A Rogue's Surrender: Regency Novellas

by Lauren Smith

  “I know that, but even so, you’re right. You are not a woman for an affair and I am not a man meant for marriage. I’m no good at love.”

  “You don’t know that. You’ve never really tried.” She touched his cheek, hope blooming in her chest. They were finally having an honest conversation.

  “I did. With my parents. I tried to give affection to them in the hopes they’d return it but not even they could love me.” His face tightened.

  Her body molded to his. “But that isn’t fair. They were never going to return your feelings. I meant try with someone who would willingly return your affection.”

  “The only way to find out is to marry. That is a dangerous risk.” He was already backing away from her again. Retreating.

  “Giving and receiving love is the most natural thing in the world.” She stepped closer not wanting this moment to end.

  “You’ve seen me, what if it puts my sobriety at risk?” His eyes pleaded with her to understand.

  She gasped. Her presence did seem to tempt him to drink. “I’ve been worried that it was me.”

  “May,” Barrett’s voice called from the hall. “I hear you.”

  “Hide,” she gasped.

  “I won’t leave you to face him,” Loudoun whispered back.

  “If you don’t, I’ll be wearing that wedding dress after all.”

  Loudoun grimaced but retreated to the dark corner of the room just as Barrett barreled through the door.

  “What are you doing?” he hissed.

  “I grew dizzy. I was resting.” She stood up straighter.

  “You’re lying. You’ve always been a terrible liar.” His gaze raked up and down her. “Besides I heard you talking. You were alone with a man. Who was it?”

  She tilted her chin, but fear was curling in her stomach. “I wasn’t talking to anyone. I just wanted to rest.”

  “It wasn’t William. He’s set himself at the gaming table.” He made a disgusted face. “They’re degenerate gamblers. I’d stake my business on it.” He assessed her again. “You could have been ruined for this.”

  “But I wasn’t.” She put her hands up, something in his tone was frightening her and she’d never been afraid of Barrett a day in her life. He’d done nothing but love her.

  “It’s time for this to end, May. It’s time for you to marry.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

  “Wurts?” she croaked out.

  “Good God, no.” Barrett scrunched his nose as though he’d smelled something foul. “You know the Earl of Rutland has offered for you. He’s young, handsome, willing to overlook your lack of title.”

  May grimaced. “I don’t even know him.” Nor did she like him that much. Not any more or less than Wurts, but at least then she’d get a life in America. Free of the aristocracy.

  Rutland would marry her despite her lack of title because he wanted her money. But he wouldn’t actually stop judging her. He’d look down on her, she knew it. They all did.

  Her insides were twisting and for the first time in her life, she thought she might faint. Leave America. Never see Lucius again. Each of her dreams was shattering in front of her.

  “Like Piper, you were born with grace and class. You should marry well, May. Before it’s too late.” Barrett’s voice had softened. “We’ve given you time. But we’ve grown worried about your future. And now, sneaking off to private rooms. It’s time to face your future.”

  Her eyes narrowed, but she said nothing. It was best that she gave no indication to Barrett what she was planning. Then he’d have no way to stop her.

  Hell and damnation, he was about to get his wish. She would marry an Englishman. So why did it feel as though his heart were being ripped from his chest?

  Just the thought of her getting on a boat and never returning made him ache and his hand tremble. If he didn’t know any better, he’d swear what he wanted was May and not alcohol at all.

  It was though a bell were ringing truth in his head. He didn’t give a whit about the liquor. What he was fighting was his attraction to her.

  He heard Barrett and May leave and he waited for several seconds before he left his dark corner, following them out the door and down the hall. Instead of going back to the ballroom, he headed for the gaming tables.

  He circled around, not picking a game but pretending to consider as his thoughts drifted to May. Regret and need poked at him as he mentally retraced the feel of her curves, the sweetness of her smile. Within a half hour, he saw Barrett towering over the other men as he and May spoke with Wurts.

  He approached as Barrett shook hands with the elder Wurts. May was staring at him with wide eyes, her shoulders hunched, her lips pressed together, a green tinge to her normally flawless skin.

  Turning to Loudoun, Barrett gave him an assessing look. “We’re leaving. Should I send the carriage back for you?”

  “No, I’ll accompany you,” he answered quickly.

  It took several minutes to reach the carriage and nearly all of his willpower to not pull her into his arms.

  Once settled in the buggy, Loudoun sat next to May, his knee subtly brushing hers. He just wanted to touch her. Barrett rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I am sorry, Lucius, but I don’t think the railroad deal will go through.”

  Of course, he knew this already but he couldn’t let on. He turned to May. “You’ve decided not to accept William’s suit?”

  She didn’t answer, just shook her head, looking down at her lap. His insides gave a new lurch. He should rescue her. He should offer for her. He couldn’t be worse than a man she’d never met, could he?

  “She’s accepted the suit of another. Lord Rutland of Yorkshire.”

  It was even worse hearing this time because he felt her shudder. It was as though he were made of stone. That’s how still he sat. He couldn’t even pretend congratulations. This had been what he wanted. Her to return to England. Marry some faceless lord.

  Except he wouldn’t be faceless to her. She’d have to live with that future. A lump in his throat made it hard to swallow.

  The carriage arrived at his home and May didn’t wait for either of them to hand her out. She bolted from the carriage, racing up the steps.

  He went to follow but Barrett held him back. “Let her go. She needs to be alone.”

  Loudoun wasn’t so sure. She’d never left him alone when she thought he needed her. And it didn’t seem right not to do the same.

  But Barrett was her guardian so obviously he’d have to wait till the other man went to bed.

  It took more than an hour before Barrett retreated to his room but then Loudoun raced up the stairs and knocked softly on May’s door. “I need to talk to you,” he whispered. But no response came from the other side.

  Knocking again, a touch louder, he still got no response. Trying the knob, it gave under his hand and he swung open the door.

  Candles lit the room, and the window was thrown open to the cool night air. It was chilly and he was surprised until he saw the knotted sheets hanging out the window. May had run away.

  Chapter Eleven

  Slipping along the dark New York streets, May worked on a plan. Find a hotel, spend the night—that was first. Try to answer an ad for a lady’s companion or perhaps a nanny. If all else failed, she’d approach the Wurtses. She didn’t know if William’s infatuation with her or with her connection to a duke would help, but she couldn’t rule it out.

  But she wouldn’t go back to England. Especially not to marry some pompous lord. Barrett thought he was keeping her close but once she was married she was at her husband’s whim. She’d return to her family in time, having lived her life her way.

  She knew the Ritz was only seven or eight blocks away so she kept walking. Seeing a group of men up ahead, she took a right down a side street, thinking she could avoid them and easily find her path again.

  But the street kept veering further to the right, she cut down a street to the left, hoping to find her way again but it didn’t lead back to Fif
th Avenue. Her heart began to beat faster as she looked around.

  The buildings were changing, tenements replaced the upscale structures of a block ago. Should she turn around and backtrack?

  Spinning to do just that, she saw a man walking casually behind her. He was several feet back with his hands in his pockets. Should she keep going forward or go back toward him? Ask him for help?

  She could cross the street and then backtrack, which seemed safest. She should have hired a hack but she’d wanted to save her pin money for the hotel.

  Crossing, she started back the other way but her heart jumped into her throat when the man crossed too and began to follow.

  Moving faster, her eyes searched for the road she turned from. If she could just make it back to Fifth Avenue, she might be safe.

  A glance over her shoulder near made her scream. He was moving closer, and another man was just behind him, following them both. She was close to running now, watching over her shoulder. Taking a quick glance forward, a third man suddenly stepped in front of her. She tried to scream but a hand clamped over her mouth.

  “Well aren’t you a sweet little treat.” He leered at her and even in the dark, she could see the gaps in his teeth. Black holes that allowed his stinking breath to blow across her face. “Somebody would like a word with you.” His smiled broadened and she tried to pull away. A yelp escaped around the hand covering her mouth when her body bumped into another solid mass.

  Heart hammering so loudly she could barely hear, she tried to skirt to the side but the third man was there and she was pinned.

  Their hands touched her as they pressed closer and nausea rose in her stomach. She didn’t mean to but tears leaked from her eyes as she put up a futile struggle to get free.

  “He didn’t say she’d be so pretty.” One of them reached out to squeeze her breast through her clothes. A scream built in her chest as her heart hammered wildly.

  “I don’t see why we can’t have a little fun first,” the other grunted, pressing closer.

  A hand reached under her skirt, traveling up her leg. She wrenched to the side, but another body prevented her movement. Sick dread made her movements jerky and rational thought was next to impossible as another hand pulled at her pantaloons and the fabric ripped. Nausea made her weak and she fought to remain present. She had to fight.

  She cried out but the sound was muted from the hand still clamped over her lips.

  She tried to wrench her head to loosen his grip and bite at his fingers but just as she turned the hand was gone. She heard the thud of a body hitting the stone street. The man behind her disappeared. Turning her head the other way, she caught sight of Loudoun’s face, fury making the hard angles of cheeks and jaw look chiseled from stone.

  Before she could even cry with relief, his fist had landed in the face of her third assailant and the man dropped to the ground without making a sound.

  And then his arms were around her, yanking her back the way she’d come. When she stumbled at the force of it, he swept her into his arms and carried her through an alley and out onto a much brighter street. “What the bloody hell were you thinking?”

  He had every right to ask. But she just couldn’t answer. Relief made her limp and she buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in his scent and the strength of his body.

  Though she hadn’t felt it, her hair had come loose during the struggle. His fingers wound into the strands, cradling her head. Giving a gentle tug, he pulled her head back to look at him. His voice rough with emotion, he asked, “Do you know how much danger you were in?”

  Looking in his eyes, still narrowed in anger, her own voice caught as she tried to speak. “Lucius.” Her arms wrapped around his neck.

  “I told you that New York wasn’t safe. That you shouldn’t be wandering alone, at night no less. Who were you meeting?” His grip around her waist tightened almost painfully.

  “Meeting?” She looked at him in confusion.

  “What bloody fool sent you out into the night by yourself? I’ll tear him to pieces.” Loudoun flagged a passing hack, that promptly stopped.

  Barking out the address, he snapped open the door and carried her inside, sitting on the back bench with her in his lap.

  “Is yer wife all right then?” The driver called down as he snapped the reins.

  “Fine,” Loudoun responded. “Just hurt herself on a loose stone.”

  “Oh, ye’ve got to watch out for those,” the driver answered as the horse picked up speed.

  Loudoun leaned next to his ear. “If you were my wife, you wouldn’t have been out at night like that.”

  “If I was your wife, I wouldn’t need to,” she replied, but couldn’t muster any anger and instead snuggled her head back into his shoulder.

  “Why were you out?” His voice had calmed some, and his arms were wrapped like a blanket around her.

  She shook her head. “When I was twelve, I tried to run away. I’d found out that my cousin, Lizzie, was considering marriage to a complete cad to keep me safe. I didn’t want to ruin her life so I left in the middle of a snowstorm. It went about as well as this.” She shook her head and that was when the tears started. “I told myself I could make it on my own. But I’m completely useless, apparently.”

  “You were running away?” Loudoun looked at her completely aghast. “To where? To do what?”

  “To not marry Lord Rutland for starters,” she bit back, some of her tears drying. “I don’t think these things through properly. That’s my first problem.”

  “I’d say so.” His eyebrows raised. “I should put you over my knee and spank you for the scare you gave me.”

  A retort started from her mouth about how she wasn’t a child, how he had to stop treating her like one but, the truth was, she’d acted like one tonight. “You probably should.”

  He sucked in his breath and leaned back, his eyes going wide. Suddenly she had an image of herself being splayed across his lap, his hands touching her behind, moving between her… She closed her eyes. For so many reasons, now was not the time.

  “May,” his husky whisper was full of pent up emotion. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

  Both times she’d run away, she’d nearly died. Those men had frightened her. Thank goodness Loudoun had gotten there when he did. “I’m going to be the death of myself,” she said shaking her head.

  He shot back up, his hand squeezing her tight again. “Don’t even think it.”

  “Think what?” she blinked at him, trying to understand.

  “You just said you were going to be the death of yourself.” He gave an exasperated breath.

  “Oh, I only meant, my foolish attempts at running away.” She shook her head. “But I’ll not marry Rutland. That I am sure of. I’ll have to return to England though, I suppose. Lizzie will take me in. I can be a school mistress or lady’s companion.” In this moment, she realized she didn’t want to marry Wurts either. She’d rather be alone than suffer a marriage of convenience. She knew Barrett would be hurt after his attempts to make a strong match for her but he’d forgive her in time.

  “Honest to goodness, if you don’t stop talking, I’m going to lose my mind.” One of his hands left her back and began to rub his temples.

  “Allow me.” She unwound her hands from his neck and, brushing his hand aside, began to lightly massage the skin around his eyes. “I’m sorry I’ve given you such stress. Thank you for saving me.”

  He groaned, his hand moving back into her hair. “Keep doing that and I might forgive you.”

  “What would I have to do to earn more than forgiveness?”

  Loudoun stilled underneath her fingers. Her body was pressed close to his, every curve fitting perfectly against him as her gentle fingers rubbed at his skin.

  Her silky hair caressed his fingertips and her breath was fanning his cheeks in the most intimate way.

  Part of him wanted to tell her she’d earned everything he had to give, his heart, soul, and body, but he couldn’t
say it. He shouldn’t give her that kind of hope. He’d already told her he was too broken to really give her the love she deserved. “May,” his voice held a warning. Because if he started talking, who knows what might slip from his lips.

  The carriage rolled to a stop. “No talk of feelings or futures,” she whispered. “But please don’t just send me back to my room. I don’t want to be alone.”

  He slid her onto the seat and then paid the driver. Swinging her back into his arms, he started carrying her inside. Partially because of what he’d told the driver, but mostly because he liked the feel of her.

  He should just drop her in her room. It was a dangerous idea, spending time alone with her. But he’d been frightened too. More than he had been in a long time. So as foolish as it was to stay with her, he didn’t want to leave her alone where he couldn’t keep his eyes and his hands on her. “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

  Carrying her up the stairs, he entered her room and set her down on a chair. Pulling her sheets up through the window, he closed it and then crossed to the fire to stoke it. Her eyes followed him about the room and it made the tension curling in his belly tighter still.

  He turned, his eyes finding hers. He could see the hunger lighting them. “I’ve told you, I’m no good for you.”

  “We’re not talking about that, remember?” She gave him a falsely bright smile.

  “Let’s just say for a moment we were talking about it. The prudent thing to do would be to ask me to leave.”

  She silently assessed him and then stood, crossing the room where he stood in front of the fire.

  “You should also likely stay on the other side of the room.”

  “I’m cold.” She slipped her arms around him.

  He wrapped his around her too. She always knew exactly how to brush past any barrier he put up.

  “Lucius,” she began.

  “When and why did you start calling me by my given name?” He settled her closer.