A Time for Giving

by Raine Cantrell

  “Ellie, did you find my kisses so unpleasant you need a drink of applejack?”

  “No.”

  “No? No, what? You don’t need a drink? You liked my kisses? You found them unpleasant?”

  “Yes, I want to taste the applejack, Jacob. Yes, I want it because of your kisses.” She managed to pull the swollen cork out, keeping her eyes on the jug. Jacob stood on the other side of the table, but even that was too close. “Go to sleep, Jacob. You’re tired. You’re not yourself. You’ve been lonely. You … you—”

  “I wanted to kiss you, Ellie. Don’t make excuses.”

  She didn’t answer him. She lifted the jug and brought it to her lips. Her eyes met Jacob’s disbelieving gaze, and Ellie smiled before she took a small sip. His gaze remained on her until she set the jug down. Ellie shuddered as the liquor burned a path down her throat, leaving a heated glow behind. She licked her lips, saw that he was reaching for the jug, and pushed it over to him.

  Jacob took a healthy swallow, needing the drink as much as he wanted to make sure it was applejack. The homemade brew still kicked harder than a mule, and beat anything the southern boys had to trade over the picket line.

  “Well,” he asked, setting the jug down between them, “are you going to tell me what this is about?”

  “Ah, Jacob, it’s a truth I’ve been hoping to discover.”

  Her voice was soft and teasing, just like her gaze, which only blended an unreasonable anger for being the object of some secret riddle with the desire tightening his body. He looked again at the moist sheen of her lips, and almost went around the table to take hold of her.

  “Did you ever hear the whispers about your kisses, Jacob?”

  “Whispers? What whispers?”

  He was suddenly all indignant male with his fur ruffled the wrong way at the mere thought of a possible affront to his pride. Ellie covered her mouth to hold back her laughter.

  “Ellie,” he warned, “if I get my hands on you, you’ll—”

  “No! I’ll tell. They said your kisses were as potent as Mr. Moser’s applejack. I think they were wrong.”

  “Wrong? Why? And who were they?”

  “Every girl in the county that you kissed.”

  “But you.”

  The hard edge of his voice stopped her teasing. With a stricken look, she whispered, “Yes, all but me.”

  Jacob came around the table, but did not attempt to touch her. “And tell me why they were wrong, Ellie.” When she shook her head, Jacob leaned closer and smiled. “Should I kiss you again to make sure you know?”

  Temptation loomed before her. The sort of temptation she knew the minister warned about in his weekly sermons. But this was Jacob, and she couldn’t heed her own warnings about him.

  “Good night, Jacob.”

  “You disappoint me, Ellie,” he murmured, giving in to the need he had to touch her again. Her hair was soft and fine, and he stroked her braid, then lifted it over her shoulder. “Ellie, tell me the truth.” Satisfaction filled him that he had stopped her from leaving. But her spine curved as she wrapped her arms around her waist protectively, and his satisfaction disappeared.

  “I never meant to hurt you, Ellie. I can’t, with any honesty, apologize for kissing you. We’ve been friends for a long time, and you never held back from having your say.”

  “Yes, we’ve been friends,” she said after a moment, then turned without looking at him. “They were wrong about your kisses, Jacob. Your kisses are more potent than Mr. Moser’s homebrew.”

  Relief swept him. “Then why did you stop me?” Since she refused to look at him, he didn’t think she would answer him.

  But her voice, while soft, had the same impact as the tear-filled eyes she revealed. “Lucy.”

  “Lucy? She’s dead, Ellie. I’ll never forget that she was my wife, but my time for grief and mourning are over. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if it wasn’t.” Jacob disliked the thought that formed, but he voiced it. “You brought her up deliberately, didn’t you?”

  Ellie fled to her room. Jacob had honed in on the truth too quickly. She had mentioned Lucy deliberately. It was the only way to stop herself from running back into his arms.

  “Ellie?” Jacob heard the closing of her door as final as any words. He absently lifted the jug and took another drink before he recorked it and put it back in the cupboard. Why had Ellie mentioned Lucy? Ellie didn’t have a vengeful bone in her body. But she used Lucy’s name to erect a wall.

  Only Ellie had waited until after their kisses, he had to remind himself. And she was right. He was too tired to explore her contrary female mind.

  Morning ended the night’s snowfall, leaving behind a frozen landscape that glistened as the sun rose. Chores were dispatched quickly with Jacob lending a hand to feed the animals while Ellie and Thomas first washed, then milked the cows. Caleb, with Krista’s help, mucked out the stalls and pitched fresh bedding hay.

  Ellie had given Jacob the trunk of her father’s old clothes, since all his had been lost in the fire. Jacob shed his role of soldier with his uniform. It was easy for him, with the games and laughter they shared collecting the eggs from the chicken’s nests in the barn loft, avoiding rabbits of all sizes and color scampering to get out of the way.

  Jacob was declared the undisputed winner of being the fastest milker, and for having the best aim. The barn cats and kittens sat patiently waiting for their share of the warm milk squirted from the cow’s teats, and Jacob gathered the biggest group around his milk stool.

  His prize bull was housed in a small, separate pen, and Jacob added yet another thank-you he owed Ellie. The animal’s hide gleamed with the good care he had received. His farm team were in stalls along with Ellie’s, and he enjoyed the simple pleasure of currying their coats, tails, and manes. Pigs squealed and scrambled when he fed them their corn. Ellie helped him give the two sows their morning back scratches, and together they brought the full milk pails to the spring-house.

  Thomas had cleared the paths and joined them for breakfast. Bowls of thick porridge topped with cream, sweet butter, and maple syrup made a special treat. Jacob guiltily caught himself taking a third helping of hickory-smoked bacon and eggs, but Ellie merely pushed the plates closer to him. He swore Ellie’s muffins were the lightest and most delicious he had ever tasted, and left not one crumb on the plate.

  Jacob sipped his coffee as Ellie and Krista cleaned up the kitchen. He felt a contentment that was bone deep. This is what he missed; the sense of rightness, the glow of nurturing his own, the smiling faces of his children and their unexpected hugs, as if they were afraid he would disappear.

  “Jacob,” Ellie said once the last cup had been hung in the cupboard and the last plate dried, “you’ll be expected at your aunt’s this morning. Word will spread that you’re home and—”

  “No, Ellie. Aunt Faye and my cousins can wait. There are only five days to Christmas. Time we got our tree. Thomas said you had one picked out up on the ridge. You’ll come with us to make sure we cut down the right one.”

  “But I need to—”

  “It can wait, Ellie. The children and I want you to come with us.” Her quick nod made him rise. “I’ll get the ax and the sleds.” Ellie was shy with him this morning, but Jacob had no intention of allowing her to retreat from him. Not after those unforgettable kisses …

  When they reached the long sloping hill that led down to snow-covered fields, it was too inviting. Ellie and Jacob gave in to the children’s pleas to go sledding. The longest wooden sled barely held Jacob’s tall body. He lay down first on his stomach, holding the long wooden slat to steer, and Krista laid flat on top of him.

  After a brief scuffle, Caleb gave in and let Thomas steer their sled. Ellie rooted for both teams to win, which earned her scowls and dire threats when the four of them climbed back up the hill.

  She ignored them, and continued her cheering, enjoying the children’s delight in having Jacob play with
them. The day was crisp and chill, but the sun was bright, and there was no wind. Ellie paid no attention to Jacob gathering the children and his brother around him before they once more dragged their sleds back to where she waited.

  “Oh, Ellie,” Caleb announced, “it’s your turn now.”

  “Oh no. I couldn’t.”

  “Yes, Ellie. We’ve all had turns, and now it’s yours,” Thomas said, circling behind her. “And you’ll ride down with Jacob. He can make his sled go the fastest.”

  “Jacob?” Ellie flashed him a surprised look. “Did you put them up to this?”

  “Go with him, Ellie,” Krista insisted, taking hold of her mittened hand. “It’s such fun. If you win, Papa will kiss you like he did me. He said I was good … good—”

  “Ballast.” Caleb shot Krista a smug look.

  “I don’t believe I would make good ballast.” But as Ellie protested, she backed away from Jacob only to come up against Thomas. He caught her and relinquished her to his brother.

  “You wouldn’t dare spoil their fun, would you, Ellie?”

  The wicked slant of his mouth and the laughter gleaming in his eyes brought on her rueful smile. She was outnumbered. “One ride, Jacob. That’s all.”

  He took hold of her hand and drew her near the sled. Ellie stilled the panicked feeling inside when Jacob was facedown on the sled. She gathered her heavy woolen cloak, grateful that both Thomas and Caleb lent their aid to help her lie down on top of Jacob.

  “Hold my shoulders,” he ordered, stifling a groan when she wiggled this way and that to get comfortable. He spread his legs so hers fit between them. The boys were ready. Jacob used the toes of his boots to shove off. He squeezed Ellie’s legs between his.

  Ellie’s small cry was lost as wind rushed past. She clung to Jacob’s broad shoulders, pressing her cheek to his back, and wondered how the heat of his body could climb inside her. The intimate press of her body to his instantly brought the picture to her mind of him holding her against him last night.

  Ellie thought Jacob yelled something, but the wind rushing by whipped the words away before she understood him. She gripped his shoulders and shifted her body forward, shouting at him to repeat it. Her move upset the balance, sending the sled into a rocking slide before tumbling them off. Jacob grabbed her, and she held him tight as they rolled over and over down the hill.

  Stunned by the rapid tumble, Ellie couldn’t catch her breath. She lay beneath Jacob, and the cold, wet snow chilled her back. But where his body covered hers, there was a blazing warmth that made her think she was too close to fire. He stirred, and his smallest moves brought her an awareness of the strange tension taking hold of her.

  She gazed up at him when he crouched over her, tearing off one glove with his teeth, his warm hand gently brushing the snow from her face and hair. The tender concern of his touch, repeated in his gaze, sent a painful yearning through her. Even his low, deep voice was concerned as he murmured questions.

  “I’m all right, Jacob,” she managed to say. He had lost his hat in their tumble, and his hair fell down his forehead. Ellie clenched her hands around the snow to stop herself from reaching up to brush the snow from his hair. “I guess,” she said, offering him a crooked little smile, “that I wasn’t good ballast.”

  “Oh, Ellie,” Jacob said, rocking back to rest on his heels, “only you would think of that.” He couldn’t seem to resist her smile and leaned close again, drawing her up and against him. This was the Ellie he remembered. The one that could bring a smile despite his real concern that she had been hurt. He leaned his head back to see her and found himself staring into her eyes. There was glazed desire there, but he was sure Ellie wasn’t aware of it. It was a look he would be pleased to see again, and again. And that smile beckoned him. He kissed her briefly then pulled back.

  “Jacob? We didn’t win. You shouldn’t have kissed me.”

  “I needed to, Ellie.” He shook his head, wondering what was happening to him. He was fighting with himself not to have another taste of her mouth. He had never even noticed that her eyes were wide, and the color of rich brown sugar. Jacob wasn’t conscious of rubbing her arms with his hands, drawing her closer to him, until Ellie put up her hands to stop him.

  “Why, Ellie? You feel it, too.”

  She closed her eyes in defense of what she might reveal to him. The day had been perfect until now. Her secret pretense that this was her family, her love, disappeared. Jacob didn’t love her.

  “Why didn’t you answer us?” Thomas demanded as he neared. “Were you hurt, Ellie?”

  “Ellie’s fine. Go on up,” Jacob answered, then added, “we’ll be along in a moment.”

  Jacob stood up and lifted Ellie to her feet. He began to brush the snow from her cloak, startled that it took some effort to keep his touch impersonal.

  “Something is happening Ellie that we need to talk about.” Jacob snatched up the sled’s rope and held out his other hand.

  Ellie hesitated. She sensed that Jacob wanted her to accept his hand, and demand that they talk.

  “Ellie?”

  The soft, questioning note in his voice, made her decision. She placed her hand in his. His smile was all the reward she could have hoped to have.

  “Can you walk up or would you like me to carry you?”

  “I’ll walk, Jacob. My legs are quite steady now.”

  “Pity,” he murmured, “I’m not sure mine are.”

  Ellie followed in his footsteps, for his weight tamped the snow and made it easier for her to walk. She stopped suddenly, and Jacob did, too. “Are you flirting with me, Jacob?”

  Her serious voice, the earnest expression on her face made his heart skip a beat. He thought about teasing her and then swallowed the words. Just as serious as she, he answered, “Why, yes, Ellie. I am.”

  “Oh. I see.”

  “The thought troubles you?”

  “I’m not sure,” she replied, starting to walk again behind him. “Would we still be friends?”

  “Friends and more, Ellie. Much more.” An unexpected tenderness welled up inside him. “Don’t worry about it, Ellie. I’ll see to everything.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” she whispered to herself.

  “Push harder, Jacob. It won’t fit.”

  “I am pushing, Ellie! You and Thomas aren’t pulling hard enough.”

  “Testy, contrary male,” Ellie muttered.

  “What was that?” Jacob shot back, having heard her clearly.

  “Nothing. Let’s try again, Jacob.”

  “Thomas, come ’round to the front and help Caleb. I’ll pull from the inside with Ellie.”

  The switch took a few minutes. Jacob made sure the wide, thick bottom boughs of their tree were squeezed as tight as could be to the trunk. He scowled at his son’s suggestion that he should have cut the smaller tree Ellie had picked out. Krista told him Ellie wished for a big tree, and a big tree is what she was getting.

  Rather than taking the opposite side from Ellie, Jacob stood behind her. His hands fit between the position of hers on the top branches. Keeping Ellie in a state of heightened awareness of him wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t help himself. He felt the slight tremor of her body as he curved his body to the bend of hers.

  “Ready,” he called out. Jacob pulled. The boys shoved. The tree suddenly came free like a battering ram through a gate. Jacob crashed backward with Ellie under the force, landing half on and half off the settee. The fragrant pine branches smothered them.

  “You’re gracious not to say I told you so, Ellie.”

  Ellie lifted the tips of pine away from her face. She knew Jacob had always had the largest Christmas tree he could find. She shifted and managed to face him.

  “I wanted you to have a special Christmas, Jacob. You and the children that is. Just like when you were home.”

  “I could always have that if this was my home, Ellie. All you have to do is say yes and marry me.”r />
  “Oh, you did it!” Krista yelled.

  “Thanks to cousin Will’s help,” Thomas added, then realized that his brother and Ellie had disappeared. “Jacob! Cousin Will’s here.” He shared a look with his older cousin and nephew. “The tree!” he shouted, scrambling to get around the spreading branches to the other side.

  Jacob pushed aside branches to reveal himself. Ellie did the same on the other side. Assuring everyone that they were fine, they pushed as Will helped the boys to lift the tree away.

  “A cheer for Ellie,” Krista insisted. “She’s going to make this the best Christmas ever.”

  “Yes, by all means,” Jacob said, lifting Ellie’s hand to his lips. “A cheer for the lovely and most gracious, Ellie.” But his eyes met hers with a wicked gleam as he pressed his lips to her hand, and softly, so no one but Ellie heard him, said, “A home, Ellie, just say yes.”

  With Will’s help, Jacob and the boys made short work of getting the tree in place. Chairs and tables had to be moved to make room for the tree in front of the windows.

  Ellie busied herself in the kitchen getting supper ready, while the children sat with Jacob and Will in the parlor. Thomas came in to see if the wash water was heated. He filled a bucket to carry it upstairs, taking the children with him. Ellie heard the soft murmur of the men’s voices as she sliced and fried rounds of potatoes, just like the elegant Moon Lake Lodge in Saratoga Springs served to their guests. An article in the newspaper said an American Indian chef working there had once sliced the potatoes so thin to please a disatisfied guest, that the potatoes couldn’t be eaten with a fork. But the crisp fries were featured on the menu as Saratoga chips ever since then.

  The children loved them, and she hoped they would be a surprise for Jacob to enjoy. Since the stock pot was always simmering on the back burner, a rich broth would be warming. Thick slices of bread, cold smoked ham and pickled corn and another pie would complete their supper.

  Ellie didn’t even realize she was listening hard for Jacob’s voice. In the short time he had been here, she found herself wanting to know its every nuance. Her own warning to herself about weakening once he was here, was dangerously close to coming true. “A home, Ellie, just say yes.” Over and over she repeated Jacob’s words, then came to with a start. Jacob’s raised voice to his cousin, drew her nearer the doorway to hear him.