Letting Go

by Morningstar Ashley

  After a couple minutes of looking around all the fancily dressed people he found a sign on the painted wall directing him to where the wedding would take place.

  Asher/Adams Wedding–The Ivy Room

  Alex walked into the large ballroom that was set up with rows of dark wooden chairs. The feel of the room was a mix between rustic and romantic. Like a cabin in the woods with a modern twist. The floors were dark hardwood, there were wrought iron lanterns with candles, small bunches of white flowers hanging from various places, a huge stone fireplace behind the altar that stood eight feet tall with a large wooden mantel and had numerous alcoves filled with more candles. There was even a wrought iron chandelier that held even more candles.

  The attendant at the door told him to sit wherever he wanted since they weren’t doing a side for each groom’s family. He’d found an end seat away from the bulk of the people who had already filled chairs that also allowed him an easy escape if needed. He knew typically weddings started late, but as anal as David was about time and organization, there was no way he would allow his wedding to run late.

  Alex didn’t pay attention to most of the people entering the room and as the room started to fill up, he checked his watch and noticed that the ceremony was going to start in less than ten minutes.

  Alex wondered if David was close enough to others at the firm that he would invite them along as well. But then again, he couldn’t imagine David not inviting some of his coworkers to his wedding. He hadn’t kept up asking about the happenings a Vivid since it brought up memories he’d rather not think of.

  Just before the procession music started, they were prompted by the officiant to stand. A little girl, who had to be no older than five, with straight shoulder length chocolate brown hair started the procession with her small basket of white flowers. Then one by one each member of the wedding party walked down the aisle, seeming to take their damn sweet time. But then again, that could’ve been him since he’d already started to get antsy.

  Finally, the music changed to Mendelssohn’s wedding march, and just like the romantic vibe the room was putting off, it seemed so out of character with these two guys. The whole ceremony with the vows they wrote each other and stories the officiant told about them, made it long. But Alex had to admit it was unique, just like David and Charlie.

  The love thing may not be for him, but theirs was one of the strongest bonds he’d seen in a long time. They both deserved that love. They both deserved the wedding of their dreams and a life to follow.

  Alex believed that cocktail hour was devised and planned with only high tables that people stood around and no chairs to torture the guests as payment for the open bar and free food.

  He was sure that part of the wedding was created just to abuse someone like him. Someone that hated stuffy rooms, hated people who wanted to talk constantly, and hated people that wanted to tell you things about their lives. Like the old lady, no one wanted to talk to because all she did was prattle on about her dead husband’s propensity for bunions in great detail, not exactly an environment for fun and food. It was the longest hour of his life.

  The free alcohol was the only thing that’d kept him from bailing on the whole thing. Okay, well, that and David being pissed off at him if he left early.

  After the hour of torture, as he called it, ended they were directed to move into the reception room down the hall. It was a huge ballroom that was filled with round tables covered with white table cloths. How many people came to this thing?

  Alex started to notice a theme with the decor. That one also had a stone wall behind the groom’s table at the head of the room, not as imposing in size as the fireplace but attention getting all the same.

  As Alex moved from table to table looking for the table number on his place card, he noticed there weren’t many flowers in the room. Mostly just green plants in vases on the tables with more candle-lit lanterns beside them and those teeny tiny candles spread around. And the flowers that were on display were green and looked like weeds to him.

  Finding his place Alex sat, so far, the first to take their place, at the table that faced the groom’s table. It wasn’t like he cared for the others in the room so facing David and Charlie made more sense. His plan at that point was to only stay until after the grooms’ dance was over, if they danced, and then go home. By then he thought he would’ve done his due diligence as a friend.

  He pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket to check the time and to see if either Evie or Ben tried to contact him. Just because she was with Ben—and no matter what fight they were in—he still trusted his best friend, Alex still worried about her. Especially since he’d left her with a tension-filled room and worry on her face.

  The DJ in the back of the room was playing some soft music as people found their way to their seats. Chair by chair his table started to fill up with what ended up being some ex-coworkers from Vivid. It’d been years since he’d seen anyone from there, except Kelley, and Alex wasn’t sure how he felt about sitting with them now. He could hardly remember some of their faces let alone their names.

  “Oh, wow, Alex? It’s been years, man!” Alex turned, looked over his shoulder to see Kieran come up behind him, slapping him on the shoulder. He was one of the good guys from the marketing team. They had worked together numerous times over the course of the job and it always turned out well. Kieran was about the same height as him and if he remembered correctly they were the same age.

  Standing up he shook Kieran’s hand. “Hey, Kieran! How are you?”

  Kieran started speaking as they sat in their respective seats. “I didn’t realize you were going to be here. I’m good. Still working at the firm, living the dream, man.” Kieran was the one guy they all used to give a hard time, calling him baby face because he looked years younger than he was. Although he still looked young for his age, Alex couldn’t help but wonder if things hadn’t been as good as Kieran had said they were. That youthful glow that once shone from his eyes with every smile had worn thin around the edges. There was a sadness lurking in his eyes, dimming the once joyful face, one that Alex was all too familiar with.

  “Good to hear. It was…uh…a nice ceremony.” Alex was stumbling as to what to say to Kieran when he really wanted to ask what was really going on. But he always hated when people butted in and asked invasive questions. Plus, it wasn’t like they’d been close friends.

  “Yeah, it was awesome. What have you been up to for the last couple of years? I’d wondered why you left the firm but then I heard about your mom. I’m sorry for your loss. You left before I could say it back then.”

  Alex’s breath stuttered in his chest, constricting, making it hard to breathe. Man, the guy hit right to the heart on the first try. “Thank you. I…uh…it’s okay. I started my own company working from home so I could care for my sister.”

  And just like that Kieran’s face had fallen just a little bit, with a look of understanding crossing his face. Alex was even more curious as to what caused that reaction but couldn’t get himself to ask. He turned away from Alex as soon as the louder music had come. Alex turned as well seeing the procession of the wedding party entering, thankfully, in a normal non-flash-mob-type entrance.

  Once they were seated again everyone went back to talking to other people at the table. Once he was alone in his own mind, Alex decided to try to keep to himself as much as he could after messing up that conversation somehow. All the others at the table were chatting and laughing so he decided to check his phone one more time to make sure that Evie or Ben hadn’t contacted him. There was a message from his little sister from Ben’s phone.

  Alex, stop checking your phone and have fun!

  Alex couldn’t help but chuckle that she knew that he’d been checking his phone. He could act surprise that she knew him so well but she was so observant that he knew she probably saw things that most people didn’t.

  Putting his phone back into his pocket he looked back up to a surprising view. He should’ve expec
ted it but somehow it hadn’t even crossed his mind. He hadn’t crossed his mind.

  Kelley.

  There in the flesh sitting in the seat across from him, smiling. Alex froze. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Kelley wasn’t supposed to be there. He wasn’t prepared for that, not there. Really, anywhere. They were friends but Alex knew he wasn’t ready for more than what they had. Not with those mesmerizing green eyes staring at him like that. Not when Alex was just starting to feel like he could trust in the friendship just a little.

  “Hello, Alex.” Kelley just kept smiling at him. Like that wasn’t unexpected.

  Alex leaned forward, speaking in a near whisper. “Did you know I would be here?”

  Kelley leaned forward onto the table his hands clasped together, he lowered his voice. “No, I had no idea you would be here. I didn’t even know you kept in touch with David after you left. Had I known I would’ve given you a warning, Alex. You have to know that.”

  “Uh yeah, okay. I…know. I’ve obviously stayed…friends…with David and Charlie. Mainly David just harasses me on the phone a couple times a month.” Alex kept his eyes on Kelley trying to smile. Trying to show Kelley he was fine with it even if he wasn’t sure he actually was fine with it.

  Once again, his eyes were caught in Kelley’s beautiful green eyes and he couldn’t move them away, his chest felt tight. It’s okay. It’s just Kelley. I can handle this.

  “David likes to harass his friends; he does it often to me as well.” His smile was warm and happy. Something about his voice calmed Alex. The cadence and the slow deep timbre helped get his racing heart to calm and his constricted lungs to loosen.

  I could do this. Kelley is my friend.

  I could do this. Kelley is my friend.

  Each time he repeated that he became more in control, more together, because falling apart there was not an option. He wouldn’t let anyone see him so weak.

  Kelley could tell that seeing him there was a shock to Alex. He was shocked that neither had thought to mention the wedding to the other. And technically had Kelley not requested to sit with the people from Vivid he might not have known that Alex was even here. David thought the request was weird but Kelley knew that he could see his friends whenever but some of the people at that table were ones he didn’t get to interact with regularly.

  Alex seemed to need some time to gather himself from the surprise. Kelley was happy to give it to him. The last thing he wanted was to push him away. What he wanted was to do the opposite.

  Seeing Alex in a suit was everything. It made him want to grab him by the black tie, yank him close, and kiss the hell out of him. The idea that Alex would look sexier messed up from his hands grasping his clothes and pulling his hair than he did right then did nothing to cool Kelley off.

  He was very glad he had a suit jacket on to cover himself. No sense in scaring the very skittish Alex. Or the other people at the wedding.

  Kelley had been attracted to a lot of men in his forty years, some even to the point of distraction, but with Alex there was an extra need to take care of him. To make him smile and laugh and enjoy life again. To make sure he was living.

  Kelley just needed to get him to relax and get that look of apprehension to bleed from his face. The only thing he wanted to see was lightness and happiness in those eyes. Maybe some of his own heat reflected back would be fucking fantastic too.

  “Did you enjoy the ceremony, Alex?”

  Clearing his throat Alex replied, “Yeah, it was really nice. I’ve only been to one other wedding when I was a kid but this one was…nice.”

  Kelley could tell he was feeling off kilter but he was determined to get them back on more level ground. “Oh, I’ve been to a bunch over the years but none made me happier than this one. David has been my best friend for ten years. He and Charlie deserve such a beautiful start for their marriage.”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize you two were so close. How come you weren’t in the wedding?”

  “David and Charlie decided to keep the attendants to only family. They have large families with lots of siblings and cousins that they are both close to. And I’ve been in enough weddings to know that this end is where the fun is at.” He winked at Alex trying his damndest to lighten the mood.

  “Oh…umm, that’s good then I guess. It did seem more romantic than I thought David would want. I don’t really know Charlie all that much.”

  “Yeah, but David would do anything for Charlie and Charlie wanted romance. He has the idea that people expect them to not have romance just because they’re two guys getting married but those two are sappy.” Kelley laughed because right from the first date David had romanced the hell out of Charlie and he had grown so accustomed to it that it was something that he now craved.

  “That makes sense. So many people when I was growing up were surprised that Ben had stayed friends with me after I came out. Like because Ben is this big tough guy who ‘loves the ladies’ somehow that stopped him from being able to be my friend.”

  “People think inside too many boxes. We’re all human and what draws one person to someone that is like them might draw another person to someone that’s their opposite.”

  “I agree. And with Ben and me we were already more like family by the time I came out and he isn’t that kind of guy. The kind to dump a friend because of their sexual orientation.”

  “How are you guys doing now? Still not talking?” Kelley knew that the rift between them was weighing on Alex but neither of them wanted to be the first to break the ice and mend the broken parts whole again.

  “I mean we talk but it’s small talk or like tonight he’s watching Evie. That was hard and what made it worse Evie probably noticed. She’s annoyingly observant. It would be much easier if she was just like other kids and oblivious to the world of adults.”

  Just as Kelley was going to respond the servers came out with their food. They made small talk with the others at the table while they all ate. Kelley enjoyed watching Alex reconnecting with some of the people he used to work with at the firm and meet some of the newer ones that David had invited.

  “…and then he just up and walked out on her like they hadn’t been together for years. It was sad. My mom went all helicopter mom on her after he moved out and is now driving my sister crazy.”

  Kelley could see Alex stiffen at that comment and look away from one of the other guys at the table. A reaction that he would suspect from someone that knows what being walked out on feels like.

  “Alex.” Kelley had leaned over softly speaking his name to switch his attention to him instead of that heavy conversation going on. Alex’s head turned toward him, a wall was firmly in place, making it difficult to get a read on what he was feeling. But Kelley knew whatever it was it wasn’t good and he needed to do something or he would lose all the progress he’d made with him all night. “Hey, Jed, can you switch seats with me please?”

  “Sure, man!” Both of them grabbed their drinks and food and settled in their new seats.

  Setting his hand on Alex’s arm to get his full attention, he said, “Hey, so what projects are you working on this week? Last we spoke it was a big one, right?”

  It took him a minute to gather himself and shake whatever had tried to take hold but once he did the conversation moved from his current project to Kelley laughing and Alex trying hard not to smile about some of their favorite clients to Kelley talking about his best friends.

  “River and I are like two different colored peas in the same pod. We are as much the same as we are different. But we’re both into healthy eating being that we both have some family members with terrible health issues,” he added with a wink towards Alex. “And when you’re in college it’s all about making sure you look good in order to get laid.”

  “I think I can consider myself the furthest from a healthy eater. With having only two of us to feed and one being eight years old with a very limited palate, it doesn’t give me much option but frozen meals or take-out.”

&nbs
p; Kelley groaned at that statement. “Do I need to give you cooking lessons? I’m only one person and I manage just fine to cook healthy meals. You sound like my other friend Peter. He works so much and his excuse is that it’s just easier to get take-out.”

  “Well, he does have a point.” Just like that a smile that seemed to have been building on Alex’s lips broke free. And it was beautiful, just like he remembered. Of course, his own smile answered in return.

  “No! No, he doesn’t!” Kelley was out right laughing. “He is a terrible eater and he’s lucky his family has a high metabolism built in their DNA or he’d be in so much trouble. Not that it saves him from other health issues.”

  “Hey, you know I work out occasionally. Mostly swimming, like I’ve told you before, but I stay healthy that way.”

  “Ahh yes, and I remember you have a terrible habit of not remembering to eat as well.”

  With pink cheeks Alex replied, “Well, yeah. It’s really embarrassing but I guess that’s what my work does to me. Makes me drown out the world.”

  “Nothing better than being able to do something you love so much that it’s possible to forget the world around you.”

  “Yeah, it is. I love it. Do you feel that way about your work? I can’t imagine working with Mr. Garrison and Mr. Frank after the issues with the intern program.”

  “They do not make my job easy but I refuse to let their issues stop my progress or the love of my job. And I do love it. The challenge, the creativity, the people…” laughing, he added, “…even those crazy clients. I am surrounded by talent everywhere I look. Who could find fault in that?”

  “You are a really positive person you know that? You never have bad shit to say about people or situations you’re in and you never seem to stress about anything. You realize that is not normal, right?”

  He laughed again at that because it wasn’t the first time someone had said that to him but it was true. “I’m considered unusually upbeat even to my best of friends. My family is all like that though, minus the occasional hot head.”