Navy Hope

by Krotow, Geri

  “Good morning.” He greeted her cheerfully in an effort to keep his physical awareness of her private.

  “Hey.” Val leaned over to re-tie her purple running shoe. Her slim hands worked quickly and expertly. He wondered how they’d feel on his body. Val straightened and narrowed her green eyes on him. He watched her take in his long-sleeved running shirt and shorts.

  “You going to be warm enough?”

  He laughed. “Are you kidding? I’m used to snow and ice in February. This is perfect running weather.”

  Val grinned. “I know it seems mild, but these temperatures won’t really go up for several months. It’s not the cold as much as the damp that gets to me.”

  “I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve managed so far.”

  They started off slowly, and by the half-mile mark were moving in cadence with each other. Lucas found it a delight to run with a woman who could match his stride so easily.

  “What made you come out here and start BTS? I read the website—” he motioned with one hand “—and I know you’ve dedicated it to the memory of your brother.” He shook his head. “I’m very sorry for your loss, Val.”

  “Yeah, it was a hard time. Thanks.” She didn’t vary her stride or her focus on the rough trail. Apparently she’d answered this question a million times.

  “I was at a point in my life where I needed something different, a break from the day-in, day-out grind of social work in a clinical setting.” She leapt gracefully over a log as he ran around it. “You may remember that my childhood wasn’t the best, and that my dad suffered from PTSD as a result of his service in Vietnam. My mother

  she became a shell of herself, always so careful around Dad, trying to pretend everything was okay.”

  “I haven’t forgotten anything you told me, Val.” He didn’t want to pull the pity card by telling her why he’d had to leave Penn State, and her, so many years ago. But he owed her an explanation at some point. She’d meant so much more to him than his actions had implied.

  “It’s no surprise that I got my degrees in social work. I thought I’d solve the problems my family had.” She laughed, but with little humor. “It took a while, but I finally accepted that I wasn’t ever going to fix my parents, or re-do my childhood. I had to focus on making a difference for others.”

  She pushed back her sleeves as she ran. He wondered idly what she wore under the sweatshirt. Or maybe not so idly

  Desire for this woman had simmered for the past month, and what she’d confided in him only fanned the flames.

  “The social work itself was rewarding, and I’m so grateful I had that chance to do it. But I felt it was my apprenticeship, felt I was supposed to do more. I didn’t have any idea what that would be, what would come next. Then Chet died.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Val didn’t speak for several strides, and Lucas sent her a quick look to see if she was tearing up.

  “Needless to say, Chet left almost everything to his wife and my nephews, but he also left me a sizable chunk of cash. It was totally unexpected and I planned on giving it to my sister-in-law and the kids. She persuaded me not to, said they were more than taken care of, thanks to Chet’s smart financial planning and preparation for the worst.”

  They were near the crest of the run, the highest point on the tiny island. She slowed her pace to a walk and he did the same.

  “I was so proud of him. A career in the Army isn’t what I would’ve picked for him, especially considering our family background, but it was his calling.”

  Val’s profile against the backdrop of the Pacific Northwest was an artist’s dream. Her soft curves contrasted with the harsh contours of the wind-eroded cliffs behind her. Lucas wanted to reach out and embrace her, but he simply let her tell her story.

  “I had horrible nightmares the first six months after Chet was killed. He was on the battlefield, and I couldn’t stop thinking about his suffering, his blood soaking into the desert sand.”

  “It was awful, that whole first year. I stayed with Chet’s widow, Erin, and my nephews, to help her out. Since I was looking for a change but didn’t know which direction to take, and I’m single, it made sense for me to move in with them. I’d been living in Seattle for ten years, and Chet was stationed at Fort Lewis, a short drive away. Erin’s family is on the east coast and she didn’t want to relocate the boys right away. Now she’s even thinking of buying a place on Whidbey Island.”

  Val flashed him a grin. “She’s a schoolteacher, and kept her job in the same elementary school the kids attend. But the boys are getting older, and she’s ready for something different.”

  “Like you were.” Like he was.

  Val nodded.

  “How did you find this place?” He was impressed by how much she’d accomplished in such a short time.

  “I came here on a trip with my boyfriend, Bob. It was supposed be a fun weekend, a chance to rekindle our relationship after I’d spent so much time with Erin and the kids, after Chet’s death.” She shook her head as if shaking off bad memories.

  “It turned into our break-up fight. But that’s all ancient history. It happened more than two years ago.” She turned toward Lucas. “Something good came out of it, though, because I went for a run and ended up here, in this very spot. And after some serious thought and meditation, I concluded that this would be the perfect place for families to heal. Even with my soon-to-be-ex sleeping in the resort a few miles away, I’d been able to find peace, serenity, in these surroundings. I knew it was where I could start my life over.”

  She laughed. “Pretty naive of me, wasn’t it? It sounds crazy, but I had a gut feeling that I had to be here, to live here, to stay here. So I did. Bob packed up and left by himself after our disaster of a weekend, and I stayed behind for two weeks. I scoured this island and several nearby. The old abandoned family hotel I finally bought was the best option and the most financially feasible for me.”

  “I know what you mean,” Luke said, nodding. “The best things in my life have happened when I’m not trying too hard. Like finding this job on the same day I’d had a rough time at work in DC. I thought it’d cheer me up to see all the other jobs I could apply for, knowing none would be as good as what I had at Walter Reed. Until I read I’d be in ‘God’s Country’ for six months, making a difference to Gold Star families.”

  She laughed again. “I put that ad out there on impulse. I’ve usually hired all my other counselors locally.”

  “Are you still in touch with him?”

  “With whom? Oh, you mean Bob?” She shook her head. “No, not at all. We were together because it was convenient for both of us. That’s the sad truth of it. He never wanted me to move out here and I decided I didn’t want to move back to Seattle. You could say I had an epiphany while I was living with my sister-in-law.”

  “I can see why you fell in love with this area.”

  “Even after your horrible ferry crossing?”

  Lucas groaned. “Don’t remind me. But yes, even after that. It seems like a lifetime ago, and it was only last month.”

  “This place does that with time. No sense of hurry, yet so much more seems to get done.” She gave him a shy grin. “I’m scaring you, aren’t I? You’re wondering exactly what you signed on for?”

  They both laughed.

  He watched her face, her exquisite smile, and marveled at the lovely ring of her laughter as they stood in the morning mist that clung in wisps about the cliff’s edge.

  Had he died and was this heaven?

  Chapter Twelve

  Val had never been so attracted to a man in her life—and that included their relationship fifteen years ago. Neither had she ever spilled her guts so readily. His open, nonjudgmental attitude made her trust him.

  “Like I said, I hope I don’t scare you with all this chatter.”

  “Not at all. It’s my privilege to hear your story.” His thoughtful reply enhanced his already considerable appeal.

  “That’s the city of Victori
a over there.” She pointed to the silhouette barely visible through the morning fog.

  “I don’t mean to go on about the weather, but is it always this mild in February?”

  Lucas had run the hill alongside her for the past mile, yet he showed no sign of breathlessness nor was he particularly sweaty. Not that she was looking at his chest or the way his shirt stretched over his pecs.

  “It’s pretty typical. Our warmest month is September, but even the early part of October can be balmy. The fog keeps it cool from June through mid-August. I find this weather kind of raw, but you’re right, compared to the Northeast it’s mild for February.” She inhaled the salt and cedar scent of the island. “I’ve spent many hours up here, especially when I first started BTS.”

  “You’ve spent even more hours in the office from what I can tell.” Lucas’s breath was warm on the back of her neck as they stood on the precipice. She felt his body heat imprinted on her back, and desire roiled in her belly

  and moved lower.

  “Have you dated anyone since Bob?”

  His words were followed by the warmth of his hand on her shoulder. She turned and found herself face to face with him, his eyes intense and focused on her.

  She averted her glance—to his lips.

  “No, I’m not seeing anyone.”

  “I’m glad.” Lucas leaned toward her until his lips blurred and she closed her eyes.

  His lips were cool from the morning air but his mouth was hot, his tongue eager. Val moaned when he dropped an arm around her waist, his hand pressing the small of her back. His other hand was around her neck, massaging gently as his mouth worked over hers with deliberate care.

  Val didn’t think about it; she wrapped both arms around his neck and kissed him back. The give-and-take, the joy of sharing a passionate kiss with an attractive man—she’d forgotten how good it was.

  It’s never been this good.

  Lucas lifted his lips from hers and she opened her eyes to meet his gaze.

  “Am I being too forward?” he asked.

  “No.”

  As he leaned back in, Val put her fingers to his lips. “But some people might see it as inappropriate. I’m supposed to be your boss. Your employer.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  When Val’s fingers touched his lips, Lucas’s brain did its best to shut off all reasoning. Getting Val into his bed was suddenly necessary, vital, the most important mission of his life.

  “Lucas?”

  Her eyes reflected the desire that overwhelmed him—along with a measure of real concern.

  “Shit.” He pulled back. The simultaneous rejection and mistrust that crossed her face cut him to the quick.

  You’ve done it again. Way to go, Einstein.

  “I’m sorry, Val. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

  “And I shouldn’t have kissed you back.”

  They stared at each other for a long moment before they both looked away.

  Lucas focused on the shadow of British Columbia, where Val had pointed out Victoria.

  “I’ve done this before,” he admitted. “Gotten involved with my boss. It doesn’t work out in the end.”

  “I agree that this isn’t a good idea, Lucas, not with the two of us working together.”

  She rubbed her gloved hands. “Yes, I’m tempted, and it’s not like this is a government organization. It’s for military families, but it’s a completely civilian operation. Still—”

  “So was the hospital I worked in when I

  had a relationship with my Chief Resident.

  “Oh.”

  “Oh is right.” He wanted to swear a blue streak.

  “What happened?” Val had told him about Bob. Now it was his turn to spill.

  “Betsy and I lasted for more than a year after my program ended. We didn’t talk about a serious commitment until I’d completed my residency. But she wanted more and ultimately decided I was too young for her.”

  “How much older was she?”

  “Ten years.”

  “Wow. Impressive.”

  “For me or her?”

  “Both of you.” Val’s mouth tilted in the lopsided smile he was getting to like, too much.

  He grabbed her hand. “Despite what I said, I’m not sorry I kissed you, Val. I am sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable.”

  “Are you kidding me? I’m wondering if I should fire you just so we can kiss again.”

  She shrugged as she pulled her hand from his.

  He didn’t respond, didn’t know quite what to say.

  “But you’re right, Lucas,” she went on. “It’s not possible for us to be more than colleagues—professionals—just now. It’s not fair to either of us. Let’s be adults and just call it a draw for now, okay?”

  “Can’t blame a guy for trying, Val.”

  “I don’t.” She paused. “I have to ask. Why did you leave so abruptly fifteen years ago?”

  Her expression was earnest but he saw the shadow flicker across her eyes. He could tell that she thought it was her fault.

  “My mother had a nervous breakdown,” he said bluntly. “My father had been an alcoholic his entire life, and when she was institutionalized it practically killed him. He did die about two years later, after I graduated from Temple.” He looked at her.

  “My little sister needed me. She had high school to get through, and I’d be damned if I was going to see her suffer any more because of our screwed up family.”

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me this? You knew about my family.”

  “Precisely. And I knew you’d been through your own hell. You didn’t need to hear about mine. I was also ashamed, Val. I was young and I thought the family problems were mine, that they somehow reflected on me. But by the time I grew up enough to realize none of it was my fault, it was too late. I figured you’d already moved on. Was I right?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Val chose her words carefully. “Kind of—I mean, yes, you were. I dated other boys, went on with my life. But I always wondered

  “

  “I’m sorry for any hurt I caused you. I wasn’t worthy of you back then, Val.”

  “We were both so young.”

  She started to walk down the trail, away from where they’d embraced.

  “Let’s head back. There’s a lot that needs to be done before our first session at ten.” Professional Val, fearless team leader of BTS, was in charge again.

  As they ran down the hill, Val explained that she’d decided to keep the schedule on a timetable more akin to that of a resort or cruise, so the vacation ambience permeated the family’s stay.

  “What if they don’t come up with a plan for when they leave?” So far each family he’d worked with had, but he didn’t assume that was always the case.

  “That’s okay, too. The point is, we gave them an opportunity to think about their lives away from the identity of being a Gold Star Family. Not to invalidate it in any way, but we try to help them form their own dreams and aspirations.”

  “Has it ever been hard for you to let them go at the end of their week?”

  “Truly? No. I don’t get as close to them as you and the other counselors do. BTS is set up so that I’m the go-to person for anything they need to facilitate their time here. But I made a point of putting all the right experts in place to handle the various aspects of the retreat. Life-mapping, journaling, motivational speakers, resumes—there are folks more trained in these things than I’ll ever be.” She slowed to a walk in front of the office. The sun was beginning to send a few rays up over the horizon, dissipating the fog they’d left in.

  “As I’m sure you’ve already observed, I’m the back-up. If one of the counselors gets sick or takes vacation time, I can step in. But it’s essential that I remain a bit more detached, so that I can support the counseling team.”

  “Don’t you miss using your social work skills?”

  “Sometimes, but not as much as I thought I would.” A shadow crossed her face. He wanted
to whisk it away and bring the sparkle back to her green eyes.

  “It was a long haul, losing Chet. Not as hard as it was for Erin or my nephews, of course.” She pursed her lips. “I was burned out from social work when I went to help Erin and the boys. The wall of grief that we all had to push through—watching them go on, day after day— well, let’s just say it was enough to last me a lifetime.”

  He was quiet, humbled that she’d shared so much with him, so soon.

  You kissed her too soon.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “You’re obviously good at what you do, Lucas. Thanks for listening.” Val offered him a brave smile.

  “I wasn’t listening as a shrink.” She raised her brows in query.

  “We’re old friends, Val. That’s enough for both of us, don’t you think?” It’ll have to be, she told herself.

  But all she said was “Hmm.”

  Lucas was the kind of man a woman wanted to make a life with, and Val didn’t deny her attraction to him. What healthy woman wouldn’t be enthralled by all that lean muscle, those good looks, the brains behind the brawn? She hadn’t expected to be so intrigued by him—his thoughts, his manner, his kindness. In some ways, it was as if the years since she’d been with him didn’t exist. He’d made clear he wanted to keep their relationship friendly but professional. She had to agree.

  And yet

  Her disappointment crushed her. At least she was admitting it to herself.

  He’s your employee.

  That kiss had been damn hot.

  She squeezed her nylon net shower puff and hung it on the door handle before she stepped out of the steaming stall and dried off.

  A morning run and a cup of coffee made with island roasted beans were her staples and all she needed to get a good start to her day.

  Now she had a kiss to forget about.

  She wiped away the condensation from her mirror and looked at the reflection of her flushed face and wild hair. Her routine had been shot to hell with one devastating kiss.