Letting Go

by Morningstar Ashley

  There was a big leafy plant in a pot on the corner of the bar, perfect for staying out of sight. He hadn’t intended to hide, of course, he wasn’t the type, usually liked to face things head on, but he also didn’t want Jason knowing he was listening.

  Two things he’d always heard about eavesdropping. The first one was from Lemony Snicket, “The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.” Which is why he was hiding all ninja style—or maybe more grandma style—behind a large potted plant while on a date. The second was, an old Albanian saying, “Eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves.” Thankfully he didn’t hear bad things about himself, well at least not directly, but what he did hear disturbed him.

  Jason was closest to him, his back facing Kelley so he wouldn’t be seen, but any of his friends could have. “I don’t want any one of those damn fairies working in my department. They’re disgusting! I have rights too.” Jason had clearly been drinking with the tone of his voice, and with the way people at the bar were staring he’d probably been at it a while.

  “Who does that prick think he is anyway, trying to force those queers to work with us normal people.” His companions seemed to do their best to quiet him down, but so far it wasn’t working. “But can I voice my opinion? Of course not, because then people pull all the PC bullshit out on you. Like those fucking deviants have room to speak with them pushing their lifestyle on good people and children!”

  Kelley had just about had all he could take. He had no idea what he was going to do with the information or if there was anything he could do. But he was willing to find out, especially if the people with him were clients or vendors for the firm. He’d give the manager of the place another ten minutes max, before he tossed Jason out for disturbing the other customers. Kelley committed the faces of Jason’s companions to memory, in case he saw them at the firm later on and turned back to go to their table.

  He arrived back at his table just as Alex had hung up his phone, placing it on the table.

  “Sorry, I was just checking in with Evie. Are you okay? Did something happen?”

  “Yes, I overheard Jason, you know the guy giving me trouble about the intern proposal, talking to some people at the bar. He was drunk and being an asshole, more than his typical self. I need to look into this to find out who he was with and if it had anything to do with Vivid. God, he’s such a prick.”

  “I’d ask what he said but from what I know of him it can’t be anything good. Did you want to leave?”

  “No! Absolutely, not. I finally got you here and I won’t let him ruin it. I just need to let go of my anger and disgust for now. Let’s just enjoy the rest of our night.”

  “We can do that. What do you want to talk about?”

  Kelley was glad they stayed, it ended up being a great date. When Kelley drove Alex home he insisted on walking him to his door, mainly to spend more time with him, but also, he really needed to kiss him. Standing at the closed door to the apartment Alex looked relaxed and happy. Goal one, accomplished.

  “I hope you had a good time, Alex.”

  “Eh, it wasn’t terrible,” Alex replied with a big, sexy as fuck smile.

  “Oh, aren’t you a funny man.”

  “Not normally. Must be the Italian food.”

  Kelley was enjoying the light-hearted Alex. But he really needed to kiss him again. He placed his hand on Alex’s chest gently but firmly pushing him back until his back hit the door. Alex’s face still had a smile on it, thankfully, but he could see his throat work as he swallowed, hard. Kelley had no intention of giving any more warning. If Alex wanted him to stop he would. But he knew he wanted it as much as Kelley did.

  Sliding his hand up his chest, gripping the side of his neck tightly, he leaned in slowly. Wanting to build the heat and spark between them. Wanting Alex to feel every moment like each one was alive until their lips could touch. Then, until he could no longer do it, he kept his eyes on those molten brown ones moving closer and closer. As soon as the kiss started somehow, on its own, it went from skin against skin, tasting and breathing to frantic out of control.

  Kelley never moved the hand on Alex’s neck but made great use of his free hand by reaching around, grabbing at Alex’s ass, his back, anything he could touch as Alex did the same. He wanted, god how he wanted, to get his hands on all that sexy skin, feel its warmth without the barriers of clothes between them. But for now, he would take it and make it the best kiss Alex had ever had. The heat between them was almost unbearable. Ratcheting up their desire, moving it to a level even Kelley hadn’t been prepared for.

  Hearing the desperate moans from Alex was what finally reached Kelley, woke him up from those drugging kisses. God, he wanted to live with the taste of his lips in his mouth.

  Pulling back, he placed his forehead on Alex’s. And breathed. Soaked in every second of that moment before finally pulling back a minute later. Placing one last chaste kiss on Alex’s lips, Kelley stepped back. The completely disheveled Alex even more enticing than the put-together one. So fucking sexy.

  “Goodnight, Alex.”

  “Goodnight, Kelley.” Alex’s raspy, whispered words stayed with him the rest of the night.

  Five days.

  That was how long it had been since he’d seen Kelley. Yeah, they talked every day now, not just texting, which was still something he had to get used to. He hated to admit that he liked it. Kelley made him laugh and forget and he needed that sometimes. Not that he would ever tell anyone that. Evie would never let him live it down. She had taken a liking to Kelley as well, so much so that when Kelley had called the other night to invite Alex on another date she had insisted on talking to him.

  No dates out that night, but he was going to Kelley’s house for dinner and to watch some movies. And the part of the date that had caused one of his episodes to show up, the part that made his skin feel hot and clammy, his breath to go shallow, and his heart race and his belly flutter?

  He was most likely going to spend the night.

  Heart racing and belly flutters were just him being nervous. Understandable. It’s the other feelings that were racing through him at the thought of that night and what it meant. Oh yeah. He knew that spending the night wasn’t a big thing to most people but for him it was big, but not for what people would think was the reason.

  It wasn’t fear, he knew they could do nothing and it would be fine. Kelley would not push him. It wasn’t about having sex with the sexy-as-fuck guy with eyes that seemed to see him and a voice that seemed to calm his nerves.

  It was about being in someone else’s space that scared him.

  He trusted Kelley, but he hadn’t done that in so long. “Just being,” wasn’t something he was good at. Everything felt so tightly coiled inside him at all times, seemingly against his will. Like a habit that he just couldn’t break. Holding it all in. He had to be in control of it, he couldn’t let all those things inside him out, he had to be strong and stable…for Evie. He would not let his father down. If he had to repeat that a million times a day, he would.

  Letting go wasn’t an option.

  Taking a couple of deep breaths, he made his way out of the car he had ordered to bring him to Kelley’s. He had wanted to pick Alex up but that wasn’t a good idea. That was putting the night in Kelley’s hands, and as much as being in Kelley’s hands sounded appealing, it wasn’t the physical part that was the problem. Being there at his house was bad enough, he just needed an out just in case.

  He walked up the driveway toward the small covered entryway to the left of the garage. On the opposite side from where he entered there was a wrought iron gate and a video intercom on the wall to the right. Alex pushed the buzzer and waited. After about a minute, of no answer, Kelley’s face appeared on the little screen. “Hey, Alex I’ll buzz you in!” And just like that, a buzzer sounded and the gate unlocked.

  Both sides of the pathway to Kelley’s door were filled with landscaped gardens of mostly green plants with the occasional colorful flower thrown
in. The area surrounding the house and all the houses nearby were trees that made you feel like you were anywhere but the city. It was beautiful. And for being in the city it was so quiet and almost tranquil. No wonder Kelley was always so damn calm. He had his own oasis.

  Even though Kelley knew he was there, he still felt the need to knock on the front door, which had opened mid-knock to a smiling Kelley. And seriously, with how the man wore clothes he was surprised he wasn’t out getting picked up or hit on every night. Alex had seen him dressed down before, but wearing threadbare low-slung jeans that sat loosely on his hips with a black v neck t-shirt stretched across his amazingly fit, probably lickable, chest, he was practically sinful. Then his gaze hit his feet, that were bare. Why were bare feet so sexy?

  Realizing he had been silent and staring he snapped his gaze back up to those bright green eyes to find Kelley with his brow raised and a devilish smirk on his lips. All Alex could think of was the man better have flaws or he was going to start to get a complex. Especially since his abs didn’t look like that, which might have something to do with the ice cream he ate nearly every night.

  “Well, looks like you found my eyes easy enough,” Kelley said with a wink. “Come in!”

  Rolling his eyes, Alex stepped through the front door straight into a bright open floor plan that had lots of windows for natural light. The walls were a beige color, which Alex hated having in his apartment, but in here the accents of color with the art on the walls, throw pillows on the sofa, and the various decorations placed around made it feel warm and homey.

  “You have a beautiful home, Kelley,” he said as he’d bent down to untie his sneakers to leave them by the front door.

  “Thank you. It’s big for me, but I love the area outside and the balcony.” He then followed Kelley through the living room and dining room into the kitchen, where food had been laid out on various plates.

  “Are you expecting more than just me, because this is a lot of food for two people.”

  Kelley started to grab plates out of one of the numerous cabinets when he laughingly replied, “No, this is just some of the food Sofia makes for me. I told you I pay her to make more than enough for me and my friends.”

  “It all looks…healthy. I mean it looks fine but seriously, Kelley, there’s not a single piece of pizza or mozzarella stick in the mix.,” Alex grumbled eyeing each plate of food as he did.

  Kelley laughed and replied, “Alex, you have terrible eating habits. Just try it, they’re really good.”

  “I should be insulted, but I’ll let it pass since I know frozen meals aren’t for everyone, Mr. Fancy Pants.”

  “Oh, how kind of you.”

  Alex put a bit of everything on his plate. He knew he ate like shit, but he sucked at cooking so he did what he could. They sat at the table in the dining room with full plates and wine to go with it and talked about their week at home and work. Alex then asked him about what he had done about Jason and what he had overheard last week at the restaurant.

  “I wanted to find out if it was expensed to the company but I didn’t want to raise any red flags in accounting if it was a false lead. Delilah had told me that he’s on thin ice as it is because of some other accusations that have been made against him in regards to his language and behavior as of late,” he explained. “There wasn’t much thought to it after that. I mean if the guy already has complaints then there has to be a pattern to his behavior so I brought it right to Bret.”

  “Not sure there’s much he could tell you but did he seem surprised or unsure of what you were saying?”

  “You’re right. But I could tell, just like at the dinner when Jason blasted about letting ‘kids off the streets’ into the company, Bret was not happy. But in the end the power of office gossip made its way to Delilah. She told me that Margaret, his assistant, informed her that Jason got fired the same day as my conversation with Bret. Apparently, someone was able to talk to the manager from the restaurant that night on top of the records showing it was a business dinner.”

  “Oh wow. That’s excellent and the company will be so much better without an idiot like him in it.”

  “Agreed. Now, please let’s talk about something not so heavy or we can go watch a movie or go sit outside on the deck and enjoy a quiet night.”

  “As much as a movie sounds like fun, I’d prefer the quiet of sitting outside. I watch movies with Evie all the time, quiet is something I don’t think I remember.” Alex was laughing again, feeling lighter, and more in control than he had when he had arrived a couple of hours ago.

  Apparently, Kelley had two decks, one on the upper floor off his bedroom and one on the first floor off the back of the house. Thankfully, he had led him to the latter. They sat on the double lounge that was placed under the trellis covered in a green vine plant, with their glasses of wine from dinner and the bottle placed between them. Alex had no intention of drinking more than the one glass he had since after years of not really drinking he was probably considered a lightweight in that department. Plus, he still felt the need to be able to leave if he felt overwhelmed.

  “I probably should’ve asked before but where is the lovely Evie tonight?” he asked.

  “Oh, Kinsley wanted to spend some time with her since she’s so important to Ben, so she’s there, spending the night. I think it’s just her way of seeing how they would do with children of their own. If I was actually talking to Ben, I would’ve shared that thought with him to scare him a bit.” He shook his head in frustration over the guy he had always thought would be the one who would always get him.

  “Have you decided to approach him yet with the issues that are bothering you? Keeping it all locked up isn’t helping either of you.” Alex knew Kelley was just trying to be helpful, but right now the last thing he wanted to talk about was Ben and how much of an asshole he was being.

  “I really don’t want to talk about him tonight. I’m having fun and don’t want our night ruined.”

  “Our night, and okay, I understand.” Kelley’s small smile sent relief coursing through him. Every time he got in these conversations he never pushed, sometimes he tried to gently guide him to where he wanted but when Alex put his foot down, he was quick to back off. “Okay, so no heavy talk. Then tell me the favorite place you visited?”

  “Why not ask an easy one?” Alex scoffed. “My mom was meticulous about everything. If we were visiting or vacationing somewhere when I was a kid it was because it held some educational benefit. The fun part was never her top priority, that was my dad’s job in the planning. I swear sometimes he had to veto at least eight things before they could agree on a place.” He laughed lost in his memory.

  “They sound like fun parents.”

  “They were the best, truly. But if I had to pick a place it would have to be this one time we travelled to Texas, stayed at a ranch. It was great. There was a lake that I could swim in and an indoor pool for rainy days, which didn’t happen while we were there. We rode horses on a trail ride, which my mom did not like at all but dad had tried, and I mean tried, to talk like a cowboy from one of his Old West movies and that would get her blushing and laughing. Funny enough I don’t remember the parts where education came in. Just them. Laughing and being, well, them.”

  Alex hadn’t felt sad at all recalling that memory. It made him feel light and giddy remembering their laughter knowing that wherever they were now, they were together.

  “That must’ve been an experience then, an amazing experience.”

  Alex nodded his head in reply because there were no words to convey how true that was.

  “Okay, okay. Your favorite type of music?” Kelley asked.

  “All kinds, honestly. It depends on my mood. I listen to classical or nature sounds when I’m working, country when I feel sentimental, pop most often just for everyday things. You?”

  “I’m not a big music person. Like you when I’m working, only when at home, I listen to classical. If you could call it listening since I barely hear it on
ce I get going. But I so love listening to comedians,” he confessed.

  “Comedians? I didn’t see that coming.” Alex laughed. The straight-laced executive listened to comedians for fun. But he liked it, it added a whole new layer to who he thought Kelley was. “This is fun.”

  “I think so, too. Let’s keep going. Your turn to ask a question.”

  “Okay, since you like things that are funny. What is your favorite funny movie to watch?”

  “Hmm, funny movie is hard since I don’t typically sit for long enough to watch one but I’d say one of my favorite funny things to watch is Friends.”

  “Oh my god, I loved Friends!”

  “I do have to admit I love watching Glee too.”

  “Glee? That show with the kids who are in the choir group? You are just full of surprises, Kelley Matthews.”

  “Not really. I’m rather boring.”

  “I don’t find you boring at all,” Alex replied shyly.

  For the next hour, they sat on the lounge leaned back, turned facing each other on their sides laughing and joking and asking questions. The questions had gotten sillier as they went. Alex was so relaxed and happy, he felt himself sigh. He felt…safe. Like that was the place he could just be and not worry. Like it was a bubble that they were in, one that no one and nothing could touch. And he knew he wasn’t going anywhere. For worse or for better—how could it be for worse?—he wanted to stay with Kelley that night.

  Alex knew he should’ve seen it coming, but he hadn’t been thinking or planning or wondering when it would happen. He’d just been in the moment with that beautiful man who seemed too good to be true. The sneaky grin on his face should’ve given a clue what he had been about to do.

  Kelley had reached his hand out and grabbed his neck, pulling his face toward him. Then they were all lips and tongue. A possessive crush of lips, erotic and carnal. It was need and want. It was motherfucking hot. It was like every kiss with him got better and better.