Finding Love

by Callie Stone

  His response is quick.

  The dreaded we need to talk again. Twice in one day? Can a man not enjoy his happiness for one day?

  I smile at his text knowing how happy he is about the baby.

  Yes, I need you home.

  Again, the reply comes in quickly after mine.

  On my way.

  I lean my head back against the couch and close my eyes. How can a day that should be filled with happiness and surprises and romance turn into a feeling of such doubt, a feeling that my relationship is soon to be over, that his ex will surely win? I stay in this position with questions running through my head over and over until I hear his truck pull up.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Ilisten as Ryan opens the door, calls my name and shuts the door behind him. I stay where I’m at. Feeling too exhausted to move. I’m not even sure I have the energy to have this conversation, but there’s no way to avoid it, that’s for sure. I sit and wait as I hear Ryan throw his keys on the table just inside the door, I hear his shoes hit the floor next to the table before he softly walks through the house looking for me. Before he reaches the living room where I’m at I call out to him. “Can you turn off the sauce before you come in please.” I listen as his steps change direction, the click on the stove signaling the sauce is no longer cooking. I don’t even have the energy to finish dinner. I release a sigh as Ryan enters the room and tense as he gets closer. I take a deep breath remembering my mom’s words. Give him a chance and listen to what he has to say.

  Ryan enters the living room and glances around. “What’s all this?”

  I don’t move or answer him.

  Ryan sits on the coffee table across from me, places his hands on my legs. “What’s wrong, Addy?” he asks, concern clear in his voice.

  I slowly open my eyes and lift my head to meet his gaze. “Well, I had an interesting visitor today.” I watch as his body tenses.

  “Who was it?”

  “It was your ex-wife,” I say nonchalantly as if it’s no big deal, an everyday occurrence.

  “What the hell? What did she want?” His voices raises a fraction from anger and I can feel the tension coming off his body.

  “I must say she is a very pretty woman. Almost makes someone wonder why you’re with me. I am nowhere near that pretty or perfect.”

  “Don’t start that shit, Addy. She is not perfect, you remember what I told you. And that pretty is only skin deep. She is not nice on the inside, but I’m guessing you’ve already figured that out.”

  I nod my head. “That I did. I was told that she was going to win you back. I told her good luck we were engaged, and I was pregnant, and she accused me of trapping you. She also told me not to get comfortable in her house. All that of course after she said you were slumming it with me.”

  Ryan is on his feet pacing the room. “That bitch. How dare she come here after all this time and try to start shit.” Quickly sitting in front of me again Ryan grabs my thighs. “Baby, you outshine her any day, I am not slumming it with you, you’re gorgeous and I don’t get why you can’t see that. A lot of what she said was just to piss you off, you have to know that, you’re a woman.” He shakes his head clearly still pissed.

  “I also hope you know that I don’t for one minute believe you trapped me. Obviously, I proposed before we even found out about the baby. That comment was straight bullshit and she obviously doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

  I stare straight ahead taking deep calming breaths dreading what I have to say next. But I want to see his reaction, want to know what he will do. I move my gaze to his face and watch him, not meeting his eyes, I want to see every muscle that might twitch when this last bit comes out. My mom’s advice passes through my head one more time before I say anything. “There is one more thing she said.”

  “What Addy, what did she say?”

  “She told me to ask you about your daughter.”

  His face goes blank, his gaze turns distant.

  So, she was right, he never told me he had a daughter. “What is her name?”

  “Was.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “What was her name. She died a week after she was born.”

  “Oh my god. I’m so sorry Ryan. What happened?”

  “She was born prematurely; her lungs were not fully developed. She fought for her life for a week but then she had to go back home. Tina didn’t want to name her, that’s how cold of a bitch she is, but I did. I named her Ava. I have her buried next to my parents, so they could watch over her.” He shakes his head as his gaze comes back into focus.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about her?” I ask still feeling a little hurt that he kept that secret. I mean hell he read my damn journal. I have no secrets in my past. He didn’t have a journal for me to read.

  “I’m sorry Addy, I know I should have told you. I know that this has hurt you, but I honestly try not to talk about her, it hurts me way too much. I visit her grave once a year on her birthday unable to go any more than that. It is something that still cracks my heart open when I think about it.” Tears begin to roll down his face. “It’s too painful to remember. My first beautiful baby passed away, she wasn’t given a chance to live, to shine. And her mother didn’t give a shit about her. Never went to visit her, never asked how she was doing. Tina went on with life like it never happened. Maybe, just maybe if Tina cared, she would have thrived, but I’ll never know, will I.”

  I watch as more tears roll down his face. I move from the couch and sit on his lap. I reach up and wipe the tears from his face and softly kiss his lips. “It’s okay baby. Shh,” I sooth. “I am so sorry I brought all this up.”

  “You didn’t bring it up, she did. She knew exactly where to hit the both of us and she did just that. Like she said to you, she wants me back, but god as my witness Addy, I swear to you that shit won’t happen. She doesn’t have anything I want, she is not attractive to me and I no longer have feelings for her. I never can again. After everything she put me through I honestly hate her now.” He wraps both arms around me, bringing me closer as he hugs me tight. “You are the only one for me, my other half, you know this, and I wish you would stop doubting yourself.”

  I give a weak smile. “After everything I’ve been through, sometimes it’s hard to remember that,” I say still wiping the tears that won’t stop from his face. “Please stop crying baby, you’re breaking my heart.”

  With a small laugh, Ryan says, “I will, it just takes a minute.”

  I kiss his lips again, then his nose and each cheek before pulling his head down to kiss his forehead. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, so much.” He squeezes me tighter.

  “Well, now we have to figure out what to do about Tina. I’m pregnant so I can’t fight and you’re a man, so you can’t either because I will kill you if you go to jail and leave me alone and pregnant,” I say flashing a sweet smile to try and lighten up the mood just a little.

  It works, and Ryan lets out a small huff and smiles.

  “So, what are we going to do about Tina?” I ask curiously how much or how long she will try to make life miserable.

  “I guess I have to call her, tell her to stay away. I don’t know how well that will work though, she’s a very persistent person and I’m sure more hurtful things will come out before it’s over.”

  “Well let’s try the call first, tell her if she doesn’t stay away you will get a restraining order, maybe. Would you like me to leave the room?” I ask hoping he says no.

  “Why would I want that? I’m going to call her with you sitting on my lap, but let me swing us to the couch, this table is making my ass hurt.”

  I let out a small laugh as he stands, turns slightly and flops on the couch. I get more comfortable on his lap and release a sigh when I lay my head on his chest.

  “Before I call, I want to know what’s going on in this room?”

  “I was going to surprise you for a change, have dinner cooked, candles everywhere like
you did for me that time. But then she showed up. With finding out about the pregnancy and then her, I just felt too damn exhausted to finish the surprise. I was more worried about talking to you.”

  Wrapping his arms around me he squeezes me tighter to him. “I’m so sorry baby and even though it wasn’t all set up, believe me, I was surprised when I walked in. Thank you!”

  “Don’t thank me for something I didn’t finish.”

  “It’s the thought that counts, baby. Now let me make this call so we can have a little peace tonight.”

  I nod once while he pulls out his phone and types the number in knowing it by heart. That fact stings a little at first, but then I remembered it’s hard not to know the number of the person you were married too. Ryan hits call, surprising me he puts it on speaker phone and we both listen to the rings tick off.

  Finally, after the fifth ring, she answers. “Hey baby, I knew you would call,” she breathes down the phone in a sultry voice.

  “Don’t call me that and don’t you dare come to my house again. Or my business for that matter.”

  “What are you talking about, baby.”

  “Don’t try to play dumb Tina, the look doesn’t suit you. I know you came to the house, Addy told me all about it.”

  “Addy,” she sneers over the phone, “must be lying to you, because I didn’t say anything to the girl you’re slumming it with.”

  I don’t think she realizes she’s on speaker and when I hear her words my body instantly tenses up.

  “Tina I’m not in the mood for your games. I know that you’re lying. I know what you said to Addy and I’m not going to deal with it. Don’t come here again, this is not and never will be your house. Stay away from Addy and me. I don’t want anything to do you with ever again.”

  “Come on Ryan, baby don’t be like that. I still love you and I think we should give it a second chance. Please baby just meet me for dinner tomorrow.”

  I can’t believe the nerve of this woman. She certainly has some balls doing all this. Ryan looks down at me and gives me a wink. What is that for, I wonder.

  “Sure Tina, I’ll meet you for dinner tomorrow. When and where?”

  My whole body goes rigid and I’m just about to ask what the fuck he’s thinking when he holds a finger to my mouth.

  “How about our favorite steakhouse at seven? I knew you would come around, baby.”

  Shaking his head Ryan says, “Okay, see you then, bye.”

  As he hangs up the phone I feel anger rise in me. I attempt to get off his lap, but he refuses to let go of me. Suddenly I feel his body shaking. Glancing up at his face I see that he’s laughing. “What the hell is so funny?” I ask getting pissed off.

  “You are adorable when you’re pissed off. Do you really think I would go to dinner with her?”

  “Well, you’re the one that made the plans.”

  “Addy, I made the plans in hopes that when I don’t show up it will cement my words into her thick skull. I have no intentions of going and eating with her. Hell, I don’t even want to see her if I can help it.”

  Calming down I lean back into his arms again. This has been one hell of a day. I need a vacation.

  “So, are you still making me dinner, or do I need to order something?” he asks kissing me on the forehead.

  “I have no urge to do anything. Order something and we will sit in bed and eat. Then you can make love to me and I can fall asleep in your arms.”

  “That sounds perfect baby. You’ve had a rough day.” Ryan stands with me still in his arms and makes his way to the stairs.

  “I can walk you know?”

  “Let me take care of you.”

  And I do. I relax in his arms as he carries me up the stairs and softly lays me on the bed. He hands me the tv remote and tucks me under the covers.

  “Just rest. I’m going to go downstairs and put the sauce up and call our order in at the same time. I’ll be back up once the food gets here.”

  “Okay. Hopefully, it doesn’t take too long, I’m starving.”

  “I’ll try to bribe them with a bigger tip to get it here faster.” He smiles down at me.

  How did I get so lucky to have this man in my life? This man that will soon be my husband. “Oh, before you go you never answered me at work. Do you want to have an earlier wedding or a later wedding? I’m not getting married with a round stomach.”

  Smiling Ryan says, “The sooner the better for me baby, but I’m going to leave that decision up to you. It’s your big day I want you to be happy. Why don’t you ask your mom her opinion?”

  “Okay. I love you.”

  “Love you too, I’ll be back.”

  I watch as he exits the room. I’ll call my mom tomorrow, I don’t have the energy to relay everything that was said tonight. I need a peaceful evening and a lot of food and sleep. I always heard pregnant women ate a lot, but I didn’t realize they felt like they were starving all the time. As if on cue my stomach rumbles. Shaking my head, I flip on the tv and start channel surfing.

  Ryan must have offered a really big tip because not even twenty minutes later the doorbell rings. I listen as he opens the door and then I hear him yell.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  I scramble out of bed and run down the stairs. What is happening now? As I leave the last step and come around the door I see Tina standing on the other side in a trench coat that is open, she’s wearing nothing underneath. Absolutely nothing. Not even panties to match her stiletto heels. Could this day get any worse?

  My mouth gapes open as I look at her unable to miss her perfect body and then my eyes dart to Ryan to see if he was doing the same thing. Ryan is looking up at the crown molding on the wall above the door. Smart man.

  “Close your damn coat now, Tina.”

  She does as he asks, and he finally moves his gaze to her face. “Why are you freaking out. You agreed to dinner.”

  “How does dinner plans equal you showing up here naked. At the house, I share with my fiancé after I told you never to come here again?”

  “Doesn’t dinner mean… I thought you were going to take me back. If you have a fiancé, why would you agree to come to dinner with me?”

  “No, goof, I wasn’t even going to show up tomorrow. I just agreed so you would shut the hell up. I don’t want anything to do with you and I don’t want to see you ever again. Our relationship is over. You cannot come and go as you please, thinking I’m just going to start a relationship with you.”

  I stand back watching their exchange, my head swinging from one to the other. She looks hurt which confuses me. They haven’t been together in a long time. Ryan just looks pissed off, anger is rolling off him in waves. I look back at Tina as her lip trembles.

  “Not going to work, Tina. I don’t know how you got this twisted idea in your head that you could just come and get me back. But I’ve moved on.” Ryan reaches back and pulls me into his side. “There is nothing in this world you can do to break this up. Not your words and surely not your naked body. This woman next to me is the only woman I want.”

  Tina’s lip instantly stops trembling, a tactic to try and get her way. One she must have used before because Ryan knew it well. I wrap both my arms around Ryan’s waist and rest my face against his chest. I look at her and smile, an I win smile, wide and sure and happy.

  Glaring at me she huffs. “Fine, whatever.” Turning, Tina heads back to her car.

  Ryan calls out after her. “I mean it, stay away.”

  She lifts her hand and gives Ryan the middle finger as she opens her car door. “Fine Ryan, you won’t see me again.” Getting in and slamming her door, she speeds out of our driveway.

  Before we can shut the door, the delivery driver pulls up and I practically run to him to get our food. Ryan laughs as he follows behind me pulling out his wallet to pay the driver. I grab the bags and run back inside stopping to get forks just in case there are none in the bag. It’s frustrating as hell when they forget forks.


  Making my way back upstairs my stomach grumbles the whole way. I could probably eat both meals, maybe I will. I crawl into bed, throw the covers over my legs and don’t bother waiting on Ryan. I open my container and dig in, moaning with each bite.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Iwake the next morning making a mad dash to the bathroom, falling to my knees in front of the toilet. I throw up what little is left in my stomach before the dry heaves start to wrack my body. Ryan comes in with a glass of water handing it to me before he sits behind me and rubs my back. I take a small sip before hanging my head in the toilet releasing a long moan. “This is what pregnant people go through every day?” I ask in disbelief. This is horrible and I’m already debating if I’ll make it through this pregnancy if this is how my mornings are going to be.

  “It usually only lasts the first trimester, sweetheart.”

  “Ugh, this sucks,” I say as I lean back against Ryan’s chest. He circles his arms around me and kisses the side of my head.

  “You’re not going to do it alone, I’ll be here every day through it all. It will suck but we will get through it.”

  “Thank you,” I say releasing a sigh. “Will you turn on the shower and take one with me, please? I feel dirty now and need to wash but I also feel too weak to hold myself up.” I look up at him with a small smile. I’m sure I could shower alone but I want to take one with him, loving the way his body looks all soapy and wet.

  Ryan laughs as he gets up. “If you wanted me to shower with you all you had to do was ask, no need for excuses.” He shakes his head as he makes his way into the walk-in shower and turns it on.

  I smile as I get off the floor and take my clothes off. I watch as Ryan slips his t-shirt over his head and lets his boxers drop to the floor. I could stare at his body all day but unfortunately, I don’t have time for that today. I need to get to work soon.

  We take a quick shower along with a quickie in the shower before I get dressed and head out to work. The morning started out rough but turned a lot better rather fast. Sitting at a stop light just down the road from the house I can’t seem to wipe the smile off my face as I remember the shower.