Damaged Heart (A San Diegan Novel Book 3)

by S. M. Soto

  I shift awkwardly in the booth, trying to brush off the sting of his reaction. Ever so slightly, I shake my head, trying to focus back on Aliza and Natalia’s conversation. It doesn’t work much. My mind still lingers on Alex, and all the ways I’ve fucked up our relationship. I wish I could go back and fix things. I wish I could throttle my past self and tell her to pull her shit together, but who am I kidding? I’m a mess, and no matter how hard I try, I’ll always be this way.

  I don’t know how much time passes as I sit there at the booth, completely stuck in my head. An idiot idea forms as I see Alex headed near our table. I narrow my eyes and throw all sense out the window. I don’t know why I do it. It’s all a lie. Well, most of it. I feel nothing for James, just like he feels nothing for me, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to hurt Alex. And in turn, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to hurt myself.

  “So why haven’t you guys asked me about James?” I ask loudly. Too loudly, stopping Natalia mid-sentence.

  “Because we don’t want the sordid details, Sam,” Aliza says.

  “Maybe because the guy is a complete douchebag. I don’t think any of us really care to hear about him,” Natalia smarts off.

  I huff out a frustrated breath the closer Alex gets, knowing my window of opportunity is closing. “Last night, he fucked me on his office desk. I’ve never had better sex.”

  The closer Alex gets, the louder my voice rises. When I see his feet falter as he passes our table, I smile victoriously. He immediately resumes stride, his back ramrod straight. I get a slight pang in my chest, knowing I’d just hurt him for my own selfish reasons. I inhale sharply, reminding myself this is for the best. Alex hating me is what Victoriana has always wanted. It’s for his own good, even if it does sting like a bitch.

  With my mission accomplished, I lean back in the booth and rest my head on the cushion, feeling anything but liberated.

  “What the hell was that, Samantha?” Across from me, Natalia glares daggers. Lifting my head, I shrug my shoulders, feigning nonchalance.

  “What?” I ask innocently.

  “You knew. You knew he was walking near our table. That’s why you decided to talk about James, isn’t it? God, Sam, could you be any more heartless?”

  I roll my eyes at her show of dramatics. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I can.”

  “Whatever. I’m getting back to work,” Natalia growls, pushing away from the table with more attitude than necessary.

  I salute her as she stalks off and I down the rest of my Coke.

  “Sam…you know I’m not one to judge but maybe—” Aliza starts to say, but I cut her off, slicing my hand through the air.

  “I really don’t want to hear it right now, Ohio.”

  Blowing out an aggravated sigh, she snaps her mouth shut, and climbs out of the booth to go after Natalia. I watch as both of my best friends leave me to stew in my regret.

  After my shift is over, I get a glimpse of long, dark brown hair and hurry after its owner. As if sensing me on her heels, Natalia quickens her stride.

  “Don’t think I won’t trip you for trying to walk away from me, Baldoni.”

  Natalia whirls around, gifting me with a condescending glare. “I’m not in the mood, Samantha. I’ve seriously had it with you and all the drama.”

  I can’t help but roll my eyes.

  “Are you seriously saying I’m the one with the dramatics right now? Are you on your rag?”

  Her lips thin and a garbled growl tears from her chest. “I know you did not just blame my anger on my fucking period.” She grates out the words. “I’m this close, Sam. This freaking close to losing my shit with you.” She holds her fingers less than a centimeter apart from each other to make her point. “And yes, Sam. I am blaming you for the drama. You keep making bad decision after bad decision. When is it going to stop?” With her hands on her hips, she implores me to tell the truth, so I do.

  “When have I ever been known to make any right decisions?” I ask quietly. Natalia’s face falls and her eyes droop with sadness.

  “Oh, Sammy,” she whispers with an ache in her voice. “When will you open your eyes?”

  Shaking her head back and forth sadly, she sidesteps me and leaves me standing, alone, once again. I shift my gaze toward Alex, who’s now busy working the bar. My heart constricts, and a sad smile twists my lips.

  “Never,” I whisper aloud to no one in particular.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Past

  I flick a quick, worried glance over my shoulder again as I walk along the sidewalk, trying to get to the shelter before it’s filled for the night. The hairs at the nape of my neck stand at attention. For the last ten minutes, I’ve felt like someone is following me, but every time I turn around, there’s no one out of place. I just can’t shake this feeling that someone is watching my every move. I feel their eyes on me but for the life of me, I can’t tell where the hell the source is.

  Blowing out a lungful of air, I quicken my stride when I see the women’s shelter slowly materialize into view. My heart races and my breathing accelerates at the speed of my stride. But I’m not fast enough. Suddenly, a dark figure steps out of the shadows along the street, into my direct path. I was so caught up in making it to the shelter, I didn’t stop to look around and assess the shadows around me, and that was my biggest mistake.

  My breath catches and my heart lodges into the pit of my stomach as the large, formidable man dressed in all black towers over me, his face concealed by a ball cap.

  “That’s enough for now, Santiago. Thank you.”

  The voice materializes from thin air, sending a shiver of dread down my body. Slowly, I crane my neck toward the source and I’m not even surprised when I see Alex’s mother, Victoriana. She’s dressed in a black pantsuit that hugs her pristine body, a pair of black Louboutins, and a dazzling diamond necklace that displays her wealth. She looks like the fucking devil—evil personified.

  “Samantha, it’s a pleasure running into you,” she says in that vile, sickly sweet voice I hate.

  I purse my lips and cross my arms over my chest.

  “No, it’s not, devil’s-spawn. You and I both know running into each other is never a pleasure, so what do you want?”

  Victoriana’s grotesquely polite smile widens at my insult, like she gets off on the people around her hating her guts. She takes a step toward me and clasps her hands together in front of her abdomen.

  “I’m here because you’re obviously hard of hearing, on top of being a filthy little whore. You didn’t heed my warning, Samantha. I specifically said I wanted you to stay away from my son and yet you both still see each other like I don’t have eyes all around this city.”

  My hands ball into fists at my sides. “I tried, okay? Alex is fucking persistent and won’t take no for an answer. We’re just friends now, all right? I haven’t even been to that godforsaken mansion you call your home since our last discussion. Now, if you would move the hell out of my way, I have somewhere I need to be.” I step forward, ready to push past her toward the shelter, but the dark-figured man from earlier, Santiago, steps forward, blocking my escape. Sweat trickles down my back and gooseflesh spread along my body like wildfire.

  “Someplace like the shelter? Is that where you’re headed, Samantha Paisley? Poor little foster child from Boston, heir to a crack whore and a ring of drugs. How wonderful.”

  My stomach contorts painfully, and my nose burns with the pressure of unshed tears at her words. It’s the truth. She hasn’t said anything wrong, but it still hurts, being reminded of where you truly belong.

  “You see, Santiago here is a master PI. Just one click of a button and I know everything there is to know about you, Samantha. I know your mother loved drugs more than you, I know you were dropped from one foster home to the next because no family could ever love you. I also know you ran from your last foster family and stole all their cash, but do you want to know what I’m most certain of?” Victoriana closes the distance between us
and stares down at me with hate in her eyes. Venom laces her voice and I’ve never felt so inferior in my entire life. “I’m certain you’re going to end up just like your crackhead mother. You are nothing but a failure and disappointment, Samantha. And that is the cold, hard truth.”

  My eyes sting and my body trembles with uncontrollable fury. Victoriana smiles down at me, sensing she’s hit my weak spot. Gently, she reaches her porcelain hand out and lightly grasps a chunk of my hair and places it over my shoulder.

  “Now that I have your attention, you’re going to do as I ask, Samantha. You, my dear girl, are going to break my son’s heart. I don’t care how you do it, but you will. I want him to hurt. I want him to hate you and curse your very existence. Once that happens, you will stay away from him and the rest of my family, and all will be right in the world. Alex will move on with his life, take over his father’s position at the company, and he’ll marry a wonderful, classy woman who will make him happier than you ever can.” She smiles down at me and cocks her head to the side, her head of black hair cascading over her shoulder like the cape of a villain.

  “You want me to break your son’s heart? What are you, insane? What the hell is the matter with you, and how the hell have you not been committed yet? Because you are certifiably crazy.” I glare up at her, trying to understand how someone can be so fucking wacked in the head. I can’t even imagine purposely breaking Alex’s heart. I won’t do it. I don’t care what she says. I will cut all contact with him before I ever lead him on and purposely hurt him.

  “Do you even know your son? If you did, maybe you’d know he doesn’t want your husband’s company. He wants to be a carpenter. He wants to build things for people.” I seethe, defending Alex and his dream. Victoriana has the audacity to laugh in my face like I just told her pigs can fly.

  “Oh, sweetie. That’s a poor man’s dream. A poor man’s job. But you wouldn’t know that, would you? You are poor, so you don’t know any better,” she taunts, taking a step toward me. “Now I’d hate to enlist Santiago to be more than just my PI. That’s not all he’s good for, Samantha,” she says with a vile grin.

  My chest rises and falls sharply as I stab a trembling finger in her chest.

  “You can threaten me all you want, bitch, but I won’t purposely hurt him. I will cut all contact before I ever let that happen.”

  Victoriana smirks and brushes her hand across her chest where my finger touched her, like she’s afraid my trashy roots will somehow taint her. She makes a show of looking me up and down before she steps aside, allowing me to finally walk past.

  “You realize we’ve met three times now, and every single time you’ve worn the same shirt,” she says, pointedly looking at my dingy shirt.

  Shame claws its way up my throat, closing my airway.

  “I can’t help but pity you, Samantha.” She tsks, and smiles. “Now I understand why Alex is so infatuated with you. You’re a problem he wants to fix—a charity case. My son always was too soft when it came to broken things. I’ve known it since he was a young boy. So please, don’t think you’re special, because you’re nothing more than a broken, helpless little girl my son wants to fix.”

  Victoriana brushes past me, her dutiful PI following closely behind. “It was a pleasure, Samantha,” she coos with a wicked laugh, leaving me standing dumbly on the sidewalk near the shelter. I watch as she disappears into the crowd and I clutch my arms around my waist, hugging myself. Her vile but true words ring on a constant loop in my head.

  She’s right.

  She always is.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  As I’m wiping down the sleek countertop of the bar, I see a beautiful girl walk into the Bar and Grille. I swear to God, when she walks in, it’s like time slows as everyone around stops to watch. I’m not one to usually stare, but shit, she’s gorgeous. With her curtain of caramel-brown hair and model body, she looks like a damn supermodel. It only gets worse when she shifts her gaze around, looking for someone. Her eyes suddenly sparkle, and her face breaks out into a dazzling grin. My gaze follows her stare and my stomach bottoms out. It’s like watching a car accident in slow motion. I can’t look away.

  My breathing stops. My heart stops. Everything falls away when I see her jump into Alex’s arms and plant the most romantic kiss on his lips. My eyes sting and my body vibrates with emotion. My chest caves violently with a ragged breath. I’ve never hated myself, until now. Natalia’s words come back to haunt me.

  “One day he’s going to find someone. He won’t be around forever, Sammy.”

  This is all my fault. I’ve pushed him so far away that I’ve practically set him on a silver platter for another woman.

  Jesus.

  For the remainder of Alex’s shift, I watch him and the model cuddle one another and laugh freely. There’s no dark cloud hovering over their relationship like there was with ours. If anything, there’s a unicorn galloping over them, shitting fucking rainbows.

  What hurts the most is seeing how happy this girl makes Alex. His grin is so wide when he’s around her it looks like his face is going to split in half at any second. They’re a picture-perfect couple. Even if I hate to admit it, there’s no denying it.

  My mind automatically drifts to James and a grimace curls my lips. Out of all the men in my life, this is what I end up with—a righteous cheating asshole who thinks he’s better than everyone else around him? I had the cream of the crop and fucked it all up for a goddamn can of sardines. Jesus, I’m a mess.

  “Hurts, doesn’t it?”

  I grit my teeth at the smile in CJ’s voice. Turning to him, I pin him with a glare that would make most men’s balls shrivel up. Instead, his mouth quirks into an infuriating smirk. “Go fuck yourself.”

  “Tsk. Tsk. Now you know how he’s felt all these years, don’t you?” He raps his knuckles on the bar top with a grin before turning on his heels, striding away.

  “Hope you know your girlfriend said you have a small dick,” I say loudly, wanting to knock down his ego. He turns around with a saccharine grin.

  “We both know that’s not true, Sam. Nice try, though,” he says with a wink before striding away with an extra pep in his step.

  I growl in irritation, stomping my foot like a child.

  “You okay?” Aliza asks, striding up to the bar with furrowed brows.

  “Is there any way you’d help me get rid of CJ’s body if I murdered him?”

  “Nope,” she says in a jovial voice.

  “Some friend you are,” I mutter under my breath. Aliza wraps me in her arms and squeezes. Her distinct scent of flowers and fruit infiltrates my senses, giving me a brief moment of calm. As if with a mind of their own, my arms wrap around her and I hug her back, needing the support she has to offer.

  “C’mon, Big Red. Let’s go have some lunch.”

  I push the leftover food around on my plate, feeling like complete and utter shit. The girls and I are on lunch and I can’t help but feel weighted down by sadness after seeing Alex’s new girlfriend for the first time. He made no move to talk to me, or even acknowledge my presence, during our whole shift. He was too busy giving the damn model googly eyes. I steel my jaw in anger.

  “I hate her.”

  “Samantha, you don’t even know the girl,” Natalia says with an exasperated sigh.

  “I’m a good judge of character, Natalia, and I fucking hate her,” I retort.

  “Noooo. You’re jealous of her. There’s a difference,” she counters in that irritating tone.

  “Do you ever shut up? Seriously.”

  “You know, she’s not so bad, Sam. We went on a double date the other night and she’s actually super-sweet,” Aliza says as she wipes down her side of the table, standing to her feet.

  I turn toward her with fire in my eyes.

  “What the fuck, Ohio! I thought we were friends. You’re switching teams on me?”

  Aliza tosses her head back and laughs, prompting me to furrow my brows. I purse my lips as I wait for her
to explain herself. The betraying bitch.

  “Sam, you’re one of my best friends and I love you. Just because we all hung out together doesn’t mean I’ve switched teams. I’m always on your side.” She places a gentle hand on my shoulder, which makes me feel marginally better. “Masie is a sweet girl. Don’t let your anger get in the way of making a new friend.”

  I don’t know if I want to strangle Aliza or slap her for being so naïve. Why the fuck would I ever want to be friends with Alex’s girlfriend?

  “I got it!” Natalia suddenly shouts from beside us.

  “What the hell, Nat?” I bark, beyond irritated with both of my friends.

  “She reminds me of Sarah Michelle Gellar. Masie’s got the whole sweet-girl thing down to a T. With her soft voice and angelic movements, that’s exactly who she reminds me of.”

  I narrow my eyes at her in warning and grumble, “Her voice is fucking annoying. It sounds like she’s imitating a sweet baby.”

  Aliza and Natalia both share a knowing look, then start laughing. “Sounds like jealously to me,” Aliza sings.

  My hands clench into fists and I blow out a breath.

  “Can we change the subject please? I think my blood pressure is at an unhealthy rate at the moment.”

  Aliza suddenly pulls me into a hug that crushes the air out of me. I grapple at her back and try to inhale a breath.

  “Everything will work out in the end, Sammy, I promise. If it’s meant to be, everything will fall into place.”

  With a disgruntled huff, I pull away from her and push to my feet. “Fairytales don’t fucking exist, Ohio. You of all people should know that,” I say, frustration lacing my voice.

  A brief look of hurt flashes across her face, but she tamps it down with a thick swallow. Aiming a sad smile at me she says, “I know, Sammy.”