Letting Go

by Morningstar Ashley

  The feel of his large palm gripping his neck, the taste of wine on his tongue, the earthy scent that lived on Kelley’s skin all made Alex feel grounded and out of control all at the same time. He felt the moan leave him before he had a chance to pull it back. Kelley gave an answering moan and then he was up on his knees moving to straddle Alex’s legs. With Alex’s head tipped back, Kelley’s hands were back on him again, cupping each side of his head, holding him for the onslaught of his lips.

  Alex placed his hands on Kelley’s thighs, rubbing up and down. He started to feel desperate to feel Kelley’s skin instead of his jeans. He needed to be closer, to feel more of Kelley on him, he whimpered and sucked on his tongue, hoping that would send the message. Just like that Kelley broke the kiss, both of them panting, he put his forehead to Alex’s, his hands still cupping his face. “God, you taste good. I can’t seem to get enough,” He whispered.

  “Then why did you stop? Just keep kissing me.” Then his lips were back on Kelley’s, his tongue exploring every inch that his tongue could reach. And that time he made Kelley moan. Alex’s cock continued to swell in his pants, pushing against his zipper with each swipe of Kelley’s tongue.

  All Alex could think was, Yes!

  He missed that, the intimate contact with another man. Until now he hadn’t realized how much. Kelley smelled and tasted so good, it made stopping nearly impossible. Soon all he heard were their pants and moans, everything else had been drowned out. Alex’s hips were thrusting up, trying to get some kind of friction. His cock hard and pulsating with the beat of his heart. At that rate, he’d probably come in his pants like a teenager if they kept it up. Pulling his lips away just long enough to say, More, then they were back on Kelley’s. That brief second break from that torturous kiss was all he could take.

  In between kisses Kelley spoke. “We need…to go…to my bedroom.” Alex nodded against his lips, smiling because he hadn’t felt that good in what felt like forever. He was sure it was because of Kelley.

  They hadn’t made it to the bedroom before they were all over each other again. By the time, they’d reached the stairs inside Kelley was alternating between having his tongue in Alex’s mouth and sucking heated marks on his collarbone where he’d pulled his shirt aside. When they reached the landing on the stairs their shirts we off, dropped somewhere down below, all the while Kelley kept kissing him, groping him.

  He was sure that was what out of control felt like.

  Those were no sweet and soft kisses like the first time, those were fire and want. Kelley glided his hands over the skin on Alex’s sides while Alex wrapped his arms around Kelley, needing to feel flesh as much as Kelley seemed to. Finding soft skin over hard muscle he couldn’t help but keep running his hands up and down trying to soak it all in. Memorize every sensation and make it part of him.

  When they finally stumbled into Kelley’s bedroom they had been down to their boxers, pants left in the hallway outside. Their hands roaming heated skin, bodies pressed tightly together causing the most delicious pressure.

  Alex had pulled away then, he needed to taste him. He had stopped kissing Kelley in favor of licking a line down the curve of his throat, across his chest, nipping and tasting all he could. That seemed to ignite Kelley because the next thing he knew he was being pushed backward until his knees hit the mattress. They tumbled back in a tangle of legs and hurried touches.

  “Alex.” Kelley groaned deep from his chest the sound rumbling through Alex. The want in his voice lighting Alex’s body up like flames from a fire licking at his skin. It sounded like Kelley was purring as their naked flesh finally came in contact fully. Alex had to agree with him, the feel of Kelley’s skin rubbing against his, being able to glide his hands down his back, over his ass made a groan leave his throat unbidden.

  Kelley grabbed his hands and raised them over his head, pressing them into the mattress. He got the message, Stay. Then they were kissing again, tongues gnashing, hungry and urgent. Then Kelley’s mouth tore away from his and started moving down his body.

  Alex was torn. He was always so used to being in control that handing it over to Kelley was scary as fuck. It had felt like his heart skipped a beat in his chest and that numbness he usually got during one of his episodes had started to spread from his toes, up his legs. But Alex didn’t want that, he wanted Kelley, he could trust him. He did trust him. He knew that. But giving up his control hadn’t ever been so easy for him. It scared him how easy he let Kelley take it.

  Giving up the control he so tightly held onto in his everyday life, it could work. It could be just like Alex thought before, his safe bubble, nothing would invade that place. He could handle doing it here. No one ever made him want to surrender his self-control and give himself over to the pure sensation like that before.

  Alex took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Calming himself, breath after breath, before Kelley realized something had gone wrong, ruining what was so far, a perfect night. Kelley had let go of his hands but seemed oblivious to his struggle. Alex was relieved.

  His focus was brought back to what Kelley was doing, the panic receding, as he was licking and biting down Alex’s chest, stopping at his nipples, grabbing them between his teeth, sucking them into his mouth, which made tingles erupt all over his body. His head tipped back at the sensations, his eyes slipping closed, and his mouth biting out a curse under his breath.

  Fuck! God, that feels so good.

  “Your taste drives me crazy. I’m out of my fucking mind with how much I want you,” Kelley confessed. Then he moved with his tongue making a trail across Alex’s ribcage as he licked every part he could. All Alex could do was writhe beneath him, taking every bit of pleasure he was doling out.

  He still had his hands above his head where Kelley had placed them, his fingers latched onto the pillows. It was taking everything in him not to reach down and grab a hold of Kelley’s soft hair, knowing he couldn’t but wanting to be able to touch him in return.

  His senses were on overdrive trying to take every little feeling and savor it. Alex could feel his cock thrumming, straining to reach the mouth that was just so close, wanting so desperately to be in the wet warm heat, to feel those lips around him, and the suction pulling on him. Alex whimpered. Whimpered, for fuck’s sake. Does the man have no mercy? And then he was there, swirling his tongue around the head of his cock, down the shaft and back up in quick frantic motions, but never taking him in. His cock hurt it was so fucking hard.

  “Please!” Alex was losing his mind.

  Then Kelley was cupping his balls, gently squeezing and pulling, making Alex gasp with pleasure. And, just like that, his dick was enveloped in that hot mouth, right to the back of his throat. That had him groaning and finally letting go of the pillow, reaching for Kelley. His body straining against everything in him that told him to let loose. Alex could feel Kelley’s tongue running up and down tracing the long vein, his lips gliding up and down, over and over. A strangled moan escaped from Alex with each pass Kelley took. His lips were sinful and there was no way Alex could have them on him for long without coming.

  “I’m…if…you don’t…oh, god yeah!” Alex couldn’t speak coherent words if his life depended on it, he felt like he was dying from the onslaught that Kelley was delivering. He felt like he would be eviscerated into thin air if Kelley didn’t fuck him soon. Then Kelley’s mouth was gone.

  Not realizing he had squeezed his eyes closed, he opened them to see him rustling in the nightstand drawer, a signal that Kelley was getting the condom and lube. Just the thought of what came next sent a tremor through his body.

  Then Kelley was back, kneeling in front of him, dropping the condom and lube onto the bed. Kelley grabbed his legs pushing them up and back toward his chest. Alex immediately grabbed them to hold them in place. “You are so fucking hot, Alex. I could spend all day teasing you, fucking you and never have enough,” he said, as his ran his finger up and down his crevice. So lightly Alex thought he’d lose his mind. Every time
he’d pass over his hole Alex couldn’t help the moan that pushed out of him. Couldn’t help bucking up to the touch. Needing more, needing it harder.

  “Yes! I need you in me now, please,” Alex begged as Kelley’s hand reached for the lube and poured some on his fingers, the gel was cool when he had finally touched him. That time, he pressed against his hole, like he was going to push inside but didn’t, teasing Alex beyond anything he had ever experienced. Leveling up the want running through his body higher and higher with each press. Then gradually, like he was trying to get Alex’s head to explode from the teasing, he breached him.

  Yes!

  It had been so long that he had forgotten how amazing it felt to have something inside of him. He didn’t dare do more than jerk off in the shower so afraid of being caught. But that, that was what he had missed. The connection between two bodies feverish with want joining together. As his finger moved in and out Alex’s body he had used his other hand to hold his cheeks apart. He could see the desire fill Kelley’s eyes as he watched his finger enter his body over and over. “I can’t wait to get inside of you.” He spoke without moving his eyes like he couldn’t tear himself away long enough.

  “God damn, well then fuck me, already!”

  He sped up his actions, moving all the while Alex was sure he was going to shatter into a million pieces. His body protested and rejoiced at the same time. He was a mess of emotions and his words of More, Now, Yes, turned to desperate sounds of desire and greed and urgency.

  Then he heard the crinkling of a wrapper and knew that it was coming. He would finally be filled the way he needed to by Kelley. Night had fallen outside so the room that once had been filled with light so that he could see every detail and every emotion that flitted across Kelley’s face, was darkening at each minute passed, making it harder for him to see. He felt the loss deep in his chest and wondered how he had the ability to affect him so much.

  But before he could think on it Kelley had crawled up his body, spreading his legs wide with his own. He grabbed a hold of his hands that had once again been tightly anchored to the pillow, linking their fingers together before he spoke. “Look at me. Don’t forget anything I do to you. Know it’s me touching you, inside of you, marking you.”

  He did as Kelley told him, looked up into those eyes, and knew he would never forget. And that, more than anything else, had scared him.

  Letting go of one of his hands Kelley reached down, grabbing his cock and rubbing it over his hole before he nudged the tip inside of him. The pressure and burn were intense as his thickness stretched his hole. He worked to relax his muscles, pushing out. Anything to make it easier on them both. Because even though it was painful, he needed Kelley’s cock inside his ass now. It had been a lifetime since he had that feeling of being filled and his mind was unwilling to wait a second longer. Kelley rocked forward in shallow cautious thrusts.

  By the time Kelley was flush against his ass, Alex’s legs wrapped around his hips, he barely heard a sound over the thump, thump, thump of his own heartbeat vibrating in his chest, but he could feel them both breathing hard, chests rising and falling in a heedless union. Then it was all thrust and motion and need coursing through him. “Oh fuck,” Alex grunted out between thrusts. “So…good.”

  Sensations cascaded over him in waves. Each wave rolling over him gaining power and growing bigger and fiercer with each thrust. His hands grasping tighter to the hands that had a hold of his and held on for the ride. Every sensation had come down to the cock filling him, stretching him, pushing him further and further. Kelley had set a merciless rhythm that made his cock leak all over their abdomens as it was squeezed between them.

  He could hear Kelley speaking, barely able to comprehend what was spilling from his lips but one thing he heard over and over was his name. Alex. Like he was in awe of what he was feeling as much as Alex was. The way he kept saying it, with his lips close to his ear, felt like more. More than he could handle contemplating, more than he was ready for. It began to fill him, growing from his core through his arms, to his fingertips, down his chest, spreading through his legs, until he felt every part of him aching with it. He didn’t want to name it, he wanted to ignore it but Kelley had other ideas.

  “Open your eyes, Alex.” Kelley had pulled his head back, stopping his lips from licking and kissing his neck. Alex shook his head. He didn’t want to see. He wanted to just float here, riding the wave he was caught in, not be brought under by whatever emotion was happening between them. “Please, Alex. Look at me. I need to see those beautiful brown eyes. I need you to see what you do to me.”

  The pleading in his voice did it, against everything screaming in him that said No, don’t look! he opened his eyes, looking once again into those mesmerizing eyes seeing an emotion in them that scared him, making the wall around his heart crack. Knowing he couldn’t, wouldn’t acknowledge what Kelley clearly had wanted him to see, he shook his head again. Sadness bleeding in around the edges of Kelley’s eyes, Alex had known he was hurting him but unable to stop, unable to give anymore. “Please!” Alex begged again. Kelley, not one to push, did as he asked.

  He pulled Alex into a blistering kiss, Kelley’s tongue flicked hungrily over his. Their rhythm, which had slowed, picked up again. Kelley moved, angling his cock to hit his prostate at nearly every thrust. Each time he cried out it was a siren song to Kelley, pushing him to move faster, push harder. The slap of skin, the feel of the sweat on their skin sliding between them only heightened every need coursing through his body.

  Then he realized he was there, on the precipice of having what felt like the strongest orgasm of his life. He pleaded for more, not sure if there was more of him to give, but needing more of something. Kelley apparently knew what he needed, letting go of one of his hands, he reached between them grabbing for Alex’s cock.

  And with that, he was gone. Come spurted from him, shooting all over his stomach and Kelley’s hand, every muscle that had tightened suddenly unlocked and his release swept through him. Alex’s ass clamped down on Kelley’s cock, a second later Kelley was coming too. “Fuuuuuck,” he moaned loudly as he erupted into the condom, his hot breath whooshing out against Alex’s lips, as he held his cock deep inside him.

  Kelley released the hand he still held, his breathing shallow and fast as he gently pulled out, holding onto the condom and collapsing onto his left side. After catching their breath, Alex watched Kelley walk into the bathroom, tossing the condom in the trash can, cleaning himself up, and coming back with a fresh cloth for him. He was taken aback when Kelley started to wipe him down. He felt undone by the tenderness of the act. Alex knew he should’ve just taken the cloth and done it himself but as much as what Kelley did had scared him, of what it meant, he loved it. It was an intimacy he hadn’t had with anyone in years. One he never thought to experience again. One he was sure he couldn’t handle right then. Maybe never.

  Kelley flopped back on the bed curling around him when Alex had rolled away from him.

  Didn’t he see that Alex had needed some space?

  The more he flashed back to the look that Kelley had given him, during the most intense sex he’d had in years, the more his heart once again thundered in his ears. Trying to stay calm while Kelley was right next to him was imperative. He couldn’t let him see that part of him.

  Trying to stay as quiet as he could, as long as he could, he lay motionless, trying to keep his breathing under control, thinking while waiting for Kelley to fall asleep.

  What was he going to do? The plan was for friendship with sex, not all that messy shit like caring and love and…no! He didn’t want that. Loss was a part of his life, he knew that, but there was no reason not to try to mitigate that by keeping people at a distance, focusing on his sister, making sure he never lost her. But he found the idea of walking away from that an impossible thought.

  Once he heard Kelley’s soft steadied breathing he knew he could slip out of bed so he could think and try to fix it. Find a way around it. Bu
ild another wall to lock all that fucking shit behind. Just as Alex’s breath went rapid and shallow and the numbness started, Kelley fell asleep.

  He slipped out of bed with his focus completely on his breathing and making sure he got through another one of these stupid fucking panic…no, not that. He was fine. It was just stress.

  He just needed to keep his secret safe.

  As soon as he woke up, he felt like there was something missing. He stretched and rolled over, reaching for Alex, wanting to be close to him. He would never forget it, especially the look of pain that Alex had when he saw the overwhelming emotions that had swept across Kelley’s face. He hadn’t wanted that to happen. Kelley knew he wasn’t ready for any of that, but everything felt so big that it was hard to contain.

  When Kelley touched a cold, empty bed, he jolted, sat up with his hand still placed where Alex should’ve been, he contemplated whether Alex would’ve snuck out after what happened. Kelley didn’t think he was the type, he may try his best to keep even him at arm’s length, but Alex wasn’t callous, and he respected Kelley.

  Kelley decided instead of giving Alex space like he probably wanted, he wasn’t going to be put off so easily. Everyone in Alex’s life had backed off nearly as soon as he had pushed back. Kelley refused to be like all of those people. He may not push but he sure as shit wasn’t the walking away kind.

  Since it was in the middle of the night, the house was dark, but Kelley decided to forego any lights. He did not want to make Alex feel like he was barging in on him.

  Kelley grabbed his boxer briefs up off the floor in his bedroom slipping them on before he searched the bathroom, the other guest bedrooms upstairs then made his way downstairs. When he searched every room on that floor and the back deck he made his way back upstairs.