Break Me Down

by Tasha Gwartney

  “You don’t get to make that decision for me. I’m in love with you. So go on, push me away, tell me that it’s better this way, and tell me that you don’t feel the way I do, but we both know that would be a lie. You would never be a mistake. My life was a dark cave until you walked in, and I can’t see living one moment without you,” Brice confessed as he moved closer.

  “No, you promised. You promised we’d never be anything more,” Shay said, remembering the condition to them becoming friends.

  “I know, but things change,” he told her. “Come with me.”

  “No, I can’t.”

  He moved to stand beside her. “Fine, if you want to jump, then let’s jump. If you’re going to jump, then I’m jumping with you,” Brice said to her with a soft, amused smile.

  “You can’t,” she said.

  “Then stop this nonsense. I’m here, Shay. Please don’t take the easy way out. Please just give us a chance. I’ll never let you down. I’ll protect you. Let me be there for you,” he begged.

  “Brice,” she started to say, but he cut her off with his lips on hers.

  The world stopping spinning the moment their lips met again.

  Closing her eyes, she gave in to it all. Dropping the bottle that remained in her right hand, she wrapped her arms around in his neck, and ran her hands through his wet hair. She wasn’t sure why any of this was happening. Why would Brice want to be with someone like her? She’d only ruin him the way he ruined her.

  “Come with me,” Brice murmured against her lips as he pulled away.

  “I can’t,” she said, turning around. She didn’t want to face him. When she went to pick the bottle back up, he’d already beaten her to it. “Give that to me.”

  “That’s not going to solve your problems, pretty girl. Getting drunk won’t solve anything,” he told her, throwing the bottle into the river.

  “Yesitwill,” she said, her words slurring together.

  Brice realized just how drunk she was. She felt the dizziness hit her all at once. She just wanted to sleep forever.

  “Come on,” he said, catching her before she fell. With that, he picked her up and carried her to his car. He knew tomorrow she’d wake up with regrets, but tonight, he just wanted to make sure she was safe. The only thing that mattered in that moment was that she was going to be okay. He’d make sure that she got through whatever secret she was dealing with.

  The drive back to his house was a silent one. Shay hid her tears from Brice as best as she could, but he noticed anyway. He just wanted to take them all away and wrap her in his arms. One way or another he’d make her believe that everything was going to be okay.

  “Where are we going,” Shay demanded drunkenly as Brice carried her up to his bedroom. With everything else that had happened with her today, the last thing she needed was to face the wrath of her brother and friends. She just needed a place to call her safe haven, and Brice would be that.

  “I’m going to keep you here tonight. I don’t think you want to face your brother in this state,” he replied.

  “Thank you. I’m all wet though. I need clothes,” she replied.

  “Here,” Brice said, pulling out one of his shirts and handing it to her.

  “I’m too drunk to move,” she said, watching him from her place on his bed.

  “Would you like me to do it for you?”

  She was uneasy about the idea of him undressing her. “Maybe I can manage. I just need help getting up.”

  “Okay, come here party girl,” Brice said. He helped her into the shirt without once looking at her.

  “Thanks. Your arms are safe, Brice. It’s like all the damage he caused is lessened when I’m with you,” Shay told him just before she passed out.

  In that moment, Brice knew her secret must be far worse than he ever imagined.

  Brice didn’t sleep that night. He spent the whole night holding her in his arms, listening to her breathe. He couldn’t imagine living in a world where he didn’t know her. For the first time in his life he was falling hard for a girl, and if he was being honest, he didn’t want to stop it. If it was possible, he’d want to live in this moment forever.

  Getting out of bed, carefully and quietly so he didn’t wake her, Brice went downstairs to make coffee. His mom was standing at the counter as she put a bunch of papers in her briefcase.

  “Good morning, Brice,” she greeted him without even looking at him.

  “Morning.”

  “So she spent the night? Brice, Shay seems like a nice girl; don’t treat her the way you do other girls. I’d love to see her for more than a few weeks,” Kris scolded him.

  “Mom, she’s different. I mean, I don’t want from her what I wanted from other girls. To be honest with you, it was about hooking up with them. Shay and I haven’t hooked up. I wasn’t planning on her spending the night, but last night she was just going through a difficult time, so I was there for her. She makes me feel something I’ve never felt. She makes me want to be better. I can’t explain it, Mom, but I can’t just walk away from her,” Brice told his mom.

  “I’m glad you found her. You’ve changed in a better way since spending time with her. Now, I have to get to work. I’ll probably be home late. Nothing new there,” Kris said. She kissed her son’s cheek and then left.

  “Good morning,” Brice said upon walking back into his room to see Shay had opened her eyes.

  “Hi,” she said, feeling the ache in her head as she began to sit up.

  “How are you feeling?” Brice asked her, setting the tray down on his nightstand.

  “Like crap. Brice, I’m so –”

  “Don’t you say you’re sorry. Now, I didn’t know what you preferred, but I brought you coffee and orange juice and here’s some Advil for your head. And after, I can take you home if you’d like, or you’re free to stay here,” Brice said.

  “Thank you, for everything, but we have to talk about it. I was incredibly stupid,” she admitted.

  “What the hell were you thinking?” Brice asked.

  “I was thinking that you kissed me, and I liked it,” Shay admitted.

  “Then why did you run out on me?”

  “I ran out because I was afraid, Brice. I ruin everything that’s good. There are things you don’t know, things no one knows. And when you played that song, and then kissed me, I just knew that I had to get out before it was too late. Good things don’t happen for me. They can’t.”

  “They can if you’d let them. Shay, you put up these walls, but I can see right through them. You don’t let anyone, not even me in, not because you don’t want to, but because you don’t feel like you deserve happiness. You’re wrong though; you do deserve it. You deserve to feel the way you do when you’re with me. I know you feel it, because I do. I want to be with you, and I don’t mean just as a friend. I want you. The real you, the one you’re afraid to share with anyone else. When you’re happy, I want to be happy. When you’re sad, I want to be sad. I want you to trust me enough to know that I’ll never hurt you. I want to pick you up when you’re down and I want to wipe those tears when you cry. Can’t you just give me a chance?”

  “Brice, I don’t know. What if I screw up?” Shay asked him. She knew it would be exactly what would happen. She’d give him a chance, and then she’d find her own ways to screw it up.

  “You won’t. I know you’re scared, and I know you’re keeping a secret that you won’t tell me, but Shay, I’d do anything to make you happy. I think we have something, something that could be amazing, if you’d just let it happen.”

  Shay stared at Brice with her wide blue eyes as she absorbed each word that came out of his mouth. He wanted to be with her for whatever reason. She didn’t want to push him away anymore; she didn’t want to fight the feelings that were pulling her to him. She wanted him to take her in his arms and never let her go.

  “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Brice asked as Shay finished up her orange juice.

  “I was
thinking that I didn’t want to fight my feelings for you anymore, but I’m terrified to let you in.”

  “Take a chance. Please,” Brice begged her as he moved closer to her. When they were nose to nose, Shay’s heart began to race, but in a good way. Brice made her feel something she thought she’d never be able to feel with anyone again.

  “I’m going to kiss you. If you want me to stop, you’re going to have to say so right now,” Brice said as he ran his thumb down her jaw line.

  Shay said nothing, but before Brice could kiss her, her lips were already touching his. He was surprised. She’d kissed him first. This whole time she’d been pushing him away, telling him to give up on her, yet here she was, kissing him. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol that might still be in her system, or the fact that she was actually giving him a chance. Whatever it was though, Brice knew that he didn’t want it to stop.

  “Does this mean that you’re going to give us a chance?” Brice asked, pulling away.

  “Just promise me one thing, promise me that we can take it slow,” Shay begged.

  “We can go as slow as you want,” Brice told her, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

  “Then yes, this would be me giving us a chance,” she told him and then they were locked in another kiss.

  “Can I ask you something?” Brice asked, wanting to ask her about something she’d said last night.

  “Sure,” she responded, picking up a bagel that was on the tray.

  “Last night you said that my arms are safe. That it was like all the damage he caused lessened when you were with me. What does that mean?” Brice asked. He had his ideas but he couldn’t jump to conclusions.

  “Brice, I only just started to trust you. I’m not ready to go there yet,” she admitted, knowing that she’d have to tell him someday.

  “Okay, we don’t have to talk about it, but if you ever do want to, I’m here. I have something for you though.” He pulled a chain from around his neck. Dangling from the chain was a key.

  “What’s this?” Shay asked.

  “I know when you’re home you don’t always feel safe, or even happy. I just wanted you to know that you always have a place to go when you feel like you have nowhere else. When everything is wrong, this can be your safe haven.” Brice spoke the words as if they were a song as he placed the chain around her neck.

  “Thank you,” she said, not able to manage anything else. And from that moment, she knew Brice would always be home for her. The one place where she was safe…

  Nothing could ever hurt her when she was with him.

  Chapter Twelve

  “What are you afraid of? “ Brice asked Shay as they sat in his car outside of her house.

  “Brice, there’s so much you don’t know about them. Especially Heather.” Shay knew just how vindictive Heather could be.

  “I’m not afraid of her, and nothing she says will make me walk away from the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Brice told her as he laced their fingers together and kissed the top of her hand. It sent butterflies through her stomach, the good kind.

  “Brice, I’m sorry for last night. There’s so much you don’t know about me, but I’m being completely honest when I say that you’re the one part of my life that has happiness,” Shay admitted truthfully. She couldn’t believe how happy Brice made her. She didn’t think that she’d ever be able to find happiness, or even be able to trust a guy the way she did with Brice.

  “Are you going to tell them?” Brice asked.

  “Tell them what? “

  “That you and I are officially dating?” Brice replied with a spark of light in his green eyes.

  “I don’t know. The thing is, Heather, she, well she doesn’t like you,” Shay admitted out loud before she could even stop herself.

  “I know. Truth is, I’m not fond of her myself.”

  “She’s a great person, once you get to know her,” Shay tried defending her best friend, but in reality she wasn’t even sure if that statement was true anymore.

  “I don’t mean to sound like a complete asshole when I say this, but Shay, you deserve better than her. She doesn’t seem to care about your happiness. She cares about one thing and that’s herself. She’s so dead set on you and David getting back together that she doesn’t care about the fact that you don’t want to be with him. And more than that, you’re going through something, but she makes it all about herself,” Brice said. He didn’t like Heather at all, and if he had anything to say about it, he’d tell her to go to hell, but he wouldn’t hurt Shay like that.

  “She just cares about David. She wants him to be happy.”

  “But how is being with a girl that doesn’t love you going to make you happy?” Brice asked.

  “It doesn’t,” Shay admitted.

  “So shall we go in,” he asked.

  She sat in silence before answering. She knew the minute she walked through that door she’d be scolded for not returning home the previous night, and that was far from what she needed. “I’m not sure if I’m ready, but let’s get this over with.”

  “Okay,” Brice said, opening his door. He raced around to the other side to help Shay out.

  Walking into her house, Shay felt all the eyes hit her at once as she held Brice’s hand for support.

  “Where the hell have you been all night?” Chris asked, jumping from his spot in the recliner.

  “I stayed at Brice’s. I wasn’t feeling well, so he let me crash there,” Shay lied, knowing that if she told Chris the truth, he’d only overreact.

  “And you didn’t think to call or even text? I’ve been worried about you all fucking night,” Chris snapped at his little sister. “How inconsiderate can you possibly be?”

  “I’m not a child Ry. I’m eighteen years old. I can come and go as I please. I don’t need to justify myself to you.” It was the first time she and Chris had ever fought.

  “After what you did to your God damn hand, Shay, I was fucking worried about you.”

  “Listen, man, she was sick last night after she ate dinner, and she passed out. It wasn’t her fault,” Brice stepped in to Shay’s defense.

  Chris changed his tune quickly. “You were sick? How are you feeling,” he asked.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t check in with you, but I’m just fine,” Shay told him. “Chris, I’m really sorry for yesterday. I was just going through some things, and it all got to me.”

  “I sure do wish you’d talk to me, baby girl,” Chris told her.

  “I know, but there really isn’t anything to talk about.”

  “There is actually, like why the two of you are holding hands,” Chris pointed out.

  Shay heard the gasps, followed by the three girls who rushed over in front of Chris.

  “What the hell, Shay. Why are you holding his hand?” Heather demanded, getting in Shay’s face.

  “Back off. I don’t have the time to deal with your judgment.” “You’re dating this grease monkey,” she asked.

  “That grease monkey happens to have a name, and it’s Brice. And yes, I’m dating him, because I care about him and he cares about me. And you can tell me a thousand reasons why he’s not good enough for me, but the thing is, I don’t give a damn what you think anymore. All you’ve done since you’ve been here is tell me how much I’ve changed, how much you miss who I used to be, and most of all how much you dislike Brice. You know what? You don’t have to like him; just get over the fact that I do. As for the two of you, you two need to get your heads out of Heather’s ass,” Shay said just as David came into the room.

  “You don’t mean that. How could you be so cruel to us?”

  “How could I be so cruel? I needed you guys, and you weren’t there. It’s time I stop believing that you’ll ever be there for me.”

  “But we are here for you, Bell, you’re the one that keeps pushing us away,” Chelsea said.

  “Have you ever once asked why? Why don’t I talk to any of you? Maybe it’s because you don’t lis
ten. Until the three of you accept me for who I am now, and accept my decision to be with Brice, I just don’t have anything left to say. Maybe you should just go home.”

  “You’re acting like such a bitch,” Heather said, grabbing Shay’s arm before she could exit the room.

  “Let me go,” she yelled, snatching her arm back. “Don’t touch me like that ever again. God, you call me a bitch, but you’re the worst of them all, Heather. You’re supposed to be my best friend, but you’re being so selfish. All I wanted was for you to be happy for me. I’ve found a little bit of happiness in my screwed up life. Hell, you couldn’t even do that.”

  “I’ve tried to be there, I’ve tried to be supportive, but you blow us off for him,” she said, pointing at Brice.

  “I didn’t blow you off. Brice doesn’t look at me like I’m broken. He doesn’t try to find a way to fix me; he accepts me for who I am and doesn’t try to change me. I feel comfortable in my own skin when I’m around him, as opposed to when I’m around you guys. You all walk on eggshells around me. I’m here to tell you that I’m not broken. I’m not a car; you can’t just bring me to an auto shop and give me a new engine to run on!”

  “Hey, Shay, calm down. Don’t work yourself up over this,” Brice said.

  Calming down, Shay laid her eyes on David. She knew that she needed to have a talk with him. He deserved that much.

  “So what, now he tells you what to do?” Heather mocked.

  “Shut the hell up, Heather. I swear to God, if you don’t knock all your shit off, I will rip out every last piece of that fake blonde hair of yours.”

  Heather’s eyes widened. She’d never seen this side of Shay before, and frankly it scared the hell out of her.

  “Everyone needs to calm down.” Chris’s voice broke in. “Heather, Shay is your best friend; you should be here for her. You shouldn’t be trying to tear her down. Shay, Heather just wants you to talk to her the way you used to. Both of you just need to take a step back, and talk this through. Alone.”