BOMAW 4-6

by Mercedes Keyes

  She hung up.

  "Hello, Crystal?" Sylvia asked.

  "No...not Crystal... its me Sheila... and don't you hang up this goddamn phone either! You disconnect this call, I'm disconnecting this friendship - I mean it too! Its been one goddamn stressful ass weekend - I gotta tell you that right now... but first things first. You alright?"

  There was silence, hesitation.

  "I know you still there. No... Shawn is not with me. He does not know this number, only Crystal and I have it. Now talk to me, are you alright?"

  "Yes. I'm alright."

  "Where you stayin'?"

  "I'm in a hotel."

  "Where? I know its either Chicago or Wisconsin... which one?"

  "Don't be goin' back to Shawn with this Sheila."

  "I'm not goin' back to Shawn with nothin! Look... this gone get expensive. Give me the number to your room, and don't bullshit me, we need to talk." Again there was hesitation from Sylvia. Sheila softened her tone, "Girl... give me the number. I promise you, I'm the only one gonna have it."

  Sylvia gave it to her, and then hung up. A moment later, her room phone rang, she picked it up.

  "Yeah." She answered softly.

  "So you in Chicago."

  "Yeah."

  "Where?"

  "Around Blue Island."

  "Come stay with me."

  "No Sheila."

  "Why are you doing this? Why are you running around, done left your home, your kids and your husband. Why?"

  "My kids are grown Sheila."

  "True... they are. Okay... you just got married. Why'd you leave your husband?"

  Sylvia was quiet again.

  "Do you love him Sylvia?"

  "Of course I do."

  "What the hell you mean, "Of course you do?" He in one place, you in another... how does that make up a, of course you do?"

  "You don't understand Sheila."

  "That's why I called you... I'm trying to understand. Is there some deep dark ugly secret about him that no one knows but you? Something about him that scares you? Has he done something to you?"

  "Nooo... he hasn't... its nothing like that. I don't think Shawn - would ever, physically hurt me."

  "Then help me understand girlfriend why you said vows to this man one day... standing before the Lord, reverend and man, promising to love, honor and all the other bullshit and now you gone!? Why? 'Cause he and Jake fought? By the way, they made up. They have talked to each other and finally built a bridge, thanks to you... to fix what was wrong between them. They okay now. Did you know that?"

  "No... I didn't. What happened?"

  "You'll find that out whenever you come home, if I tell you everything you won't feel a need to. When do you plan on coming home?"

  "I don't know."

  "Well you need to know! How you gone have a man like that, just hanging in the balance, suffering, miserable and hurting, because he don't know where he went wrong?! You know what Sylvia... he don't deserve this! That fucking Armundo did... that's the sonofabitch you should've left... not this one! He don't deserve this Sylvia... you got him hurtin' girlfriend... and I do mean hurt-..."

  "DON'T TELL ME ANYMORE... THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE!!!" Sylvia yelled, now crying. Sheila's words were wearing her down. She couldn't stand the thought of hurting Shawn, to hear it was breaking her up inside.

  "Calm down... I'm sorry! Don't cry... just tell me... why you left him?"

  She was quiet again, Sheila wasn't going to force it, she held the phone and waited silently for her to say something. It took a while and finally she did.

  "First... I left because I was hurt. I thought he regretted me, I thought he blamed me. I couldn't stand the thought of him looking at me that way, you see... I love him Sheila as I've never known you could love someone. So to have him angry, and resenting me..."

  "You know that's not true don't you? Yeah he was pissed off, and rightly so... but... he knows it wasn't your doing, but Jake's."

  "Yes... so I've gathered."

  "Then why haven't you tried to talk to him?"

  "Because I'm not ready to come back yet."

  "Why not?"

  "Because once I come back... I will have to buckle down once again, to being wife and mother. I'm pregnant, I have Angela, and he wants more."

  "You don't want that?"

  "Before him, I didn't want that. Crystal and Mundo were grown, I was done. Happy to be done. But Shawn... Shawn is sooo, over - whelming Sheila. He is, all encompassing. He totally and completely surrounds me and my life. He's in and out of every nook and cranny of it. It happened so fast, its like I didn't have time to adjust before he made his next assault on me. I can't control him Sheila."

  "Then don't... why you got to control him?"

  "Oh god... this is so frustrating! Trying to get from my head, what he does to me. He shakes me up Sheila... in so many ways. He rattles my senses and has me going from ready to scream to trembling eagerly for his next touch. Its like being on a constant rollercoaster ride - one that you can't get off of."

  "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

  "Sometimes its a good thing... sometimes... its a bad thing."

  "Sylvia - that's life! Period - girlfriend! I see now what your problem is... you figured now that Armundo is out of your life, now you can control every step and event happening in it. Was probably doing just that... then Shawn come along, you like what he make you feel, but what you don't like is that he's not stepping to your tune! Girlfriend I'm gone tell you something right now... when two people dancing, ain't but one somebody can lead! Usually its the man! Why you denying him the right to lead?"

  "Because I got to dance alone for once in my life... and I like it! Now, I have to follow his lead when I want to do my own thing! And Shawn... will not stand for me going off and dancing without him - every step I make, there he is... trying to grab me back into the dance where he gets to lead!"

  Sheila was laughing on the other end of the phone. "Girl you are too funny! How you gone be like that married to a man like that?! You should'ah found you some little weak ass man nodding his head going yes baby, no baby, okay baby, anything you say baby! From what I seen of Mr. McPherson so far... he ain't nothin' like that! You got yourself a goddamn lion baby, and that motha'fucka can roar - wooooo - weee! Girl you should have seen his ass going off! Don't no body scare me... but his ass had me thinking, shit... I wanna go home!" Shelia laughed.

  "Was he that bad?" Sylvia asked softly.

  "Girl... look... you picked his ass-..."

  "He picked me!" Sylvia defended.

  "Damn that! You said uh huh! You opened the door! You let him in! Now he in there big time, and you done run yo'crazy ass off and left him with every goddamn thing! He up in there with yo'kids... being a better daddy to them than they own was! He taking care of your goddamn business girl! And that - stands out to me... more than his roar! You know what Sylvia - you know - you got his ass! Don't tell me you don't know that! 'Cause if you didn't... yo' ass wouldn't be gone! You got yourself a bonafide - genuine article baby! They rare - but I know'em when I see'em. I ain't seen but two in my entire life... one my Dennis - the other your Shawn! You better learn yo' man and how to deal with him. Forget controlin' him, 'cause ain't no way in hell you can control a man like that. Its real woman time now baby... it take a real woman, to live with a real man! I know when I'm with you all, I talk me some shit! But when I come home... its all about my baby goddammit! Ain't nothin' more important to me than my man! The Lord has blessed me baby! Yo' silly ass... he done blessed you too! Do you know how many women would give up everything in they life for a man like what we got? All we got to do is let go of the bullshit and let the man take the lead. I know what I got, and I trust him enough to let him take that lead. Question here is... do you trust yours enough? 'Cause if you do, enjoy being a woman Sylvia... I do. I love bein' a woman, 'cause that's what my man makes me feel like. I don't give a shit about nothing else, fuck a career - I don't need
that shit. When I wanna do something, when I wanna learn something, he backs me all the way. But my priorities are my man... my children... my home."

  "But what about you Sheila? What is there for you?"

  "Girl... you so lost. Armundo has messed you up! He got you thinking you missing something! You ain't missing nothing Sylvia. As for me, because I can be a woman and let my man take care of what's his thing to do, it frees me up to do the things I enjoy in my life. I still run my home, I still have my say, but... once I have it, I leave it to him. 'Cause I trust him. I don't need to control and be looking over his shoulder, watchful of what he do... he a man, he got it under control. When he need me to back him, you best believe I do... all the goddamn way! Ain't too many women can do that. 'Cause they don't have a real man, and they don't trust his ass to get the job done right - so they take over. Make up your mind Sylvia, you want a real man or not? You trust him or not? 'Cause if you want a real man and you trust him, then leave him to it. Free yourself up so you can get to the things that make you happy - I bet you he would back you all the way. But you too scared to give it all up to him, which mean you don't trust him."

  "I do trust him Sheila. I know you're right... that's why I haven't gone back, and can't. There are things I must do for me first... things I wanna get out of the way. Once I do, I'll be ready to go home. And have his babies if he wants them."

  "Then girlfriend you need to tell him that. Give him something to cling to, 'cause he miserable right now. You need to explain what you doing."

  "Sheila..." Sylvia laughed shaking her head. "Shawn only hears one thing... what Shawn wants. And that's me, right up under him day in and day out."

  "What's wrong with that?! Shit! He ain't doin' it right?! What he got a lil'wee-wee?"

  "Girl you crazy! Hell yeah he do it right and then some! An' he ain't lackin' down below either - believe me sista' - he got exactly what it takes!" Sylvia bragged proudly.

  "So what's yo' goddamn problem then!? You bes' climb yo' ass under him goddamnit! Shit... 'cause if you don't get your ass back in place soon... somebody gone be done climbed up under there for'yah! You can believe that shit! Don't be leaving no man like that unattended for long! I'm trying to tell you, there's a goddamn shortage! When Oprah can't even find one - what that tell'yah?!"

  "She has Stedman!"

  "Shi-i-it - I think his ass gay... Oprah caught his ass in the closet!" They both busted up laughing. "Shit - Oprah said, I knew yo'ass was wearing my shit! Done caught yo'ass in the act! Get yo'ass out'ah here!"

  Sylvia was laying on the bed dying with laughter. "Sheila you need to be a comedian!"

  "Maybe... but seriously though, whatever it is you need to do... hurry yo' ass up at it, so you can get back home to him. 'Cause I'mo tell you now my sista'... I like me some Mr. McPherson, he got my vote! All - the - way. That's all I got to say t'yah! Now... I'm fix'in'ta go in here and get on my man! 'Cause I have neglected him trying to help you with yours! Hurry up girlfriend... hurry up."

  Chapter 85

  L. A... Monday morning...

  Shawn showered with his day on his mind. With his wife on his mind. With his dead child on his mind. Had it lived, it would be a little over two years old now. A son, another daughter? Blonde hair this time? Brown eyes, blue? Looking like him? Looking like Deidre? It was haunting him. He wish he didn't know. He couldn't stand the thought of his child being brutally murdered from within the womb. He felt his chest squeezing and leaned against the back wall of the shower, letting the spray of the water splash and flow over him. It was hard for him because he wanted children. He loved them. Everything about them. Especially babies. Nothing brought him down to earth with a sense of awe, like seeing and holding a new born baby. Watching them grow and discover. The smell of them, to hear their first laugh. He remembered Angela's first laugh... he'd spent the rest of the day making her repeat it over and over again. Naturally, all thoughts eventually lead to Sylvia, and to the child growing within her womb right now.

  She'd written, "I know its a boy Shawn..."

  With his imagination going crazy, he felt nervous anxiety fill him, "My son... God I beg you... don't let anything happen to my son... I beg you... please... I want my son... I want him... so bad." He swallowed the moisture in his mouth. Imagining him. He smiled, funny enough - he knew what he would look like. Right then, he knew his name.

  "You my son, will be called Jesse James McPherson! Everybody will know who you are!" He declared. He shook all depressing thoughts of the one that was gone, nothing he did would bring him or her back. There was no sense in letting it get him down, no matter how horrible his or her end. He worked to force thoughts of Jesse James... grinning he wondered what Sylvia would say to such a name. He laughed as he scrubbed his underarms, soaping up. He could hear her now. "You not naming no child of mine no, Jesse James!"

  Shawn laughed even more. "Oh yes I am."

  He finished his shower and came out of it getting dressed. His mother, Shanna and Angela were yelling back and forth through the house making plans for him to take them to the mall and drop them off, picking them up a few hours later. He agreed, they had breakfast, and he drove them there reminding them to call him when they were ready, and where to pick them up.

  With a smile on his face, Shawn headed to one of his favorite hang outs. It had been where he and Jesse spent most of their free time, at the pool hall. Shawn pulled up to the place and parked out front. Nothing going on at that time in the morning, which was just fine with him, he was there to talk and visit. It was nine-thirty and the place was empty all for one person, Shawn spotted him right away, sitting on his high perch reading the paper. The man had been that same way for as long as Shawn knew him.

  "KING LOUIE!!! Wha's up m'man!" Shawn shouted reverting easily to talking street slang.

  The paper lowered to reveal a super heavy weight black man, wearing a security guard uniform and glasses on his plump face. If he weighed less than four hundred pounds it was a miracle, Shawn had been calling him King Louie for years and years - because he loved to play his Louie Armstrong and his favorite movie of all time, was the Jungle Book by Walt Disney. Shawn teased him for the longest and took up calling him King Louie... wasn't long before everyone began calling him that.

  "MOBY-D!?! You little motherfucker you! Where the hell you been!? Hey man!!" King Louie laughed in his jovial way, waiting for Shawn to get to him to shake his hand and offer a hug, because he wasn't standing up. Once he made it to that chair... that was it, he wasn't coming out of it. Shawn laughed and hugged his old time friend with one hand, while shaking the other.

  "King Louie! When the hell you gone get yo'ass up out'ah this chair?!" Shawn started.

  "Moby-D you know goddamn well - if you lookin' f'King Louie... where to find his ass! Got everything I need right here. Got my refrigerator at my left, got my phone, got my paper, got my bat, and got my nigulizer! Shit - thinkin' bout gettin a toilet installed on this mug!" He grinned slappin' Shawn's hand as he climbed up in the seat beside him. "That's why I came, I knew if no body else could be found, I'd find you." Shawn said.

  "Find me hell - where yo'ass been?! I ain't seen you since las' year some goddamn time! Thought yo'ass done cooled it a bit?! What you doing thumpin' still?! You ain't young like you use to be, fightin' all the goddamn time! You better cut that shit out - too old to be fightin'! I just as soon shoot a nigga an' be done wit'it!"

  "This ain' nothin' King Louie - I went back home finally to Wisconsin and my brother and I had to come to an understandin'!"

  "Brother huh?"

  "Yep."

  "What the hell you fightin' yo' brother about?"

  "'Bout old shit - 'bout new shit! But its done shit now!" Shawn gestured with a nod of his head, making his old friend laugh out at him.

  "Man you ain't never gonna settle yo'ass down - is you? I thought you was straight when you got married, but I'on know... that didn't work out did it?"

  "Noooo... fraid not. But guess what?"


  "What?"

  Shawn held up his left hand showing his wedding band.

  "What the hell is that? You done did it again? You ain't learn shit from the first time did'yah!?"

  Shawn laughed, "I got it right this time King Louie - look here, feast yo' eyes on this one here... tell me what you think?" Shawn dug into his wallet and pulled out a picture he had of Sylvia that she gave him. Crystal had talked her into getting pictures taken at Glamour Shots with her, and the results were stunning. Sylvia had always been attractive and photogenic, but the pictures she and her daughter took that day, blew even her away. Shawn had seen them in the basement and put one in his wallet, his favorite was a close up of her leaning forward with her hand on her knee and the loveliest smile he'd ever seen.

  "WOOO MAN! Dawg done gone all the way! Moby-D - I knew this shit was gone happen sooner or later, yo' goddamn ass act too much like a nigga not to marry one!"

  "AYE! Don't be callin' my wife that man! Not her... not that one... not even close." Shawn admonished reaching for the picture.

  "Hang on hang on man... god-damn! Let me look at it for a minute... I ain't gone keep it! Damn... she fine! Where the fuck yo' ass find her? Shit now! Her ass - is - fine!"

  "Uh... the picture please... my wife... you done looked enough... hand it over."

  "Possessive motherfucker - take yo' picture! Goddamn all I ask to do was look at it!" King Louie razzed laughing.