Letting Go

by Morningstar Ashley

  They finally settled down with their drinks and grabbing comfortable—as they could be on the floor—spots, with yet another Evie-picked movie. The girl loved her Disney movies so one after another they watched whatever movie she wanted.

  Alex and Kelley had chosen the same places to sit as last time, which Alex was all right with since Kelley seemed to be keeping his hands to himself. But that time around Evie didn’t sit on either of their laps, and that apparently gave Kelley the idea he could touch him.

  He didn’t do anything inappropriate but his touch, whether it was the hand on his thigh or when he draped his arm across the couch and drew circles on the exposed skin of his neck with his fingertips, spread chill bumps across Alex’s skin making his skin feel alive and sensitive. It was all innocent, except to Alex’s body, because it felt like Kelley was playing him like an instrument. Tweaking and strumming and fine tuning it to hit every note in a song only Kelley knew.

  Alex had never been more grateful for the end of a movie. He had jumped up quickly from the floor, picking up trash, and talking way too fast for, at the very least, Kelley to know that he had reached his desired reaction. And that is exactly why he needed to get away from the guy causing his traitorous body to rise to the occasion. Pun fucking intended.

  Alex had told Evie to take her shower and get in her pj’s during the intermission, while he’d been getting the food ready to have a late dinner since the movie distracted them from the time.

  Alex had been standing at the small island in the middle of the kitchen, moving food from the pans it had been heated up in onto plates that he then would move onto their picnic area. It was the best place to do it all since the stove was within easy reach to his left and the fridge was right behind him.

  He had just been putting a hot pan from the oven onto the trivet he had set on the island when Kelley walked into the room, leaning against the entryway. “Need any help?” Kelley spoke, his voice low and deep with what Alex had come to realize meant he was turned on. And, of course, Alex was too because of his touches and caresses just a few minutes before. His kitchen wasn’t the place to act on it no matter how much that voice tempted him to.

  “Nah, I got it. This is the last one to move to the platter.” Alex refused to look up, it would only make things worse.

  He got so lost in his task of cutting and moving the food piece by piece to the platter that he hadn’t been watching Kelley. Suddenly strong arms were pinning him to the counter, and Kelley’s heat surrounded him.

  “Alex, put the food down.”

  He swallowed, hard. All he wanted to do was lean back, giving him access to the skin on his neck. He loved that spot on his neck licked and bitten and sucked. He wanted to give in to that temptation with Kelley so much it was getting more and more difficult to be rational.

  “I have to finish moving the foo—” Alex’s words cut off when Kelley sucked his earlobe into his mouth using his teeth to bite at the lobe. Alex’s words turned into a choked sound.

  “Alex?” Kelley spoke low against his neck, his hot breath fanning across his skin causing a tremor to run down his spine. He felt like he could’ve exploded right there in the middle of his kitchen.

  “Hmmm.”

  “I want to kiss you. Turn around.”

  He did. The demand itself cranking up his arousal even more. Logical thinking had been beyond him at that point. All he could think of was Kelley’s lips on him, and it didn’t matter where. Once he turned around, Kelley wrapped his arms around his waist pulling him flush against his body.

  He could feel Kelley’s breath on his lips. Just barely touching Alex’s lips with his own. That was Kelley’s way of leaving the decision to him, allowing him to decide if he wanted the kiss bad enough while his little sister was in the other room.

  He wouldn’t push him.

  He never pushed him.

  Alex knew he wanted that kiss. Wanted Kelley to take the kiss, to own his mouth. He wanted his tongue and taste to fill him. To help him let go, to just feel without his mind getting in the way. And Kelley proved last night that he was able to overwhelm his senses.

  He leaned forward just enough to lick at Kelley’s lips and whispered, “Yes.”

  No sooner than the words left his mouth, his lips were on Alex’s, and his tongue was filling his mouth. The feeling of that overwhelming heat, just as it always was when they kissed, filled him.

  He had felt his blood pulsing through him at the same time it felt like every hair on his body stood at attention. His body went from chill bumps to heat consuming every fiber of his being.

  His cock strained against his pants demanding, needing, longing to be touched. Kelley’s lips were warm and soft, insistent in the torture. Alex opened his mouth, he couldn’t help it, not when he had the chance to taste Kelley on his tongue.

  Then Kelley turned them, pushing Alex up against the cold fridge that was behind him. The cold a shock, making him gasp out loud. He grabbed the belt loops on Kelley’s pants pulling him closer, needing more. At the same time, he pushed his hips toward Kelley to get the friction his cock was begging for, Kelley slid his hand under Alex’ shirt finally touching his skin.

  Somewhere in his lust-addled brain he heard giggling. Little girl giggling. Shit! Kelley must’ve heard it at the same time because suddenly he took a quick step back, still facing Alex. His usual amused smirk playing at his wet kiss-swollen lips. The sight making him want to do nothing more than to kiss him again.

  But his little sister was there.

  Peeking over Kelley’s shoulder, he saw her in the entryway of the kitchen, in her polka dot nightgown and Ninja Turtle slippers. Not sure how he was going to handle the situation, he used the barrier Kelley’s body was providing and adjusted his dick before he stepped around him.

  Before any words had left his mouth, she started singing, “Alex and Kelley sitting in a tree, k.i.s.s.i.n.g…” Shocked for a split-second he didn’t move but realizing that she was making fun of him, he went to chase her at the same time Kelley grabbed his arm to stop him as she danced out of the room still singing.

  Alex whirled on Kelley about to yell at him only to notice the jackass was trying and failing, to not laugh. “Kelley! It’s not funny.” He crossed his arms over his chest completely aware he was pouting but didn’t care.

  Kelley, still chuckling, walked over to him and wrapped his arms around him, kissing the side of Alex’s head. “She seemed to take that well,” Kelley said with laughter in his voice. Alex wanted to stay mad, but it was kind of funny, even if she was making fun of him. He smiled against Kelley’s neck and leaned into the embrace enjoying the hell out of being wrapped up in that man.

  Once they separated, Alex finished with the food, and they brought it all out to the blankets together, calling his bratty little sister in, who was still singing that damn song, to grab the paper plates and plastic ware.

  “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage…wait, Alex? You never did say how you’d have a baby.”

  Alex shook his head refusing to answer that question. He would avoid it at all costs for as long as he could because he was in no way ready to answer all the hundreds of questions she would most likely ask that he probably didn’t even know that answer to. He turned to Kelley who thankfully looked as horrified as Alex felt and asked, “Do you see? I’m lucky I don’t have a head full of gray hair.” Turning back to Evie, he replied, “Not now, little girl. Maybe when you’re forty I’ll have an answer.”

  They settled down, ate, and watched the last movie with running commentary and laughter like all the other films. All too soon it was over and time for Evie to go to sleep.

  They hadn’t done much that day but sit and relax, but Alex was still exhausted by the time he was done running through Evie’s nighttime routine. Kelley had walked in from the kitchen with drinks for them when Alex had crashed on the loveseat head tipped back, and sat next to him.

  “Thank you for moving all the fu
rniture back, Kelley.”

  “No problem. It was the least I could do for you having what turned out to be one of the most fun movie nights I’ve ever had.”

  “Evie is a riot. It was no big deal, though. We do them a couple of times a year with just the two of us.”

  “Evie really loves movies,” Kelley said.

  “Oh yeah, she loves all things movies and music. I used to be a big movie watcher.”

  “Not anymore? Not even with having to watch with her?”

  “Honestly, most times I work while she watches movies. The only exception is movie night, like tonight,” Alex replied feeling a little guilty for the admission.

  “You must work as much as I do then.” Kelley chuckled.

  “Yeah, I kind of need to since it’s our sole income, but I do love it, so that helps.”

  “Can I ask a question?”

  Alex instantly felt unease course through him. In his experience, people didn’t ask that question unless it was one they thought the other person wouldn’t like. “Sure.”

  “First, I just want to say that you don’t have to answer.” Alex nodded. “What happened with the guy, your boyfriend, you’d been living with back when you left Vivid?”

  Alex had to pause, take a deep breath. There was no way he could talk about that with him, with anyone. It was too hard, and it was a rule he created for himself, to survive, to get through. Lock it away. But he did owe him something, maybe just the simplest answer is best.

  “All I’ll say is that Ryan and I have been broken up for a little over three years after he basically walked out on us one night and he immediately moved out of town for another job.”

  “You haven’t spoken or heard from him since? Hadn’t you been together a while?”

  Heard from him? The thought alone brought on the pain that he had been trying to keep himself closed off from. For so long after that night, Alex had thought that Ryan would see how wrong he was and come running back or that Ryan realized how much he loved Alex and call wanting to come home. But all those thoughts ever brought was more pain, more distraction from the things that were important.

  “No, I haven’t and yes, for three years.” He closed his eyes, breathing through the pain that had assaulted his heart at those words. Repeating in his mind lock it away, lock it away, lock it away until he could feel his heartrate steady and the thoughts of Ryan clear his mind.

  When he had opened his eyes, it was to see Kelley’s looking at him with concern and his hand now resting on Alex’s arm with his thumb drawing circles. “Can we not talk about this anymore, please?”

  Kelley nodded but thankfully didn’t say anything in return.

  Forty-five minutes later he found himself leaning against his doorway, kissed out of his mind, turned on beyond measure, and Kelley walking toward the elevator with a smug expression on his face.

  Maybe he should take a cold shower.

  Kelley’s day hadn’t gone as planned. He wasn’t a stickler for that stuff but a wrench being thrown in what he thought was going to be a well-ordered day was never easy to deal with. Feeling rushed annoyed him more than anything. He hated feeling as though he wasn’t putting his best foot forward and being rushed always made him feel like he was missing something.

  He had managed, with the hard work of his team and Delilah, to get through most of what they had to go over for the intern proposal and his daily tasks, for him to leave a little early. Well, early for him, but before dinner was early for him most days.

  He couldn’t help it though. Alex was sick and being more stubborn than normal. When they’d talked earlier in the day, Alex had tried to act tough and claim he was fine, he didn’t need anything or anyone.

  Yeah, like Kelley was buying that.

  Apparently, he’d started to feel sick the day before but hadn’t said anything to Kelley when they’d spoken on the phone. The man knew how to be obstinate that was for sure.

  Evie had called Kelley from Alex’s phone that morning before she headed off to school to tell him not to come over because Alex had the plague. Alex hadn’t appreciated his sister’s humor if the yelling he’d done in the background meant anything.

  He had called and texted Alex checking in throughout the day. He’d gotten a minimal response from him. The main thing he kept repeating was, “I’m all right.” From the sound of his voice, it was a line of bullshit.

  Kelley decided to call one more time before he left to go over to Alex’s house, just in case he needed anything. He’d probably be mad that he was coming over, but Kelley didn’t care. He was going to help.

  “Hello?” Alex’s voice was low and raspy which just solidified Kelley’s desire to go over.

  “Hey, it’s me. I’m coming over and bringing you some soup.”

  “No, you are not. You’re working, and I told you already I’m fine.”

  “Yeah, just as good as you sound too, I bet.”

  “Stop being a jackass. Besides, I’m leaving in a few minutes anyway.” Kelley could hear Alex moving and some rustling like he was either getting dressed or getting up from bed.

  “You are too sick to go anywhere, Alex. When was the last time you were able to keep food down?”

  “That doesn’t matter, I have to go get Evie from rehearsal at six tonight.”

  “Alex, you cannot go to a rehearsal with a bunch of kids when you’re sick. And I bet you’re too weak to even get out of the apartment with all the vomiting you’ve been doing.”

  “She’s my responsibility. I have to get her, and like I said, I’m fine. When I get my shoes on, I’m going.”

  “Why don’t you ask if Ben or Kinsley can go get her?” Shit, Kelley had never met someone so determined to not lean on others in his life. Even Peter wasn’t that bad.

  “I can’t, they’re out of town for an extended weekend.” Alex’s voice sounding weaker and weaker by the second.

  “Okay, then let me go get her, Alex. Baby, you sound like you couldn’t make it to the kitchen let alone across town.”

  “I. Said. I’m. Fine!”

  Kelley sighed knowing he couldn’t force him to accept his help. It would only push him away. “Okay, at least let me stay on the phone with you while you go get her.”

  “Fine.” Kelley heard more movement, probably Alex getting up from the couch since that’s where he moved to work earlier in the day when he heard a small gasp from Alex. “Oh.”

  “Alex?”

  “Dizzy,” Alex whispered.

  “Just sit down.” Then Kelley heard a bang. “Alex?!” Nothing. “Alex, what happened?” More silence. “Alex!”

  Kelley had finally heard something, like a muted swish.

  “Fuck. Stop yelling,” Alex said with a muffled voice.

  “You scared me. What happened?”

  “I…got fucking dizzy and…” Alex sighed, “…my whole body turned to jelly. I dropped the phone and fell back on the couch. Just took a few seconds for the room to stop fucking spinning like a top.”

  “Oh, baby. Are you feeling a bit better now?”

  “Yeah. No, not really.” Silence filled the line for a moment before he continued, “Umm, Kelley?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Can…shit. I still hate it, but can you go get Evie from rehearsal, please?”

  “Of course. Absolutely. I know this isn’t easy for you.”

  “It’s not. I’ll call the play director and let her know what’s going on. You’ll need a note from me, so I’ll write one and send you a screenshot, bring it with you. She’ll be at the school in the auditorium around the back side of the school near the gym.”

  “I can do that. We’ll be there soon.”

  He left an hour later, note in hand, and instructions with Delilah to call him if anything came up. He was leaving early for him, but the office would still have employees working away for a few more hours, and plenty could go wrong.

  He stopped by one of his favorite delicatessens for some of the owner’s amazing chicken s
oup and some sandwiches for Evie and himself. He went simple for her since he wasn’t sure what she ate and as she was only eight years old with Alex’s taste buds, she wouldn’t much like anything out of the box.

  After what seemed like forever of trying to find his way through that maze of hallways he arrived at the auditorium. There was the stage to the very back of the room where the kids were all sitting in a row listening to who Kelley assumed was the play director he had to see.

  As he made his way down the aisle to the right, the kids started singing. Instead of taking a seat Kelley stood in the aisle behind all the parents that had been sitting in the seats.

  When the song ended the director dismissed the kids and they scrambled up and off the stage, grabbing bags, and finding their parents. Kelley made his way through the crowd, showed his note to the director and went to find Evie in a sea of tiny children.

  “Kelley!” Evie had run up to him just as he had approached a couple of moms who also seemed to be waiting for children. Before he had said anything, she had started frantically rambling, “What are you doing here? Is Alex okay? Did something happen? Why isn’t he here?” By the time, she finished she was breathing hard, and her pupils were blown wide.

  “Kiddo, calm down. Alex is okay. He’s just feeling sick and is home resting. We thought it was best that he stay home and I get you. Is that okay?”

  She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the corner of the room. She placed him with his back to the room, grabbing a stuffed animal out of her backpack. Kelley thought it was a penguin, but it was worn and had some weird Velcro thing on the front. She had immediately started to rub her hand on the rough spot and close her eyes breathing deeply in and out, over and over.

  He had wanted to kneel and comfort her, but he assumed she placed him there to block her from the rest of the room. He waited about a minute before he spoke. “Kiddo? You okay?”

  Taking one last deep breath, she opened her eyes, looked right at Kelley and said, “Yeah. Sorry. I thought something was wrong with Alex. He always comes to pick me up.”