Finding Love

by Callie Stone

  Carrying me to the bedroom, Adam stops at the doorway and looks around. He slowly lets me slide down the front of him, grabs my face and crashes his lips to mine. I didn’t know some candles and lingerie could get that reaction or I would have done it a lot more.

  Breaking the kiss, he leans his forehead against mine and whispers, “Happy one-year anniversary baby.”

  I smile up at him and whisper it back. I almost follow up with I love you, but something makes me stop. It’s that damn gut feeling again. I push it aside because hell I’m about to get laid and wrap my arms around Adam’s neck. “Want a massage?” I ask.

  “I can think of a ton of things I want and a massage is not one of them at the moment. Maybe later. Right now, I want to peel you out of this nighty and have my wicked way with you.” Adam grabs the bottom of the nighty and yanks it over my head. Putting his hands on both sides of my panties I feel him start to stretch them before I hear them rip. My heart fluttered. If I wasn’t turned on before I sure as hell am now.

  Adam holds the panties up so I can see what he’s done to them then throws them over his shoulder. “My way,” he whispers with a hint of determination. Oh hell, this was going to be a long night and I couldn’t wait.

  Unable to resist some fun banter I pout up at him. “But I’m the one that set all this up. Don’t you think it should be my way instead?” I ask sweetly, while trying not to laugh.

  “Hell no. I’m the man and I will take control. You just need to lay back and enjoy everything I’m about to do to you.” Slowly Adam starts walking me backward to the bed. Once my knees hit the side, he grabs me around the waist and tosses me on it. I can't stop the squeal.

  “Well, come on. Show me what you got,” I say with a hint of laughter in my voice.

  “You know what I got.”

  I stick my index finger to my chin and look up at the ceiling. “Hmm,” I say as I look back at him, “I’m not sure I remember. I think I need a refresher.”

  Adam lunges at me and pins me beneath him. “You do, huh? Well, let’s see what I can do about that.”

  And so, it began. We spent hours in that bed unable to keep our hands off each other. No more thoughts about the phone and I came close to saying those three very important words several times but just couldn’t get them to come out. Like they were stuck in the back of my throat. I knew that I loved him, but something was holding me back.

  Around three in the morning, we finally untangled ourselves from each other and tried catching our breaths. I was exhausted and in serious need of water. “I’m going to grab a drink. Want anything?”

  “Water is good. I’m going to take a quick shower.” Adam leans over and kisses me briefly before hopping off the bed. How does he still have any energy?

  I had to hold onto the side of the bed as I slide off the edge to make sure my legs would hold me up. Once satisfied that I wouldn’t fall, I made my way down the hall, but before I could make it to the kitchen I spied Adam’s phone in the living room. I told myself not to do it. I scolded myself that it’s wrong to snoop or pry into his phone. But then the memories of Troy popped into my head and I remembered all the calls and messages that Adam never answered in the past year.

  “Fuck it,” I whisper to myself as I make my way to the couch. Snatching up his phone I sat down am relieved to see there is no password I have to guess. I swipe my finger across the screen and Adam had over twenty text messages and ten missed calls. “Who the hell?” I ask myself. The notifications say everything is from Doug. Exactly who he said it was, and I start to feel silly for even doubting him. But as I go to put the phone down, another text comes through and the words that popped up certainly didn’t come from anyone named Doug.

  “I’m getting impatient. I want your dick in my pussy. NOW!”

  What the fuck? I second guess what I saw. Surely, I’m just exhausted and didn’t see it right. It popped up fast and disappeared just as fast. I must have read it wrong. Releasing a sigh, I knew there was only one way to find out.

  My finger hovered over the message symbol for what felt like an eternity. Taking a deep breath, I knew it was now or never and finally tapped the screen. Doug’s messages were at the top of the list. I wrangled with my thoughts one more time before pressing his message.

  My heart sunk and broke at the same time. There had to be over five hundred messages here and as I scrolled up to the top my blood began to boil as I started getting pissed. Not only were there a ton of nasty messages about what they want to do to each other or what they did do to each other. There was also a ton of nudes of each and some nudes of them together. I had to ask again, what the fuck? My mind couldn’t wrap around everything I was seeing. This relationship with “Doug” had been going on a long damn time and yet again I was too blind to see it. To see the warning signs right in front of my face. How stupid could I be?

  I was so consumed going through the messages that I never heard Adam walk into the room. But I sure as hell knew when he realized what I was doing.

  “Shit.” He sighs behind me. “I can explain, Addy,” he says anxiously.

  “You can explain? You can explain why you’ve been cheating on me for god knows how long? What the fuck is wrong with you? I told you about what my ex-husband did to me, do you just not care?” I’m screaming now, still clutching his phone in my hand. Tears well up in my eyes and I try to fight them back. This man doesn’t deserve to see how much he’s hurt me. He doesn’t deserve to see my tears.

  Adam runs a hand over his head. “It’s not what you think …”

  I hold up my hand to stop him. “Don’t try those old worn out lies. It is exactly what I think. I’ve seen the fucking pictures, Adam. Don’t even try it.”

  “She means nothing. Just something I got caught up in. I swear I don’t want her, I want you,” he says desperately taking a step towards me.

  I take a step back keeping my distance from him. “It sure as hell looks like you want her. I’ve read the messages. Your last message as I came to get you tonight was how you couldn’t wait to feel her lips wrap around your dick before you stuck it in her tight wet pussy. So, I would say that you very much want her and that she surely means something if you continued it this long. Does she know about me?”

  The deer in headlights look he sudden gives me tells me all I need to know. “Great. Just fucking great.” I take a deep breath before throwing his phone on the couch. “There is nothing you can explain, Adam. Just please get your shit and leave. All of your shit. I don’t want you to have any reason to come back here.” Folding my arms across my chest makes me finally realize that we are both naked. Disgusted with him I walk towards my room to put on some clothes. Adam attempts to grab my arm to stop me as I walk by him, but I duck out of his way and hurry past him. Making it to my room I throw on sweats and a t-shirt and walk back to the living room where Adam hasn’t moved from his spot. Picking up my purse I turn to him. “You’ve got one hour. You need to be gone when I get back.” I turn to the front door.

  “Addy, please wait. Let’s talk about this. Please. I love you,” he says desperately.

  I gasp unable to believe he would think that would fix things and turn to him again. “You know I was going to tell you those same words tonight. I was going to let you know how much you meant to me but something in my gut kept telling me not to. That something wasn’t right. I guess that’s why we are always told to listen to our gut. You are not worth my love. And I deserve better than you. You can save your ‘I love you’s’ for your little girlfriend ‘Doug’,” I snarl at him before opening the door, stepping out and slamming it behind me.

  Getting into my car I start it up and head out of the apartment complex. I don’t know where I’m going but needed to get out of there. Maybe a nice drive will calm me down. I roll down both windows and drive around aimlessly. The tears start before I make it a mile from my apartment. I slam my hands on the steering wheel several times out of anger and scream, “What the fucking hell?”

 
Feeling marginally better after releasing some of my anger I turn up the radio and try to forget one of the worst nights of my life.

  I must be cursed.

  Chapter Six

  Thankfully Adam did as I asked and was gone by the time I got back home. There was no sign he had ever been there. Well, except for my room with all the candles and rumpled bedding. After making sure he was gone I grabbed the trash can and threw all the candles away then stripped my bed and put clean sheets on it. I didn’t want to smell him on my bed. I spent my night crying into my pillow asking myself over and over how I could be so stupid and wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Why did guys keep doing this to me? Unfortunately, by morning I had no answers to my questions and felt like I was hit by a truck. I called out of work, popped some pain pills and began to scrub my house from top to bottom. Cleaning was my way of releasing emotions.

  I spent my days after Adam, getting up, going to work then coming home to either clean or relax on the couch. I didn’t want to leave my house. Talk about self-loathing. I still hate thinking about this time in my life. A rather low point for me. I even avoided my mom.

  Adam did attempt to contact me several times, by leaving messages telling me how much he loved me, how sorry he was and begging me to forgive him. I couldn’t bring myself to respond to any of them. Every time his name popped up on my phone my gut turned. Three months later he finally got the hint and stopped contacting me.

  Six months after Adam, I was still hesitant about dating. Kind of put off by guys in general. Since I had no luck picking good guys I figured I might as well stay away from them all together.

  I swore off men.

  Fuck them all.

  That was my plan, when Jimmy walked into the bowling alley. I can’t deny that on first look, I wanted him. My heart skipped a beat just from the sight of him. I watched all six foot of him walk past me to a group of friends. Have I mentioned before that I have a thing for tall men? That alone about had me drooling. He had blonde hair faded around his head but longer and a little shabby on top with no certain style to it. I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers through his hair. His eyelashes were dark and surrounded the prettiest shade of green eyes, not too light but not too dark, like the color of fresh grass. Well, at least that’s what popped into my head when I saw them. I continued to watch him as he talked with his friends and waited to get a glimpse of his smile and I wasn’t disappointed. Plump kissable lips and straight white teeth. All of that with a deep tan, muscles that clearly were trying to escape his t-shirt, and I couldn’t forget the nice round ass I stared at after he walked by me. God, he was sex on a stick and I wanted a bite.

  But I couldn’t let myself go through another relationship.

  Working at a bowling alley I saw a lot of regulars and became friends with most of them quickly. It’s part of the job. How can you not when you see the same people over and over? I learned Jimmy’s name within the first week by what I thought was nonchalantly asking a few regulars who bowled with him. I would catch myself watching his every move and I thought I was keeping my gawking under control. Boy, was I wrong.

  I loved my job. Is there a better job than hanging out with your friends all day? I looked forward to going to work. Actually lately, it was the only time I communicated with anyone. And since Jimmy walked through the door I was close to jumping for joy when I had to work. I started taking extra time in the mornings to make sure my hair was perfect, and my makeup applied just right. I walked into work with an extra pep in my step and apparently, people noticed. One person in particular. Jimmy.

  After clocking in one Friday morning I stood at the front counter and surveyed the lanes, keeping track of who was in which lane. I like to do this often. You have no idea how many people would skip out without paying. As I did my scan I briefly stopped on lane twelve feeling my heart jump then speed up from the sight of Jimmy right in front of me. I didn't let my eyes linger long and continued down the lanes. I looked at the computer to check that everything lined up with what I was seeing, then allowed myself to steal another glance at Jimmy.

  And froze.

  He was staring right at me, our eyes locked and I swear I forgot how to breathe. I held his gaze for a few seconds before quickly breaking our contact and getting back to work. I slightly shook my head while trying to figure out what was going on with my body. I mean, I want him, of course, I get that. But why am I having such a strong crazy reaction to him? What the hell is it about him?

  Giving my head another shake I reminded myself that I recently swore off men and it could only end in another broken heart. Do I really want to risk my heart again? Is it even worth it?

  I didn’t have high hopes that I would ever find a decent man, one that would treat me right, one I could trust. It felt like the opposite sex was against me. Would it be easier to just date women? That thought always made me laugh. Being a female, I know how they can be and I’d rather deal with men than bitchy women.

  Pulling the cleaning supplies out, I start to wipe down counters and tables to try and keep myself busy and my mind off Jimmy. Instead of doing what I intended the task to do I end up thinking about nothing but him. My thoughts can’t leave him. His eyes, his smile and his ass. My imagination takes off wondering what it would be like to be with him and then it goes further to what sex would be like with him.

  This is where my mind is at when I notice someone standing next to the table I’m cleaning. I look up with an apology on the tip of my tongue and instead become mute, drop the spray bottle and forget to breathe. As if that wasn’t enough of an embarrassment my eyes practically pop out, my face heats up surely turning beat red and my heart tries to beat out of my chest.

  Fuck me. Of course, he would show up when I was imagining the size of his cock. Why me?

  Reaching down I pick up the spray bottle I dropped and count to five to try and calm my erratic heartbeat. Looking everywhere but those beautiful green eyes, I clear my throat and try to regain my composure. I have no idea why he is over here, but I just made myself look like a damned fool. Get your shit together, Addy. Inhaling a deep breath, I finally meet his stare and ask, “Is there something I can do for you?” Yeah, it sounded lame as hell coming out, but my mind instantly took it another way and things that I could ‘do’ for him popped into my head. I’m sure my face was scarlet by now.

  With a small chuckle and a grin, Jimmy looked into my eyes but didn’t say anything for a minute. I started wondering if he ever would when he eventually speaks up.

  “Hey Addy, do you have any plans this weekend? Want to go do something, dinner or a movie type thing?”

  I'm sure my mouth is hanging open by now. Did Jimmy just ask me out on a date? Yes, I believe he just did. I need to answer him and though I want to so badly I’m just not sure it's a good idea. But he’s so damn sexy. Ugh. Fuck it. You only live once, right? I’ve mended my broken heart enough I should be a pro at this shit by now. Oh, but what if he doesn't mean as a date. What if he means only as friends. Crap.

  I stare up into his eyes as I’m having a full conversation with myself in my head. Finally giving up the fight I answer with the first thing that comes to mind. “Sure, Jimmy that sounds like fun.” I freak almost as soon as the words leave my mouth. What the hell am I thinking? Breathe, Addy. It’s not a big deal.

  “Awesome,” he says with a smile that shows off his perfect teeth. “How about Saturday? I can pick you up about five?”

  Filling my lungs with air I slowly let it out as I say, “Sure. Sounds good. What did you have in mind, so I know what to wear?” Trying to keep my voice from quivering was taking every bit of energy and concentration that I had.

  “Just dress comfortably.” He smiles down at me again.

  I could get lost in that smile. “Okay, sounds good.” I walk towards the counter and write my number on a piece of paper. Handing it to him I say, “Text me later and I’ll give you my address.”

  Jimmy’s fingers skim mine as he takes the
paper from my hand and my breath catches as shocks run up my arm from that first touch. I wanted nothing more than to feel those hands all over my body, but I’m seriously jumping ahead of myself.

  “Okay, great.” Jimmy flashes me another smile. “It’s my turn to bowl, but I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Of course,” I say and grab my cleaning items to get back to my earlier task. I can’t believe I am going out with Jimmy. All this time I told myself no men and I’ve definitely told myself over and over no Jimmy but as soon as he asks… It’s like I couldn’t help myself. I also can't seem to stop my mind from going places it really shouldn’t. When I felt his fingers touch mine I instantly thought about those fingers in other places. I’m having all these amazing thoughts about how it could be what if I’m setting it all up for failure. He could suck at everything sexual and I would seriously be disappointed because in all the images I’m having he is amazing. Lord don’t let him suck. But I’m jumping ahead of myself again. This weekend could simply be just friends. I don’t know much about it and for all I know he could be gay. Oh hell. I've got to stop thinking every man around me is gay. Troy really screwed me up with that shit.

  I’ll just take everything one day at a time. Not like I was going to jump him on the first date. Okay, if I’m honest, I did think about that often, but that’s not me. Or at least I like to lie to myself and say it’s not me. I guess I wouldn’t be surprised what I would do.

  Chapter Seven

  Our first date started out somewhat awkward. Like we didn’t know exactly what to say to each other. I guess that’s how normal first dates are unless one of you is very open and talkative, which clearly, we were not. He picked me up in a big black Ford truck that I struggled to climb into. I’m tall but this truck is way too tall. We drove to a steakhouse with very few words shared between us. I was nervous as hell and didn’t know what to talk about. I don’t remember many of my first dates ever being like this, but I assumed it was because I had been watching Jimmy from afar for over a month and had many many fantasies about him. So now sitting so close to him has me nervous as hell and maybe even a little embarrassed. Even though he doesn't know where my thoughts have been I still have a worried feeling that he does know or will know soon. Ugh, I feel like a teenager. I need to get out of my head but don’t know where to begin with Jimmy, I stare out the window until we arrive at our destination. I’m not a big steak eater but boy do I love some baby back ribs.