The Fireman's Secret

by Jessica Keller

  “But that’s the thing, I did marry Sarah.”

  Joel crossed his arms over his chest. “Now I’m confused.”

  “I got my childhood dream. Sarah and I married and had a few great years together. Blessed years.” He stared up at the ceiling. “She was shot outside the mentoring center she founded in Brookside.”

  What could Joel say? It was a tragedy. He stared at Caleb. Even back in the day, Brookside had been an urban nightmare full of gangs and random violence. If they’d wanted a thrill, teens in Goose Harbor used to challenge each other to drive to Brookside and cruise the main street with their doors unlocked. He could only imagine how dangerous it had become after the economic downturn.

  But shot? “I’m so sorry.” His words came out so much softer than they’d sounded in his head.

  “Thank you. It was hard. Who am I kidding? It’s still hard.” Caleb stood and paced a few feet away.

  Joel inched to the edge of the couch. “Why are you telling me this?”

  Caleb faced him. “Because childhood dreams can come true—all dreams can. But dreams, both getting them and living them, aren’t always easy and pain free.”

  “Okay.” Why was he saying all of these things?

  “Back when we were teens, you dreamed of a family. I want you to know you can stop looking. You have that here.”

  “But I—”

  “Families don’t always look like what we think they will. Take me. I no longer have parents, but I have Shelby, and Maggie might be my first wife’s sister, but she’s become like family to me. Now I have Paige. I misjudged you at first, but if you’re willing to forgive me, you’re welcome to be part of our patchwork family. If you want to be.”

  Tears stung the back of Joel’s eyes. “I forgave you when you asked. That’s done.”

  “Good.” Caleb smiled. “But don’t remember the pain part, okay? Sometimes dreams look different when we live them, but they’re still good and God’s still in control of them. Just hang on to that.”

  “I will. Thank you. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “You don’t need to say anything else. But time’s a wasting, brother. Let’s go celebrate.” Caleb held out his hand and helped Joel off the couch.

  As Joel walked back outside with Caleb, a million thoughts ran through his head. The loudest one, though, was a single word: family. A lifetime of wishing for that conversation and it had happened. Sure, it wasn’t like he’d pictured all those years ago. Not a couple of parents asking if he wanted them to adopt him, but God was his parent, right? And now he could add sibling-like friendships.

  Caleb was right. Dreams could come true.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Shelby glanced over at Joel as he parked his truck in the lot near the beach. After spending most of the reception flirting with each other, they’d decided to head back to Goose Harbor for a midnight stroll. They’d stopped at her apartment so she could change into sweats and walking shoes. He’d brought a change of clothes to the wedding and had changed out of his suit at the church, but they’d still swung by his place to pick up Dante so he could join in the fun.

  Joel pulled out a pack of cinnamon gum and offered her a piece.

  She shook her head. “You’re always chewing that stuff.”

  He tossed the pack of gum onto the dashboard. “That’s because a teen at one of my foster homes told me that Frankenstein came after boys that smelled like mint.”

  “That’s horrible!” She hid a laugh.

  Joel winked at her. “I was terrified and haven’t used mint-flavored anything since. Cinnamon gum and toothpaste became my standby.”

  “So you’re still afraid of Frankenstein?”

  “I’ll never tell. Besides, this story was your personal thing from me for the day. You’ll have to ask about Frankenstein tomorrow.”

  “I just might.” She stretched her toes. “It feels amazing being out of those heels.”

  “I’ll take your word for it.” Joel grinned at her and her heart squeezed. He really was such a handsome man. With his black hair, deep hazel eyes and a dark five-o’clock shadow across his jaw, he possessed many of the qualities that lent themselves to a bad-boy vibe, but his character was far from the look. She doubted he’d ever intentionally hurt anyone or anything. After all, one of the main duties of his job was saving lives.

  It was interesting how things worked out in life. Take Joel’s profession, for example. Ever since the fire, Shelby had secretly admired firefighters. A man in a face mask and fire suit had been her hero that day. So, of course, she would like firefighters above all others. Now she sat beside one, and more than likely he would be the first man she trusted with her guarded secret.

  Dante wiggled with excitement when Joel opened his truck door.

  Joel wrapped the leash twice around his hand. “He might be old and arthritic, but he can still be a handful, especially when he catches wind of something.”

  “I know!” She swung out of her side of the vehicle. An image of the last time she’d walked Dante flashed through her mind. She had been texting Maggie on her phone while the dog had plodded along, and before she had known what was happening, Dante had taken off. “Sometimes when he sees a squirrel I feel like he’s going to take my arm out of its socket. It’s a good thing he listens well.”

  Shelby set a slow pace down the beach that Joel matched.

  “When he can hear you. Poor old guy.”

  Encouraged by Joel’s warm smile and still feeling sentimental from the wedding, Shelby situated herself by Joel’s side and took hold of his hand. He repositioned it so their fingers could lace together.

  Their shoes squeaked in the sand. A fish flipped out of the water a couple of feet offshore. Dante barked and jolted for the water, making them both laugh.

  Shelby broke the silence first. “Speaking of walking dogs, I got a lead on a possible new client today.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “I was talking to Jenna Crest at the wedding and she said her neighbors were looking for someone to walk their golden retriever while they were at work. It sounds like he’s young and has a lot of energy. He’s been chewing their furniture while they’re both at work.” A gust of wind tossed cold air from the lake at them. Shelby shivered and tugged up the hood of her sweatshirt. “They live on the edge of town so I can bike there until the weather gets bad and, hopefully by then, I’ll have a car.”

  Joel pumped her hand once. “That sounds like a start. I’ve been wondering if you’ve given any more thought to what you wanted to do going forward.”

  “With us?”

  He coughed in a failed attempt to hide a chuckle. “I thought that was pretty evident.”

  “Oh. Right.” Heat rose up her neck. Thankfully, it was too dark outside for him to be able to see it, and even if it hadn’t been, her hood would have covered her embarrassment. “You meant about working.”

  “If I’m remembering correctly, you said you wanted to figure out something where you wouldn’t have to travel from home to home, but you could still work with dogs.”

  She shrugged. “As you can see, I’m no closer to coming up with an idea than I was all those weeks ago. I don’t have a college degree to flash around at businesses to secure a job, and I can’t imagine sitting behind a desk for the rest of my life anyway.” If only she’d been brave enough to do what she had wanted all those years ago. Venture out. But it was too late now. “I’m left with few options. If the money situation gets really bad, I can probably get a summer job at the candy shop or one of the restaurants in town, but that would be temporary at best. Looks like I’m stuck dog-sitting.”

  “What about being a dog obedience instructor? You have such a talent for calming animals. It’d be a shame to waste a gift like that.”

  Shelby stopped and studied Joel’s face, and found his expression open and sincere. He wasn’t teasing her. He saw value in pursuing a vocation she loved. Everyone else told her she’d grow out of her love for dogs one d
ay. That she’d need a real job at some point. Not Joel. He suggested options she hadn’t thought about. He encouraged her passion when others didn’t even try to understand it.

  She toed the sand. “I think you have to have a certificate to prove you know what you’re doing.”

  “Well, we’ll think of something.” He crossed his arms and looked out over the lake. “Okay, I’ve got it. Rent out a storefront and set up a doggy day care facility.”

  She grinned. “That idea actually has some promise.”

  He tapped his forehead and then took her hand again. “I get a good one every couple of years.”

  She bumped her shoulder into his. “Don’t sell yourself short. I’d say you at least have to have one good one a year.”

  “We’ll go with that estimate, then.” Giving her hand a light tug, he brought her to an abrupt stop so he could turn her gently to face him. “But seriously, Shelby, I believe in you and I think you’re capable of chasing after whatever your heart desires.”

  Like a drummer at a rock concert, her heart pounded a crazy rhythm. She rested her hands on his chest. “Anything?” she whispered.

  The corners of Joel’s mouth crinkled into a warm smile. “Your brother reminded me today that dreams are worth pursuing. I think he’s right.”

  Shelby playfully pushed on his chest. “My brother said that? Now I know you’re making this up.”

  “He did. Honest.”

  “Hmm.” She squinted at him, but hoped her slight smile let him know she was joking. “How do I know you’re not making this up to tease me?”

  Joel looked away for a moment, then locked eyes with her. “Don’t you trust me?” His voice was quiet and held a serious tone.

  “Yes,” she whispered. “I trust you.” The muscles in her shoulders relaxed just from saying the words. She’d chosen to trust Joel. Should she tell him about the fire? Finally explain why the church’s rebuild meant so much to her? Share how he’d already made an impact on her life?

  A steady swoosh of water moving behind her became the only sound in her head. Now was her moment to open up.

  Joel grinned. “Good. Then believe me, even Caleb can have a good idea once in a while.” He winked.

  Shelby felt pressure at the back of her knees and suddenly she was shoved against Joel. With a thud, they toppled to the sand.

  “Sorry. Sorry.” Joel recovered before she did. He rolled to his side and sat up, kicking his legs a bit in the process. She rubbed her forehead. She’d banged it against Joel’s shoulder as they fell. “What—”

  Joel chuckled. “Dante must have walked a couple of circles around us as we were talking.” He unwound the leash from around their knees. “I should have been paying better attention.”

  Shelby stood and shook sand from her shirt and pants. In the process, one of her sleeves rode up her wrist by a few inches. She froze. The moon was out, but it was still too dark for him to notice the raised skin on her arm. Still, a sense of empowerment surged through her veins when she decided not to push the sleeve down right away. She helped him stand and they both teased Dante about playing a trick on them.

  The special moment where she could have been honest had passed. They were back to kidding and tossing branches in the water to entertain the dog. It would ruin the night now to begin such a serious discussion.

  When they returned to the truck, Shelby instinctively pushed down her sleeve. But she would tell him one day. Soon. She’d do it.

  But not tonight.

  * * *

  No matter how many years he’d been an EMT, there probably would never come a day when Joel felt mentally ready to face a 9-1-1 call. Sure, he knew what to do and he could go through the motions for any emergency situation, almost as if his hands took over and performed whatever tasks needed to be done, all the while trying to keep his emotions at bay.

  People who worked as first responders needed to function that way. Either that or they would be emotionally spent from allowing their compassion and desire to connect with their patients to get in the way. Do the job and leave. That had been Joel’s motto, but should that be his mode of operation now that he’d decided to put down roots into Goose Harbor’s sandy soil?

  Whenever Chief Wheeler joined the team on a call, he would hug the family members involved, ask about prior problems he was familiar with, and often pray with the hurting person if they were open to that sort of thing. Wheeler was beloved in Goose Harbor because he practiced compassion and connected directly with the people he served. Joel could take a lesson from him, but he needed to find a way to ask Wheeler how he did it and stayed sane.

  The ambulance stopped and Joel hurtled out the passenger side. He got to the porch steps first.

  An older woman held open the front door. “Hurry. She’s bleeding pretty good. We have her at the kitchen table.”

  “What’s the injury from?” He rushed into the house and his vision swept the area in a mechanical way, searching for the necessary clues to a dangerous situation.

  “Dog bite, I’m afraid.” A man held a barking gold dog by a choke collar. A retriever.

  A wave of nausea washed through his stomach. Shelby. Rounding the man and the dog, he doubled his speed and burst into the kitchen.

  Shelby sat at the table holding a towel around her forearm. “Joel.” How deep was the bite? How long had they delayed the call? Was she in a lot of pain?

  He pulled out the chair next to her and commanded his voice to stay calm. “On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in?”

  “I’m fine.” She hugged her arm to her stomach.

  “Here, let me take a look at it.” He reached for the towel.

  Shelby jolted back and stood, knocking over her chair. “No. I don’t need that.”

  Shock? That had to be it. Nothing else explained her reaction.

  He rose slowly. “You’re going to be okay. I’m here to help you, but I can’t until I have a look at your arm. We also need to get you into the ambulance.”

  Tears started to drip off her chin. She wouldn’t make eye contact with him. “I don’t want your help.”

  Why was Shelby acting like this? Practice compassion. But he was, and it didn’t seem to matter.

  The rest of the crew had entered the room but hadn’t spoken, and their presence made the air in the room heavy.

  “Shelby, come on. Don’t you trust me?” Why had he tossed that out there in front of everyone? She’d said she did last night. But then why refuse his help today?

  She cradled her arm. “Not in this.”

  Her words stung with the force of a backhand to the jaw. Worse. If she didn’t trust him in the one aspect of his life where he was completely competent, then she couldn’t trust him in all the relationship ways he was bound to bungle.

  He breathed deep and worked his jaw back and forth. His voice took on a hard edge. “I’m sure you realize that dog bites can lead to serious infection. Especially untreated bites. Staphylococcus and streptococcus being a couple of the worst, but local infections can be just as bad. Even if you don’t get an infection, the damage to muscle, tendons, blood vessels and nerves can be irreversible if there is too much time before treatment. Sometimes surgery can’t even repair the mark.”

  As he spoke, Shelby narrowed her eyes. She turned her body so her injured arm was blocked from his view. “And making sure everything looks nice is all that matters, right? That whatever marks the dog left goes away without any scars.”

  “You’re being ridiculous.” And he was being unprofessional, but he couldn’t find the internal switch he usually used to turn off his emotions. He’d been wrong about Shelby. She couldn’t care about him like he’d let himself care for her. Not if she couldn’t let him take care of her in the one way he knew how. “So you’re refusing treatment?”

  “I am.” Her voice shook.

  “Then sign this.” He yanked the refusal form out of his duty bag and slammed it on the table. “Give it to one of the guys.” Joel spun around an
d started to push through the rest of his team to get out of the house.

  “Joel...please.” The hurt in her voice stopped him, but he didn’t turn around.

  “Since you can’t trust us, you should probably go find someone you can and get them to treat the bite. You think I’m overreacting, but they can be serious.”

  Not waiting for an answer, Joel pounded down the front steps and punched the side of the ambulance before barreling inside the vehicle.

  On the drive back to the fire department he turned the radio to a blaring level so the other men couldn’t say anything to him. Besides, he had to drown out the words playing through his head like a looping video.

  You’ll never be good enough. No one wants you.

  Caleb was wrong. Dreams weren’t worth the pain. Opening himself up to the idea of a relationship with Shelby had been a mistake. One he hoped not to make again.

  Chapter Fourteen

  When she’d asked at the appointment, Doctor Brandon said she could go into Lake Michigan thirty-six hours after getting the stitches, as long as she promised not to do any marathon swimming, and to contact him if she noticed any redness or swelling near the bite area. It helped to have a doctor in town who knew about her skin and kept her secret.

  Thankfully, he told her that yes, the bite had bled a lot, but it wasn’t deep enough to cause lasting complications. The dog’s sharper teeth had landed around her scars and since that skin was thicker, its teeth hadn’t penetrated as badly as they would have otherwise.

  She folded her sweatpants and put them beside her shirt and towel at the sandy base of the dock. The water was chilled from the night, plus Lake Michigan never really got warm until late August. No matter. An early-morning swim would help clear her mind like it always did. And she had a lot on her mind.

  Joel hadn’t called or returned any messages in the past three days. Why should he? She’d made him look foolish in front of his coworkers, had shoved him away in front of everyone. That aspect of the situation bothered her the most. Joel probably felt abandoned again, and he may not want to talk to her.