Finding Love

by Callie Stone

  Jumping out of the truck and shutting the door I meet Jimmy at the front of the truck. As we turn to make our way to the front door Jimmy grabs my hand causing me to pause for a second in shock, but I quickly recover before I make a fool out of myself.

  Entering the front of the steakhouse we tell the hostess a table for two and wait as she scans her seating chart. Jimmy leans down into my ear and whispers, “Sorry if I scared you or made you feel uncomfortable when I grabbed your hand. I just really needed to touch you and I figured this would be the best way to do that without risking a slap.” He grins down at me and I can’t help but laugh with a slight shake of my head. I give his hand a small squeeze as the lady walks us to our booth. Jimmy glances down at me with the same grin as before. He is simply too gorgeous for me, but I’m going to enjoy myself until he figures that out.

  Reaching our seats, I slide in one side of the booth as the hostess places the menus on the table. I expected Jimmy to slide in the other side like any other person, but instead, he surprises me and slides in next to me. I look at him slightly shocked.

  “I want to be near you. This way I can touch you anytime I want.” He smiles down at me and places his hand on my knee.

  I wore a summer dress for the date and his hand is touching the part of my leg my dress doesn’t cover. The skin to skin contact instantly makes me tingle in certain areas. I have the urge to say forget dinner, take him home and rip his clothes off. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm my hormones. Damn, what is going on with me?

  We make small chit chat as we look over the menu and place our orders. Once the waitress is gone we start learning more about each other. I find out that Jimmy is Military Police which instantly makes my trust issues rear its ugly head. I know not all men are the same, but Adam has pretty much put me off cops. I do my best to ignore his profession and we move on to talking about pretty much anything. The food is delivered, and we continue our conversation as we eat. I learn a lot about him and I tell him everything I can about myself minus how I cheated on my husband or the fact that he was really gay and cheating on me, and the fact that Adam cheated on me. I didn’t go into my dating habits much. I don’t think he wanted to hear about the men I dated or the one night stands I’ve had since my divorce. Not exactly good conversation starters. During dinner, Jimmy continued putting his hand on my leg and slightly rubbing it up and down while occasionally swirling his thumb in a circle. The contact was driving me nuts.

  After we finish eating Jimmy pays the bill and we head back to his truck. Climbing inside I take a deep breath before saying, “How about we skip the movie tonight. I’m not really in the mood.” My plan is not to end the date early but to bypass more torture. If we sat in a movie with him touching me like that, I would explode.

  “Okay,” he says with a hint of disappointment.

  Is he disappointed, because he’s not going to get the chance to feel me up in the movies or does he think the date is over? “Let’s watch something at my place instead.”

  I can instantly feel a change in Jimmy’s mood. “Sounds like a plan.” He gives me his gorgeous smile then starts his truck.

  On our way back, I had an internal struggle with myself on why I wanted him to come to my house. Did I want to sleep with him on the first date? No, I just wanted to be comfortable at home, but didn’t want the date to end at the same time. Hell, I don’t know what was running through my head. Yeah, I do one-night stands but sex on a first date is not usually how I like to start my relationships. Then again, Jimmy has me so turned on right now it probably wouldn’t take much to make me orgasm. A little more touching and I’ll probably be done. Which is a little embarrassing, but he’s really got my body on fire.

  After pulling into my driveway and cutting the engine I climb out of the truck and make my way to the front door. Unlocking it I step aside and let him in before shutting and locking the door. I place my keys and purse on the table I keep near the door and head into the kitchen with Jimmy right behind me. “Want something to drink?”

  “Sure, I’ll take a soda if you have one.”

  “Of course,” I say as I open the fridge and pull both of us a Dr. Pepper out. Handing him one I then turn and walk into the living room. Sitting on the couch I wait for him to sit next to me before I turn on the TV and flip through my movie channels. I come across a scary movie and stop. I absolutely love horror movies, not to mention, what better reason to get close to the person you’re with. Pushing down my nerves I get more comfortable by kicking off my shoes and throwing my legs over Jimmy’s lap. My heart is racing as he sets down his drink and puts both hands on my legs causing me to jump a little from his hands being cold from the soda.

  Giving me a grin, he says, “I need you to warm it up.” He rubs his cold hand up and down my leg slowly causing me to swallow hard.

  I smile at him as his hand starts to go up higher and higher on my leg as he leans in connecting our lips. That first kiss was out of this world. Jimmy knew how to kiss. It was slow and sensual. And thank goodness he wasn’t a sloppy kisser. No bigger turn off than that.

  As Jimmy continues to kiss me he slips his arm around my back and lifts me onto his lap causing me to squeal. We both let out a small laugh. Taking his hand, he slips it into my hair and deepens the kiss, exploring my mouth like a man starved. Jimmy’s other hand slowly moves up my leg and under my dress until his hand is grabbing my bare ass. He has me so turned on at this point that I start to dry hump him wanting nothing more than for both of us to be naked so I can feel our skin pressed together.

  With that thought in mind, I reach down and grab his t-shirt and pull it up needing that contact. The kiss is broken long enough to rip his shirt off before our lips are back together. My hands move from his waistband up his stomach and almost orgasm from the feel of his abs. Damn, he’s going to be the death of me. I moan as I continue to explore his chest and arms.

  Jimmy’s hand slides around to my front and slips his fingers under my panties. His other hand leaves my hair and starts to massage my breast. It doesn’t take long before I’m a goner and it doesn’t stop with just one orgasm.

  ******

  I woke the next morning with a smile on my face. I was warm, cozy and content, thanks to the man lying against my back with his arm over my waist. The night went further than I would normally do but I can’t say I regretted any of it. Thankfully my daydreaming was quite accurate. He did not disappoint in any way. He was slow and sweet the first time. Yes, I said the first time. Then he acted like he couldn’t get enough of me. I’m not sure I’ve ever orgasmed so much in one night, not even with Adam. With that thought in mind, I slowly slip from under his arm. My bladder is screaming, I’m too wired to sleep anymore.

  After using the bathroom, I look at Jimmy sleeping so peacefully for a minute before making my way into the kitchen to start the coffee. I yawn as I make my cup then sit on the couch. I try to remember if there is anything I needed to do for the day and realize it’s my day off. I get to lounge around the house and clean. Oh, what fun. Not.

  I stare at the wall as I slowly take sips of my coffee. I go through the night and can’t wipe the smile off my face when Jimmy startles me by saying, “I bet that smile is because you’re thinking about last night.”

  When I look up he has a full-blown megawatt smile and I can’t help but laugh. “If you must know, yes I was thinking about last night.” I watch as a sleepy, naked Jimmy walks over to me. Plopping next to me on the couch he leans over giving me a peck on the lips before stealing my coffee and taking a gulp. “Um, there is more in the kitchen if you would like some,” I say with a giggle.

  “Mmm. But yours tastes so good,” he responds causing us both to laugh.

  “So, do you have any plans today?”

  “Actually …” he looks at the clock on my wall, “I have to be at work in about two hours, so I need to head out to get ready.”

  Feeling slightly disappointed I nod my head. “Okie dokie. Would you like me to make you so
me coffee to go?”

  “Yes! That would be amazing.”

  “Go get dressed and I’ll make it for you,” I say with a small smile.

  Jimmy leans over and gives me a quick kiss before jumping up and heading for my bedroom. I watch his naked ass disappear down the hallway before I get up and head to the kitchen. I quickly make his coffee in a travel mug that I hope I get back just as he comes into the kitchen.

  “Here you go. I hope you have a good day at work,” I say as I hand over the mug.

  Jimmy takes it from me and sets it on the counter before wrapping one arm around my waist while sliding the other hand into my hair and slamming his lips to mine. He angles my head to the side and I open my mouth allowing him to deepen the kiss. God, did he really have to go. Ugh.

  Finally breaking the kiss Jimmy rests his forehead against mine. “I’ll text you later.” He releases me, grabs the mug and heads out the door.

  I watch as he drives away and get to my normal Sunday schedule … cleaning.

  Chapter Eight

  Jimmy and I had a great relationship. We always had fun together, the sex was amazing, we hardly ever had an argument. We saw each other every day I worked and as much as possible while I wasn’t at work. His schedule made it difficult some weeks to spend time together, but we made it work. Everything was going great between us, the happiest I had been in a long time. I was even starting to fall for him. Something I didn’t think would ever happen again.

  Until…

  Jimmy got orders to PCS to Florida. This broke my heart. In my mind, I had finally found someone that made me feel like a Queen and now I was losing him. The damn army always seemed to get in the way of my life.

  We all know long distance relationships are hard work and take up a lot of time. I wasn’t sure I could do it. If I had it in me to go from seeing him almost all the time to hardly seeing him at all. I mean, how often would we really get together? Once a month maybe? It wasn’t what I was looking forward to.

  I was preparing myself, resigning to the fact that we would be ending soon and finding a way to do just that if he didn’t do it himself. We both needed to just move on and if it was meant to be we would find our way back to each other. I had a whole spiel in my head when we had dinner at my place the weekend before he left. Ending it at all would be hard but waiting until the day he leaves would be even harder.

  When Jimmy showed up he looked a little too excited for what was happening. I started thinking maybe it wasn’t affecting him, maybe I didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me. This brought my mood down even more. I decided to wait until after dinner before dropping the bomb. If I was lucky we could have going away sex before he leaves. Boy, doesn’t that make me sound like a slut? I did my best to keep the conversation up while we ate which wasn’t easy. As soon as Jimmy took his last bite, I took a deep breath, but before I could say a thing he started talking.

  “I have something I want to ask you.” He looked ready to jump out of his seat. He seemed so excited.

  “Um, okay,” I say a little nervously.

  “Well, I know we have only been together for nine months, but you know I’m getting sent to Florida and I don’t … no I can’t go without you.” He slides out of his chair and onto one knee while slipping a box out of his pocket.

  Oh shit!

  Opening the box, he looks up at me. “Addy, will you marry me and come to Florida with me?” He’s so excited he can’t stay still.

  My heart is instantly crushed. I stare at the ring while his words are on a continuous loop in my head. Marriage. Marry him. I start to sweat and my heart rate spikes. I should be happy right? But with all I’ve been through, the sight of that ring and the word marriage is causing me to have a panic attack. How the hell do I tell him I can’t? I can’t go through this again.

  I know he’s not Troy and I know he hasn’t given me any reason not to trust him. If anything, I completely trust him, but that doesn’t prevent the past from rearing its ugly head and freaking me out. Could I pack up and move again for a man? Could I give up my life and just leave again, putting all my trust in him with the hope that what happened in my past won’t happen again? I’m just not sure I can do it.

  My only hope is that Jimmy knows my past and that this won’t crush him as badly. I take a deep breath and finally meet his eyes. His face instantly falls. He closes the box and gets back in his chair.

  “I’m sorry, Jimmy, I’m just not ready for that yet. You know what I went through with Troy and even though I know you are completely different, I’m just not at that point in my life yet. Please don’t be mad at me,” I say as quickly as I can. God, my chest hurts.

  Clearing his throat, Jimmy doesn’t meet my eyes. “No, I understand. I know marriage would be rash and we would be moving way too fast. I get all that, but I don’t know if I can make it in Florida without you.” He finally looks up at me and I see the tears in his eyes.

  Getting out of my chair I walk over and sit on his lap cradling his head against my chest. “I know, baby. This is going to be hard for both of us but jumping into marriage is not the answer.” Tears start to run down my face. I can’t believe this is really happening.

  “I know, but I don’t want to lose you,” he mumbles into my shirt.

  “You will be okay. I promise. Yeah, it will be hard at first but each day it will get easier. Each day you will get closer to your normal self. You know that old saying, ‘If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be’. We just have to wait and see. We don’t know what the future will hold.” I grabbed his face and forced him to look at me while taking my thumbs and running them under his eyes to wipe away the tear streaks. “Okay?” I get a slight nod from him. “Let’s enjoy tonight and make memories,” I said before kissing him on the lips.

  It didn’t take much to get him to respond. Once my lips touched his, he wrapped his arms around me and hauled me up into his arms. He carried me to the bedroom without ever breaking the kiss.

  That night Jimmy truly made love to me. He made me feel special and cherished. We both cried the whole night even while making love, neither of us able to control it. After loving each other for hours, I fell asleep in the warmth of his embrace.

  When I woke up the next morning, Jimmy was gone. I couldn’t hold the tears back as I laid in bed and sobbed for what felt like forever. Finally pulling myself together I crawled out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. I was shocked by what I found. Jimmy had made a pot of coffee before he left and right next to my usual cup was a ring box and a folded-up piece of paper beneath it.

  I slowly walked over to the counter, more tears streaming down my face. I reached for the box first. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting as I opened it, but as I looked down at the gorgeous princess-cut yellow diamond on a white gold band, I lost it. I clutched the ring to my chest as I slid down the cabinets to the floor and bawled. I cried until I started gasping for breath. I knew I needed to calm myself down. Hell, I hadn’t even read the note yet. If just the ring did this to me, I was scared what the note would do. I slip the ring onto my finger and decide, for now, the note will have to wait.

  I make my coffee and curl up on the couch. I have to fight the urge to call or text Jimmy for hours. It wouldn’t be good for either of us. I spend my day laying on the couch not eating or moving. Only getting up once to use the bathroom which I grabbed the note and brought it back to the couch so I wouldn’t have to get up again. I laid there and stared at that paper. Not sure I would have the strength to open it. To go through more emotional hell. I knew I had to though. I had to know the reason he left the ring. The reason he left before I woke up.

  Exhaustion from crying so much must have made me fall asleep because the next thing I know I’m waking up and it’s pitch black outside. I take a deep breath and force myself up off the couch. My mouth is so dry I feel like I can’t swallow. I walk into the kitchen and grab a bottle of water befo
re making my way back to my previous spot. I turn the lamp on next to the couch and my eyes instantly go to the paper. Gulping down half my water I tell myself I might as well get it over with. Leaning forward I grab the paper and slowly open it.

  Addy,

  I’m sorry! I had to leave before you woke up. I didn’t want my last memory to be a sad goodbye, of tears rolling down your cheeks. Last night was the best night of my life and I will always remember it. You, my dear Addy, are the love of my life. I believe that with every beat of my heart, every breath I take. But I understand completely why you couldn’t say yes. I know what your ex-husband did scared you and I can only hope that one day you will heal, learn to let it go, and fully move on. I know, easier said than done. But when that day comes, I know you will make someone the luckiest man alive when you say, ‘I do’. I can only hope that man is me, but I completely understand if it’s not. I can’t expect you to go through a long-distance relationship. Honestly, it’s not what I want for either of us. I know you are wondering about the ring. Why I left it. I bought that ring for you. It is yours. You are meant to own it regardless of if we are engaged or not. I couldn’t entertain the thought of returning or selling it, let alone giving it to someone else. I want you to have it if for nothing else but to remember me. Wear it or don’t, all I ask is that you keep it because if that day does come and we are brought back together, I will need it again. You are my forever and I will be praying every day that I get to come back to you.