Redeeming Kyle: 69 Bottles #3

by Zoey Derrick

  By the time I’m done, I’m speaking softly and Kyle is wiping tears from his eyes. “And me, I gave you my love, the one thing you knew was nearly impossible for me to give up. I gave it to you and to her, and you left. You walked out the door, Kyle. Just like everyone else in my life.”

  “Stop…” he breathes. “I will spend the rest of my life making up for my mistakes this week. I’ve already paid a heavy price for it. I damn near broke eight years of sobriety because of what I did. But I didn’t, because someone was watching out for me. Someone was pulling me back. That someone was you and it was her, and it was those babies. I left because I thought I wasn’t ready, but I know now that I am more than ready. I know now that without you, without her, and without them, that I will be a worthless nothing roaming the streets. I can’t breathe without you, without her.” He stands up and I slam into him again. This time I take his face in my hands and I kiss him long and hard. I move my hands but not my lips. I intertwine them in his and hold them over his head.

  “Say it,” I demand against his lips.

  “I love you.”

  “Say it again.”

  “I love you with all my fucking heart, Talon Carver!” I slam my lips against his again, kissing him like my life depends on it.

  “I love you too,” I say back to him and he nuzzles his nose against mine.

  “How is she?” he asks quietly and I slowly let him go.

  “She’s dehydrated, but that’s getting better. Her blood sugar dropped to way below normal levels, which is what caused her to pass out. Low blood sugar is from lack of food. She was eating, but barely enough for her, let alone the twins. I’ve never not seen her clean her plate and she left at least a quarter of a big bowl of mac n’ cheese last night and because I was too caught up in showing her that I still love her and the twins, I forgot to feed her this morning. Which is one of the many reasons why we need you.”

  “How are the babies?”

  I smile for the first time in three days. “They’re good, from what they can tell. Everything seems to be intact. She’s right on the cusp of them being able to get a visual on their heartbeats. They’re going to do another one tomorrow and then give us instructions on when to come back for another one to make sure everything is alright.”

  He nods. “I want to see her,” he says.

  “She was sleeping when I left to come out here.”

  “I’m right here,” she says from behind us. I whirl around.

  “You’re supposed to be in bed,” I chastise her.

  “I had to pee,” she retorts with a smirk. She looks past me to Kyle. “If you cross this threshold, it’s because you’re here to stay. It’s because you’re here for me, you’re here for Talon and you are here for our babies. It means no more guilt about my symptoms. I heard what he told you and he’s right. I know it will all be worth it, in the end. Kyle, I love you more than anything, besides Talon and these little ones in here.” She runs her hand over her stomach. “I cannot handle this again. I am still upset that you left, but I hope it gave you a chance to clear your mind of your fears and your doubts. I cannot promise that I won’t freak out, say something that upsets you, or remain hurt over the fact that you left. I need time to heal and time to believe you’re really here with me, with us.”

  She pulls herself away from the door jamb and turns, pushing her IV pole back into the room, disappearing behind the curtain. “The choice is yours, cowboy. Get on the horse and ride it, or stay behind and watch it leave.” I give him a small smile and step into the room. She’s crying, leaning against the bed. I take a step toward her and a hand on my shoulder stops me.

  “You’ve seen this enough in the last few days. It’s my turn to bear this one.” He gives me a smile and goes to her. Kneeling down, he looks up at her. “Addison?”

  “Oh god,” she wails, falling forward and he catches her and scoops her up in his arms. I lean against the wall and watch as he holds her tightly to him and I know that today is the beginning of everything we’ve ever wanted.

  “Addison…” I put my finger to his lips.

  “Shh…” I give him a smile. “What I heard out there is enough for right now.”

  “But baby girl, please, let me say what I need to say.”

  He lays me down on the very uncomfortable hospital bed and covers me back up. His hands brush along my pouch and I tremble. He notices and slides the covers back down just a little bit. He doesn’t touch me skin to skin, but gently places his hands on my gown covered pouch. He starts crying and more tears drip from my eyes. His eyes meet mine. The emotions in his eyes show themselves to me immediately and I’m lost in them. “I’m not ready for this…” I fight to keep looking at him, and he doesn’t stop talking, “but I will be ready. I know that now because for three days, all I could think about was you, the babies, and Talon. I made some very shitty choices over the last three days, choices that I don’t want to take back because without those choices, I wouldn’t realize what I would honestly be without you,” his thumbs stroke along my stomach and warmth spreads through my veins, “the babies,” he head cocks in Talon’s direction, “and Talon. I realize that this is where I’m supposed to be, this is the path I’m supposed to take. I bought coke, did you hear that part?” I nod, “I bought it, but sat there staring at it for hours. Trying to build up the nerve to do it. That’s when I realized that there are far more important things in my life than drugs. I know now what it would mean for you to lose me. The sacrifice you would make without me in your life and I realize that I can’t let that happen because that would kill me a thousand times over. I love you more than life itself. I need you and I need Talon and I need these panda cubs.” I sob at his use of the nickname for the twins. “I will be here every day, I will love you every day and I will show you how much I love you. I can’t promise not to worry when you’re sick, I cannot promise not to worry when you’re hurting, and I cannot promise that I won’t panic from time to time. But I can promise to remind myself that this is all worth it, this is all,” his hands move from my stomach down, tugging on my hospital gown, lifting it to beneath my breasts. He leans down and kisses me. I sob harder. “Worth,” he kisses the other side, “every minute, every hour and every day.”

  I see Talon from the corner of my eye. His eyes are red with tears. I hold my hand out for him to come and take it and he comes over, hesitantly. “The next time either one of you feel panicked about what’s happening to me? Ask me, I will tell you. Read about it. Know about what’s happening to my body, you both want to shoulder what’s happening to me because you think it’s a burden, it’s not. It is an absolute blessing. Read the books, follow along with the growth, the progression, so that when something new happens with me, you don’t panic on me. I’ve fought so hard to be strong for both of you, to be strong for the babies and I can’t do it anymore. I’m exhausted and I feel like someone has stuffed a softball in my stomach.” They both snort a laugh.

  “That would be us, we did that part,” Talon says with a wide smile and Kyle chuckles.

  The tears that I’d finally managed to stop come back, but now they are happy tears. “We will do our best. But give us a little slack if we screw up,” Talon says with a smile. “Because you know damn well we will.”

  Kyle pulls my gown back down, adjusts the blankets and covers me back up. He sits back down on the side of the bed. Talon releases my hand and walks around the bed to the other side where he sits. I’m looking at both of my men. The tears haven’t stopped flowing but at least now, they’re happy tears.

  “What can we do, baby girl?” Kyle says sweetly.

  “Get me out of here.” My voice is choked with the happiness I’m feeling now that my family is back together again.

  “Aww angel, I want to, I really do, but you heard them.”

  “I know, but I feel fine and I’m starving and…” I lose steam.

  “They haven’t fed her?” Kyle asks, looking sideways at Talon.

  Talon laughs. “
No, they did, but it was hardly enough.”

  “And it was awful,” I pout.

  “Will they let us bring something in?” Kyle asks again looking to Talon.

  He shrugs, “Don’t know, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask. What do you want, angel?”

  “Soup, chicken noodle, crackers, bread.” They both smile at me. “What?”

  “Nothing, it’s just great to see you hungry again,” Talon says with a half-smile.

  “Let me go ask the nurses and let’s see what we can do,” Kyle says as he stands.

  “I’ll go, you stay with her.” Talon stands up, squeezes my hand, then reaches across me to cup Kyle’s cheek. “I’m glad you’re home.”

  Kyle leans into his touch. “I’m sorry I left.” Kyle kisses his palm and Talon leaves the room. He sits back down on the bed beside me. “Please, no matter what happens between us, eat. Always eat. Dr. Breckenridge told you that, it wasn’t just me.”

  “I never stopped eating or drinking. I always did it, I just didn’t eat enough. I ate enough to satisfy my grumbling tummy but that was all. I didn’t realize just how much the amount of food I was eating mattered. But I went from eating enough for at least two people to eating barely enough for me.”

  “I’m so sorry that I put you in that position, to make you so upset you couldn’t function.”

  I put my hand to his cheek. “I functioned when I needed to, like for the studio, until today, and everything in between is a blur. Talon suffered because of my being upset only to realize how much your being gone was hurting him too. He loves you, Kyle, he loves you as much as he loves me. You need to remember that. We both love you, and neither one of us wants to see you fail. I asked you about being ready, not because you needed to leave, or that you had to be ready right that moment. I asked because I needed to know so that I could figure out how best to help you.” I put my hand down and he scoops it up into his, holding it to his chest. “Despite what you thought at the time, you safe worded on me. You’re more ready than you think. You wouldn’t lie in bed with me for hours when you could be out at the bar. Instead you laid around reading pregnancy books. You wouldn’t feed me as well as you did, and you wouldn’t be there to hold my hair when I threw up in the morning. It’s a lot and more because we’ve only been at this a few weeks.”

  “A few weeks that have meant more for me than ten years could. Addison, I feel like we’ve been together forever. We have no secrets, we have no lies. Everything between the three of us is real and it’s raw. We’ve done in six weeks what couples strive for over years and we’re three people, which makes it harder. You’re selfless, you fight so hard for Talon and I, you fight so hard for them,” he nods his head toward my belly, “now it’s time to let us take care of you.”

  “I don’t know how to do that,” I say through a wave of tears and sadness. “I don’t know how to be taken care of.”

  “I think you do. I think you have. You let us be here for you, you let us feed you, wash you, dress you, pack and take care of everything for you. You just don’t see it because we don’t give you a choice. If we asked if we could dry you off, you wouldn’t let us, but we do it without giving you a choice because we know what you want, you just don’t know how to ask for it. Remember what Dr. B said? Don’t down play anything. If you’re hurting, we need to know. If you don’t feel good, we need to know, and if you just want to be held and cuddled, we need to know. Just like you need to know when something is bothering us.”

  I nod, wiping tears with my free hand. “I will try harder to let go. It’s not easy.”

  He leans forward, kissing my forehead. “We never said it would be.” He cups my cheek and wipes the tears. “Now, you’re exhausted. I’ve put you through an emotional ringer. Sleep, my sweet girl. I will be here when you wake up.”

  I kiss his palm and he pulls back. I lay my head back and for the first time in three days, I fall into a deep sleep.

  I’m awoken a little while later by the smell of chicken noodle soup and it brings me around. I devour the soup, crackers and two rolls before falling back to sleep.

  When I wake up on Thursday, Kyle is in the hospital room with me, “Where’s Talon?” I ask through sleep.

  Kyle sits up from his chair, and lays his iPad on the bed. “Good morning, sweet girl.” I smile at him. “There was a problem with one of the buses. He had to go take care of it.”

  “What happened?”

  “It was the other bus. It was in an accident.”

  “Oh god, was anyone hurt?”

  “No, everyone is fine. Though it was t-boned and the undercarriage was pretty tore up. Talon had to go assess the equipment and when I talked to him a little while ago, Dex was on his way to buy a new set of drums.”

  “Oh crap. Is he going to be able to?”

  “Most likely. Talon, Mouse and Peacock all bring their guitars with them into the hotels. It’s harder for Dex for obvious reasons, but any little dent in the drum alters the sound. They’re assessing for more damaged equipment, the amps are down there along with microphones and things like that. He hated leaving you, but he said that he knew you’d understand.”

  “Oh my god, of course I understand, but shouldn’t you be there too?”

  “I should, but…”

  “Then go, Kyle, I’m alright. I promise. You sitting here is doing nothing.”

  “Baby girl, I don’t want to leave.”

  “Listen, cowboy, and listen good. Until this tour is over, your priority is 69 Bottles and your job. My job is to grow babies and sit on a computer keeping the band’s reputation in line and get on stage and sing once in a while. I think one of the things that has caused some of this angst and what happened, is because you and Talon have devoted so much time and energy to me. When things go wrong you have no outlets. When things like this happen with the bus, there is panic and chaos because you’re both so unsure of yourselves. So today, I am going to sit here, grow some babies, do some work and then get discharged, hopefully, and go back to the hotel. I have Tori and Rusty and I am sure that Raine is around here somewhere. They will take care of me. You go take care of our boy and the band.”

  “I don’t know what to say…”

  “That’s easy, tell me you love me, give me a kiss and then go.” I give him a big genuine smile. “Okay, you can go after I pee.” He laughs and I slide my legs out from under the covers and without saying a word he is dutifully there to help me down. With IV pole in tow, I go to the bathroom.

  “Addie?”

  “Hmm?”

  “It’s morning, how are you…?”

  “Not puking?” I say with a smile. “Anti-nausea meds. Give it time. I’ll be back to morning vomiting in no time.” I wink at him and he smiles. “I can still feel it. But the meds are working.”

  “Good,” he says as he helps me to sit down.

  “What were you reading anyway?” He blushes. “That bad?”

  “No,” he shakes his head then leaves the bathroom.

  I take care of business and when I go to stand back up, he’s there helping me with his iPad in one hand. “Show me,” I say and he opens up his iPad. The cover is a men’s shirt with a kid’s toy keys and the title reads, ‘The Expectant Father’. I look at him.

  “I thought maybe it would help me to read about dads, versus just reading about you. I ordered two paperback copies that should be delivered to the hotel in a day or two. But I couldn’t wait, so I started reading it while you slept.”

  “And?”

  He smiles. “It’s helping me feel more comfortable. I guess knowing that I’m not the only one in the world who has gone through this makes it a little easier.”

  I reach up on my toes and kiss his cheek. “Good, I’m glad.”

  “Talon had one of the guys bring you your messenger bag, a change of clothes and some breakfast.” He helps me back into bed. “I’ll get you set up with food and your stuff, then I’ll go help Talon.”

  “Good.” I smile as he brings the bed tab
le over, putting my food on top. He opens it up to reveal eggs, sausage, no bacon, some mini pancakes, toast and a bag with syrup, salt, ketchup etcetera inside. I notice that there is like a double serving of eggs and sausage. I smile at my food.

  “Eat, sweet girl. Eat so you can come home to us.”

  He gets out my laptop, plugs it in for me and sets it next to my food on the table. He puts the messenger bag between my legs so that I can access my other stuff as needed. “I need my purse too.” He cocks his head at me. “I have some journaling to do,” I say with a wink.

  He smiles wide. “We have a picture to take too.”

  My smile back is equally as wide as his. “But not in a hospital gown, we’ll do it when I get home.”

  He kisses my forehead. “I can’t wait.” He pulls back. “You good?”

  “I’m good, make sure I have my phone, and go. I will call when I know something.”

  “Alright, sweet girl. I’ll see you later.” He leans down and kisses me softly on the lips. “I love you,” he breathes and I smile against his lips.

  “I love you too.” I kiss him again, and again then finally I pull back. “Now go, I want to eat.”

  He laughs as he leaves my hospital room.

  Shortly after I finish eating there is a knock at the door. “Come in.”

  “Hey girl,” Raine says.

  “How’d I know you were roaming around the hospital?”

  “Oh you know, it’s kinda my job, as your assistant and all.”

  I snort, “Well, you’re pretty damn good.”

  “Someone is here to see you.”

  I raise an eyebrow at her just as the door opens and Cami comes strolling in. All high heels, pencil shirt, sleeveless top and jacket slung over her purse. “Hey Addie,” Cami says and I think I blush, or panic, not sure which.