A Time for Giving

by Raine Cantrell

  “I don’t care what anyone believes. My children are here, as is my brother. I won’t miss a moment of time with them.”

  “But Jacob, there’s talk. It’s not right for her to let you stay here.”

  “You dare to talk to me about what is right, Will? My home was destroyed, and the best my family could do was to suggest separating my children and brother. Ellie is the only one who offered to keep them together.”

  “That’s true. And we are all grateful to her. But Jacob, you will be leaving and Ellie will be left to face the gossip.”

  “I’ve asked her to marry me, Will.”

  “We didn’t know,” Will said, coming to his cousin’s side near the fireplace. “She never said a word, Jacob. This puts a different—”

  “She hasn’t said yes. Don’t be making any plans, Will. And I would appreciate your keeping this to yourself.”

  “But the family—”

  “Have their own troubles. I know them all well enough.”

  “Why hasn’t she agreed to marry you, Jacob? With the farms adjoining boundaries, you’d be the largest landowner in the area. And it isn’t as if there is anyone else to offer for her. She’s got a sharp tongue, for one thing, and she’s too old for any but a widower to want to marry her.”

  Jacob swallowed the words that would have revealed his growing feelings for Ellie. His cousin did not deserve to hear them first. He wouldn’t believe him anyway. Will was as close as a brother to him, and knew how much he had loved Lucy. He would be the last one to believe that Jacob could think of loving another woman.

  For Ellie, Jacob’s silence was damning. She knew he was grateful to her, but it wasn’t a strong reason to marry. She returned to her cooking, vowing to put the conversation out of her thoughts. Just as she vowed to put Jacob out of her heart.

  At the top of the stairs, Krista, with her face pressed against the rails of the banister, turned to her brother. “You heard? We’ve got to help Papa. He wants to marry her. I love Ellie a lot, Caleb. She’s good to us and makes me feel better when I cry about missing Papa. And I want a mama of my own.”

  Caleb, sitting on the top step, rested his chin on his fists. He wouldn’t admit it to Krista, but he loved Ellie, too. “I kinda like her a special lot, too. It’s been nice living with her. She don’t yell. Well, not much. And she doesn’t get mad like Luther’s ma if you forget to wipe your feet or if you’re late for chores. But I don’t know how to make her marry Papa.”

  “I think she loves us, Caleb. You’re just a boy and don’t know about love, yet. But I’m a girl and do. Aunt Faye said Ellie must love us to take us in to live with her and be so nice.”

  “We need Thomas. He’s bigger. And even if he’s a boy, he’ll know more about love than you do.”

  They ran into the boys’ room and hurried to tell Thomas. His solution met with Krista’s approval. “A special gift!” she cried, clapping her hands. “It’s perfect. But it has to be something that only grown-up men give to ladies.”

  “I guess,” Caleb said. “If you and Thomas think it’s right, I suppose it is. Sure wish we had some money. I used all of mine to buy Christmas gifts. Ain’t no one hiring on for extra work now. Still makes no sense to me how a gift is gonna make Ellie love Papa and marry him.”

  “’Cause ladies love pretty things, Caleb.”

  “Stop it, both of you,” Thomas warned. “Ellie needs a new shawl. I heard Mrs. Ackerley tell her it was high time she had one, and Ellie agreed with her. She’s been wearing that same one to church for almost three years.”

  “That’s not special enough or pretty enough,” Krista informed him. “It has to be a … a romantic gift.”

  “Romantic? Where did you learn about that, little sister?”

  “From cousin Matilda. She said the flowers she got for her birthday from Spencer were romantic.”

  “Well, he’s gonna marry her.”

  “What about a new bonnet,” Thomas suggested, hoping to stop their bickering. “The ladies were all talking about Mrs. Van Tyek’s new hat. Said it looked like she squashed it flat and then plucked her rooster clean for the all feathers it had. Ellie’d look real pretty in a new hat.”

  “Ellie could use a sewing box.”

  “No, Caleb. Ellie would love a fan. A fancy one that’s painted and has lace.” Wide-eyed, Krista waited for approval.

  “Never saw one like that in the mercantile. We’d need to go to Kingston, and not tell anyone why. ’Sides, what would she do with it? Fans are for ladies who dress up all the time. Ellie doesn’t. And those flowers sound better, but there ain’t any in winter.”

  “We can’t pay for it,” Caleb added.

  “Stop it! You’re both being … being boys! It’s a perfect gift. Ladies don’t want things they can use. Sometimes it’s nice to have a pretty just to look at.”

  “That’s so silly only a girl would say it,” Caleb countered. “Tell her, Thomas. Tell my silly sister I’m right.”

  Ellie called them to supper. The three of them rushed off the bed and headed for the stairs. Just before they reached the bottom, Thomas whispered, “Listen. I know how we can get the money and buy Ellie a fan.”

  Will didn’t stay for supper with them, but he did remind them of the skating party planned for the next night down at Aunt Faye’s pond with a covered-dish supper afterward at the schoolhouse.

  “You come with Jacob and the children, Ellie. Folks’ll be expecting you.”

  “She’ll be there,” Jacob answered before Ellie said a word. “And, Will, tell Aunt Faye I’ll be over to visit once our supper is done.”

  Ellie waited until Jacob was ready to leave before she said anything about the skating party. “I haven’t been skating in years. I can’t go. But I will make something for you to take to the supper.”

  “You don’t forget how to skate, Ellie.” He buttoned up his greatcoat and leaned close to plant a light, quick kiss on her mouth. “I’ll be there to hold you so you won’t fall.”

  It was futile to argue with him. Ellie nodded, then had to admit to herself that Jacob’s words did not reassure her. His proposal to hold her to prevent a fall came too late. She was already falling. Falling deeper in love with him.

  Caleb grabbed his skates and ran off the moment Jacob drew the horse-drawn sleigh to a stop. Ellie called out a warning to be careful and cautioned him to keep his hat on. She stopped herself when Jacob started laughing. She had taken over his role as parent and a flush stained her cheeks, but he merely whispered, “It’s the place I want you to have, Ellie.”

  Thomas secured the horse, then he, too, took off down the path leading to the pond. Krista shrieked when Jacob lifted her high to swing her down from the sleigh. Another family arrived, and she ran over to greet a friend.

  Jacob ignored Ellie’s hand, and lifted her down with his hands on her waist. He kept her between himself and the sleigh. “Are you warm enough?” he asked, cupping his hands over the scarf around her neck.

  “If I become any warmer, Jacob, I’ll melt the snow beneath my feet.”

  “That’s good, Ellie. That’s real good. Just what I wanted to hear.” He raised his hand and tucked the lap robe inside the sleigh just as Krista came back to them.

  Krista took hold of Ellie’s hand and rubbed her cheek against her sleeve. “We’ll have the best time, Ellie. I’m so happy you came with us. Papa is, too. Tell her, Papa.”

  “Very happy, lamb.” Jacob slung three pairs of borrowed skates over his shoulder. “We need to thank Aunt Faye for not giving away anything, or we wouldn’t have these. And we’ll make sure that Ellie has fun.”

  His gaze met Ellie’s. He knew she wasn’t happy being here. The talk he had with his aunt revealed the whispers that spread over his staying with Ellie without benefit of a chaperon. When he pointed out that his children were there as well as his brother, his aunt said most neighbors didn’t count them as being proper adult chaperons. Jacob had been forced to
confess his intent to marry Ellie to enlist his aunt’s aid in quelling the talk. He wanted this time with Ellie to be a happy one.

  Other sleighs arrived, the greetings called out to the three of them. He merely smiled at Ellie’s questioning look, and with Krista between them set off down the path.

  Bonfires dotted the banks to allow light for the skaters to see and warm those who were not skating. Jacob led them to an upended empty wooden keg where Krista promptly sat for him to put on her skates. She called out to other children, urging him to hurry with the straps.

  Ellie knew the greetings and smiles were for Jacob. At first that is, she began hearing her own name mentioned with shouts to hurry and join them.

  “Your turn, Ellie.”

  She started, lost in her thoughts, and saw that Jacob held his hand out to her. Krista was already a part of a laughing group of children forming a ragged line to race up the center of the pond. She gripped his hand tightly, and even through their gloves could feel his warmth as he helped her to sit.

  Lifting her foot, Jacob carefully brushed the snow from her shoe. “While I’m away, I dream about winter nights like this,” he murmured. “Nights when the sky is clear and the moon full. More than the quiet, I longed for the sense of the stars being close. Remember when I tried to take one down for you, Ellie?”

  “Yes, I remember. Bold and brash, that was you, Jacob.” She loved sharing his thoughts, and warmth unfurled inside her. “You swore you would get one for me.”

  “And never did.” He checked the straps to make sure they were secure on her skates, then sat in the snow to put his on. “But I discovered something tonight, Ellie. If you looked in a mirror right now, you’d see the star’s sparkle in your eyes.”

  “Hush, Jacob. Someone might hear you.”

  “Let them. You look lovely.”

  His smile was all male and a delicious shiver added itself to the warmth inside her. Anticipation laced her voice. “Are you flirting again?”

  “I’ve only begun, Ellie.” Coming to his feet, he held his hands out to her. “Take hold, Ellie, and trust me. I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you.”

  Trust him. Jacob never asked for small things. She had to take hold of his hands not to hurt him. He walked backward toward the edge of the frozen pond. Ellie knew she was weakening. Sharing times like this, hearing Jacob reveal his thoughts, might be enough. She had loved him for so long, and loneliness stretched before her. Greed was a sin. One she was guilty of if she held fast to wanting his love before she consented to marry him.

  The center of the pond belonged to the children. Jacob slid an arm around her waist, keeping her close to his body, the other arm extended with Ellie’s hand firm in his. “Ready?” Her smile was answer enough. He began to skate slowly, joining the others keeping to the edge. He guided them over the rough spots in the ice, humming softly. Ellie was tense, but as neighbors skated near, welcoming him home and talking of Christmas plans, he felt the tension ease from her. Children shrieked and tumbled, daring each other to spin around.

  Ellie thought Jacob had told his aunt that he had asked her to marry him. If he didn’t, his cousin Will told her, for there was warmth in the greetings given them, as well as the looks cast their way. Suddenly she didn’t care that they were being linked together. She was a part of the skating party because of Jacob. She wasn’t alone. She wasn’t left out. All the invitations for him to visit included her.

  Thomas raced toward them, stopping so fast, ice chips flew up from his skates. Caleb joined them, but when he tried to stop, his skates went one way, his body another, and the boy ended in a spraddle-legged pose. Thomas lifted him up in seconds, but they had to laugh at Caleb’s exaggerated dignity as he brushed himself off.

  Krista, with a smug smile for her brother, came up beside them with a graceful turn. “It’s time! They’re going to make the whip.”

  “Have fun,” Ellie said, looking at each one in turn.

  “Oh, we will,” Jacob added, his gaze a warning to his brother and children not to say more. Skaters were already taking their positions around the edge of the pond. There was a whispered excitement in every voice.

  Will and a few other young men urged Jacob to join them near one of the fires. Ellie watched him go, and saw the flask they passed around. It puzzled her to see Jacob vehemently shake his head when Will spoke to him.

  “What’s going on, Thomas? What are they asking your brother to do?”

  “Wait and see, Ellie.”

  Krista tugged her hand for attention. “Ellie, did you hear Marybeth showing off about her new muff? She bragged it costs lots more than mine. Said it was better, too.”

  “It is lovely. But lamb, Thomas worked hard to tan the pelts for yours. You look every bit as pretty.” Ellie hugged her tight. “Krista, we’ve talked about this before. Marybeth shows off her possessions to have attention. She wants people to like her.”

  “Yes, I know, Ellie,” the child answered with a long sigh. “It’s not nice to envy someone. Even like Marybeth, who can be hateful. I get picked first in the games, and Timmy Whitegate likes me better than her. Emmaline is the only one who’s her real friend, and that’s because Emmaline is a little mouse.”

  Krista didn’t know the memories she raked up for Ellie. But it was her own guilt for envying her cousin Lucy that made Ellie add, “Emmaline is shy. If you were nicer to her, she wouldn’t need to depend on Marybeth alone. You’re a bright ray of sunshine, lamb. Try making someone else feel good, and it will come back double to you.”

  “Oh, Ellie, I love you so much. You always make me feel better. I wish you were my mama. Who cares about Marybeth and her silly old muff. I have a better present.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Can’t tell her, Krista,” Jacob warned, coming up behind Ellie and sliding his hands around her waist.

  “They’re starting!” Caleb yelled, drawing their attention to the center of the pond where Will stood holding out his hands as he began to slowly turn.

  Ellie saw his sons sprint free to catch hold of him. Then they began circling, calling out names as they passed people. Arms linked, the circling group grew larger. Thomas and Krista joined them, and Ellie looked up at Jacob. “Is that what they wanted you to do?”

  “Will’s a better center post than I could be. I’m—oh, Caleb will have to skate fast to catch hold.”

  They yelled encouragement to the boy, but Ellie wondered what Jacob had been about to say. Faster and faster the circle went, making it harder and harder for each one called to catch up.

  Jacob looked down at her glowing face. “You’re enjoying it, aren’t you?”

  “Oh yes! I didn’t know—”

  “You never came with us. I would look for you, Ellie, but you were never there.”

  Ellie lost herself in the heated gaze he bestowed on her. She wanted nothing so much as to have him kiss her, right there, regardless of the others. She had a feeling Jacob wanted to do it. But he was tugging her hand.

  “It’s our turn, Ellie. Trust me.” He pulled her onto the ice, sweeping her before him with his hands firm on her waist. Wind rushed by, Ellie’s breath faltered, but the shouts of encouragement added to Jacob’s made her feel as if she could do anything. They had to skate around the pond, Ellie kept missing the hand held out to her.

  “Faster, Ellie, or we’ll never make it.”

  “Either that,” she yelled back to Jacob, “or we end in the snowbank!”

  “Then I’d have the fun of warming you up!” Jacob gave her a push and saw that she was held fast. She instantly turned to look at him, holding out her hand and yelling.

  He showed off, deliberately missing her. To see the joy on her face made it worth his effort to skate harder and faster each turn. It was a small gift to give Ellie, a time she could be as happy and carefree as any young girl being courted. She teased, then laughed at him. Jacob wanted more, and with a burst of speed, he caught hold of her hand
to deafening cheers.

  The moment they slowed, he pulled her free and kissed her. “My prize, Ellie,” he whispered.

  She blushed, thankful no one but Jacob could see. But he was wrong. The prize was hers. Another kiss. She could have more. All she had to do was say yes. Temptation loomed again. Did she really have to have his love, too?

  Ellie carried both the burden of her indecision and the glow of the evening into the next day. Jacob brought down the small trunk of Christmas decorations for the tree, teasing her that she could be the angel gracing the top since her eyes sparkled so much. She held his words in her mind all day. Krista helped to turn the fruitcakes they had made weeks before, shooing her father and brother off with a broom when they wanted to steal one. But by early afternoon, the snow flurries began, and Ellie fretted that Thomas wasn’t home yet from his mysterious errand that required him using the sleigh.

  Jacob found her once again at the front door, looking for his brother. “Ellie, Thomas is nearly a man grown.” He closed the door, but kept her caged between his warm body and the wood. “Boys his age are fighting in the south. It sickens me to see them, young and scared, dying before they’ve had a chance to live. I can understand why men on both sides desert the armies. It doesn’t make a man feel like one to beat those weaker than himself.”

  The roil of emotion in his confession made Ellie turn. She allowed instinct to guide her, and slid her arms around Jacob to hold him close. “You are brave and strong, Jacob. To stay in the army, fighting this war, takes more courage than running away.”

  “You’ve always made it easy to talk to you, Ellie.” He buried his lips against her braided hair, loving the faint scent of lilacs. “I’m so tired of death and war. I want to come home and plant my fields, watch my children grow, and see life around me. I long for an end to this senseless rage that builds inside me with every week that the war drags on. And I admit to you, Ellie, I’m weary of it. If it wasn’t for your letters that I read over and over, I think I would lose my hope.”