Finding Love

by Callie Stone

  “Would you like me to cook you more or find you something else?”

  “No, I think I’ll be okay. We might have to do an early lunch though,” I say laughing before sliding off the bar stool. “I’m going to take a shower, want to join me and help me work up my appetite for lunch?” I ask trying not to laugh.

  “You know it, babe,” Ryan says jumping off his stool and quickly following behind me.

  Chapter Nineteen

  It took the last two days of the weekend to unpack everything. It didn’t help that we kept stopping to have sex, in just about every room. The whole weekend was amazing. Ryan set my bookshelf up exactly how he had it in my apartment. I wanted it to stay the same for the memory. Every time I look at it, I can’t help but smile and remember the experience.

  Standing at work I look around as I rub my stomach. I am hungry again. This is getting out of hand. If I don’t stop eating like this, I’ll surely put on weight. My stomach growls and I reach into my purse to pull out a bag of chips. I have eaten so much this past weekend I shouldn’t be hungry for at least a week. I slowly eat each chip as my brain racks about what could have possibly changed with me. I can’t think of anything.

  And then it hits me. The bag of chips fall from my hand. I stare off into space calculating the day. I didn’t get my last birth control shot. I rip out my phone and search through my calendar. I missed my last doctor appointment for my birth control shot.

  No, no, no. This cannot be happening to me. I shake my head staring at the calendar as tears fill my eyes. I watch them drip to the screen as my heart squeezes.

  Wait, this can’t be right, it can’t happen that fast can it? I’m only two weeks late from getting the shot. Why didn’t my doctor call me and remind me? Why didn’t I pay more attention to this shit, especially after that first time Ryan didn’t use a condom? We still used them after that but not all the time, like in the shower. Oh god, what am I going to do?

  Feeling sick, I quickly call my boss and tell her I have to go. I ask her to please call someone in so that I can leave. She agrees and tells me she hopes I feel better soon.

  I hang up, clean up the chips and begin to clean everything in sight. I have to keep busy, keep my mind off it until someone gets here so I can get to the store for a test.

  What the hell am I going to do about this? We haven’t even gotten married yet. I knew this all was moving too fast. Way too damn fast.

  Will Ryan be happy or is he going to be mad? We’ve only had two months together with just us. That’s not enough time to really be with each other. A kid is certainly going to throw a wrench in that.

  I feel my stomach begin to turn again as Sue walks in the door. I thank her profusely as I grab my items and dart out the door before I got sick on the floor. I jump in my car and make my way to the closest drug store.

  I slowly walk up and down the isles looking for the test. Stopping in front of them my mind goes blank. How the hell do you pick between all these damn things? There are like twenty different ones if not more. Why do we need so many? I scan the shelf and pick the one that will pop up with the words pregnant or not pregnant. I’d feel better about it actually spelling it out for me than trying to read lines. I pay for it at the counter and rush home praying that Ryan is still at work.

  Pulling into the driveway I release a sigh of relief. He’s not home. I park and jog to the door. Getting inside I run straight to the downstairs bathroom and begin ripping the box apart. I do as it says, pee on the stick and then set it on the counter and wait.

  I wait. And wait.

  Finally, the answer pops up and my heart drops. No! I shake my head as the tears begin to fall again. I lean against the wall and slide to the floor. This cannot be happening already.

  All that time I was with Troy and never got pregnant once and I wasn’t on birth control and we didn’t use condoms. I miss one fucking appointment, one fucking shot and this is what happens.

  I lean my head against the wall thinking about Ryan. Is he going to mad or happy? I rub my hand across my belly and start to cry for a new reason. I’m actually pregnant. I have something growing inside of me and suddenly it doesn’t matter to me what anyone thinks. I am going to have a baby. I’ve been strong to deal with the trials of life so far, I will be strong enough for this baby and I will deal with anything that comes my way.

  Feeling a new resolve, I stand up and wipe the tears from my eyes. I grab the test and jog to my closet to find an old saved gift bag. I package the test inside neatly and leave the house to see Ryan.

  I drive mindlessly to Cedar Dust, Ryan’s business, not paying attention to my surroundings, my mind is occupied with thoughts of a little baby and what the possible outcome will be from Ryan. I believe he will be excited, but you never really know in this situation. I pull up outside and before I can shut the door on my car Ryan exits the building and starts walking my way.

  “Hey baby, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work?”

  “Um, yes but I left early. We need to talk,” I say softly.

  “Okay,” he says uneasily. “Well come on in, let’s go to the office.” He turns and starts to walk inside.

  He didn’t grab my hand, give me a kiss, nothing at all. I can only imagine what could be going through his head. We walk through the front door and down a small hallway to the office door. After I enter, Ryan softly closes it behind me.

  Crossing his arms, he turns to me with a blank face and asks, “So what’s going on?”

  I’m shocked by the change in his demeanor. Why is he acting crazy like this? Shaking my head, I ask, “Is there something wrong? Why are you treating me like this?”

  “I’m preparing myself for your ‘talk’. I can only assume it has something to do with you leaving because of how fast everything has happened. How quickly our relationship has moved, moving in together and of course asking you to quit your job. So, if you’re going to tell me it’s too much then please just get it over with, so I can figure out how to change your mind.”

  Letting out a laugh my eyes get big as I look up at him. “You really are something else, I know, you know that, considering I tell you all the time. I’m not leaving Ryan, god forbid, I don’t know what gave you that idea but geez give a woman a chance here.”

  “You kept saying how fast we were moving so that was the first and only thing that came to mind.” He shrugs his shoulders unapologetically. “If it’s not something to do with that then what is it?”

  “Well, we have to make a decision to either move our wedding up or back.”

  “And why is that?”

  I hand over the little gift bag and hold my breath as he opens it slowly, oh so damn slowly. I want to scream at him and tell him to hurry up, so I can put my crazy nerves to rest. Finally unwrapping the test, I watch as he studies it, eyebrows drawing in before his head snaps up to me.

  “You’re pregnant?” he asks quickly.

  I nod my head quickly as I release a small smile. “Yes.”

  “So, no leaving, no moving too fast, I’m not scaring you off?” He asks as if he needs reassurance.

  “No Ryan, I love you, I wouldn’t run off, you are my other half, the one made just for me.” I step closer to him and wrap my arms around his large bicep. “This is what we needed to talk about because I was damn scared of what you would say to this.” I point to the test. “It is unexpected, and we haven’t had much time together and I will admit I was heartbroken at first because I wanted more time with just the two of us. But then when I came to my damn senses I instantly got worried about how you would react to the news.” I shrug my shoulders slightly and look back at the test unable to meet his eyes. Admitting I was heartbroken at first was hard and I regret my initial reaction to finding out.

  “Look at me, Addy.” He waits for me to meet his gaze before he continues. “It’s natural to feel like that baby, please don’t beat yourself up and before you try to deny that, I can see it written all over your face.” He rubs his thumb
down my cheek. “As far as this news, I don’t know what would make you think I would act differently than being ecstatic. I can barely contain my excitement.” He releases a face-splitting smile. “This is what I have always wanted. A family and I want that family with you.”

  I smile up at him feeling my heart return to normal and my body sag as the tension is released. Thank god that’s over with. “I want it with you too, baby.”

  “I’m going to have a baby,” Ryan suddenly screams.

  I jump back with my hand over my heart, eyes bugged out and gasping for breath. “What the hell is wrong with you? You just scared the shit out of me.”

  Laughing Ryan comes over wrapping his arms around me. “I’m sorry baby, I was just holding that in for a little too long.” He lifts me and swings me around his office, that beautiful smile never leaving his face. “Thank you, Addy, thank you for saying yes, for moving in with me, for giving me a baby. Thank you for giving me a chance.” He leans down and captures my lips.

  Chapter Twenty

  After Ryan tries to have sex in his office and I quickly refuse I run out of there as if I was being chased by bees. He followed me to the door laughing at my reaction. “I’ll get you when I get home, just wait. You will not refuse me a proper celebration, naked.” He laughs again. I stick my tongue out at him and jump in my car making my escape. I drive home again not paying attention, feeling elated about the fact that Ryan was so happy over the baby. It’s still too early for him to get off but I plan out a special dinner for him. He’s always doing special stuff for me, I want to return the favor. I send him a quick message asking for him to let me know when he leaves work. I don’t want him to suspect anything, so I tell him I’m going to run errands and I want to be home when he gets here. After getting the okay back, I go about planning what to do.

  I dig out all the candles Ryan used at my apartment and place them around the room, I run upstairs and place some more in the bedroom. The trick will be to get him to shower downstairs instead of coming into the room when he gets home. I grab him a change of clothes and place them in the downstairs bathroom, so he has no excuses. I decide on spaghetti and biscuits for dinner and check to make sure we have the ingredients. I start to prepare the sauce as my mind wonders to what else I can do.

  Blankets, I need blankets to lay on the floor. I set down the knife and run upstairs for those quickly laying them out in the living room. Checking the clock, I realize I have just enough time to run out for a special gift. I grab my purse and head into town stopping at a lingerie store.

  The candles might not be much of a surprise but this, this will surely shock him. I skim the racks until I find the perfect one that will put all my assets on display. I smile at the cashier as I hand her the money and make my way home. I have just enough time to start the sauce before showering, shaving, and doing my hair.

  Entering the house, I go to the kitchen and throw everything I’ve already chopped into the pan along with the hamburger meat. As I wait for the meat to be fully cooked I finish chopping the rest of the ingredients.

  Draining the meat, I place it all back in the pot adding everything else needed to start the sauce. I clean up my mess I wash the knife and cutting board then dry them and put them away. As I leave the kitchen making my way up the stairs the doorbell rings. I wonder who that could be. I turn and head back downstairs. Opening the door, I am stunned at the person standing on the other side.

  “Can I help you?” I ask

  “Yeah, where is Ryan?”

  “I’m sorry he’s not here, would you like me to let him know you came by?”

  “Who are you?”

  “I’m his fiancé. Can I help you with something?”

  The beautiful woman sneers at me. She is tall with black bouncy curls down to the middle of her back. High cheekbones with a petite nose, beautiful tanned skin and glacier blue eyes that are staring at me like I am scum on the bottom of her shoe.

  “You’re his fiancé?” she asks with a bit of shock in her voice.

  “Yes ma’am, and you are?” I ask curiously. After her reaction I know she has to be someone of importance to Ryan.

  “I’m Ryan’s ex-wife and I need to speak to him.”

  “Well I’m sorry he’s not here, but I’ll let him know that you stopped by.” I begin to close the door when her hand flies up to stop it. “Is there a problem?” I ask sweetly ready for this lady to leave.

  “What is he doing with you? He could have someone so much better.” Her eyes move up and down my body.

  “I’ll take that into consideration and be sure to pass the message along.”

  “You think you’re funny don’t you, trying to play all sweet. It’s not fooling me. I’m going to give you a heads up, I want him back and I will get him, so don’t get comfortable in my house.” She turns and starts to walk back to her car.

  “Don’t bet on it, sweetie,” I say acidly. “I’m carrying his child and there is nothing you can do to come between us.” That makes her halt her step.

  “So, you tricked him into a proposal by getting pregnant. That’s a low blow. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Her voice begins to rise.

  “No sweetheart. I didn’t have to trap him. The pregnancy was an added bonus, something I gave him that you couldn’t.” I snap at her feeling my anger rise to the surface.

  “If that’s what you want to believe, but you might want to ask him about his daughter.”

  Seeing that she has stunned me silent I close the door without another word. What the actual fuck. He has a daughter? Why am I just now learning about this shit? As if on cue all of the other things she said swarm into my head on repeat. He deserves better than me. Why is he with me? I’m starting to wonder the same thing after seeing what she looks like. He could obviously have someone a lot prettier than I am. But I do know one thing for sure, I did not trap him into a pregnancy. This was as unplanned as the proposal, hell as the speed of our relationship. My mind spins over and over with her words. She’s going to get him back, don’t get comfortable in her house. Is this her house? I remember him saying he let her keep the house they lived in. How is this one hers?

  I mindlessly make my way to the couch and flop on it. A storm of self-doubt is flowing through me. If I have to compete against her and their history, surely, she will win. Right? What the hell am I going to do now?

  Picking up the phone I call my mom. I could use some of her insight right about now. She answers on the third ring and after pleasantries, I drop the bombshell of being pregnant, though I wanted to do it in person, in order to get her advice on the situation that just happened, I would have to tell her about the baby.

  “Oh my god, baby that is fantastic. I’m going to be a grandma, I can’t wait.” She yells into the phone causing me to pull it from my ear.

  “Okay, mom, not so loud next time, I’d like to keep my eardrum.”

  “Sorry sweetheart.” She lowers her voice. “So, what’s wrong, because you don’t sound very happy about being pregnant.”

  “Well honestly mom, at first I wasn’t. I feel like everything is moving way too fast for me. I was heartbroken, but it only lasted for a few minutes and then I was excited. I already told Ryan and he was over the moon.”

  “That’s natural sweetheart. Don’t let it bring you down.”

  “That’s not what’s bringing me down. I just had an encounter with Ryan’s ex-wife,” I say, and I tell her exactly what just happened repeating it word for word to her.

  “Oh darling, she’s an ex-wife for a reason, she’s going to say whatever she can to get under your skin, to make your relationship with Ryan rocky. Don’t let her ruin your happiness,” she says over the phone.

  “I’m trying not to mom, but apparently he’s left out a big piece of information about his life. He already has a daughter. He’s never even mentioned her to me and I’m not even sure he sees her since his time is always at work or with me. When does he spend time with his child?” I ask concerned for the
little girl I know nothing about. Unless he sees her when he’s at work. I don’t go there often since I’m busy with my own job.

  “Addy, you are going to have to sit down and talk to him. I’m sure Ryan has a reason and you need to listen to him instead of letting it eat you up inside.”

  “Oh, it’s going to eat me alive. I still have two hours before he gets home. That’s two hours to dwell and think of the possibilities, the what if’s.”

  “Sweetheart, you need to calm down. Send Ryan a text and ask him to come home early. That man will do anything for you, closing early will be no problem. I’ve gotten to know Ryan a lot, we talk more than you probably know, that man will do anything for you, anything you ask of him.”

  “You talk more than I know? I didn’t know yall talked at all.” How much are these two keeping from me?

  “Don’t be like that Addy. Did you think I was going to let some man propose to you so soon without getting to know him better? You’re going to have to start thinking like a parent now. You’ll see I’m not all crazy when you go through what I did while you were growing up. Your time is coming. Just wait.” She releases a short laugh over the phone.

  “You’re right mom. I’m sorry, it just seems like all this information is being thrown at me and I know nothing about any of it. I’m going to text him and ask him to come home.”

  “Good girl,” she says. “I love you and make sure you actually listen to everything he says and not just the parts you want to hear. Give him a chance to explain. Let me know how things go.”

  “Okay mom, thank you and I love you too, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye.” I hang up the phone and sit back against the couch for a minute. She’s right about everything, of course, she’s always right.

  Opening the text app, I quickly send Ryan a message.

  Is it possible for you to close early and come home? We need to talk.