Winter Dreams

by Robyn Neeley

  “What are you doing?” a voice said and hard hands grasped her waist, dragging her upright. “Have you lost your mind?”

  Coughing, she straightened, planting her stick hard on the ground. Of all the people she didn’t want to see, didn’t want to be rescued by, it would be Daniel who saved her.

  “I came out to see if the Harvester was back,” she said. “I was worried about Liam, and anyway, you seem to be out here too.”

  “I can walk,” he said.

  Carly cringed, wide eyed; how could he be so blunt, so cruel? This wasn’t the Daniel that she knew, had she done this to him? She looked at him, mouth open, but he didn’t apologise, just stood staring down at her through hard eyes.

  “Go back to bed, Carly. I’ll ring you and let you know if the boat is back in the harbour.”

  “No, I don’t think I will, actually, I’d like to see for myself.” Her voice trembled and she hoped he hadn’t heard it over the howling of the gale.

  “So your stubbornness will finish off what my foolishness started? Don’t be absurd, you can hardly stand now, if I hadn’t caught you when I did, you could’ve been swept away.”

  “I don’t care.” But she spoke quietly and the wind swallowed her words. “Why are you out here?” she shouted, instead.

  “Ali’s got herself into a state,” he said. “She thinks she can hear screaming above the waves, that they’re wrecked on the cliffs.”

  “You couldn’t hear anything over this storm.”

  “I know, but I said I’d check.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t, I don’t think we have anything else to say to each other.”

  Tears stung her cheeks again. Thankfully in the dim light, Daniel wouldn’t be able to see them, twisting away, she stepped into the force of the wind, groaning as it slammed against her legs, burning her wasted muscles — this had been a stupid thing to do. Daniel was right, she couldn’t manage in weather like this, she wasn’t strong enough, but it was impossible to relax until she knew that Liam was safe — he was the little brother she’d raised herself and she couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to him. Taking a deep breath, she crept forward a few inches, catching her breath as the rain drove into her face.

  A hand gripped her arm and she screamed, twisting around. It was Daniel, standing behind her, jaw set.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “You can’t manage in this, it’s getting worse. Come with me, we’ll check the harbour and then I’ll escort you home.”

  “I thought you didn’t want to be with me?” Her teeth chattered and she bit her lip, tasting warm, metallic blood in her mouth.

  “That doesn’t mean I want you to end up with a broken leg.” Pushing his arm through hers, he gripped her tight as a wave smashed across the sea front and freezing water swirled around her knees, filling her boots.

  “I’ll find you somewhere to shelter, while I check the harbour,” he said. “It’s too dangerous for you to go down there, the waves could sweep you into the sea.”

  “Or you.”

  “I’ve got more chance then you have.” Taking two steps, he stopped, tilting his head and frowning.

  The storm lulled and she jerked her head up, listening, there it was again, the pealing of an alarm. She drew a sharp breath, clutching at his arm.

  “What is it? What is it?” Daniel shouted.

  “It’s the lifeboat station, the crew have been summoned.” She whirled around to stare into the ocean, at the huge waves exploding across the seawall.

  • • •

  Outside the lifeboat station, she jumped when a loud rattle echoed through the night air. She recognised the sound as the main doors to the slipway opening; the boat was about to be launched.

  Machinery squealed and an alarm rang incessantly, making her heart pound in her chest. Lights blazed through the open entrances and a radio crackled. She didn’t want to get in the way, but she had to know which boat they’d been called out for.

  Inside, Mick stood by the orange lifeboat, which trembled as its electrics switched on, casting a shadow over him in the shape of a huge coffin. Bending down, he pulled a pair of bright yellow waterproof over-trousers on, his face set and serious.

  “Seen the rest of the crew?” he shouted, over the screech of metal.

  “Yes, Phil and Tony are behind us, and both the Bainbridges,” Carly said. “Who is it, Mick? Who’s out there?”

  Mick yanked a jacket from the rack. “Sweetheart, I’ve got to move.”

  “Mick?”

  He glanced at her. “It’s the Sea Harvester, swamped a couple of miles from shore.” He dragged his boots on, turning to look out the door and muttering impatiently.

  Carly jumped back as three men and a youth raced past her, snatching clothes from the racks. Daniel touched her shoulder, squeezing gently, moving her out the way. Of course, he knew the drill.

  “Who is it?” Ian Bainbridge said, throwing a jacket to his son.

  “Hang on, I’m not having both of you out there,” Mick said. “Only one from each family on a night like this.”

  “I’ll go Dad,” Luke said.

  “You won’t,” his father said. “Never hear the last of it from your mother, you stay here and help from the shore.”

  “You’ll be a man down, Harry won’t be able to get here, not straight away, the coastal road’s flooded again, so I’ll have to go,” Luke said.

  “No you bloody well won’t, you’re eighteen. If the skipper says it’s too dangerous, then you ain’t going,” Ian said.

  “I’ll go,” Daniel said. “Got a spare wet weather suit? I’m trained, I work out of Padstow.”

  “Daniel no,” Carly said.

  He glanced at her and she stepped back. Of course she couldn’t expect him to let an inexperienced lad risk his life on a night when the waves peaked at fifteen feet. But she couldn’t bear to think of him out there, she couldn’t lose both of them. Her jaw trembled and she wiped her cheek with a rough hand, this was no time for tears. Snatching a waterproof jacket, she helped him into it, touching his face, fixing it into her memory.

  “Time to launch!” Mick shouted.

  Daniel pulled on a lifejacket and helmet, climbing up the ladder into the boat. It looked so small and fragile. Could it stand against the storm?

  “We’ll be all right,” Mick said, glancing over his shoulder as he climbed the ladder.

  A klaxon shrieked behind her and she jumped, grasping the rail as the rolling walkway switched on and the boat slid toward the open entrance above the slipway. It tilted on the edge and she caught a last glimpse of Daniel’s face, before the craft lurched forward, and shot down into the swirling, dark waters below. The engines kicked in and, lifting a hand to her mouth, she stared into the blackness, as it roared away.

  A wave crashed over the top of the lifeboat and briefly it vanished from sight, before rising up again, engines spluttering as the crew fought to control it. What must it be like in that cabin? Being thrown back and forward in their seats as if they rode the world’s most terrifying roller coaster.

  If they went down, who rescued the lifeboat crew?

  No, she mustn’t think like that. They were an experienced crew, and while the boat was old, it was sound and would withstand the gale, it had too, she couldn’t contemplate losing Daniel. Luke touched her back and she jumped.

  “It’s looks worse than it is,” he said. “The boats are designed to follow the waves, which is why they can go out in storms that destroy other boats.”

  “Liam is on the Sea Harvester,” she said. “It’s a basic trawler.”

  He nodded and squeezed her arm. “Come through to the waiting area, you’re soaked, and frozen. The crew will phone in soon, every few minutes we get a call.”
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  He guided her through to the office, where she sank down on a plastic chair, her teeth clattering and goose bumps down her arms. Icy wind blew against her hair, until Luke slammed the doors shut and switched on a small electric heater. Carly stared at the glowing bars. How long until they knew everyone was safe? She ought to ring Daniel’s home, his family would be wondering where he was, but her muscles were weak and aching and she couldn’t face having to tell Ali that her husband’s boat was sinking.

  Loud voices drifted from the main hanger and then the office door opened, Carly twisted around; was the boat back already? No, it was Ali, her hair soaking wet and clutching her stomach. She certainly shouldn’t be here and hopefully she wasn’t alone. A hysterical pregnant woman wasn’t someone she wanted to be dealing with at this moment.

  Thankfully, Daniel’s mother stepped in behind her, her face pale and strained. They must have given up waiting for news and hearing the alarms, come down; she should have phoned them earlier.

  “Any news?” His mother said. “We’ve lost Daniel too, he never came back, I’m calling the police, there’s trees down all over the road out there, maybe he got hit.”

  “Sit down,” Carly said. At least she could reassure them that Daniel wasn’t trapped, although the news he was out with the lifeboat was hardly going to be well received.

  “Have you heard anything?” Ali said.

  “Daniel’s gone out with the lifeboat crew, they were a man down and he volunteered.”

  “Daniel?” his mother said, hand to her mouth. “He’s not trained.”

  “He’s a member of the Padstow crew,” Carly said. “He probably forgot to tell you.” She quietly cursed him, no doubt he’d kept it quiet to avoid worrying them, but she could done without having to break the news under these circumstances.

  Ali dropped onto a chair, putting her hands across her face and groaned. “I can’t lose them,” she said, her voice breaking. “Not both of them, damn, damn, this ocean. I hate living here; I hate Steve’s job. I hate storms.”

  Glancing at Ali’s mother, Carly saw her white face and shaking shoulders and leaning forward, put an arm around Ali herself, drawing the girl close.

  “It’s going to be all right, they’ll be back, I promise,” she said.

  “You can’t promise anything! You almost died out there yourself, those undertows … ” She collapsed weeping.

  “I know the lifeboat is sound and that the Sea Harvester has a brilliant skipper and an excellent crew. They’ll get back, I know they will.”

  “It’s all right for you, it’s not your husband out there.”

  “My brother and Daniel both are.”

  “There’s nothing between you and Daniel, you’re just playing with him because you’re pissed off that he didn’t get injured like you did, it was an accident, Carly. There is a limit to the amount of time he should have to keep apologising. Yes, you lost your career and the use of your leg, but you’re still alive. You didn’t die, not like my husband might, like my brother might. What else matters? Daniel saved you that day, risked himself to keep you afloat, he could have let you go, but he didn’t, and you have never thanked him for that.”

  “That’s enough, Ali,” her mother said.

  Carly swallowed and straightened, her arm still around the shaking woman. It was true that Daniel had rescued her that day, fought the waves to keep her alive until the lifeboat reached them. His judgement had been in error, but when things went wrong, he’d never let her go.

  Ali cried out, doubling up.

  “What is it?” he mother said, putting a hand on her back.

  Ali groaned again and Carly jumped to her feet. “We’d better get her to hospital,” she said.

  “No, I’m not going. Not until I know he’s safe,” Ali said.

  Carly looked at Ali’s mother; she’d hunched her shoulders, staring at her daughter in terror. Of course, she fainted at the sight of blood, she’d be no good at taking Ali into hospital, she might crash the car on the way. She didn’t want to leave the lifeboat station herself, but she wasn’t doing anything helpful and Daniel wouldn’t like his sister being taken off alone in an ambulance.

  “I’ll take her in, labour takes ages,” she said. “Ring me the moment you hear anything.”

  “I’m not going!” Ali said.

  Carly leant down. “Yes, you are. What will your husband say if you put your child at risk? Don’t be so stupid.”

  “I hate you too.”

  “Yes, I expect you do, but you’ll both be alive and apart from that, I couldn’t care less.” Putting her arm under the other girl’s arm, she pulled her upright and looked at Luke.

  “Help us to my car, please.”

  • • •

  “Should it happen this fast?” Carly said, looking at where Ali lay on the hospital bed, moaning. They’d been whisked straight into the delivery rooms when they arrived, much to her surprise, with the nurse tutting at their lack of a bag.

  The midwife dried her hands. “First babies don’t always take ages, that’s why a surprising number are born in cars,” she said.

  “I have to go. Will she be all right?”

  “You can’t leave her, not on her own, she’s frightened. Where’s her husband?”

  Carly looked at where Ali clutched the rail with a white-knuckled hand. “He’s trapped at sea on a sinking fishing boat. We’re waiting for news from the lifeboat crew.”

  The midwife drew a sharp breath. “You can’t leave her, I’m sorry, but there’s no way she should be left alone. What about her mother?”

  “She faints at the sight of blood and is a twenty minute trip away through the storm.” Carly shivered, remembering the terrifying drive with trees blocking the roads and street lamps out. The electricity and phone lines were down, she had no means of contacting anyone. What was happening back in Haven Bay? Were they safe?

  Rain crashed against the window and she stared out at the trees bent double, tips close to the ground, the sky behind them the strange yellow of a storm. Ali screamed again and she turned back. This wasn’t something she was good at, she knew nothing about babies or pregnant women. She’d have been better at the lifeboat station, she understood the sea.

  Ali moaned, reaching a hand out, face pale and drenched in tears and sweat.

  “Help me,” she said. “Carly, help me, the pain … ” She screamed, arching her back.

  Carly grabbed her hand, held it tight. “Can’t you give her something?” she said, looking at the midwife.

  “Only gas and air.” She unwound the tube. “It’s too late, she’s fully dilated, I think she’s been in early labour for a while, but the shock kept it hidden.”

  Ali snatched the offered mouthpiece and bit down, groaning with a sound Carly had only ever heard from animals. This was nothing like they showed on the TV; perhaps it was a good thing she was single, there was no way she wanted to do this.

  “Sit up, Alison,” the midwife said.

  “Don’t touch me! Take your hands off me, I’m not moving,” Ali shouted.

  “Yes, you will.” The midwife’s lips twitched.

  “Leave her alone,” Carly said. “She doesn’t want to move.”

  “Baby will come quicker if she does. Now, after this next contraction.”

  Ali shrieked, doubling over, gulping at the mouthpiece. The midwife settled her back down and wedged a cushion behind her. “I’m Jane,” she said, “and your baby is about to be born. Now with this next contraction, I want you to push.”

  “I don’t want a baby,” Ali screamed, digging her nails into Carly’s hand and drawing blood. “I can’t do this!”

  “That was a great push, now try another one.”

  “Can’t you hear me, I don’t want a baby!” she shrieked again, sweat dripping down her fo
rehead, cords standing out in her neck.

  “It’s a bit late to change your mind now,” Jane said.

  “You’re doing brilliantly,” Carly said, desperately squeezing her hand. She glanced down the bed, then looked quickly away. How on earth had she ended up in a hospital delivery room? At least Ali was calming down now, focusing.

  Ali drew in a shuddering breath and moaned low in her throat. “What if Steve dies, Carly? I can’t lose him, he can’t be dead.” She gasped and gave a low scream. “I want him here, I don’t want to be alone. I’m so scared.”

  “Steve will come back, of course he will, along with Liam and Daniel and Mick. They’ll be safe, they’re all trained, they know what they’re doing. I bet they’re at the life station now, sipping hot tea, before someone drives Steve up here.”

  Ali squeezed her fingers, throwing her head back and screaming again, even louder and longer than before, her legs shuddering, body convulsing.

  “Well done, we’ve got the head. One last push,” Jane said.

  Ali took a deep breath and groaned again, teeth clamped around the gas mouthpiece, then fell back against the pillows, shaking, as the lamb-like cry of a newborn filled the room.

  “It’s a little girl,” Jane said. “A lovely little girl.”

  Cutting the cord, she wrapped the baby in a blanket and placed her on Ali’s stomach. Carly stared down at the tiny, open dark blue eyes, the miniature fists waving in the air. Loosening Ali’s grip, she touched the soft cheek and smiled. “She’s gorgeous,” she said.

  Catching her breath, Ali stared, eyes wide and mouth trembling; she swallowed and sniffed. “A girl,” she said, softly.

  “Yes, you did so well,” Jane said.

  Ali snorted, lying back against the pillows, eyes ringed with exhaustion. “I was terrible, especially to you, Carly, I don’t hate you. I’m sorry, the pain was so bad, it started at home, but I ignored it. I was so worried about Steve. I didn’t mean what I said.”