"I want you Connor.. I always have, I know we are friends, but you've always been more than that to me. I love you Connor and I know you love me too, otherwise you wouldn't have helped me with everything you just said." She sounds hopeful, like that's the answer to all her crazy ass talk she just spewed at me.
"I was doing all that for you because I felt guilty and.... and sorry for you Rebecca not because.... I.... I loved you! Jesus.... FUCK! We've never even slept together." My head is officially mashed with Allie and now this.
Fucking women!!!
"What?... And you think you love her.... Please... I know you better than most people, she can't give you the things you need, I can." She starts to walk towards me. "Please Connor just give us a shot we can be so good together." She runs her hands up my arms over my shoulders and stops at my pecs. She leans into me so her body is flush against mine and that's when I realize what she's trying to do.
"No Rebecca. You don't know what I want or what I need." I shout at her whilst pushing her back to get her off me. "From now on you're on your own. All this running to you when you call me or text because you think you want get high again... it's all because you wanted to see me isn't it? Not because you need my help?" Why would she do this and now more importantly.
"You don't mean that Connor....." I cut her off before she can come up with more bullshit.
"Yes I do. Don’t call me, don’t text me. I never want to see you again. You can keep the money, I'll get my lawyer to draw up a contract for the apartment I'll give you time find somewhere else." I walk back towards the hotel room door ready to open it for her. "Goodbye Rebecca." I say as I turn towards her. Just as her tears start to fall she bellows at me.
"This isn't over. I'm not giving up on you... on us. you'll see we're meant to be together. Not you and that Allie bitch. You'll be seeing me again Connor believe me and you may not like the person I become and that'll be all down... to... you. She emphasizes the last words by poking me in the chest each time before walking out the door down the corridor and hopefully out of my life.
I shut the door... Perhaps abit to quick as it makes a loud bang but I did it just in case she decided to come back. My head couldn't take anymore all I want do now is get in bed to wake up thinking this night was nothing but a dream. Unfortunately I know it's not because the pain in my chest feels to real.
I hear my phone ringing... stopping and then starting again. Groaning out loud in frustration I reach over the side of the bed and pull my phone from my jean's pocket noticing I have several missed call's from all the guy's and a couple of texts from Clint which I don't read because I'am just not in the mood for him right now. Deciding to go with the lesser of four evils as it seem's I decide to phone Liam back.
After only one ring the call connect's and I get a very sounding pissed off Liam which is unusual for him so whatever's wrong as got be bad.
"Dude where the fuck are you? Were all packed up and ready to leave we've been phoning you and banging on your door for over an hour and no one answered." He spits down the line in a rush.
"Oh shit oh shit I'm on my way just give me ten to grab my shit... and Liam tell Clint chill the fuck out will you please dude!" I say it as a statement to get my point across.
"Right ok I will do arsehole, just hurry your hairy ass up and if you see Allie on your travels will you tell her get a shift on as well?" Coughing to recover the panic in my voice at the mention of her name I give him a one word answer "Sure."
I'm just about walk out the hotel room when my phone pings.
John Boy: Hey heads up Allie's just turned up down here and she looks pissed! What the fuck happened with u 2 in the space of a few hrs? Thought you 2 were good?
Me: Thanks bro see u in 2!
I hit send as I'm walking to the lift.
“Where the hell have you been?” Max yells from the steps of one of the two tour buses.
“I over slept didn’t hear you banging on my door and I didn't sleep very well." It is way to early for this shit. I'm so not a morning person.
"Wonder why that is? I only just make it out as it was more of a whisper than anything else. I think it came from Allie and I didn't miss the sarcasm dripping from her words.
"Did you say something? I ask.
"Oh yeah.. I just said it's too early for this... Why is something wrong? She says whilst blasting me with a cocky grin.
"No just thought I heard you say something else." I swear I heard her right but knowing I can’t make a scene I don't voice my opinion.
I'm desperate to get her alone and sort this shit storm out with her and find out why all of a sudden out of the blue she just ended things and walked away? I know she didn't see Rebecca come to my room because I checked.
Either way this is going to get sorted.
This trip is going to suck donkey dick and drive me even more insane with the fact I'm with her but at the same time I'm not.
I drag my arse back into the sitting area of the bus and slump in the empty seat next to Max huffing and puffing with frustration and boredom.
"Well what's got you all puffy?" Max asks leaning his elbows on the table and getting ready for what looks like a Dear Deirdre heart to heart... yeah that ain't going to happen.
"Nothing I just forgot how boring the travelling bit of the tour was... someone please tell me why we aren't flying again?" I'm actually sulking like a spoilt five year old girl who's had her favourite doll taken off her!!!
I need to get a fucking grip!!!
"Amen to that brother, we haven't toured on a bus since the start" Liam pipes up from nowhere, I didn't think he was listening to my moaning but clearly he was.
He also has a valid point. We haven’t toured on a bus since we started making it big and I’ll be damned if I start now, with my mind made up I make the announcement to the guys- “I don’t give two flying fucks if I have to pay for it myself but once we’ve done this show we're all flying, because there is no way I can sit on this bus for hours on end with you smelly gits.” I half laugh the last bit out hoping they don’t catch on to the awkwardness between me and Allie. Usually the bus doesn’t bother me but knowing that my Angel is on the bus in front of me, spending time with that cocky fucker Kyle… when there's nothing I can do about it. At least for now, because that ain't ever happening..
“Since when did you become a bloody diva and start demanding shit?...because if my memory serves me right you’ve wrote some of our best material on one of these buses.” Johnny the smarmy twat…knows he’s got me over a barrel with that statement because he’s looking at me with a Cheshire cat grin all over his face from the other side of the table and right now I really have the urge to grab him and punch his lights out.
“So come on piss pot what gives?” Max asks seeming interested all of a sudden. I close my eyes and ignore his question hoping he’ll just forget it but I can hear Johnny laughing and I know I’m going have to tell Liam and Max about me and Allie because we can't keep going on like this. I just hope she's ok with me telling them all that's happened.
Even though nothings going on right now.
Taking a deep breath I lean my head back on the seat and without looking at any of them I blurt out- “I’ve been sleeping with Allie.” I lift my head and open one eye and look at them one by one to try and gage their reaction.
Johnny already knows so he's just smirking. Max has got a, I knew it grin on his face and Liam just looks blank.
"I knew you were hard for that girl the minute you saw her." Max says giving my arm a punch.
"Err hello" Liam says waving a hand in the air... "Can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on please? We've only met the girl half a dozen times mostly on the stage." Johnny and Max burst out laughing at Liam's blank facial expressions.
"For as good as you are where music is concerned dude you really are blind when it comes to women, your fucking clueless mate." Max states.
Liam gives him the middle finger as his come back and looks to me
for an explanation.
"So you are the reason she was late this morning?" Liam asks.
"Yes... I mean no... I don't know... No, I'm not the reason she was late this morning I should have been but I wasn't.. It's a long story." He cuts me off holding his hand up.
"Ok shit I get it... so how longs this been going on?" He seems a little put out that he wasn’t in the loop with this one, but in my defence Max didn't know for definite till just.
Scratching my head unsure if I want to answer that question I just blurt out "A few weeks maybe, that was up until last night she came to my room just to tell me she no longer wanted to carry on what we were doing as she wanted to concentrate more on her dancing career." I say sounding just as confused as the first time I heard it.
It feels a lot longer than that and I'm pretty sure there should be some sort of time frame before the feelings I'm having for this girl should be a problem... but it's becoming clear now that no matter how hard I try to fight it, the feelings won't go away and I just have to man up and face it.
I'm falling in love for the first time ever and I'm not even sure if she loves me back.
*****
Don’t let your fear of what could happen make nothing happen.
Chapter 30
Allie
We've been on this bus now for a stupid amount of time and if I have to hear one more bad joke come out of Luke's mouth then I might just bloody scream. The bus isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Its got a spacious sitting area at the front, a table along with a mounted flat screen and Xbox, a kitchenette area with a dark wood countertop which houses everything we need to make our food and drinks, there's six bunks for us too sleep in with a privacy curtain- so there's two spare because it's only us four dancers on this bus. In the back is a mini bedroom with a double bed and some storage space but because it was unfair for just one of us to take that room we all decided to just put our bags in there and we'll sleep on the bunks. We have a small bathroom with all the essentials to have a shower and do our private business but it kind of reminds me of a panic room because I could spread my arms out wide, spin round in a circle and touch all the walls with my finger tips.
I leave the front of the bus and head to my bunk before I say something to Luke that I might regret and make things awkward between us, grabbing my phone I text Karina-
Me: Hey mofo just thought I'd check in and let you know I'm still very much alive although Luke might not be if he carries on with his shitty jokes.
Love ya face.
Lying back on to my stiff pillow I place my phone on my stomach and close my eyes but when I do all I see is his cheeky smile and brown eyes looking down at me when he's inside me, bringing me untold pleasure I've never experienced before. Lost in my day dream I jump up and smack my head on the bunk above me when my phone alerts me I have a text. Rubbing the sore spot I curse out loud when I press on it to hard. Patting the bed down and trying to find my phone because it fell when I jumped up, I find it amongst the covers and see Karina has replied to my message. I answer her back and as I press send my phone starts to sing at me with- Color me badds- I wanna sex you up, the ringtone I downloaded and assigned to Connors number after the first time we had sex, I thought it was hilarious at the time. But now it only makes me feel depressed. I finally answer after pulling myself together, at the same time wondering why in god's name he's calling me.
I thought I had made it pretty clear last night that we were done. There is absolutely no need for him to be calling me now.
"Hello this is Allie Whitbury." I try to play it cool, like him phoning me has no effect on me whatsoever. The problem is I know no matter how much I protest to myself that if given the opportunity, he will worm his way back in.
"Allie it's me Connor, but u already knew that, listen I know your not speaking to me but I need to tell you something. I didn't want you finding out from anyone else before you heard it from me ok? Don't be mad but..." He goes quiet for a moment before he decides to shock the shit out of me with his reply-
"I've told Max and Liam about us." He just throws it out there as if this isn't a big deal. When in reality it is. Well it is to me anyway, or should I say was. We're not together now. Not realizing I've gone radio silent in the middle of a conversation I hear a subtle cough down the line "Are you still there Allie?" Concern laced in his voice. I'd bet my last pound he's panicking not knowing if he's done the right thing or not. I don’t know if I want people knowing about us, I just thought he wanted to keep it on the down low because of the tour and the fact he's had a pretty shit twelve month's in the press.
Then there's all the other women in his life!
The last thing I need is a scandal hitting the papers about him banging one of his dancers. And trust me if my Dad gets a whiff of this I can't imagine the eruption it will cause and I haven't even told Connor who my family is yet. Not that it matters anymore. But I'm scared if he does find out who my parents are he'd hate me even more than I think he already does. I know if I tell him he will think I'm with him for the scoop to give my old man. I'm not like my parents, not one little bit but he doesn't know that either. Coming back to the present before he clicks in that my minds gone completely awol I give him a breathy reply "Yeah I'm still here Connor."
"Good I thought I'd lost you there for a jiffy." He exhales, relief evident in his voice.
You did lose me dickhead... the minute you let that other woman in your room.
Keeping my thoughts to myself, I go to speak but he beats me to it "So is it ok that I told them?...I know we're not an item anymore, but that's not the point, I know we said we would keep this just between us but Johnny already knew and I didn't want to lie to Liam and Max if they started asking questions plus...." He stops talking and my hearts just plummeted into my stomach at him saying we're not an item anymore, but he sounded pained as if there was something bothering him but he daren't tell me so I decide to try and coax it out of him slowly.
"Plus what? You know it's not polite to leave a girl hanging mid sentence." I force out a laugh trying to reassure him I'm listening still.
"It's just... oh my god angel I've never done this before and I can not believe I'm doing it over the phone...it's just I'm serious," he sounds like it's actually physically hurting him to tell me whatever it is he's trying to tell me.
"Connor what are you serious about?...because I've got to say your freaking me the hell out right now and your not making sense at all." I say thinking he's still on the other end of the phone but when I finish speaking I realize the lines dead and before I know it the bus is stopping and I hear a commotion coming from the front of the bus before I have a chance to register what is happening Connor comes barreling down the aisle and stops at my bunk. "Connor what are you doing here? This isn't right, we're done I ended things remember?!" Not paying one bit of fucking notice of me, opens cupboards and the other bunks curtains looking for something, whilst I just sit on my arse looking at the mad man in front of me. I thought I'd lost my marbles but this man in front of me is just plain crazy. "Where's your stuff?" He demands coming to a stop in front of me. Pointing my finger towards the closed bedroom door with a shaky finger and a tremor in my voice I reply "On the bed in the bedroom." Not daring to question him right now because he looks like a man on a mission.
What is his problem, or more to the point why am'I not stopping the crazy fool.
He comes storming back out of the room carrying my bag. He pierces me straight in my girl parts with the look of complete domination on his face as he stalks back to where I'am on my bunk. "Stand." He commands stopping in front of me. I swing my legs around off my bunk and slowly rise on squidgy jelly like legs afraid there going to give on me any moment, before I have risen to my full height I'm hoisted up against his solid body and thrown over his shoulder so I'm hanging upside down, any other time I wouldn't of minded because the view I have of his arse right now is wowzers... but unfortunately we have company on this bus... And plus being this
close to him again after everything that’s happened in the past twelve hours, well it's just too much for my fragile heart to bare.
"Connor." I squeal "Put me the fuck down now," I protest but the twat just ignores my pleas and heads towards the front of the bus. I start pounding his back with my fists..."I said put me down you goon... your causing a scene." Yet again I get no reply. Once we get to the sitting area where my co dancers are sitting.
"Stop fighting me Allie, this isn't over despite what you may have said." "Silly. Stubborn. Woman." He emphasizing his point further with them three words.
We reach the front by our bus driver and he swings around so he's facing the other three who haven't said a word since he took over our bus. Addressing them all in deathly voice and I'm guessing with a stern look he say's.
"Allie is coming with me and if one of you breathes a single fucking word to what you have seen and heard in the past five minutes then I will fire your asses, then I will sue the shit out of you for breaking confidentiality which you all signed an agreement when you got this job." Without waiting for a reply from any of them he pounds down the bus steps and takes a few quick strides to his bus.
Holy shit what just happened. Because I have no frigging idea.
*****
I fell in love with you because you
loved me when I couldn’t love myself.
Chapter 31
Connor
Storming onto Allies bus and going all caveman on her probably wasn't my brightest idea, especially when I don't trust the other three she dances with not to go going running to the papers to sell some gossip about me. I can handle the shit they print about me but I won't have them bad mouthing and hounding Allie twenty four seven. We're already on shakey ground, her face splattered all over the place for the world to see is a sure fire way of me never seeing her again and with her walking off this tour. If she think's I'm going to let her just knock on my door and end thing's between us with the piss poor of an excuse she tied to fob me off with, then she's got another thing coming. I might of admitted to myself that I love her but I can't tell her, not yet anyway, not directly. So I'm going tell her how I feel the best way I know and that's with music. Depositing her stubborn ass on the bed, I turn away and leave her sitting there, leave her wondering what I'm going to do next. For what I'm about to do I know the guys are not going to let me live it down, but for now their keeping their traps shut just for once and letting me sort my own shit out for once without their help.
Syren's Angel (The Syren Series Book 1) Page 11
