Love Lost, Love Found

by Judy Kentrus

  She headed back to the bedroom and leaned against the doorjamb. The front of his shirt gapped when she folded her arms under her breasts. Her delicious eye candy was lying on his side, using an arm and hand to hold up his head. He’d always been on the slender side, but from what she determined, he was maybe twenty pounds heavier due to muscle gain in his arms, chest and shoulders. His days in the sun had painted his exposed flesh a light bronze, but his bare ass hadn’t been touched by tanning rays. The only thing he was wearing was a cocky grin, his gaze bathed in male satisfaction.

  “Lookin’ good, Sean Patrick. You were never a prude about showing off your body.”

  “I liked yours a whole lot better and still do.”

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

  “Me, too. Let’s have dinner sent over from the restaurant.”

  “Not necessary or possible. Its eleven thirty at night, and the restaurant is closed. I have wine and appetizers, followed by dinner when it comes out of the oven, which will be in about forty minutes. We can eat at the table on the patio.”

  “Wait,” he said, swinging his legs off the bed and planting himself in front of her. His hands were busy opening the buttons on the shirt. “You cooked?”

  Nancy playfully slapped his hands away. “We need real food, and yes, I honed my skills in the kitchen. I made chicken Parmesan, hoping it is still your favorite.”

  “My tastes have expanded, but you’re correct.”

  When he stood back and opened the shirt to let his eyes do an appreciative sweep up and down her body, heat rushed up her cheeks. It shouldn’t be happening, considering what they’d been up to the entire evening.

  “See something you don’t like?” She forced herself to remain still when he used the knuckle of one finger to travel the valley between her breasts.

  “Absolutely not. You’re gorgeous from the top of your lovely blond hair to your dark-blue-painted toes. I liked that you always used flashy nail polish.”

  “It would be rude of me to remind you of the time I put neon orange on your toenails while you were sleeping.”

  “You knew I planned to have an early morning game of volleyball with my buddy Ralph, and I got dressed in the dark because I didn’t want to wake you. I didn’t discover them until I changed in the locker room. You got the last laugh on that little prank.”

  “At times you took yourself too seriously, and I needed to shake you up. After dinner, you can tell me what possessed you to get that tacky tattoo on the back of your shoulder.”

  “You could always make me laugh,” he murmured and nudged her gently back against the door with his entire body. “You’re looking very sexy in my shirt. What do you expect me to wear?”

  “A towel.” She winked.

  “Another time, sweet cakes. Just so I don’t feel overdressed, I’ll wear my white T-shirt and go commando under my jeans.”

  An hour and a half later, Sean raised his glass of burgundy wine to his hostess.

  “Nancy Jean, you outdid yourself. The stuffed mushrooms and clams oreganata were the best I’ve ever eaten. Your chicken Parmesan had improved a hundred percent.”

  “I was waiting for you to remind me. Shortly after we moved in together, I wanted to impress you and cook dinner. I saw my mother make the dish lots of times and figured I could do it, too. I came close to incinerating the breaded chicken. The jarred sauce had a woody taste because it burned in the bottom of the baking dish. The pasta was mushy and stuck together because I started it in cold water. I cried because it was so terrible. You ate two pieces and said it was good.”

  “I lied because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and was grateful you never attempted to cook something so elaborate again.”

  He let himself enjoy and drink his fill of the bewitching woman sitting across the table. The gleam from the candle under the glass chimney highlighted the natural beauty of her skin that bore a golden tan. The various shades of blond in her flowing hair looked more radiant under the soft light.

  He watched her put her lips to the glass of wine, those same, soft succulent lips she’d used to pleasure him. He’d kissed the tip of each slender finger and paused when he kissed the ring finger of her left hand. The tan line from her wedding ring was jolting, an obvious reminder she had once belonged to another man, but the ring’s absence said she was ready to move on, no, return to him.

  Their physical reunion had been more than he’d ever envisioned. In his heart, she was his last chance at happiness. He’d never wanted anything more, but time was his enemy. Personal answers were needed before they could, hopefully, conquer the giant hurdle they were facing, one that would determine whether they got their happily ever after.

  His eyes shifted to the water, quiet under the moon that would be turning the sky over to the sun in a few hours. He was surrounded by paradise and was content, for now.

  “You’re awfully quiet,” she said before drinking the last of her wine.

  “Just thinking.”

  “About?”

  “I’m the luckiest son of a bitch, sitting across the table from the woman I love. I’ll regret for the rest of my life walking away from you.”

  “I understand how you feel, but dwelling on regrets will only drag us down. I understand why you had to leave and have forgiven you. This is our chance to start out fresh. George said something the other day. ‘Love never dies. Sometimes it just needs a rest.’”

  “Mine slept like Rip Van Winkle.”

  “I was Sleeping Beauty, and Prince Charming woke mine with a kiss. Now, no more talk about what might have been.”

  “You’re right. I need to walk off this delicious meal. Care to join me? Unless you’re tired.”

  “No, I’d like that. I should go in and put some clothes on.”

  “Why? We’re the only crazies up at one-thirty in the morning, plus I’ll be able to get you naked a lot faster.”

  “You’ve been doing that all evening.”

  “Complaints?”

  “Not a one.”

  They walked hand in hand, following the water’s edge. Every once in a while, a wave would come in just enough to encircle their ankles. When Nancy shivered slightly, he wrapped an arm about her shoulders.

  “Are you cold?” he asked.

  “A little.”

  “Do you want to go back?”

  “Not yet. It’s such a beautiful night. It’s like we’re lovers stranded on a deserted island, not knowing which path to take to make sure we survive. Sean, I want that for us, but I’m scared, too.”

  “Me, too, love. I wish I had a compass that would point us on a course to everlasting happiness, but I don’t. The love we have for each other will point us in the right direction.”

  The breeze off the water penetrated the thin material of his shirt and chilled her bare legs. “I think it’s time we turned back. I’m starting to get cold.”

  “No problem. We haven’t walked that far from the resort.”

  Nancy leaned into him to share the warmth of his body and rested her cheek on his shoulder, reminding herself of a question she wanted to ask him. “When did you get that tattoo?”

  “About nine years ago. We were celebrating the completion of a successful business venture in our New York office. One of my associates has a number of tattoos and has been going to the same place in the Village to get his work done. We had too much to drink, and he challenged me to get one. I thought, what the hell? I chose the broken heart dripping blood supported by hands and arms in memory of what I did to you. I had the artist add, ‘Come into my heart, Nancy Jean.’”

  “From my standpoint, it’s very sweet and romantic, but what did your ex-wife think about you displaying the name of your first love on your back?”

  “Correction, my only love, and it did indeed cause a number of arguments. She wanted me to have it removed when we got married, but I refused. After five years, she bailed when I decided not to go into politics.”

  “Did you at l
east give your marriage a try? You must have had some feelings for her.”

  “I respected our marriage vows and never cheated on her. She was the one who got restless because I wasn’t giving her the attention she demanded. She was very well compensated in the divorce.”

  They walked into the living room, and she gave Sean a pleading smile. “I feel chilly. Give me a moment to get some clothes on, and I’ll make coffee, if you’d like to stay.”

  “I take my coffee black.”

  “Me, too,” she said and headed for her bedroom. She put on a pair of denim capris and a navy-and-white-striped pullover. When she walked into the kitchen five minutes later, Sean had used the Keurig coffee maker to prepare their drinks.

  “Can I offer you dessert?” Nancy set the cups on the small round table.

  “I’ll take a rain check.”

  She sat across from him and let the warmth of the coffee chase the chill from her body. “You mentioned having an office in New York. Do you go there much?”

  “I try to divide my time between my offices in Washington and Manhattan.”

  “That’s crazy. I like to stay in one place. Do you have two residences?”

  “I’ve got a three-million-dollar home in Georgetown that was built in 1865. The three brick fireplaces are original, and it has a two-story library that I don’t have time to enjoy. Anita loved it because it’s so close to the heart of Washington. I just sleep there, and a cleaning service comes in weekly.”

  “Three million dollars!” Nancy almost choked repeating the amount. “This I’ve got to see, unless you gave it to her in the divorce.”

  “I’m not that stupid. I’ll be glad to show it to you anytime you’d like, but I’m sure you’ll prefer my condo in the Village.” Sean hesitated before adding, “It’s our apartment.”

  “Our apartment?”

  “Yes, ours. Remember, my father owned the building. That’s why we were able to get the apartment so close to the university. Six years after graduation, I talked him into turning the building into condos. He reluctantly agreed, but in the end, he turned a tidy profit. It allowed me to keep my memories of you and the best time in my life.”

  Nancy put the flat of her hand over her racing heart. “I’m truly overwhelmed.”

  “During reconstruction, they knocked out walls, so the apartment is three times larger. There were parts I didn’t want changed. I had the designer re-create our original bathroom with a stand-up shower, but insisted they use our cast-iron tub.”

  “Sean, you are definitely a hopeless romantic. I wonder what happened to our ugly green couch that we got from the couple downstairs. I never met them because they moved out before we started living together. I remember coming in from class and the door to their apartment was open. Their daughter was tagging some of the leftover furniture that was to be sold. I asked how much she was asking for the couch. She said it was ancient and didn’t think it was worth much, but we could have it since we were going to college.”

  “Our couch is in my office.”

  “I can’t believe you saved it!”

  “After we broke up, the apartment was vacant for a year, but I had access. I went back a number of times, and that couch spoke to me every time I walked in. It was a reminder of how much I missed you, us. We didn’t only make love on those cushions. We shared meals while we watched television, sat on either end while we studied, read, talked and laughed. You sat on my lap and cried when you were worried about not being able to pass an exam. Our baby was conceived on that couch. I had it moved to storage along with a few of my personal belongings.

  “When the condo was finished, I hired a decorator to design my living area, but my office was off-limits. The frame and wood trim across the back and front arms of the couch were sturdy, and the decorator made arrangements to have it reupholstered. I insisted she match the color of the fabric. The only thing missing is the spunky blonde who’d attack me when I walked in the door.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve retained so much of our past. You walked away, but you’ve been held prisoner in the arms of regret.”

  Sean tilted his head in question. “Are you inferring that I’m obsessed with the past? With you?”

  “When you put it that way? Yes. What did your ex think of your reminiscent decorating?”

  “I never shared our special place with her. Anita got the Park Avenue residence in the divorce.”

  Nancy got up and moved away from the table, troubled by what she was hearing. “Sean, I’m seeing a pattern here. I’m not saying you had a commitment issue, and I understand why you walked away from me. But you married Anita knowing it would never be a real marriage. You were never totally honest with her. It’s like you were living a separate life, one with your wife and one with the memories from your past. She found greener pastures because you didn’t give her a reason to stay.

  “I recognize that I’m the memory from your past, but you never let her in. Is this what I can expect from you? A loving relationship between two people includes honesty and trust.”

  Sean called himself every kind of fool. It had been in front of him all this time, but it took Nancy to make him see what he should have realized all along. Regret had driven him to this, and he was obsessed with her and getting back what they had.

  He scrubbed his face with his hands before getting up from the table to stand close. When she didn’t look up at him, he put a finger under her chin to raise her head.

  “I’m so sorry, love, and you’re right. I’ve achieved everything I ever wanted, but I’ve been wallowing in regret. You are and have always been the one thing missing. I need you to believe what I feel for you is not obsession.”

  He cupped her chin with his hands and let the love burning in his heart shine through in his eyes and voice. “I love you with every breath that is in me. Do you believe me?”

  When she nodded and lowered her head to his chest, the inner fright he was suffering fell away. His arms banded her tightly against him, and he rocked them slowly in place.

  “I need to tell you the rest. When you married Nelson, I got drunk for a week. I cried when you had your daughter because the baby wasn’t mine. I knew when he passed away.”

  Nancy lifted her head and pulled slightly away. “If you knew all this, why the hell didn’t you contact me?”

  “Because I was married part of the time, but mainly I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me.”

  “So what changed your mind?”

  “You remember Ralph and Gina? He works for me out of our New York office. Their situation was similar to ours, but they married then got divorced eight years later. They went their separate ways, but reunited two years ago. They realized they’d never stopped loving each other and planned to remarry last year, but she was killed in a car crash just before he was going to officially propose.”

  “Oh, how horrible. I remember them being so much in love. He must have been devastated.”

  “He was in pretty bad shape for quite a while. I got him back to playing volleyball, anything to keep his mind and body active. One night we went out for drinks, and he said, other than him, I was the biggest fool to walk the face of the earth. He understood how much I still loved you and asked what I was waiting for. He regretted divorcing Gina and accepted that if they’d just communicated and talked things through, he wouldn’t have wasted the years they were apart.”

  “So it took you a year to work up your courage?”

  Sean shrugged a shoulder. “Consider me the cowardly lion from The Wizard of Oz. Fortunately for me, fate had us meeting on the beach.”

  “So where do we go from here?” Nancy asked.

  “To bed, separately or together. I’m not walking away.

  “Regret and obsession are off the table. Sharing, honesty and answering questions are all part of building a future together, but I believe our love is the cement that will hold us together. I’ll repeat your question. Where do we go from here?”

  “I need a night
to think about what you just confessed, but I don’t want to spend it alone. We’ve wasted too much time apart. I would love it if you would just hold me and wake me with a soft good-morning kiss. That would make me very happy.”

  Relief filled his body. “That would make me very happy, too.”

  Sean swept her up in his arms and headed for the bedroom, telling himself everything would be okay.

  Chapter 9

  The sun was up hours later when Nancy stood in front of the small stove and leaned into Sean’s mouth as his arms slipped around her waist and his lips caressed the length of her neck.

  “Morning, love. You smell good. Are you wearing that outfit with that sexy V-split to show off your pretty breasts and long legs to stir me up?”

  “I took a quick shower, and guilty as charged. I purchased this romper the other day hoping to ‘stir you up.’”

  “It’s working. Any other surprises I should expect?”

  “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise. Now, do you still like your eggs over easy?”

  “Yes. Can I help with anything? I’m not very good in the kitchen, but I can handle the coffee maker.”

  “Go for it.”

  She missed the comfort of his arms when he stepped away, and she recalled the past few hours. He’d held her close until dawn’s early light had snuck through the windows. She’d carefully extricated herself from his arms, lowered the shades and crawled back into bed. The sight of him lying on his back wearing nothing but his white boxer briefs had been much too irresistible. The quick tented movement in the fly opening had signaled he was very much awake.

  He’d fulfilled her wishes to just “sleep,” but she’d wanted more. With the stealth of a cat, she’d made herself comfortable on top of him. His full-body strength had supported her entire form. She’d rested her cheek on the sleep-warm skin over his collarbone and become lost in the memory of their arousing wake-up trysts from long ago. Of their own volition, her lips had nibbled on his chin, encountering his early morning stubble. He’d let her play, keeping perfectly still, even when her fingers flirted with the wide band of his shorts that rode low on his hips before drifting lower.