Keep Jumping / No Hating

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  “Do I have to go?” I whispered.

  “You know the answer to that. No, you don’t. If I say you do have to go, you might go somewhere else you’re not ready for. Your father knows that too. He wants you to go home on your terms, but he wants you to know that he’s sorry, and that he wants to talk to you. Those are the two things he told me to tell you. As parents, we make mistakes. Again, I’m not trying to go all into detail about what happened with you and your dad, but I know it can’t be so bad that you can’t forgive him.”

  “It was bad,” I said to her before looking down.

  “Have you ever done anything that you needed him to forgive you for?” she asked.

  That was a trick question because she knew the answer was yes. I knew where she was going with this. If I had done something wrong before then, I needed to forgive him as he had forgiven me.

  Making her job easier, I said, “I got it.” I stood with outstretched arms. “I know parents aren’t perfect, and I appreciate you admitting that, Mama B, but sometimes y’all do stuff that break us down, and I thought your job was to lift us up.”

  She put her arms around me and said, “Point taken. For someone to be so wise and make such a profound statement, you can build your own self up. You don’t need to look to your dad, friends, or anyone else to give you happiness. Dig way deep down in your soul and find your own path. I’ma need for you to be strong because when your girlfriend, Miss Eva, walks her little butt up in my house, and it’s after three o’clock in the morning, she will get down, and she’ll need a counselor. I’m sure whatever it was with your dad didn’t mess you up the way your girlfriend’s about to be jacked.”

  “Huh,” I said huffing, thinking if she only knew.

  “Cut your father some slack, catch some sleep here, and I’ll tell him you’ll be home in the morning. Is that good?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  The next day when I pulled up, my dad’s car was there. He was usually at his shop early on Saturday mornings. I did not know what I was going to find. Was Greta there with him? Was he still angry with me? Or did he even care that I was back home? I opened the door and saw him rise up from his recliner. He rushed over to the door, displaying the same remorseful face that I saw last night.

  “Hallie, I apologize about last night. I don’t wanna keep on saying I’m sorry. I overheated and I crossed the line with you. I know some parents spank, slap, and kick, but that’s never been me and you. Oh, look at your face, it’s a little puffy. I knew I hit you too hard. I just couldn’t believe the things you were saying, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I love you, baby. You are my number one girl. That’s never gonna change,” he expressed with full emotion.

  “Dad, please, don’t tell me what you think I wanna hear. I was just with Ella and she was right. Maybe only wanting to hear the good stuff isn’t good for me. I’m not ready for you to have a girlfriend. I just have to go on the record and say that. However, I know you need to be happy, and you need to love your life. But I’m simply not ready for that, Dad.”

  “I know, baby,” he said, as he grabbed me and let me cry on his chest. “Don’t worry about that. We’ll get this figured out. Right now we need to get me and you solid again, get our connection flowing the right way. Tell me you forgive me, baby,” he pleaded in a caring tone.

  “I’m sorry too, Dad. I forgive you, but I need you to forgive me for being a jerk. I know I pushed all the wrong buttons, but I just thought you and mom—”

  He cut me off and said, “Come on, Hallie, not . . . not that again. Your mom and I are never gonna get back together. Ever. That’s over. I don’t even know if she’s got herself together . . . I don’t know, I just . . . I don’t wanna talk about your mom. I’m not trying to get upset again,” he said. “I’m gonna go work on your car, wanna help me?”

  “You going to work on my clunker?” I said, knowing it had been on its last legs for a bit.

  “Yeah, maybe we can bond, hang out, fix it up. Would you like that?”

  “Yes,” I said, remembering days when I’d just hang out with my dad at the mechanic shop and be his little assistant.

  For us to do that again really meant a lot to me. He walked back over to me, put both of his hands on my face, and said, “I just wanna tell you, I love you so much, and we’re gonna continue to talk to each other and not let emotions get out of hand anymore. Okay?”

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  We were bonding, and it was a great thing. I was glad that I didn’t seriously think about ending my life. That was yesterday’s drama. What a difference a day made! Note to self: a good team keeps playing until the game is over. Life could change in a moment, and it could change for the better; you never know.

  My girls really did have a huge influence over me. I took every single word that Ella boldly told me to heart. I needed to quit looking at what other people had that I wanted and figure out a way to better me instead. Not only did my dad fix my car and have it riding perfectly, but he gave it a paint job, and he knocked out some of the dents. My ride wasn’t brand new like Charli’s pretty, black BMW, but it wasn’t a dud anymore either. It had a little flare, and I had some confidence that it was not going to break down at any moment.

  Already I was moving in the right direction. Being more proud and satisfied, my dad gave me some money to take tumbling lessons so I could try and get the skills I lacked. I was headed to the Cheertowne gym and secretly hoped to see Amir from my school. If he wasn’t there, I really hoped there was someone who could teach me what I thought was impossible—how to tumble. I could not believe I had the nerve to try this.

  When I pulled up to the gym and saw all of the cars, I lost my nerve. Actually, I started getting antsy. My dad was in his car behind me. He had to follow me over to sign waivers.

  After parking and not getting out, he knocked on my window and said, “Let’s go in.”

  I shook my head. He tried to open my car door, but it was locked. The knots in my stomach had grown in size from golf balls to softballs.

  “Come on, baby, you can do this. You want me to take the tumbling lessons too? If you don’t get outta that car, I will take the lesson and show you that it’s no sweat to flip.”

  The last thing I wanted to do was have my father embarrass me or have people gossip. As I saw a crowd of folks walk inside and stare, I knew they would be able to identify him with me. Because I took too long to think, he headed inside.

  I quickly got out and hollered, “Okay, okay, I’m gonna try. I don’t want you to pay for a whole month though. I just wanna take one class. Let’s just see how that goes because there’s no need for me to stay if I can’t perform.”

  When I walked into the gym, it was super crowded. There were a lot of little girls. I could peek into the gym and see so many people tumbling on the wall-to-wall mats and doing their thing. I had to get this, but truly I felt too old to learn. I hated how I was second-guessing myself. When I saw a familiar girl, I exhaled because I was so relieved.

  “Hey, you go to my school don’t you?” I asked the girl at the counter. My dad was busy filling out papers.

  “Yeah, I’m Lexus. I’m a senior at Lockwood High.”

  Intrigued I asked, “You work here?”

  “Yeah, I’m teaching tumbling.”

  I started biting my nails. It was a really bad habit. With the acrylics my dad had invested in, I had not been biting them lately. However, when I was super nervous and sick to my stomach, my fingers just managed to find a way into my mouth, and there was nothing I could do about it.

  “You’ll be fine,” she said. “Let’s get to work.”

  I started looking around the gym. I knew I was looking for Amir, but I couldn’t find him. So I had to try with her.

  “You want me to stay?” my dad asked, seeing I was scared.

  “No, Dad. That’s why I drove my car. You go on ahead and work. You stayed home with me yesterday. You’re already behind. I’ll see you afterwards. Thanks so much.�
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  “Well, come by the shop when you’re done. You know I can’t hear the cell ringing,” my dad said, “and I wanna hear how the session went.” He gave me a peck on the cheek and was gone.

  After I warmed up, Lexus and I tried flipping. I watched to see what she was doing, and she expected me to do it, but that wasn’t working. When she tried to flip me over, she wasn’t strong enough. She wanted me to do a backbend, but that was difficult too. I was so frustrated.

  Just when I was about to give up, the place erupted with little girls laughing. Amir had walked into the gym, and all the little girls ran up to him like he was some rock star or something. It was amazing to watch. He bent down and gave them all high-fives. He was really cool with those babies. Not only did Amir know the right things to say, it was apparent he knew what to do. Lexus stopped paying attention to me. Checking him out I saw that he was muscular and quite handsome—even more handsome than I remembered.

  “I’ll be right back. Keep stretching,” she said. She rushed over to the mayhem.

  She tried to tell the little tumblers to keep working out, but they didn’t wanna work with the other coaches. They wanted to work with Amir. Maybe he had the magic touch? I so wished he’d come over and help me, but I knew that was going to be impossible. I knew I looked awkward in there working out. I sure felt gangly. Then an older gentleman came out and called Lexus into his office, and Amir came over to me.

  Amir playfully said, “Hey, so I see you took me up on coming to the gym. You think you can do this, huh?”

  “You told me I could. I’m starting to doubt it, but I figured I’d give it a try. Why? Can you help?” I flirted back.

  “Yeah, I was coming in today to pick up a check, but I don’t mind helping at all. If you’re okay with that. Put your hands over your head and bend back.”

  “We just tried that, and it didn’t work.”

  “I got you, try it,” Amir encouraged.

  He put his arm underneath my back. “Just go back and put your hands on the mat.”

  I took a deep breath and bent backwards. Before I knew it, he pushed my hands back a little. I had done it.

  “Kick over,” he commanded.

  That was a joke, but somehow I found the strength and I did it. When he wanted me to flip forward, I thought he was joking, but I tried it and fell, toppling Amir as well. He landed on me and our eyes locked. Our hearts were both racing; I could feel his beating in unison with mine. There was something about Amir that attracted me, and I could tell he was attracted to me too.

  “If you’re committed to this, we can get you tumbling. You’ve got muscles. You want it. You just got to get over your fear, and I think that’s gonna come with practice. These mats aren’t going to let you hurt yourself. As long as I’m standing here, you’ll be fine. Are you in?” His eyes asked the same question and I nodded. “The goal is to have you doing handsprings in a couple of weeks.”

  “That’s impossible,” I told him.

  “I don’t believe in impossible. Whatever it is that I want, I go get.”

  “Well, I think you better get up before these little kids around here get the wrong idea.”

  “I’m not getting you all steamed up, am I?”

  “Ha-ha-ha,” I laughed because of course the answer was yes, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.

  When we both stood up and he quickly turned away, I could see that his pants started getting a little tight. I realized I was getting him excited too. Yeah, Amir was into me in a way he could not control. We kept practicing and smiling. How cool, a connection made.

  CHAPTER 3

  Gotta Try

  Randal, Ella, and I made our way to the locker room to change for gym class. “Okay, so you got to give us the scoop,” Randal said.

  I was smiling, but I was not telling. I looked at both of them and just shook my head. I was known as the girl with the big mouth, but ironically I was keeping my mouth closed.

  Ella chimed in and said, “Seriously, Hallie, don’t even shut us out. Charli said something about some guy you were talking to at the dance. You came over to my house, and you didn’t even say anything. Who is the guy?”

  “It’s nothing like that,” I snickered.

  “Okay, we’ll discuss the details and determine if it’s nothing like that. Just tell us everything,” Randal demanded.

  “Yeah, talk to us. Does the guy play football?” I shook my head and Ella continued. “Does he play basketball?”

  I shook my head again. I did not want them to go down the road they were trotting. However, I could not keep them from drilling me.

  “Well, is he on the baseball team?” Ella asked.

  Randal cut in and said, “Do we even have a baseball team?”

  Ella answered, “That’s right, no. So he runs track and field.”

  “I don’t think he’s in any of those sports,” I said to them.

  “Is he in the band, drumline, throwing down, or something?” Ella questioned, as she was really trying to put this guy in a group.

  I did not realize it, but the questions they were asking were starting to annoy me. I did not know if it was because I thought they were being too nosey or that I did not like their snobby standards. Why did the guy have to be in anything? But deep down I knew I wanted him to be known too.

  One of the few memories of my mom was the fact that she loved watching the movies Grease and Grease 2. There were these two groups: the Pink Ladies and the T-birds. They could not date just anybody. They had to date somebody within their own clique because they had a rep to protect. I guess I had an ideal guy in my mind that I was looking for. Not only did I want him to be handsome, charming, and into me, but I also wanted him to be popular. I was too quick to understand that Amir was not in the in crowd.

  “Okay, so this guy isn’t in anything. Hopefully he’s smart,” Ella said, trying not to say that he’s a loser.

  I shrugged my shoulders because I had no clue. It was not like I asked him for his résumé and report card. When I thought about being with him at Cheertowne, I knew he may not have any of the usual tags we females deem as prime dating material, but he definitely had swag.

  “I told y’all there’s nothing to tell. It’s just a guy I talked to a couple of times. He works at a gym. It’s no big deal,” I uttered, trying to get them off my back.

  “A guy who works at a gym?” Ella teased. “I don’t know about that one, and you know I always have something good to say. That’s a little suspect. He wasn’t fruity-acting was he?”

  “See, why it got to be all that? Why you got to go there?” I said, wanting to defend my new friend. “It’s no big deal.”

  I slammed my locker shut. They knew when it came to friends that I didn’t discriminate. They also knew I’d never like a guy who didn’t like girls. Why were they pushing me? Needing distance from my girls, I went to wash my hands. I bumped into Lexus from Cheertowne and my eyes widened, knowing she heard my conversation.

  “Hey,” I said to her, trying to play it off. “I didn’t know you were in this class. I didn’t know seniors had to take it.”

  Coldly, she said, “Not that I owe you an explanation, but I need it to graduate, so I’m taking it now. Excuse me.”

  “Lexus, it’s me, Hallie, from the gym. Why you acting like that?” I asked. I was confused by her tone.

  Lexus rolled her neck and eyes at me and said, “I don’t know, maybe because cheerleaders get on my nerves. I heard you dissing my friend like it’s no big deal to call him practically gay and stuff. And to think I thought you were cool. Amir thinks you’re cool.”

  “I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. I didn’t say anything bad about him or anything.”

  “Of course not. But did you straighten out your girls? And I could tell from your voice that you felt that because he wasn’t a jock, Amir was not worth telling your girls about. I wonder if he’ll think it’s cool that you think so little of him,” she said. She scurried around me, bumping my shoulder
as she exited the locker room.

  “Wait. Where you going? Let me explain,” I said as I opened the locker room door.

  I did a double take as I saw Lexus rush up to Amir. When he saw me, he smiled and waved. I was so embarrassed. I turned around quickly and tried to go back in the locker room, but I could not get the door open. I tried pushing the door, but Randal and Ella were pushing from the inside.

  “What’d you forget? Turn around or we’ll be late,” Randal said. “You know Coach Woods wants us to set an example as cheerleaders and not be tardy for her class.”

  “That’s the guy, y’all,” I said. I was too nervous to turn around.

  Ella got excited and asked, “Where? Who is he? The way you ran off, we knew you liked him.”

  “You don’t know him, okay? But . . .” I paused and motioned my head in the direction that Amir and Lexus were standing. “He’s talking to that girl over there.”

  “The one who’s pointing at us?” Randal said, taken aback.

  “Looks like he’s already taken,” Ella remarked, not realizing that she was unveiling to me why Lexus was tripping out.

  That’s when it dawned on me. How ditsy was I? Lexus was salty with me because she liked Amir, and when we were at Cheertowne, she saw our connection too. Who knew what she was telling him? Had I thrown him under the bus by not defending him to my friends? Was I truly embarrassed that he was not a jock?

  When Amir walked away and did not come over to me, I knew I messed up. Amir was walking over to Coach Strong’s side of the gym. I was able to exhale a little bit because that meant he was not actually in my gym class but just had gym during the same period. Not knowing what I was going to say to him, I knew I needed to say something. He was a big deal to me. I had only known him for a short time. I met him on Friday night and this was Monday morning. Though my world had been a little crazy over the weekend, he was a bright spot in it, and I had to fix things.