Damaged Heart (A San Diegan Novel Book 3)

by S. M. Soto

  Not wanting to stick around to finish this conversation, I completely ignore Natalia’s foul look and turn on my heels. I head back toward the bar, using work as an excuse to get away.

  ***

  Just as I’m wiping down the wooden bar top, I spot Aliza hooking her purse across her body, ready to head out. Blowing out a deep breath, I drop the rag and duck beneath the bar, trailing after her.

  Ever since my outburst earlier, I’ve felt bad about what I said to Aliza. She’s been through so much, and like the asshole I am, I just shoved her heart-wrenching past right back in her face.

  Could I be any more of a bitch?

  She didn’t deserve my anger, or the snide remark about loss. She deserved a friend who would be there for her and I vowed a long time ago that Natalia and I would be that person—or to be precise, persons—for her.

  “Hey.”

  Aliza turns around at the sound of my voice, with a surprised expression plastered across her face.

  “What’s up, Sam?”

  I shrug my shoulders noncommittally. “Nothing. I guess I just feel bad about what I said earlier.”

  A small smile graces Aliza’s lips. “Are you apologizing to me, Sammy? I thought I’d never see the day,” she jokes, making light of the situation.

  I snort in an unladylike way and raise my hands in a helpless gesture. “Don’t get used to it, all right? Lately, my conscience has been an irritating, whiny bitch about my actions.”

  “Hmmm. Maybe you should pay more attention to your conscience, see where it gets you.”

  I roll my eyes. “Not likely.”

  Laughing, Aliza takes hold of my arm and drags me back toward the bar. “Get your stuff. We’re going out.”

  “Excuse me? Did hell freeze over, or are you really saying we’re going out?”

  “Yes, I am. I think we all need a girls’ night. Just the three of us. Things have been so strained lately. You and Natalia need this.”

  “And what about you?” I ask with a raised brow. Aliza has never been one to enjoy the social scene, even now, so I find it strange she suddenly wants to hit the town.

  Aliza shrugs. “It’s poker night for Chase and the guys. Don’t get me wrong, I love Chase and his friends, but sometimes, I need to breathe in a little less testosterone and a little more estrogen.”

  I feel my face crack into a wide grin. Well, I’ll be damned.

  ***

  Lifting my drink to my lips, I suck down the sticky, sweet liquid of my Tokyo Tea. Resting my back against the plush cushion of the chair in the lounge bar, I start to feel the tension from the last few weeks slowly leave my body.

  Alcohol is freaking wonderful.

  After work, the girls and I decided to try out the Rooftop by STK. The bar, located on the top floor of the hotel, is embellished with all-glass windows that give you a view of the skyline and the glittering buildings surrounding us. It’s sleek, sexy, and swanky, with some of the best scenic views in town. Plush white sectionals are placed around glass-rock firepits. Upbeat electric dance music drifts from the DJ’s speakers near the pool and travels to the lounge area where we’re seated.

  Conversation lulls around us. Each group of people sways in their seats to the music, some talk animatedly about their days, or about whatever gossip suits them. I tune back into the story Natalia and Aliza are whispering about in hushed tones. I shake my head and smile to myself.

  “You’re kidding?” Aliza gasps with wide eyes, gaping at Natalia.

  “I’m not. It was mortifying. I’ve only ever seen Luke naked, so when Drew walked out of the shower, I thought I would scream in horror.”

  I sputter a laugh and raise a brow at her. “What’s so wrong with seeing Luke’s friend naked? It’s not like you were both caught banging each other or something. It was just a simple accident.”

  Natalia rolls her eyes. “I know that, Sam. But the worst part is, I couldn’t stop looking at his…well, you know, his junk.”

  Unable to help myself, I toss my head back and howl with laughter. Poor Natalia.

  “Don’t laugh at me, Samantha!” Natalia hisses.

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll stop. But seriously, why couldn’t you look away? Was his junk better looking than Luke’s?” I ask suggestively, waggling my brows. Natalia’s face blanches.

  “God, no! I couldn’t look away because the head of his you-know-what looked so weird. I think there’s something wrong with his dick.”

  I try not to laugh again, I really do, but it just doesn’t work. I double over and clutch my stomach from laughing so hard. Tears leak out of the corners of my eyes.

  “Yeah, it’s called an uncircumcised penis, Natalia. Google it.”

  Aliza cups a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter, and Natalia rolls her eyes in exasperation, taking an indignant sip of her cocktail.

  “Since we’re talking about dicks and stuff, how’s Luke’s, by the way? Circumcised, uncircumcised? Big or small? Straight or curved? Don’t hold out on us, Nat.”

  Aliza and Natalia groan in unison. “I am not discussing my boyfriend’s penis with you, Sam. That’s just wrong.”

  “Oh, c’mon. We’re best fucking friends. I need to know what you’re working with here. Wrinkly balls? Foreskin? There’s gotta be something wrong with Luke. The guy is too perfect not to have one minor flaw.”

  “Fine. His dick is very nice,” Natalia says, averting her gaze.

  I shoot Aliza a look and we both sputter with laughter.

  “Chase has a nice dick, too. I don’t have very much to compare to, but my mouth waters whenever I think about it.”

  “Aliza!” Natalia screeches in horror, making us laugh.

  “What?” She shrugs with a coy smile. “I’m just telling the truth.”

  “I knew you were a minx the minute I met you.” I give her a high-five. “That’s my fucking girl. Now, back to you, Nat. Luke’s dick—start talking.”

  Natalia shifts her gaze from me to Aliza and nibbles on her bottom lip in uncertainty. “Okay, well, his dick is nice. A little too big if you ask me, but it’s kind of…crooked,” she mumbles.

  “What? Come again? I’m gonna need you to repeat that.”

  Natalia glares at me, then blurts out. “I said his dick is crooked. When he’s hard, it almost fucking touches his belly button, just a little more to the side. It’s a very interesting sensation during sex.” Her face heats in embarrassment and I immediately know what she’s getting at.

  “You lucky bitch. No wonder you scream like a banshee during sex,” I say, cackling with laughter.

  “I do not.”

  “Are you forgetting our rooms are right next to each other? Believe me, you do. Makes for an interesting soundtrack.”

  Natalia swats at my arm, all the while trying to hold in her laughter. “Shut up.”

  I raise my hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’m done, I promise.”

  Just as I’m about to pick up my drink, I spot someone that I’d hoped I’d never see again. Not for my own sake, but for Aliza’s.

  Fucking fabulous.

  As if sensing the shift in my attitude, Aliza follows my gaze to the scantily dressed woman and her face visibly hardens. Aliza and CJ have been in a good place for some time now, but I know seeing Erin brings back memories Aliza would much rather forget. Hell, even I want to forget. Erin was a bitch with a capital B.

  CJ, Aliza’s boyfriend, used to sleep with Erin before Aliza started working at the Bar and Grille. It was never serious, especially with a slutty girl like Erin, but obviously the dick-machine, Erin, didn’t see it that way. She saw Aliza as a threat and thought CJ was hers and hers only. She did everything she could to tear them apart and ruin the only happiness Aliza had felt in a long time.

  I felt protective of Aliza. From the first moment she stepped foot in the Bar and Grille, I’ve wanted to protect her. She was like this little, broken bird that I wanted to nurse back to health, and slowly, I did.

  So when Erin event
ually became a problem, Alex and I made sure she stayed far away. She was threatening the happiness of our best friends; that was about the only thing we could agree on—other than wild sex. Alex and I threatened her with everything we had, promising to raise hell in her simple, mundane life if she so much as threatened Aliza again, or stepped foot in the Bar and Grille. She seemed to understand just how serious we were, so I never thought she’d be a problem again—until now.

  “You okay?” Natalia asks Aliza, angling her body like a shield as to protect Ohio.

  “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I guess I just wasn’t expecting to see her here is all.”

  Tilting my neck from side to side, I relieve the kinks and square my shoulders as I shoot to my feet.

  “Sam, where are you—”

  Ignoring Aliza’s question, I waltz toward Erin, who is seemingly unware of my presence. She’s flanked by two whorish friends, flirting shamelessly with the group of suits who are just trying to enjoy their night. She’s still just as bitchy and entitled as I remember. From the irritable set of her shoulders and the standoffish look on her face, I’m certain she hasn’t changed one bit.

  “Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.”

  Erin spins on her heels at the sound of my voice. If I’m not mistaken, I swear I even see her face drain of all color. Her shoulders stiffen and her mouth sets in a hard line.

  “Samantha.”

  “Erin,” I reply coldly. She rolls her eyes with far too much attitude for my liking, and looks over my shoulder. When her gaze falls on Aliza, I see emotions shutter across her overtly made-up face.

  With a resigned sigh, she trains her focus on me. “Look, I’m not here to start any trouble, all right? I have no interest in seeing CJ or coming near her.” She says her like talking about Aliza leaves a bad taste in her mouth.

  I narrow my eyes threateningly, looking for any slip or indication of deception.

  “I know you and Alex were serious and like I said, I’m not interested. I got your guys’ spray-painted message, loud and clear.” Fury burns behind her brown depths, making me grin in satisfaction.

  Good.

  After a few too many beers over deciding how to make Erin pay, Alex and I had drunkenly spray painted her boutique with the message that rang loud and clear: He’s taken.

  It was foolish and irresponsible, but it had evoked the reaction we wanted. Fear. Erin cared far too much for her store to ever be worried about anything or anyone else. We just needed to remind her of that. She was never in love with CJ. She was just in love with the thought of taming the man who’d slept his way through half of San Diego. And taming him had been a task that was impossible, until Aliza came along.

  “Good.” I smile smarmily at her and her friends. “Glad we had this chat. Hope to see you, well, not anytime soon.” With an extra flair, I wink and spin on my heels, sashaying back toward the girls.

  After finishing off the remainder of our drinks, we enjoy the view and the dynamic of our friendship. I don’t know when it happened, but these girls are my rocks. My entire life. I care for them so much, it scares me. Caring for someone always leads to disappointment, pain, and someone always ends up hurt. As I look at Aliza and Natalia talking animatedly across from me, I can only hope our friendship remains intact, no matter what storm we weather together.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Past

  I stack the used, dirty plates and utensils on the tray and wipe down the table. There’s crumbs all over the fucking place and globs of ketchup everywhere.

  How fucking hard is it to eat like a human being? Seriously.

  With an irritable sigh, I grab the tray filled with dirty plates and head toward the kitchen to drop them off. I do the same when I move on to the next table, only this time, I’m interrupted.

  “You’re ignoring me.”

  With my back turned to Alex, he can’t see the sad look that passes over my face. I feel bad for cutting him off and ignoring him, but I promised I wouldn’t hurt him. I won’t give Victoriana the satisfaction. But the truth is, I miss hanging out with Alex. I miss talking to him and spending time with him. I hate to admit it, but over time, I’ve felt myself softening around him. I let my guard down when it came to Alex and the secrets he shared with me, and now I feel like an even bigger dick for cutting him off the way I did.

  “You haven’t talked to me in two weeks, Samantha. You ignore me at work, you avoid me at school. You won’t even let me give you rides anymore. How am I supposed to know you’re safe?”

  His melancholy tone painfully wraps around my heart, prompting me to clench my eyes shut to get a hold of my emotions. I grip the damp washcloth tightly while I hang on to the table with my other hand for support as I continue to ignore him.

  “Why won’t you even look at me, Samantha? What the fuck did I do? Did I do something wrong?”

  My composure cracks and I release a puff of breath before turning around to face him. His face is marred with a frown as he stares down at me expectantly.

  “You did nothing wrong, Alex,” I say quietly. His lips thin and his eyes narrow.

  “But you are ignoring me, then? If I did nothing wrong, then I don’t understand why all of a sudden you’ve stopped talking to me.”

  I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath for strength. I try to remind myself of who I am. I’m not this girl. I’m not weak when it comes to boys. I’m strong. Stronger than this. I open my eyes and place a hand on my hip, feigning my normal attitude.

  “Look Alex, I think you’re a cool guy, but we’ve already had sex. I got what I needed and so did you. We don’t have to pretend to be friends, and I sure as fuck ain’t interested in being a couple, or fuck buddies. So let’s just go back to the way things were before we ever met. You can continue doing you, and I’ll do me.”

  Alex’s face pinches in anger. “Is that really what you want? Is that really what you think of me? That I just wanted to screw you and move on to the next? You’re different, Samantha. I know you—”

  I scoff, tossing the rag down on the table with a hard smack. “You don’t know anything about me, Alex. You think just because you saw where I sleep at night that you know everything there is to know about me? Well, you’re wrong. You don’t know me, and you never will.”

  “I know that you like me. You wouldn’t have put up with the chase and persistence if you didn’t.”

  I smile coldly. “That’s where you’re wrong. I like fucking you, Alex. There’s a difference.”

  His face shadows with anger, but he doesn’t lash out at me like I expect him to. Instead, he closes the distance between us and crowds me into the booth. His scent wraps around me as his hard chest grazes my soft, rapidly falling one. The heat of his body surrounds me, doing strange things to my brain.

  Alex stares down at me with heat in his eyes. They’re stormy and angry. They look like the bottles of whiskey Cyrus used to bring to the house when I was a kid. The color is so familiar, yet foreign.

  “Good. Because I like fucking you, and I don’t plan to stop anytime soon, firecracker,” he whispers huskily, trailing his index finger along the column of my exposed neck.

  I swallow thickly, ignoring the pounding in my chest and the unfamiliar tingling in my stomach.

  “I’ll see you around, Sam,” he says in a gravelly voice that hits me right between my legs.

  I watch, completely dumbfounded, as he turns on his heel and strides away without a care in the world.

  I fall back against the booth and rest my head in my hands, rubbing my temples. That backfired in the worst possible way. I’m supposed to be saving him, but fuck me, how can I possibly turn him down? He’s…god, he’s everything.

  “I’m so fucking screwed,” I mumble.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Two miserable weeks have passed and in those weeks, I’ve been subjected to watching Alex and Masie’s cringeworthy displays of affection. Watching them together makes my stomach churn with acid and forces bile up my
passive-aggressive throat.

  It’s fucking sickening.

  On top of watching them together, I’ve had to endure Alex’s cold shoulder. Any time we cross paths during our shifts, he acts like I’m a stranger. There’s no more of our playful banter or sharing crude jokes with each other. Any time he has to talk to me, he avoids looking me in the eye and his face pinches in disdain, like being around me is suddenly not up to par with his standards.

  Well fuck you very much, too. Asshole.

  I miss the way things used to be. Whenever Alex and I fought in the past, we let bygones be bygones when it came time to work. It was almost like once we stepped foot through the doors of the Bar and Grille, everything else faded away. There was no drama, no lingering anger, no awkwardness. It was just the two of us and our chemistry. We meshed well together. We always have. But not in the way that mattered most. Alex and I were amazing as friends. It almost felt like he was my partner in crime—the other half of my heart. But when we were a couple, we were volatile and toxic. We were a recipe for disaster.

  I missed sharing shifts with him at the bar and listening to his corny jokes. I missed the way I could feel the heat of his stare while working. Even if I never acknowledged it, I secretly relished it. I missed the little pieces Alex would share of himself. And most of all, I missed the way he knew me. With one look, he knew exactly what I was thinking or knew exactly what I needed. It was like he was trained to see inside my head, read my every thought before I was able to grasp it and act on it. We were acutely aware of each other at all times, our senses finely tuned to one another’s.

  It’s not like I haven’t tried in some aspect to make things right between us. I made sure I stopped bringing up James and I tried as best as humanly possible to be civil with Masie, for his sake, but it never worked. No matter how hard I tried, it never seemed to work. He didn’t care about my apologies or getting back to the way our friendship once was. He didn’t care about anything but the stupid caramel blonde with the angelic laugh.