Remembered

by E. D. Brady

  “Once, I dreamt of it,” he confessed. “I once lost my heart to a beautiful girl. I imagined for weeks after what it would be like to have a girl like that all to myself.”

  “Did she feel the same way?” she asked.

  “She didn’t even know I existed,” he said with a sigh. “I was very young at the time. It passed, I guess, and then shortly after, I learned that there was a position secured for me at the Citadom, should I wish to take it. It seemed like a more noble life to me, being in service to the public. So this is the path I’ve chosen.”

  Out of nowhere, a brutal loneliness engulfed him. He looked into her eyes, wanting nothing more than to drown in her, to throw his arms around her and beg her to love him.

  The truth hit him like a boulder to the head.

  He was in love with her.

  He’d loved her from afar as a boy, and he loved her now in the most natural way a man can love a woman.

  His father had been right.

  Sensing that his swift change in mood was making her uncomfortable, he stood to leave, but decided to stay for one more cup of tea.

  And that’s when she—to his horror—went tumbling towards the open stove.

  He jumped up and grabbed her hand to inspect it, and then sighed with relief that she had not obtained a serious injury. In his concern for her almost potential disaster, he’d let his defenses down, allowing the savage to break through his shield.

  Without thought, he found himself kissing her forcefully, keeping her head locked tight in his grip, leaning into her, and moaning with desire.

  She didn’t recoil from him. Instead, she welcomed the savage into her arms and into her mouth. She continued to stroke the flames of the beast, pushing her body against his, greeting his every move.

  ‘Strip her naked and take her right here on the floor,’ the savage urged.

  ‘No!’ he argued firmly. He loved this woman. He would not deflower her on a cold kitchen floor. She deserved so much better than that.

  The savage was persuasive, however. ‘She won’t stop you. She wants it too. See how lonely she is?’

  ‘Yes,’ Kellus agreed. The savage was right…or was it? ‘Stop it!’ He hollered into his head, confused. But the savage had taken control of his hands, and before he knew it, he was massaging her breast through her thin shirt.

  Finally, after what seemed like ages, he found the strength to cage the beast again. He pulled away from her, horrified by what he’d nearly done. He knew then, in that very moment, that she was in danger from him. He loved her too much to use her in the way the savage wanted, but being near her would provoke his savage side, and he knew he couldn’t keep it locked up forever.

  And so, he made the decision to leave her alone, to let her go on with her life without him, even as she begged him to stay, even after she confessed her love for him also.

  He looked upon her beautiful face one more time, and then willed his reluctant legs to walk through her door.

  Chapter 19

  For the next four weeks, Kellus lived in near constant suffering.

  Every day, his heart broke for Annie.

  Every night, the savage burned with unquenched desire.

  The only comfort to the misery was that he was sure he’d made the right decision. Annie would have a beautiful life someday. Someday, someone would treat her like the treasure she was—it was the very least she deserved.

  Many nights he contemplated her offer, he considered agreeing to make her his mistress, but that was not worthy of the love he felt for her. That poor, lonely girl needed her man at home to take care of her, to give her all the things she couldn’t provide for herself. The simple fact was clear: he just wasn’t good enough for her.

  He kept his resolution as strong as he could until the afternoon that Danus ran from the hospital to tell him that Max Derlyn had just been there. Seemingly, Max’s sister was terribly ill and needed attention immediately.

  Kellus felt a knot form in his gut.

  When a peaceman named Odis announced in passing that a carriage approached with a sick girl, Kellus knew instinctively that it was Cora.

  He ran through the complex and pushed opened the back door to the courtyard to see Cora laid out on a stretcher, looking green. “Cora!” he yelled. “Is she alright?”

  Conor remembered that Kellus knew her and told him to join them in the hospital.

  It wasn’t until he followed Annie and Max to the small library to wait for news that he fully registered that she was there. His heart began to thunder in his chest.

  He stopped in his tracks, in front of her, as she sat on one of the couches.

  What was she fucking wearing? Not only were her breasts half exposed, but if he looked long enough, he was sure he’d see her nipples right through the tissue thin material.

  He gaped at her; unsure if what he was seeing was real. She looked just like the woman he loved, but his Annie would never go out in public looking like that.

  Kellus felt sure that any man that may have seen her as she travelled to the Citadom—including his fellow apprentices—would have her front and center in their fantasies for the next few days; a fact that had him seething.

  The savage, however, roared its approval. The savage loved this little yellow dress.

  By the time the day was over, his resolve was in tatters.

  Seeing how beautiful she looked in an apprentice uniform, sitting at the head of his table at dinner, was so far past teasing the savage, it crossed the border into bullying. Kellus felt his eyes sting. The savage was curled up in a ball, cowering in a corner of his mind, whimpering.

  He excused himself, went to his room, and spent the remainder of the night contemplating how he could go on without her.

  Like any addict, he realized that the one-day-at-a-time approach was best. Every morning, when the urge to run to her came, he convinced himself to hold out for one more day. This seemed to be working, for six days at least, until the Master came to his room to inform him that he would be going home with Cora Derlyn.

  The following day, he found himself in the only place he wanted to be: in Annie’s kitchen. His heart felt complete to be near her, and he wondered how he’d found the strength to stay away from her for so long, or why he even wanted to.

  Later that night, he stumbled in the dark, making his way to the kitchen for a glass for water. He sat at the kitchen table and looked around. Being in this room reminded him of the last time he’d been there a month ago.

  He knew it was hopeless, he’d never find the will again to stay away from her. He’d come running here every chance he got, spend what little time he could at her side, let her make the decision.

  He heard someone enter the kitchen and determined, by the lack of greeting, that it was her.

  The savage stirred.

  “Forgive me if I woke you,” he said quietly.

  No reply.

  He turned his head to look at her.

  The savage bolted upright.

  She was wearing a blue nightshirt that barely covered her beautiful thighs. A clear picture entered his mind—him, running his tongue up her gorgeous legs.

  He looked away quickly and ran his hands through his hair.

  The savage quivered in agony. His will power was nowhere to be found. “I can’t do this,” he muttered.

  “Do what?” she asked.

  “I don’t know how to stay away from you,” he uttered.

  “Then don’t,” she said quietly.

  “I have to.”

  “No, you don’t,” she answered.

  Was she right? Why did he have to stay away from her?

  He stood to face her and knew he was losing the power to fight the savage.

  He begged, pleaded with her to get away from him, but to no avail, she wanted him, he could see it in her eyes. She refused to help him fight the savage.

  He kissed her ardently, his heart swelling in the process—along with another part of his body. He ran his lips across
her gorgeous jaw and kissed her neck. “Please get away from me,” he moaned into her skin.

  Her only response was to hold him tighter, lean her body into his, and press her mouth to his lips.

  Fuck it!

  The savage would have it’s way this night.

  He took her hand and led her to the room he occupied.

  “Stop me, Annie.” In a moment of doubt, he pleaded for her help.

  “I don’t want to,” she replied.

  The savage threw up it’s head and growled, reveling in it’s moment of near victory. “Silly girl,” he said, pulling her onto the bed.

  The savage licked its lips in anticipation.

  Being on top of her, kissing her passionately, feeling her taut nipple through the thin cloth, and listening to her heavy breathing, was a form of delicious torture that he couldn’t believe felt so good.

  His fingers slowly crept to the inside of her thigh. His heart thumped in his chest, thankful to be so near to the woman he loved.

  The woman he loved.

  He loved her, and if he had her now, he’d never stop. He’d come here all the time for that purpose alone.

  “You must stop me,” he murmured. “You can’t let me do this.”

  “I don’t want to stop you,” she countered. “I want you to do it.”

  To the savage’s utter dismay, Kellus mustered every ounce of self-control he could and pulled away from her.

  The beast was so tortured that Kellus put his face in his hands and let out a pained groan.

  Then her arms were around him, comforting him, and he knew he’d made the right decision. She deserved so much more than that.

  But after he explained to her why they would not be having sex, she looked so sad and rejected. She jumped up to leave the room.

  His heart cracked down the middle. He couldn’t bear to be away from her. “But…” he said, jumping up after her, “I meant what I said before that. I don’t know how to leave you alone, and I don’t want to anymore. I want you stay here with me anyway. I mean…I just want you to lie here with me…I want to hold you while you sleep.”

  Thankfully, she happily agreed.

  He held her in his arms, looking down at her face, and he made a decision: he would spend as many nights as he could this way, but he would never let the savage have her, he would never make her his mistress. ‘For her love, it would be easy to control the beast,’ he thought.

  He had no idea how wrong he was.

  The two weeks he spent with her were by far the best of his life; he had never felt so happy.

  At night, holding her was beautiful and easy…when she was sleeping. When she was awake, Annie did everything in her power to provoke the savage, dangling sweet treats in front of it constantly.

  On more than one occasion, Kellus had to fight her advances with determination that he didn’t know he had, but she was a worthy opponent, and all too often, she came very close to wearing him down completely, especially the day that Loc caught them together.

  He sat in the kitchen afterwards. She climbed up on his lap, and he wallowed in the sensation, in the pure ecstasy of her soft, tiny hands roaming around his body. When he didn’t— couldn’t—stop her, she pushed her luck further and tried to slip her fingers inside his waistband.

  The savage purred.

  When he grabbed her hands and put them over her chest, he could see her disappointment clearly. Then her eyes flashed with anger. She climbed off him and sat back in the opposite chair, huffing.

  He went to his bedroom and returned moments later, wearing a clean shirt. He knelt on the floor in front of her and tried to reason his decisions, but she was having none of it. She argued that she would love only him forever, and didn’t want to die with her virginity intact. “This is so stupid,” she moaned finally.

  And suddenly, Kellus knew that she was one hundred percent right. It was stupid.

  He knew at that moment that he could never bear the agony of her with another man. The thought of someone else taking care of her, holding her at night, making love to her, was excruciating. She should be his and only his.

  But how?

  He was due back in the Citadom in a couple of days, a thought that gnawed at his insides. He remembered the pain of the five weeks he’s spent away from her. The Citadom—a place he had once loved—seemed like a miserable prison.

  He remembered his father’s words. ‘There are other ways to live a noble life.’ Yes there was, and there was only one life he wanted: right by Annie’s side.

  He would marry her.

  The thought filled him with so much joy that he couldn’t understand why he hadn’t thought of it sooner.

  Twenty-four hours later—after working out all the details in his head—he asked her to be his wife.

  When those big brown eyes looked into his, so filled with love, and agreed to marry him, he was the happiest man in the world.

  The following day, they were wed in an almost empty little room, Annie wearing a borrowed wedding dress.

  When Kellus took her back upstairs and made love to her for the very first time, he hardly believed the bliss he felt, the peace and tranquility of laying in her arms, moving inside her, lost in a plethora of erotic sensations. He knew for the first time that the universe was complete, that this joy was a gift from the heavens. Feeling her heart beating as one with his, He knew beyond any doubt that that was the way it was meant to be.

  He remembered to be gentle with her the first time, having heard that it can be painful for the female at first, and the second and third time immediately following, much to the savage’s disappointment. Kellus felt sure that the beast would have been sated, but he was very wrong. It’s flames had only been stoked further. The savage wanted her torn apart with passion, subverted to a mindless wench willing to do it’s bidding. He pushed aside the distasteful thought.

  Early in the evening, she left their bed to shower. When she returned, she wore a blue and green, plaid nightshirt. Kellus scowled at the offensive garment. “What are you wearing?” he questioned.

  “A nightshirt,” she replied, confused by the inquiry.

  Kellus sat on the foot of the bed before her. “Take it off,” he demanded. “I’ll not tolerate you covered. As a matter of fact, I’m declaring this room a clothes-free-zone. It’s now officially a law that I plan to rigorously enforce.”

  “Who made it a law?” she replied playfully.

  “I did,” he answered. “I voted it into law myself, and I can assure you that violators will be severely punished.”

  Annie’s eyelids grew heavy. “Punished?” she asked, as though she found the idea intriguing.

  “Yes, punished,” he assured her.

  “How are you going to get us dinner then?” she teased.

  “That is the only exception to the law,” he said firmly.

  “Don’t I get an exception?” she questioned.

  “Oh, no,” he replied, shaking his head. “The beautiful Mrs. Kir will have no such exceptions. The law decrees it criminally negligent to cover such perfection.”

  She giggled before him.

  His face turned stern. “I’m serious, Annie,” he said in a husky voice. “Take it off, now.”

  She grabbed hold of the bottom of the nightshirt and pulled it up past her hips, belly, and breasts slowly.

  Kellus sat transfixed on the sensual scene before him. Watching her strip for him was almost too much for the savage to bear. He swallowed hard.

  She threw the nightshirt into his face and stood stock-still and naked.

  Two pink nipples peeked out from behind a curtain of curls. Kellus reached up and took them both in each hand, rubbing them with his fingers.

  She threw her head back and sighed.

  Suddenly, the savage broke from it’s cage and Kellus was powerless to stop it.

  He grabbed her hips and spun her around, flinging her roughly onto the bed. He gripped her thighs and crudely pulled them apart. Within a split second, his
mouth found her core. He lapped at it with his tongue, holding her legs in place tight as she bucked and twisted in all directions. He continued to lash at it, even as she cried and screamed.

  His mind began to fracture, numbed from intense lust, rendering him nothing but a witless animal.

  When she finally came against his tongue, he knelt up quickly and shoved into her, hard! She screamed again, a blood curling sound, but it didn’t deter him. He wrapped his arms around her thighs. He battered into her fiercely, pounding her with every ounce of energy he had, fucking her mindless.

  “Kellus!” she screamed.

  “That’s it, scream my name!” he demanded.

  Kellus would have been concerned that he was hurting her, but Kellus was no longer there, the savage had overtaken him.

  Her left arm was over her head, gripping the bedpost with white knuckles, the fingers of her right hand trying to dig into the mattress, desperate to find an anchor.

  Steadily, and with each severe thrust, he saw what was left of her innocence shatter.

  The savage roared triumphantly.

  In his final push, he gritted his teeth, flared his nostrils and emptied every drop of himself into her. He saw her eyes roll up into her head and her mouth gape open.

  He withdrew from her and lay on his belly.

  And as he caught his breath and felt his heart begin to slow down, guilt flooded him. What the hell had he just done? Only hours ago, this girl had still been a virgin, and now he was bashing her like she was a whore for hire.

  He kept his face turned away from her, afraid of what he might see in her eyes. Had he scared the shit out of her? How would he explain his repulsive behavior?

  He felt a finger on the base of his spine, a feathery touch that slowly slid up his back, sending a lovely sensation through him. The finger rested at his neck. “Are you alright?” he heard her say.

  He hadn’t quite expected her to be asking him that, but at least her voice seemed steady and void of disgust. “Fine,” he answered.

  A long moment of silence passed, and Kellus knew that he’d have to face her sooner or later. He took a deep breath and turned his head towards her. But what he saw at that moment, hit him like a sledgehammer to the gut.