Winter Dreams

by Robyn Neeley

  Upon learning she would stay in town a few days, he regretted pushing so many appointments early in the month in his effort to clear his calendar for the family ski trip. He let it slip that he and Eloise had a special project going on, but he refused to share the details no matter how much she cajoled him. He wanted to surprise her almost as much as she surprised him tonight.

  They kept the mood playful and light, even though his skin sizzled every time their fingers touched. He didn’t trust himself to sit too close. If he did, he would touch her hair or her lips, or her thighs. He might not be able to stop until they were naked in front of the fireplace again. His need for her grew, even as he fought his baser urges. Seeing how often her eyes darted to the couch, he surmised that she struggled, too. At the same time, he appreciated their easy rapport. That they could be so close and talk without needing to take off other’s clothes bode well, but it was also dangerous. This wasn’t mere lust.

  The time flew and suddenly the midnight hour chimed. She quickly kissed his lips.

  “For luck,” she murmured.

  He shook his head and chuckled. “I need more luck than that.”

  Lasciviously, he pressed her body against his. The squeak escaping her throat urged him on. Her soft lips parted. Her heavy lidded eyes met his. A willing partner in this dance. They absorbed the rhythm of each other’s breath until perfectly synchronized. He liked the anticipation, watching desire dilate her pupils. Her arousal filled him with pride. Time slipped away. Although part of him could stay like this forever, savoring the intimacy, he wanted more.

  They inhaled. In a swift move, he sipped from his glass and covered her mouth with his. He let the bubbles trickle into her mouth, wet, exciting, and delectably sweet. He’d never taste champagne again without thinking of her. How her body melted against his, the small throaty sounds of surprise and delight. The way her fingers pressed firmly into his neck. Pulling him closer, she caressed away the woes of the world.

  He set down his glass so he could touch her hair, soft silky strands tangling round his fingers, before sliding away as he closed his fingers tighter. She was like that, too. Amazing, beautiful, tender, and yet elusive. As impossible to pin down as one of those fairies she and Eloise adored. And yet, at this moment, he held her close, making love with their mouths. Her inevitable departure existed in another world.

  He slid his hands down her back, his fingers longing to roam the creamy skin on her back, stomach, and breasts. Unable to find an opening to access her bare flesh, his mouth tensed, a slight stumble in the dirty dance their mouths performed. He made a trail of kisses across her cheek until he reached the delicate curve of her ear.

  “You make me crazy, hot, and needy. And I love it.”

  • • •

  His breath, hot and moist, tickled her ear. His words rattled in her head. He needed her. Perhaps he wanted her around tonight as much as she wanted to be here, with him. Her heart wanted to be swept away by this declaration, but even here in his arms, he remained distant. He said he loved the sensations she caused in him. Likewise, she loved that little thing he was doing right now, with his teeth and tongue on her earlobe. But even as she sank deeper and deeper into pleasure and love she reminded herself, he didn’t love her back.

  She tipped her head back as he trailed kisses down her neck and across her collarbone. She had him here and now. She’d take what she could get of this complicated and impossibly sexy man. His hand cupped her breast. He found her nipple, hardening under his thumb. Her brain turned off. She couldn’t think straight around him, especially as he lavished her body. Varying the pressure of his fingers, he traced circles, as his tongue teased that sensitive spot above her clavicle.

  Unable to stand it anymore, she gasped for air, opening her eyes. The room appeared upside down, with dim light provided by the fireplace and Christmas lights. The stack of games on the table caught her eye.

  She straightened, nudging Carson gently. His eyebrows pulled together and uncertainty registered on his face. Wordlessly, she gestured over her shoulder, towards the couch.

  His sheepish smile showed off that dimple she adored. “Sorry. I got a bit carried away.”

  “Me, too. I’m sorry. I should have — ”

  “I take full blame here.” His hand patted her leg, reassuringly. “Fortunately, she’s still asleep. We caught a break, thanks to you.”

  Her cheeks warmed. He leaned towards her. “We could go upstairs.”

  Guilt ran through her. If she went upstairs, she feared she would fall asleep in his arms, in his bed, and Eloise would find them there. She didn’t want to confuse her or complicate his life in that way. She avoided his eyes, staring at the flickering gas fire. He waited patiently for her answer.

  Chapter 11

  A squeal from Eloise as she spotted Penelope brought Carson to his senses. Back stiff after sleeping in the easy chair, he rubbed his eyes and glared at the clock. Five-thirty A.M. Last he remembered, it was three. Penelope fell asleep before he did, but they both stayed up talking past two. He supposed his ego should ache. When she turned him down last night, he could tell she wanted him almost as much as he hungered for her. Instead, she possessed the strength to place his daughter’s emotional well being above her and his own carnal needs. He wondered how he could have ever suspected her of using Eloise to get closer to him. If anything, he’d been the one to nudge her in between them, an excuse to avoid getting closer to the woman he now loved.

  He hadn’t told her yet. He only now admitted it to himself. All last night as they talked and laughed in hushed tones, he grew more and more in love with her. Perhaps it started at the birthday party. Or maybe earlier, when she effortlessly lifted Eloise high in the air back in August. It didn’t matter, but he needed to act soon. He’d kept his heart closed up and safe for too long.

  As Eloise clambered off to the bathroom, his gaze moved to Penelope. She stretched as she sat upright, every move fluid and graceful. Even raccoon eyes and bed head failed to diminish her beauty. Enamored as he was, one priority pushed forth above all others.

  “Coffee?” The meager sound scratched uncomfortably against his throat.

  She struggled to open her eyes long enough to meet his gaze. “And lots of it.”

  As they drained a second pot of coffee over pancakes all three of them prepared, he admired her discretion and sensitivity toward Eloise. Rather than returning to the familiar shower in his master bath, she asked for a towel and headed to the hall bathroom. She acted surprised when Eloise pointed to the spot where they built the half-demolished fairy house and she offered to help with repairs.

  Her presence made the house feel like a home, someplace safe and warm and loving. He’d enjoy it more if he knew she wouldn’t leave again. Nothing in their conversation last night gave any indication that she would stay beyond a couple of days. She’d pursue her career and he’d be left behind repairing two broken hearts. He loved her and Eloise was crazy about her. But he didn’t know if she cared strongly enough for the two of them to stay and complete their family.

  They drove across town on empty roads toward the house he’d last seen a week ago. He turned toward the carriage house, but she stopped him.

  “I’m staying in my parents’ house now. They have new renters arriving on the second.”

  He sank on the news. Even though she’d told him this last week, the morning light brought a slap of reality. She would leave again. Soon. He didn’t even know how many days they had, but they made plans to take Eloise skating on the weekend.

  She gave Eloise a kiss before climbing out of the car. He followed, retrieving her luggage from his trunk. He insisted on carrying her suitcase, savoring the extra time with her. Emboldened at the front porch, he tried something new. He wrapped her in a hug and planted an all too brief kiss on her mouth for all the world — and Eloise — to see.

  S
he whispered in his ear, her warm breath a welcome contrast to the cold wind. “Does this mean I can hold your hand in public?”

  He smiled at her sweetly wholesome thought, contrasting to his own carnal ones. “I hope you will.” And I hope you will stay.

  • • •

  As Penelope woke to howling winds on Saturday, warmth filled her every pore. The storm ensured they would not go to an outdoor ice rink today. If she moved back to Chicagoland, she’d need a warmer, more practical winter coat. With bowling back on the agenda, she dressed in layers, anticipating taking off her a sweater in the warm bowling alley.

  The din limited conversation, but she loved people watching. Some people behaved as if the game were a life and death situation. Others seemed barely aware that they were playing. Eloise liked to bounce on her toes as her ball rolled down a ramp and took full advantage of the bumpers designed to keep kids from getting frustrated with too many gutter balls. If she kept that up all game, she’d have strong calf muscles but tired legs. Penelope cheered her on, pausing to get a drink and take off her sweater in the third frame. Carson immediately commented on an angry bruise peeking out from under her cap-sleeve t-shirt.

  “How did that happen?”

  “I auditioned for a new group the other day. I think it went really well.” She wanted this job desperately, even if the upstart company appeared unlikely to survive for more than a few months. She’d be based in New York, but with the rehearsal schedule, she should be able to visit him every two to three weeks.

  “I don’t see how.”

  “I threw myself into the choreography, literally.” She laughed at the memory of sliding across the floor, fearless. “It impressed the judges.”

  “Broken ribs. Contusions. Have you ever considered a safer profession — like crab fishing?”

  “You are kidding, I hope.”

  “I worry, that’s all. I worry about what sort of example you set for Eloise with your work.” His mouth tensed at the word “work,” as if it tasted unpleasant in his mouth.

  “I see.”

  She spun on her heel, feet clopping louder than necessary as she picked up her ball. Cradling it, she walked to the line and closed her eyes. She found peace in the noise of balls hitting the wood, the whir of machinery resetting pins, and the collective hum of idle chatter.

  He devalued her career. Did he consider it inappropriate that she wasn’t as delicate as she looked? Did he fear her enthusiasm? Did he fear she would encourage his daughter’s self-expression? She understood and accepted that he placed Eloise’s needs above all else. Any relationship between them included a wider web than if the two of them had met in a different time and place. He failed to ask her anything about her audition. Opening her eyes, she lined up the bowling ball, focused her anger and threw a strike.

  They ate lunch at a retro diner resplendent in silver chrome. She noticed how they both focused their attention on Eloise, meticulously avoiding each other. If they’d been alone, she would have asked why he was so upset over a little bruise. Maybe she could call later, after Eloise was in bed. Or maybe not at all.

  Her phone rang. The number displayed brought a welcome rush of joy. “Excuse me.”

  She returned to the table blissful, yet wary of her next task. In their brief conversation, Felix had offered her a dream job, inviting her to be part of his upcoming performance. They started practice tomorrow with ten to twelve hour days through next Thursday and a half a day on Friday morning before their debut on Friday night. Normally, preparations took months. Felix had days. As two dancers he previously worked with scrambled to get flights from Europe, he called her, the only other person he said he wanted. She said yes immediately.

  The high risk circumstances frightened her. She’d need to cancel her callback in Orlando and skip two open auditions. Worse, Felix lacked financial backers. She’d get paid at the back end based on ticket sales. He’d jumped at the chance to fill a theater slot left vacant by a cancellation. But he promised no commitment beyond that, unless some investors came forth after the performance. There was no company, no steady paycheck. No harness, no safety net.

  Her ego soaring, she couldn’t wait to begin.

  But first, she had a promise to break.

  Sighing, she tried to stifle the smile her face wanted to wear. Sliding into the booth beside Eloise, she put her arm around the child.

  “I have some sad news and some good news for you. I know I promised to come to dinner on Wednesday, but I can’t and I’m very sorry.”

  Eloise pouted. A quick peek across the table confirmed his scowl. She hoped her next words would soften the blow.

  “I should be able to make it up to you some other night. I’m going to stay here for at least another month.” She met his gaze, searching his eyes for hope. “I’m going to be very busy the next two weeks preparing for a performance downtown.”

  “Can I come?”

  She smiled at Eloise, then back at Carson, who at the least looked less angry than earlier. In her enthusiasm to work with Felix, she realized she said yes without knowing if this would be one of his full frontal works or not. “I hope so, but I’ll know more tomorrow.”

  • • •

  They approached the will-call window, collecting the tickets Penelope had reserved for them. From the looks of it, there were plenty of seats still available. He wondered how awful this would be. At least she’d assured him there would be no nudity in this performance. The fact that she’d had to confirm this in advance was disturbing. She’d come to dinner only once since starting rehearsals and they hadn’t talked much privately, but he didn’t like the idea of her being naked on stage. He wanted her nude body to be only available for private performances. Not that they’d found time lately.

  The curtain rose slowly, revealing several trees, including the little Christmas tree from Penelope’s apartment, covered in fairy lights, creating a woodland scene. A male dancer with horns on his head crawled on all fours. The light followed him until he stopped in front of a woman who unfolded like a graceful flower. All their moves were performed in front of the shadow of a winged creature suspended in mid air. The man and woman continued for several minutes. The music shifted. Suddenly, the audience gasped as the shadow began to move, flying. A second curtain lifted and wow, she was beautiful. Iridescent wings suited her. He hoped Eloise’s enthusiastic shout of, “Miss Penny!” wasn’t too disruptive.

  Eloise gaped at the stage, clearly enthralled with the performance. Other than her tight grip on his sleeve, she sat still and silent. Even during the intermission, she spoke in reverent tones, barely able to complete a sentence. He understood her reaction perfectly. He knew squat about dance, having never attended a performance other than the ones for her class. Yet this transformed him, taking his mind and emotions soaring through an unknown landscape.

  Penelope transfixed him. Her body communicated generations of knowledge and feelings. He couldn’t take this away from her or ask her to give it up. It was powerful, sweeping across his body and straight to his heart. He adored her. He loved her. He had to tell her. Tonight.

  When the final curtain fell, his voice joined those crying, “Bravo!” as he and Eloise rose from their seats. Penelope practically defied gravity as she glided over the stage, accepting the audience’s adoration and making sure her fellow dancers and Felix also received their due. All too soon, she disappeared. The stage lights dimmed as the house lights rose. He didn’t know the etiquette, but in the movies, getting backstage seemed easy. He couldn’t risk waiting until tomorrow or even until she arrived at home tonight.

  He realized his first gaffe as he waited afterward in the lobby. He followed the wrong crowd. Fortunately, Penelope’s parents saw him and directed him to join the throngs of people hovering by a dented red metal door.

  Eloise pointed out his second mistake. “How come everyone
else has flowers but we don’t?”

  He swallowed his embarrassment. He should have gone to the florist beforehand. He didn’t know what flowers she liked. There was still so much he didn’t know about her, but he yearned for the chance to learn. The Glaziers again came to his rescue, offering Eloise one of the two bouquets they brought. The cheerful daisies suited her little arms.

  The door opened and a security guard began organizing the crowd, permitting entry to the few members of the media on hand. The Glaziers motioned for him and Eloise to join them. After the guard authenticated them, he pointed to another set of doors and into a dressing room littered with clothes, shoes and mysterious bottles in front of a brightly lit mirror.

  He sat on a stool in front of the mirror, restless, but unable to walk around with Eloise clinging to him. At first he tried to dissuade her from touching anything, but relented in an effort to keep them both occupied. It beat staring at the clock.

  The door burst open, permitting shouts of “You’re amazing!” and “I love you” to waft through the air. Penelope came into view, one arm laden with flowers, mostly roses, and the other doing a beauty queen’s wave to the crowd. “Thank you. You are too kind. Felix Hart deserves all the credit. He’s a genius.” She closed the door, closed her eyes, leaned against it and sighed.

  Her mom rushed to take the flowers before Carson had a chance to get Eloise on her feet and off his lap. He envied the scratched up brown door, supporting her in her moment of need.

  “You look exhausted, dear,” her mom murmured.

  Penelope opened her eyes, noticeably perking up when her gaze met his. “But in the best possible way. Thank you all for coming!”

  She accepted congratulations and praise as she hugged everyone in turn. Eloise excitedly gave her the flowers, talking a mile a minute and saying too much about how they forgot to bring flowers. Although he wished he could hide under a rock to escape his faux pas, she peeked at him through lashes he knew to be false. The twinkle in her eye showed amusement. But more than that, it seemed like a private message intended for him. In that one quick look he sensed appreciation, pleasure, and, dare he hope, love?