Remembered

by E. D. Brady

  “Yes, I’m Cora,” she replied. Something about this girl reminded Kellus of himself. She had a devilish, playful glow in her eyes. He liked her instantly.

  “Is this for your sister?” he asked.

  “And if it wasn’t?” she questioned, rising her eyebrows.

  “You look a little young to be drinking, but I’m not your parent, so I can’t stop you,” he responded.

  “Yes, it’s for my sister,” she laughed.

  Kellus suddenly had a funny thought. “Will it make her tipsy?”

  “I doubt it. Why?” Cora inquired.

  Why did he ask? Why was the thought of Annie tipsy so appealing to him? In fact, why was the thought of Annie anyway at all so appealing to him? “I think I’d thoroughly enjoy seeing Annie intoxicated,” he answered.

  Cora shot him a questioning look and walked off.

  As per usual, there were no disturbances during the festival. After the apprentices checked the barrels of wine and beer for the twentieth time, Mandolis told them that they were free to mingle for a while.

  Kellus was fully aware that his feet were leading him in the direction he’d seen Annie earlier, but decided not to argue with them.

  But what he saw when he reached the spot caused the strangest reaction. A man, about his age, was walking her towards the dance floor, holding her hand. Something rumbled in his chest. Could that be envy?

  He skirted behind the crowd and found a tree with direct view of the dance floor.

  The man put his hand on her waist and a knife twisted in Kellus’s stomach. He grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. Kellus fought the urge to batter the man’s face.

  He stood like an idiot, transfixed on the scene before him, green with envy.

  Suddenly, her beautiful brown eyes landed on him. He felt self-conscious, willed himself to look away, but couldn’t muster the strength to do so. She was so lovely, such a joy to behold, that he didn’t even care that he looked like he’d been stalking her, didn’t care if he looked like an absolute fool.

  Abruptly, he knew that he had to be in that man’s place at any costs. He slowly pushed away from the tree and walked over to the couple, reminding himself to play nice with her suitor.

  “Excuse me,” he said to the man. “Annella and I are friends, and I thought that I might have a dance with her while I had a moment to spare.”

  “Certainly,” the man replied cheerfully, “she’s all yours.”

  “Interesting choice of words,” Kellus mumbled because he suddenly realized that he wished that was true.

  The annoying man prattled on about getting more beer and seeing her later. ‘Not if I can help it,’ Kellus thought. Perhaps he could convince Annie that she should head home early. Maybe he’d even volunteer to walk her.

  He smothered a gasp as those big, beautiful, brown eyes look up into his face, wearing the strangest expression, like they were peering into his very heart.

  He put his hand on her waist and felt an instant spark. He took her hand in his and reveled in the feel of her soft skin.

  “I hope you don’t mind me taking you away from your friend,” he said, ‘Or beating his face in for touching you.’

  “Not at all,” she answered kindly

  Remembering to be calm and charming he said. “I heard a rumor that you would be drunk as a sailor by now.”

  “Really? Cora said that?” she asked in horror.

  “Oh, yes, and that’s not all, she told me one or two of your darkest secrets.”

  “No, she didn’t,” Annie laughed—a sound that reminded Kellus of wind chimes in a summer breeze: heavenly.

  “No,” he laughed along with her, looking into her eyes. “But you looked scared for the briefest moment,” ‘and beautiful beyond words.’

  “It’s hard to tell with Cora. She has a very uncommon sense of humor,” Annie informed him.

  “She sounds like a girl I would get along with,” he replied. He looked out at the crowd, scared that she would read his expression, fearful that she would see the emotion on his face. ‘Pull yourself together, Kir,’ he scolded himself. He forced another smile to spread across his face. “I must admit, though, I would like to see you tipsy. I’m sure you’d be adorable.”

  “I don’t know about that,” she answered shyly.

  “Shall I take you over to the kegs, so that I can see for myself?” he asked teasingly.

  She rolled her eyes. “So, apprentices are allowed to dance?” she questioned, changing the subject.

  “Yes, Annie, I’m not in prison. The peacemen approve of us getting to know all the townsfolk; they encourage it. I don’t think I’d be too comfortable with the Master watching me, though,” ‘he’d read the emotions on my face in a heartbeat.’

  “I know the Master,” she informed him. “He’s kind of a friend of mine.”

  “Nordorum?” he asked.

  “When my parents died, he came to inform me. He stayed with me for over twenty-four hours, helped me break the news to Max and Cora, and made all the funeral arrangements. I would have fallen apart if it wasn’t for him.”

  “Really? He’s a great man, but I’ve never heard of him doing anything like that. Usually a less ranking peaceman, possibly even an apprentice, would be dispatched to make the arrangements, and to see to any minors left orphaned, although, I can’t blame him for wanting to stay with you.” ‘Lucky, lucky bastard.’

  “He visits with me often,” Annie said. “He comes to make sure we are doing well, and he brings me things, sometimes materials to make clothes for the twins.”

  “He does?” Kellus asked, and against his better judgment, he was feeling envious of the Master now. This was clearly getting out of control.

  “Yes, but I must admit, it’s been a few months since his last visit,” she answered.

  “That is most unusual,” Kellus replied. “Why?” ‘Besides the obvious reason that he’s a warm blooded male.’

  “I suppose he feels it’s his duty to check on us. I’m not really sure.”

  “I don’t think so, Annie. You must have left an impression on him,” Kellus said. ‘Kind of like the bizarre and terrifying impression you’ve left on me.’

  They danced without speaking for some time. Kellus hummed along with the music, trying desperately to think of something to talk about, sure he was boring the life out of the poor girl.

  “Is the man you were dancing with special to you?” he asked when the music changed.

  “No, not at all,” she answered. “We went to school together. I haven’t seen him for years. But I got the impression that he wanted to be special.”

  Kellus envisioned both his hands tight around the man’s neck, squeezing the life out of him; the thought made him feel oddly satisfied.

  He pursed his lips momentarily, trying to think of something more to say, but, unfortunately, all he could do was babble. “I’m surprised that I haven’t had to pull men apart yet. I was convinced that many fights would break out because of you, of course, the night is still young.”

  “What do you mean by that?” she asked.

  “Only that your beauty is matched by no other,” he replied softly, looking down into her eyes. “I imagined many men rivaling for your attention.” True, but he didn’t have to let it come pouring out of his mouth like a fool.

  “That’s ridiculous—”

  Kellus cut her off. “You’re much too lovely for any man in Vistira.” Maybe it was best if he didn’t speak at all.

  She blushed, and Kellus had to fight the urge to touch her cheek, to run his finger down her pink tainted skin. He squeezed her hand tighter, still looking into her sad, expressive eyes. In them, he saw reflected all that was good in the universe: kindness, bravery, wisdom, but most of all…innocence.

  Suddenly, something stirred in him, something dark and seedy, a badness that wanted nothing more than to savagely rip the innocence from her.

  The savage longed to have her naked and spread out wide beneath him as he
pummeled into her. The savage wanted to hear her scream his name in wanton ecstasy as he ravished her body and claimed her utterly.

  “Would you excuse me?” Annie said awkwardly. “I need to find Max and Cora.”

  “Of course,” he answered, smiling casually. Oh shit! Oh fucking shit! She’d seen the savage in his eyes, known what it wanted to do to her.

  But at that moment, her brother came along and changed the course of the night.

  It was more than a reflex that made him volunteer to watch Cora until morning. He didn’t want any of the other apprentices near Annie, and he wanted to spend some time with her, plus he’d taken an instant shining to Cora. But the savage wanted something entirely different. Kellus bit his lip and pushed the savage away.

  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a great night. Annie was smart and sweet, she was funny, but also kind enough to laugh sincerely at his stupid jokes.

  By the time he found himself seated on a chair with her wrapped up sleeping in his arms, he knew the truth. He had strong feelings for this girl, feelings that he shouldn’t have.

  And then, the savage reared it’s ugly head, and before he knew what he was doing, he ran his hand over her hip while she slept. He felt a surge of lust so strong that he had to swallow a lump in his throat.

  It was time to leave before the savage resurfaced. He woke her gently and urged her to bed, telling her that he needed to get back to the Citadom, which, of course, was a lie. Saturdays were usually laid back for the apprentices as their instructors didn’t instruct on the weekends.

  He walked down the hill feeling oddly unsettled by the whole encounter with Annie. She was beautiful of course, but she was also a contradiction. Her lovely face still held the roundness of youth, that, coupled with her big innocent eyes, give her a girlish demeanor, but her body was all woman. Was it any wonder he and the savage were at odds? He cared for the girl, wanted to protect her, wanted to take care of her, a fact he knew was impossible. The savage, however, wanted her body only, wanted to taste her luscious breasts, feel her thighs wrapped around him. He shuddered. It would do no good entering the Citadom this hot and bothered.

  Like a sixteen-year-old boy with a crush again, he found himself spending the following days scanning the town center whenever he stepped foot outside the Citadom, but to no avail, she was never around.

  By Friday, he was trying to come up with excuses to go to her house again. He had leave starting in a couple of hours. Maybe he’d have Sara bake her a cake or something, and have to deliver it. Pathetic and stupid.

  Just then, he saw her following his father into the shop. He raced across the street, nearly knocking an old woman off her feet in the process. He straightened the woman up with a string of apologies and kept moving.

  He slowed down as he approached the shop, watching her lovely body lean forward over counter. The way her hips jutted out and her back arched, he had to push the savage back down forcefully.

  “…he’s a thoughtful young man,” he heard his father say as he leaned against the door frame.

  “Who is?” Kellus asked as casually as possible. Meanwhile, his heart was doing an imitation of a thunderstorm.

  She turned to look at him, and he saw her face light up, causing the most delicious thrill to pour through him.

  “Son, look who came to visit?” his father asked.

  ‘The most beautiful woman in the universe? The girl who has, against my better judgment, managed to capture my heart?’ he thought. Instead, he regurgitated some nonsense about threatening to tell his mother something.

  “Are you jealous, son?” his father asked.

  ‘You have no fucking idea. You, father, just might end up on the list of men I want to strangle, along with Nordorum.’ “Very,” he replied, nodding.

  She blushed, causing his heart to pound faster.

  “What are you doing here again?” his father asked along with something else, but Kellus was too busy ogling the beauty before him to pay attention.

  “I had no intention of coming back here so soon, but I saw an angel walking through your door. I came to see her for myself,” he answered. ‘Shut up, just please shut up.’ Why the compulsion to spew every thought in his head out of his mouth?

  He asked if he could walk her up the hill a little. Just before he turned to leave, the strangest urge took over him. He found himself asking permission to visit her the following day.

  He ran back down the hill, after saying goodbye, and up the steps of the Citadom.

  After signing out for the weekend, he made it to the shop just as Tol was locking up the front doors.

  Kellus was deep in thought as they rode along the Ocean Road, forming a plan for his visit with Annie.

  “You look like you’re about to pop a blood vessel with whatever’s going on in there,” Tol teased.

  “I was just trying to organize something,” Kellus replied. “Father, do you think I could use one of the spare carriages tomorrow?”

  “Of course,” Tol agreed. “But can I ask you what you’re up to?”

  “I want to take Annella to the Inn,” he answered.

  “You’re taking Annella to the Inn?” Tol questioned, astonished.

  “For dinner,” Kellus amended, shaking his head, “only for a couple of hours, for dinner.”

  “I see,” Tol answered, laughing. “Do you think it’s a good idea? I mean, it sounds like you’re trying to court her.”

  “No, father, I’m just taking a friend to dinner. In fact, I was planning to bring her brother and sister also.” That was a spur of the moment decision, but Tol had a point, maybe dinner alone would seem too intimate.

  “Why the Inn, though?” Tol questioned, “Won’t that seem like you’re showing off?”

  “Well, I thought we could spend the day at the lake then have dinner after,” Kellus explained. “And no, I don’t think it would seem like I’m showing off because I have every intention of paying for dinner. And I’m not going to mention that we own it.”

  Tol nodded. “Kellus…” he trailed off and sighed. “I think you might be falling in love with that girl.”

  “No, I’m not,” Kellus argued. “I just like spending time with her. Besides, I’ve taking a vow to serve the public only, so I can’t, even if I wanted to.”

  “What you’re not supposed to do and what actually happens are not always the same thing, son,” Tol said. “I’m just giving you a little warning: if you spend much more time with her, you’ll find that you’ve lost control of the situation. Believe me, these things have a way of sneaking up on you.”

  “I’ve chosen a noble life,” Kellus replied. “I considered my decision to enter the Citadom for many months before hand. I’ve chosen my path.”

  “It is an extremely noble life,” Tol agreed. “But there are other ways to live a noble life. Your mother and I raised three beautiful children. I consider that to be a noble thing to do, if I do say so myself.”

  “That was your choice, not mine,” Kellus stated. “I’ve made my decisions, so don’t worry, I’m not going to fall in love.” It was getting harder and harder to deny his feelings, though, and nearly impossible by the following evening.

  He and Annie rode along in almost complete darkness, the following night, after spending a perfect day together. Kellus knew that he was well and truly addicted at this point, but continued to do his best to push that thought away.

  He took her hand as they approached the East-West Crossing in a comforting manner, the place where this poor girl had lost her parents. He remembered the funeral clearly. The beautiful girl with the mane of curls stood stock- still, not a tear shed, arms around each of her siblings. He knew, even back then, that it wasn’t that she was ashamed to cry, but that she was being strong for the two children. He remembered how impressed he was with her bravery.

  A tugging pulled at his heart as he realized how hard her life must have been: no more school, no more friends, just day in and day out of playing moth
er to the twins, all alone with no one to lean on, when she was still only a girl. He took a deep breath and blew out air through his lips.

  He didn’t relinquish her hand once they’d cleared the area. Though she needed a lot more comforting than this small gesture could offer, it made him feel good to be the benefactor none the less. At least that’s what he tried to tell himself. Somewhere inside, the truth was plain, however: he liked the feel of her little hand in his.

  Someday, this beautiful girl would meet a man who would treasure her, who would take care of her, who would give her all the comfort she needed. Kellus wanted this for her, but for himself, the thought caused a severe ache to pulse through him. And so, he held onto her hand for another purpose also, to sear the feel of it into his memory, knowing that’s all he’d ever have.

  When they reached her house, He couldn’t bear to be parted from her just yet, so he made a silly excuse about being too tired to drive home right away.

  Once again, they talked the night away, sitting at her kitchen table.

  Not far off dawn, just when Kellus was about to announce that it was time for him to leave, Annie suggested that she read his cards. He knew this was a sham, but wouldn’t dream of dampening her enthusiasm.

  After he’d picked a number of cards, she laid them out in a strange formation then turned them over. She studied them for a split second, then erupted into heavenly giggles—a sound that he found very appealing.

  “I told you this was make believe,” she warned playfully.

  “What?” he asked, laughing along with her.

  “According to your cards, you are going to marry soon,” she informed him.

  “I’m going to marry?” he asked, amused. “I’m sure the men at the Citadom would be interested in this information.”

  “Oh, it gets better, Kellus. Not only are you going to marry, but you are going to marry a woman that you are desperately in love with, a rare and almost magical love that most people don’t find in a lifetime,” she announced, her head still bent over the cards. “Did you always know you would never marry?” she asked, looking up at him. “Was there ever a time when you thought you would before you decided to join the apprenticeship at the Citadom?”