How to Love a Monster

by Lyssa Dering

  “Are there mosquitoes here?” Seraphim asks, looking around warily at the glowing dusk.

  “I’ve never been bitten by a mosquito,” I say.

  “Well, there sure are crickets or cicadas or whatever is making all this noise.”

  “I’ll just be a moment more. Soon, you’ll be enjoying a hot shower.”

  I finally manage to check my bank account, and it seems Wish is true to his word. I have ample funds to get us a room at the Pink Sky Hotel. I message Neisha to take her up on her offer for a ride, relieved she is still loyal enough for that. Perhaps I could employ her at this “business” Wish has promised me, though I haven’t a clue what kind of job I’d want to fill.

  I slip my phone into my pocket. “Neisha is coming to pick us up. We’ll be staying at a hotel tonight.”

  Seraphim leans his head on my shoulder. “Sounds awesome.”

  The gesture and the contact make me ache. All I want is to stroke the back of Seraphim’s pale neck. But I don’t. I am too afraid he will change his mind about wanting me close to him.

  Half an hour later, Neisha puts the car in Park in front of the Pink Sky Hotel. Thankfully, she hasn’t asked me any questions about Wish yet.

  “Thank you, Neisha,” I say. “I can wire some money to you for your trouble.”

  “You don’t have to do that, Boss. It’s no problem.”

  I resist the urge to correct the title; she knows I’m no longer her “Boss,” but perhaps it’s just habit. I push open the car door. “Seraphim, let’s—”

  “Wait,” says Neisha. “I just realized you don’t have any luggage.”

  I glance at Seraphim, who raises his brows questioningly.

  “We’ll be fine.” I’m not sure who I’m reassuring—Neisha, Seraphim, or myself. “The hotel has laundry facilities.” Maybe Wish will let me fetch my things from his house later on, but if he doesn’t, I can buy new things. And I’ve been meaning to buy Seraphim his own clothes anyway.

  “Okay, well…” Neisha meets my gaze via the rearview mirror, biting her lip. “If you need anything else, just ask. I don’t care who’s ‘supreme leader’ or whatever. You’ll always be Boss to me.”

  A lump forms in my throat and wets my eyes. I thought I had scores of loyal soldiers before, but Neisha is in a class all her own. “I truly appreciate your continued loyalty, Neisha. I… I’m sorry I’ll no longer be able to promote you or Romy.”

  Neisha shrugs. “Romy and I will manage.”

  I grimace but nod. “I promise I’ll answer any questions you have about what’s happened at a later date. Right now, I’m just too overwhelmed.”

  Neisha gives me a sympathetic smile. “I get it. No worries.”

  I clear my throat. “Let’s go, Seraphim.”

  I get out of the car, and Seraphim does the same. As we enter the hotel lobby, I feel eyes on me like sniper rifle laser beams. After catching one man’s inquisitive eye, I train my gaze on the reception desk. Luckily, the hotel attendant doesn’t seem to recognize me, or he’s simply very good at his job. I pay for the room, and a few minutes later, Seraphim and I are heading down a lushly carpeted hallway to room 603.

  I worry belatedly if I ought to have gotten Seraphim a separate room, despite the fact that 603 has two beds. But he hasn’t raised any protests, and I’m certainly not going to say anything.

  The inside of the suite smells of lavender. Seraphim immediately heads into the bathroom and closes the door behind him. The sound of running water reaches my ears a moment later.

  I head over to the picture window and stare out at the skyscrapers. It used to feel as if Wish City belonged to me, even if I knew in the back of my mind that it was an illusion. Now, I wonder how I will fit in. Can I possibly be successful in a different role? Will my soldiers who now belong to Wish still greet me with smiles, or will they be like the man in the hotel lobby, gawking until I’m no longer interesting?

  I try to imagine what things would be like if I hadn’t killed Thisbe and if I hadn’t put Wish to sleep at all. Knowing the pain I’ve caused Seraphim, I might go back and make different decisions. But in a world where Wish ruled from the start, I may never have gotten to know Seraphim.

  Seraphim’s little conversation with Wish in the sick room earlier wasn’t lost on me. I listened to Wish try to charm Seraphim back into his arms while I sat huddled on the floor. Wish hates the fact that Seraphim became interested in someone else during his absence, and wouldn’t he have prevented that if I hadn’t brought on the coma? Seraphim might still be trailing after Wish like a pet, and I’d be…alone. I wouldn’t even have Neisha in my corner because she would have worked for Wish from the beginning.

  I may still end up alone, of course. After Seraphim and I “talk things through,” he could decide to go out on his own again. But at least I know what his skin feels like. At least I know how he tastes, and I’ll never forget reaching oblivion with his throat in my fist.

  I give a shaky sigh, wiping at my leaky eyes. I won’t be getting any relief from my worries tonight, so I might as well stop sulking. With a deep breath, I fetch a room key and head to the elevator, intent on exploring the laundry facilities and purchasing some detergent from the hotel convenience store if it’s still open.

  Sera

  The Pink Sky Hotel has some of the best shampoo samples ever, and I come out of the bathroom in a plush, terry cloth robe smelling like honeysuckle and mint. Being clean is my favorite thing in the Universe, and it has me feeling rejuvenated. I’m still sleepy, but it’s not as urgent that I hop into bed. Maybe Fiend and I can talk.

  But he’s not in the room. A glance at the dresser reveals one room key, not two, so maybe he’s gone somewhere. At least he doesn’t have me trapped anymore. I could leave anytime I want, though I’m not planning on it. I slip the extra room key into the pocket of my bathrobe and take a seat on one of the beds. It’s nice. Not as nice as Wish’s bed with the fur-lined comforter, but this comforter has a sleek, metallic sheen to it, and the pillows are thick and soft.

  I curl up with one of the pillows and let my eyes fall closed.

  A few minutes later, the door’s lock clicks, and Fiend enters the room.

  I sit up, nerves fluttering in my stomach.

  Fiend’s got a sack in his hand. “I bought us some boxers at the store downstairs and some laundry detergent. We can sleep in the boxers and wash our clothes to wear tomorrow.”

  “Thanks.” I chew on my bottom lip, feeling guilty for taking his help when things aren’t solid between us. “You don’t have to take care of me after tonight. I’m sure I can ask Wish for—”

  “Seraphim.” Fiend sits down on the bed next to me, the sack rustling in his hands as he fidgets with it. “I know you said you wanted to sleep, but could you at least tell me what you’re thinking? I’m—I’m worried.”

  “Yeah. I was hoping we could talk tonight anyway.” That doesn’t mean I’ve worked on what to say, however. I try to string my thoughts into words that make sense. I’m not angry anymore; I know that. Like when I was sitting on that park bench, all I really want to do is find comfort in Fiend’s touch. But the main thing keeping me from throwing myself at him is still Thisbe’s death, even if seeing her reincarnated baby’s face was a bandage of sorts. “I wish you wouldn’t have hurt my friends. Couldn’t you have fought your hunger harder when it came to Thisbe? Like you fought it with me?”

  Fiend is silent for several seconds. He sets the sack aside. “I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, my darling. But please understand, the hunger was inevitable. Having sex with you brought it to the surface, but I was fed. I dined on that brain Wish delivered, or I would have had to find someone else.”

  Remembering how the brain disappeared from the kitchen, I gulp. “Oh.”

  “Dying is hard in Wish City, but I wasn’t willing to risk my own life to learn if I could starve. All I’ve ever wanted is to be real, my sweet. I enjoyed power; I won’t lie about that. But I only wanted to live.” Fien
d gives me a sheepish look. “And then, I wanted you.”

  The words wind themselves around my ribs, making my whole chest float, and suddenly, I’m tearing up. In the back of my mind, I understood this before, but when I pulled Fiend into the plan to wake Wish, I was trying to survive, too. I was running on pure adrenaline. Here, in this quiet space without fear, I can more fully understand what Fiend sacrificed.

  “You risked not being real for me.” I sniff. “You risked your life.”

  “Yes,” Fiend says solemnly. “I did it for no noble reason, though. I only wanted to keep you.”

  I scoot closer to Fiend, leaning my head on his shoulder, and take his hand.

  Fiend sucks in a breath. “Don’t tease me. If you’re going to run again—”

  “I’m not.” Butterflies flap in my stomach and I’m once again reminded of my first night in Wish City, strung out on that horrible drug. That yearning, that pain—it’s not so different from what I’m feeling now. But with this, there’s hope. I’m not digging into the past anymore, trying to relive my lost memories. I want to make new ones, with Fiend.

  The butterflies flap harder as I stroke Fiend’s thumb with mine. “I’ll always miss Thisbe, but I forgive you.”

  Fiend lets out a breath and slumps against me. “Oh, thank you so much, my sweet. I promise not to hurt anyone else. It will be much easier now.”

  I press a kiss to Fiend’s shoulder. “And we won’t lie to each other, right? I can’t take any more lies.”

  Fiend nuzzles me. “No lying.” He cups my jaw and strokes my cheek, his hairless brow creased. “You weren’t lying to Wish when you said you don’t love him anymore, right?”

  I roll my eyes. “Fiend, come on.”

  But his gaze remains twisted with emotion.

  I pull Fiend into a light kiss then stare deeply into those white irises. “I don’t love Wish, Fiend. I love you.”

  Fiend strokes his hands up the sides of my neck as his lips stretch into the most dazzling smile I’ve ever seen. His eyes grow slick. “You love me?”

  I’m sick with happiness, raw with love, and I’d happily stay here in this moment forever. I rest my hands on Fiend’s smooth forearms. “Yes. I love you.”

  Tears roll down Fiend’s face. He laughs, wiping at them ineffectually. “I love you, too, my precious thing.”

  The kiss we share this time is deeper. Fiend licks into my mouth, and I moan. He bites my lip then pulls away.

  “I told you one last lie,” he says.

  My stomach sinks. “What lie?”

  Fiend leans close, swiping his tongue along my ear. Oh no. Does he still want my brain?

  “I won’t hurt anyone except you,” he whispers, “but only in the ways you like.”

  Relief floods me with arousal hot on its heels. The back of my neck burns under the terry cloth. Still, I shove at Fiend playfully. “You scared me.”

  He grins. “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t sound sorry.”

  He stands and shrugs off his trench coat. I watch, rapt, as he pulls his t-shirt over his head, revealing that deliciously lean yet muscular body.

  My cock throbs.

  “Do you want me, Seraphim?” he asks.

  “Yes. Will you hurt me now?”

  Fiend grins with an open mouth, panting softly. “Is that what you want?”

  I untie my robe, letting it fall open to reveal a sliver of my torso and the pulsing tip of my erection. “Yes.”

  Fiend takes off his jeans and my mouth waters at the sight of his thick hard-on. I want it inside me.

  I shrug off my robe then shuffle more fully onto the bed, and Fiend follows. He lands on top of me, his body cool against my shower-hot and arousal-hot skin.

  “Fuck me,” I breathe. “Don’t care if it hurts. Please.” I lift my legs up, exposing my hole.

  Fiend grits his teeth. The hard determination in his expression is at odds with the tears still glistening on his cheeks, and the juxtaposition makes me tingle all over.

  “Do it,” I whine.

  Fiend presses the blunt tip of his dick to my hole but hesitates, looking up at me uncertainly.

  “Fiend.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you if it doesn’t feel good. I don’t need to penetrate you tonight. Touching you in any way is enough.”

  I smirk. “But you want to shove your dick in me, don’t you?”

  Fiend’s eyes go heavy-lidded, and he nods.

  “If it’s too much, I’ll say ‘elephant.’ You know how the game works, baby,” I say.

  Fiend swipes his tongue over his bottom lip. “Yes.” He slides his cockhead up and down over my hole. “Are you ready?”

  Universe, he’s sexy, and I can feel how the hunger for my brain is missing now. There’s no pain in his face, no restless urgency. He’s not chewing on my hair, though if he did, I wouldn’t mind.

  I really do love him.

  “I’m ready, baby,” I say. “Take what’s yours.”

  I don’t yell to egg him on because I don’t want anyone in the hotel to hear me. But I struggle, kicking and pushing at Fiend.

  He pins me despite my efforts, pressing one hand against my throat and using the other to guide his dick inside me.

  It burns. Oh Universe, it burns. I whimper, my voice breaking, but my cock is impossibly hard against my stomach, trapped against Fiend’s abs. My blood rushes in my ears.

  Fiend tightens his grip on my throat, stealing my air, as he thrusts hard. My body jerks with each stab of his cock inside me, the thick girth fighting friction to go deeper and deeper. I disappear, but only for a moment. I see a flash of stars, a pink and blue nebula across a wide expanse of black sky, before my every muscle tightens with the need to come. Too soon, I spurt all over us both.

  Fiend pulls out. I’d scream at the burn if I weren’t too busy gasping for air.

  Eventually, I ask, “D-Did you come?” My cheeks are aflame with embarrassment. That was the quickest make-up sex ever!

  “Not yet.” Fiend doesn’t sound upset; in fact, he’s smiling wickedly. He slides down my sweat-covered body, and I watch helplessly as he pushes my legs back and buries his face in my ass. Fiend licks and sucks at my tender hole, and I vibrate all over at the overwhelming sensation.

  “Fiend,” I moan. “Fuck. Fuck!” If the other people in the hotel heard me that time, oh well.

  Fiend looks up at me with mischievous eyes. “I will taste you until you are ready to come again. Is that alright?”

  “Yes. Universe, yes.” Heaving, I cover my eyes and curl my toes, all my troubles forgotten.

  Epilogue

  Fiend

  Neisha, Romy, Seraphim, and I are a small army approaching Wish on the sidewalk. He stands alone, keys dangling from his fingertips, while Romy rushes to the brand-new storefront, pressing her face and hands to the glass.

  “Holy shit,” she says. “I’m going to want everything in here!”

  I refuse to get too enamored with the shop until it is completely in my possession. Wish has stayed true to his every promise, but still, I have trouble believing he doesn’t harbor any ill will toward me.

  But Wish is smiling, eyes crinkled like he means it.

  I hold out my hand, and he drops the keys into my palm.

  “You sure you want a leather shop?” he asks.

  Of course I’m sure! I debated what kind of job I wanted for weeks, and I realized there is one truth I cannot deny: I love leather! “Yes, I’m sure. Thank you.”

  “If you change your mind, or if it’s not up to snuff, message me. I don’t come up with every detail of these things consciously, you know, but I can fix any problems with a thought.” He snaps his fingers as if to illustrate the quickness of his ability.

  I smile tensely. I’d rather not call him back to change anything once the store is mine. “I’m sure it’ll be perfect.”

  “The deed’s in the safe in the back room, and the safe’s combo is Seraphim’s birthday.”

  I
furrow my brow. “But I don’t know Seraphim’s birthday.”

  Wish chuckles. “Then I guess you’ll have to ask him.”

  Fingers slide into mine, and lips peck my cheek. Seraphim! Oh, how I love when he shows me affection in front of Wish.

  “I don’t know, I might make him work for it,” says Seraphim.

  Wish laughs again. “I don’t doubt it.” Then he gets into his shiny red sports car and zips away.

  Seraphim tugs on my hand. “Ready to check out our new place?” We’ve been staying at the Pink Sky for nearly a month, but the shop, Fiendish Leather, comes with an upstairs apartment.

  “I’m ready,” I say.

  Neisha approaches, pulling our big suitcase behind her. I’ve been wiring her a steady stream of funds for her ever-helpful chauffeur services, and Romy will be a cashier at Fiendish Leather. If the business makes enough money, I plan to make Neisha a manager. Then I’ll have to put an ad in the The Wish City Times for a new driver. Seraphim insists he can drive me around if I buy us a car, but I’d rather not put him out.

  I unlock the door to the shop and send a little gold bell ringing and thudding against the class as I pull on the handle. Wish has assured me this door isn’t part of the security system I used to control, which is a relief. Strolling into the store’s interior, the smell of natural leather fills my nose, and I breathe deeply, taking in the racks of leather clothing of all different colors and styles.

  Overhead fluorescents kick on, and I look behind me, where Seraphim has found a light switch by the door. We share a smile, and my heart lifts. I would never have imagined I would be here in such a place, with Seraphim by my side and two loyal soldiers supporting me.

  We explore what my store has to offer—everything from leather undergarments to platform boots to floggers and blindfolds in a room in the back. Neisha and Romy seem particularly interested in the floggers. After we’ve all had a chance to look around, Seraphim and I say good-bye to Neisha and Romy and head to a little green door in the back which opens to a staircase.