how ridiculous they were. When he looked around at all the married people he’d met in this small town, none of those ladies were cheating on their husbands, nor did it appear they ever would.

  Not all women were liars.

  Not every girl wanted their cake and wanted to eat it too.

  “She’s struggling to open up again to you,” Jared said.

  “No, she’s not.” Wow. Did he just respond that quickly? Was he that arrogant that he thought he knew her better than a man that had known her most of her life?

  Yeah. He was.

  “Why do you say that?” Jared asked.

  “She’s had no problem telling me all about the boyfriends who have died or any other loss she’s had.” Fletcher didn’t want to bring up the baby because he didn’t know if Jared knew. He suspected Ryan probably did, but he didn’t want to push his luck. “We’ve shared a lot with each other.”

  “Okay. Then why is she still moping around?”

  “Because I asked for a transfer and because she still wants to believe if she cares for me, I’ll get hurt,” Fletcher said. “But the bigger issue is that I’ve convinced her that I’m incapable of love.”

  Jared let out a short laugh. “That’s not hard to do. She’s pretty cynical, but I suspect you’ve convinced yourself of the same thing.”

  “Pretty much.” Fletcher turned, facing the road and carriage house. The roar of a car engine zooming down the street in the distance tickled his ears. “But she’s making me rethink that, only I might have totally screwed it all up.”

  “Someday, over a good steak and some tequila, I’ll have to tell you how I nearly lost Ryan for good.” Jared pointed. “The girls are here. Why don’t you stay for dinner? I have it on good authority that Ryan already talked Renee into it.”

  “I don’t want to impose.”

  Jared slapped him on the shoulder. “Trust me. You’re not.”

  “Daddy!” A little girl wearing a pink dress waved from the front yard. “Don’t I look pretty?”

  “Bella, you’re beautiful,” Jared said.

  “Can I go swimming?” Bella asked.

  “Sure,” Ryan said. “Caitlyn, why don’t you and your sister get your suits on, and we’ll order pizza and wings for dinner.”

  Fletcher locked gazes with Renee, who smiled weakly. He waved, and she returned the gesture.

  “Can Owen come over?” Caitlyn asked.

  “Oh, Christ,” Jared mumbled. “My wife is going to say yes, and the sad part is not only is that boy too young for me to scare the shit out of him with my whole I’m a cop, I carry a gun speech I’ve been perfecting for years, but he’s a damn good kid, polite as hell, and I graduated high school with both his parents. A really good family.”

  “As long as his parents know he’s here and we might go on the boat and your father says it’s okay.”

  Caitlyn covered her eyes with her hand. “Dad? Is it okay? My chores are done, and I did all my homework for the weekend this morning.”

  Jared rolled his eyes.

  Fletcher took a sip of beer to keep from laughing.

  “That’s fine, but you and Owen have to help with your brothers and Bella so Mom and I can have adult time with our friends.”

  “Deal.” Caitlyn ran off into the house.

  Ryan looped her arm around Renee as they inched closer to the sundeck.

  Jared leaned over the railing.
“Boys, your sisters are coming out. If you pick on either of them, I will yank you out of that water so fast it will make your head spin, and then I will take away your tablets and gaming devices.”

  “Yes, sir,” one of the boys said.

  “Like that is going to scare them,” Jared said, shaking his head. “Hey, babe.” He stretched out his arms and pulled his wife in for a hug, giving her a good kiss.

  “Hey, how are you?” Awkwardly, Fletcher leaned in and kissed Renee’s cheek. He was embarking on new territory, and he wasn’t quite sure how to proceed.

  “I’m okay.”

  He took her by the hand and tugged her to a lounge chair, nestling her between his legs, cradling her against his chest, as if they were a couple enjoying a day with friends.

  At least she didn’t pull away.

  “How was spa day?” Jared asked.

  “You might want to sit down for this one, honey.” Ryan patted Jared’s biceps.

  “Oh. This is good. I can’t wait to see his face for this one.” Renee glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “Jared’s going to go three shades of white.”

  “I don’t like the direction of this conversation,” Jared said.

  “You’re going to like it even less when I tell you that Caitlyn had her first kiss, granted it was just a little peck, but it was more than a hand-holding.”

  Jared dropped his face to his hands. “She’s twelve.”

  “Hey, be happy she’s talking to you about this stuff,” Renee said.

  Jared waggled his finger. “Not to be totally rude in front of your friend, but you don’t get an opinion since I once caught you and some dude in a compromising position when you were in high school.”

  Renee laughed. “That dude is now working for you, just saying.”

  Fletcher wiggled his index fingers in his ears. “Current dude doesn’t need to hear about past rolls in the hay.” He wrapped his arms around her, pressing his hands on her knees. “I hate to be the one to point this out, but your daughter is going to grow up whether you want her to or not.”

  “If you don’t have a kid, you don’t get an opinion.” Jared twisted open a second beer. “With boys, you only have one penis to worry about. I can teach my Patrick and Jared how to treat a woman, hopefully they’re learning by example.” He leaned over and kissed his wife, who smiled brightly. “But with girls, while I know I have to trust I’ve raised them to be strong and independent, there are lot of dicks out there. Pun intended.”