Love Lost, Love Found

by Judy Kentrus

  It no longer mattered, because he was gone. The tears fell harder.

  Sean paced the hospital corridor outside the intensive care unit, waiting for the doctor to give him an update on his father. He couldn’t sit among other family members in the waiting room as he drank horrible machine coffee that churned an abundance of burning acid in the stomach. The phone call at five that morning had wakened him from a dead sleep.

  He’d been lucky to get on an early morning flight out of the airport in Fort Myers directly to Washington. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time, when he was finally achieving his dream of getting Nancy Jean back in his life.

  Nancy! He’d been so out of it this morning, he’d never left a message for her about his father’s illness. He pulled his cell phone from the pocket of his jacket. The charge was down to five percent, and he couldn’t risk her not knowing what was happening. He ignored the blinking message light and called her cell. “Nancy, my father was rushed to the hospital, and I had to fly home. Phone going dead. Will call you this evening. I love you.” He followed up with a message to the Casa Blanca reception staff to let them know he’d had to leave due to a family emergency.

  He tossed his paper cup in a trash basket and stared out the large window at the end of the corridor. Beyond the parking lot was a small park with snow-covered benches. The naked trees suffered from a winter freeze. The bigger, stronger limbs were resilient and had withstood the battering of Old Man Winter, year after year.

  If he’d stayed and made a life with Nancy Jean, would their love have been strong enough to face and handle life’s challenges? He didn’t like the person he’d been at twenty-five—conceited, self-centered, thinking only of what he wanted to achieve in life, success and money. It was too late now for regrets, but he wished he’d made better choices.

  He hadn’t confessed everything to Nancy Jean, like how he’d followed her life. He’d buried himself in the library of his home in Georgetown for a week, drunk out of his mind, when she married Nelson. He’d cried when she’d given birth to her daughter, happy that she’d finally become a mother, but he’d wished he was the father of her child. It was too late in their lives to have children of their own now. He’d destroyed their happily ever after and would be grateful just to have her love him again.

  “Sean.”

  He turned and offered his father’s doctor and golf buddy a smile of relief. “How is he?”

  “Stubborn, as usual, and demanding to get out of here. From what we can tell, it wasn’t a heart attack, but tests will confirm a hiatal hernia, a very bad case of indigestion that imitates a heart attack. We both know he doesn’t eat right. The only reason we put him in intensive care is because he is seventy-five. We’ll be moving him to a regular room later in the day, and he’ll be going home in a day or so with a special diet. I want to run further tests to confirm my suspicions.”

  “When can I see him?”

  “Because he’s such a grumpy patient, we gave him something to settle him down before he gives himself a real heart attack. Come back tomorrow.”

  Sean held out his hand. “Thanks, Dr. Chester.”

  A cold February wind attacked his body when he walked out of the hospital and hurried to his car. He breathed in the brisk air with a sigh of relief that his father’s illness wasn’t life threatening. He’d spend the next two nights at his home, get some work done and then go back to his love.

  Spending the day in the sun was relaxing, but draining. The cool spray from the shower was soothing on Nancy’s hot flesh, but it didn’t help her depressed mood.

  One of the things that always cheered her up was eating ice cream. When she was in town the other day, she’d noticed Ms. Icey’s ice cream parlor. She’d treat herself, and it would help pass the time until she contacted Blue Steel later in the evening.

  She parked in the lot adjacent to the quaint, one-story building painted in cotton candy pink. Customers had a choice of eating in a small, air-conditioned dining room, or they could sit on rainbow-painted benches on a wood deck covered by a mint-green-and-white-striped awning.

  She stood in line at the order window and observed the families with young children sitting on the benches. One little boy, whom Nancy judged to be about five or six, was crying because he’d forgotten to ask for colored sprinkles. His mother assured him it wasn’t the end of the world. He was to stay with his father and baby sister, and she’d be right back. A few minutes later, she returned with a clear plastic cup of colored happiness, and all was right with his young world. Too bad all heartbreaking problems couldn’t be solved so easily, she said to herself.

  “What can I get for you?” the young girl asked.

  The teenage girl behind the small window had sapphire-blue extensions in her blond hair and wore a pink T-shirt with the words Welcome to Ms. Icey’s. Nancy had been so distracted by the smile of happiness on the little boy’s face she’d forgotten to study the board above the order window listing flavors of homemade ice cream and toppings. She was pleased to see they had her favorite.

  “I’ll have a double scoop of chocolate-chip mint in a cup, please.”

  “That’s my favorite, too, but I like mine with whipped cream and a cherry.”

  Nancy turned around at the sound of the gravelly voice of an older gentleman behind her. The dark tan color of his skin and natural wrinkles said he’d spent a great deal of time in the sun. The front of his battered, peaked cap bore an embroidered patch with the words USS Philadelphia, SSBN 735. A brush of thin white hair swept the back of his neck.

  “I think I’ll have my ice cream that way, too,” Nancy said. “Your sundae is on me.”

  “You don’t have to do that, young lady.”

  “I insist on treating a Navy man.”

  An aged hand laced with raised blue veins brushed the frayed brim of what appeared to be a favorite cap. “That was a long time ago.”

  Nancy’s heart softened at the sadness that filled the light blue eyes of the man who had seen his share of horror in the world. She paid the girl cash and passed him his ice cream, along with a plastic spoon and a napkin.

  “If you don’t have anything better to do, or have a sweetheart waiting at home, I’d enjoy your company.” She nodded toward a vacant wooden picnic bench. “Unless you think I’m being too forward,” she teased.

  “It will be my pleasure. It’s been a while since I kept company with a lovely young woman.” He held out a hand. “George Boehm.”

  “Nancy Jean Griffin,” she replied when they sat down on opposite sides of the hard bench. He’d moved with a sure step and took a great deal of pride in his appearance. His short-sleeved white shirt appeared freshly ironed, and the creases down the legs of his tan chinos were sharp and straight. It had been a long time since she’d seen a man wear a black string tie.

  They were silent for a few minutes, enjoying their ice cream. The creamy mint coldness that melted on her tongue was in total opposition to the frozen chocolate chips. The blend was immediately uplifting. She was puzzled when he removed the cherry from the mound of whipped cream and set it on his paper napkin.

  “So tell me about yourself, George. Are you from around here?”

  “I moved down here over twenty years ago from New York City. I live in a retirement community in Naples with my daughter and her husband. I like coming here because it’s relaxing, and I enjoy watching the families with young children. It also makes me feel close to my Dottie. Chocolate-chip mint was her favorite flavor.”

  “Your wife?”

  “My first love.”

  “Dottie wasn’t your wife?”

  “Let me explain. Dottie and I were high school sweethearts. I joined the Navy and was reported killed when the Japanese bombed my ship in Pearl Harbor. The USS Pennsylvania was in dry dock and was seriously damaged. Fifteen men were killed and thirty-eight were wounded. Thinking I was dead, she married someone else because she was pregnant with our daughter, Ernestine. Ruth was my second choice. We had a goo
d marriage and raised two children.”

  “What happened to Dottie?”

  “Since we only lived blocks from each other, we saw each other occasionally in church. When we looked at one another, we knew the love we shared never died.”

  “Did your wife know you still had feelings for your first love?”

  “I think so, but we never talked about it. I was faithful until the end.”

  “I’m sorry you lost your wife.”

  “Ruth was a good woman and passed away in 1977. Dottie lost her husband shortly after my wife passed away.”

  “Did you renew your friendship with your first love?”

  “Oh, yes. We married six months later and had thirty-nine wonderful years together. She died a year ago, and I miss her more with every passing day. I’m ninety-five years old and not afraid to leave this world, because my Dottie is only a dying breath away.”

  George used two fingers to pick up the cherry by the stem. “Most people eat the cherry first, but Dottie always saved it to the end. She’d take a bite and then pass the rest to me. She was giving me a piece of her heart.”

  Tears ran unheeded down Nancy’s cheeks, and she dabbed at the wetness on her face with a paper napkin. “You are so fortunate to have enjoyed the love of two wonderful women. The love you had, no, still have, for Dottie withstood the test of time and is never ending because she is waiting for you.”

  “You are correct. I was all of twenty-four when WWII was over, along with my life because my Dottie belonged to another man. I was home about a year, and we accidentally met in Central Park. She was pushing a carriage, and my daughter looked just like me. Dotti let the love she still felt for me fill her smile and eyes. It was a beautiful moment I’ll always remember.”

  Nancy was happy and sad listening to her new friend’s heartbreaking story of enduring love and triumph. She looked into George’s wisdom-filled eyes shielded by dark-framed glasses.

  “George, can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.”

  “How did you know the love you felt for Dottie was real the second time around?”

  George tilted his head to the side. “Now that’s a funny question to ask. Do you have a problem, young lady?”

  Nancy shrugged a shoulder. “I loved a man with all my heart twenty-four years ago, and we parted under unhappy circumstances. I married a wonderful man, had a daughter, but he passed away ten years ago. I’ve recently been reunited with Sean, my first love, and he confessed that he never stopped loving me.”

  “How do you feel about him?”

  “I loved Sean the way you loved Dottie, but I’m afraid my feelings for him aren’t real and are just a memory I have of loving him from long ago. I also don’t want to be hurt again.”

  George nodded in understanding. “Forget your common sense for a moment. It’s your mind that is raising these questions, not your heart. Fate kept us apart, but I kept my love for Dottie in a special place in my heart and never once doubted that love when we were finally able to make a life together. Love never dies. Sometimes it just needs a rest.”

  “So the love is still the same?” she asked with eagerness in her voice.

  “Not necessarily. True love doesn’t always run smooth and can suffer bumps and bruises. It can come back complicated and messy, but it’s the lesson one learns and the healing that makes your love stronger. Loving someone isn’t easy but can be the ultimate sacrifice. You can’t rely on or change the past, but you’ll regret it if you walk away and don’t explore the reason you two were brought back together.

  “The best decision I ever made was pursuing Dottie again. Thirty-nine years of memories are stored in here.” He patted the middle of his chest. “That’s what keeps me going. Like I said, she’s only a dying breath away.” George hesitated, but offered a comforting smile. “Do you still love your man?”

  It was time to throw away the weighty bag of questionable emotions dragging her down. It felt so right when the door opened to the special room in her heart where she’d stored her love for Sean. She couldn’t imagine spending the rest of her life without him.

  “Yes.” It felt wonderful to say the word out loud.

  An almost toothless smile filled George’s face. “Listen to your heart, but remember and learn from the mistakes you two made in the past. It’s a leap of faith, well worth the risk.”

  Nancy got up from her side of the table and moved to sit next to George. She kissed him on his soft cheek that smelled of bay rum. “Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with me. I said some nasty things to Sean this morning and have to make things right.”

  “Two magic words usually do the trick. I’m sorry, followed by hot makeup sex.”

  Embarrassing warmth filled her cheeks. “George! Really!”

  “Just because there’s snow on the roof doesn’t mean there isn’t a hot fire in the furnace.”

  “I’ll definitely remember your words of wisdom.” Nancy passed him one of her personal cards that included her cell number and email. “Maybe we can meet again for ice cream.”

  “I come to Ms. Icey’s on Saturdays and Wednesdays around six thirty.”

  “I’d like to keep in touch. Do you have a computer?”

  “I have a smartphone and a laptop. If I get stuck on something, I consult my grandchildren. They said I was too lonely and signed me up on one of those online dating sites. I never posted my photo or my true age, but chat with a nice woman who is a lawyer and lost her husband.”

  “George, just out of curiosity, what was your profession?”

  “I was a lawyer.”

  No, it couldn’t be, she thought, shaking her head. “I’ve got to get back to the resort and call Sean. Big apology needed.” She kissed George again on the cheek. “Thanks so much for helping me accept that the love I have for Sean is real and not just my imagination.”

  “Thank you for spending time with me and letting me talk about my Dottie. I don’t know your Sean, but he is one lucky fellow.”

  “He will be if I can get him to forgive me.”

  Chapter 7

  When she got home, her legs couldn’t move fast enough on her way into the bedroom to retrieve her phone. Maybe she had to rethink the decision to not be accessible by cell phone twenty-four seven while on vacation. She switched on one of the bedside lamps before sitting on the side of the bed.

  “Just breathe.” She inhaled slowly and deeply while she checked her messages. She felt like an idiot when she listened to Sean’s message about flying home because his father had taken ill. Her heart melted when he ended his call with, I love you, Nancy. If only he had left that message before she acted like a stupid adolescent. She’d sabotaged their budding relationship. Hopefully he’d ignore her curt we are through comment.

  It was after eight thirty, and Blue Steel was expecting to chat this evening. It wasn’t fair to string him along now that she was ready to…what? Get back with Sean? Start a new life? “Stop! You’re doing it again, looking for answers that aren’t there. Put your brain on hold for a little while and enjoy the anticipation of being with Sean, after you apologize.

  “Blue Steel, first.” She got her tablet, called up his email and started typing. Hi, Blue. Hope you are feeling better.

  Evening, Ms. Iris. Tired, but coming along. Milly, my therapist, has taken a personal liking to me. This evening she brought me homemade peanut butter cookies and we spent time talking. She’s a widow and a grandmother.

  Do I sense a bit of romance? Some of her guilt faded now that she knew he was being given extra TLC by a woman who’d gone out of her way to bake him cookies.

  No comment. How are things going with your long-lost love?

  Right now, they’re not. He had an emergency and flew home this morning. I thought he left for good and walked out on me again. I left a nasty message on his voice mail. Now I have to apologize.

  Not very gentlemanly of him, but I don’t blame you for having that reaction since he left you high and dry once
before. It’s obvious you still have trust issues.

  It was my initial reaction, but when I gave the situation more thought, I reacted like a silly teenager and not an adult. I’m going to call him later to apologize.

  Have you determined how you feel about him? Love him?

  It’s funny you should ask. I met an older gentleman earlier, and he told me about the two loves he had in his life while we ate chocolate-chip-mint ice cream.

  A woman after my own heart. That’s my favorite ice cream, too. So what did you decide?

  He said love wasn’t easy, but if we’re willing to learn from our past mistakes and want a true loving relationship, we can move on and create new memories together, not rely on the old for our happiness. Nancy immediately thought of the photo they had taken at the zoo.

  He sounds like a very wise man. You still haven’t answered my question. Do you love him?

  He said he still loves me, and I’ve come to realize that I never stopped loving him. A fresh start will help strengthen our love. We need to work together to make sure our love can withstand the challenges we’re facing.

  This guy sounds like a marriage counselor.

  No, he was a lawyer. I’m sorry if I’ve been so passionately honest. If I hurt you, I’m sorry.

  That’s the way it’s always been between us, and no, you didn’t hurt me. The only thing I ask? Be cautious. Let him earn your trust. I also wouldn’t tell him right off you still love him. Keep him guessing.

  You are definitely not on his side.

  I’m on your side, always. Remember, we have a date when I am back to good health.

  Absolutely and bring your new friend. I have to give my stamp of approval.

  You got it. Be cautious and enjoy… Blue Steel.

  Nancy had just gotten comfortable against the stack of pillows on her bed and reached for her phone to call Sean when her cell rang. Her body settled into instant relief when she recognized the caller ID.