The Weight of Madness

by Randileigh Kennedy

  “Sorry, Gladys,” I replied, failing to keep a straight face.

  “Busted,” Lance whispered into my ear as she closed her door. He kissed me again.

  “I’ll be late for work,” I said through a beaming smile.

  “Sorry, I can’t stop,” he replied breathily between kisses. “Aren’t you the boss? Can’t you be a few minutes late?”

  “Not unless I want to explain my personal details to my business partner Austin. I’m never late. He would know there’s something going on.”

  “Isn’t there something going on?” he said with a mischievous grin. “That doesn’t sound like a lie.”

  “It appears there is.” He kissed me again and then we finally parted ways. I leaned against the back of my apartment door, feeling euphoric and disheveled all at once. This guy was unraveling me in the best way possible.

  Chapter 9

  When I arrived to the shop, miraculously on time no less, I noticed yet another piece of paper shoved through the mail slot. I opened it.

  Already looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Watch out for those rabid raccoons.

  He must’ve stopped by on his way home after leaving my place, even though it was a few minutes out of his way. I tucked the note into my purse with the first one he’d left, and I expected to carry this high all day.

  Work passed by slower than I’d hoped, likely because after the way my day started, everything after that seemed mundane and routine. I was distracted most of the day, replaying our time together in my head – the way he made me laugh – the way he held me like he had no desire to let go… I checked my phone frequently, hoping not to miss his call. He had explained previously that he usually worked until around four, so perhaps he wasn’t planning to call me before then.

  I went by Grandma Eve’s place for lunch, hoping that would prove to be a good distraction. Instead, she wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t interested in my company. Some days were like that, and although it tugged at my heart, I knew it was better if I didn’t force it. I simply reminded her that I loved her, squeezed her hand so she at least felt my presence, and then slipped away. I so badly wished we could have a real, genuine conversation about my life, but those days were long over. I couldn’t think too much about it, or I would well up and turn to mush. I so desperately missed her, and I hated the way she was slipping away right in front of me while I was powerless to stop it.

  I begrudgingly made my way back to the store, finding more odd jobs to fill the rest of my day. By the time I left the shop around five, I was a little surprised I still hadn’t heard from Lance. I tried not to look too much into it.

  Around seven, Olivia and I began the drive over to Lexi’s apartment. It was only five minutes from our part of town.

  “So now that we’re finally alone, I need the details on the bar fight you mentioned regarding Logan,” I began as Olivia headed down Main Street. “You called the cops, so I imagine that means it was pretty serious?”

  “I didn’t see how it started,” she explained. “But I definitely saw the end. It wasn’t pretty. There were multiple guys involved, so I’m not even sure what went down. I just heard screaming and the bouncers couldn’t break it up, so I called the cops in. After thinking about it more today, I recalled Logan mentioning something about Lance, like to stay away from him or whatever, but I didn’t know any of them so I didn’t really spend time thinking about it after the fact. But now looking back on it, there was something about their past…something bad that happened in Carlsbad or something?”

  “Carlstown? That’s where they’re from.”

  “Honestly, I wasn’t paying much attention to what they were shouting. Fights happen in there all the time. I remembered Logan from that night though, just because I hadn’t seen him around before. Usually the fights involve the same groups of locals. I guess it just seemed odd to me at the time that this one involved a stranger.”

  “Seems unusual that something from Lance’s past would’ve followed him all the way here, right?” I speculated. “Carlstown is a couple hours south of the Indiana border, so not really the same mix of people. Logan briefly mentioned the altercation to me, but he was very clear that Lance didn’t know about it. He’s definitely keeping something from him.”

  “Maybe he doesn’t want Lance to know his past is here to find him,” Olivia shot back curiously. She had a point.

  I stared out the window as she drove, wracking my brain for answers, though I suspected I would never be able to guess what truly happened that night without more information.

  Moments later we pulled into Lexi’s apartment lot and exited the car.

  “How are you getting around?” I asked Lexi as soon as she opened her door. “You look great. Are you feeling okay?”

  “My mom helped me get a shower in before they left town this afternoon,” Lexi explained. “That helped drastically. I feel like a new person.”

  “They already left? That was a quick trip,” Olivia added.

  “Yeah, well you know my dad. He’s working on a big merger so as soon as they saw I wasn’t in too bad of shape, he was booking their flight back. But really, I’m doing a lot better.”

  Olivia and I filled Lexi in on the events from the previous night, and she listened intently.

  “What about Garrett?” Lexi pried after hearing Olivia gush about how sweet and funny Logan is.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she sighed, looking conflicted. “It doesn’t seem like Logan is into anything serious either, like Garrett, so maybe I would just be replacing one fling for another? So do I just hang with both of them and have fun, waiting to see if it turns into anything? Or just cut my losses now on both of them and avoid the drama? Why is this always so complicated?”

  “You just met Logan,” I chimed in, giving my perspective. “Give it some time. See what happens.”

  “That’s easy for you to say while you’re sucking face all night with Lance,” she laughed. “It’s like you two already skipped the ‘what are we doing here’ phase. It’s like you both figured it all out already.”

  “It’s too soon to tell,” I replied. “We just met.”

  “Well it looked pretty serious to me,” Olivia stated, searching through Lexi’s movie collection. “You should’ve seen them, Lex, holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes all night… It was as sappy as all of these movies.” She slid out one of the discs.

  “There’s still plenty of time left for me to screw it all up,” I interjected, grabbing out our frozen cookie dough balls. Lexi always kept her freezer fully stocked of those. Chick flicks, wine, and frozen cookie dough was our ‘thing’ together. We met up at Lexi’s once a week for this same soiree, alternating the movies each time but little else changed. We’d all been friends for so long, and it was the only kind of relationship I knew I truly needed in life. Especially with my dad moving away to Florida this past winter – not that we even had any kind of close connection anyway, but still, he was so far away now. Olivia and Lexi were essentially my family, and I loved their loyalty.

  I glanced down at my phone again, surprised Lance still hadn’t called yet. I replayed our last conversation over and over in my head, certain that’s how we’d left things. Although we’d made loose plans to meet up the following night, I expected we would hash out the details together first. Plus he definitely said he would call.

  We watched an old Nicholas Sparks movie and as usual, Lexi and I both cried, despite having seen the movie at least ten times before. I couldn’t help it. Just because I had yet to experience that kind of love story myself, I was still a hopeless romantic – despite knowing all too well that guys in real life are never like the ones in movies. Those guys always call. I was fixated on the fact that my phone remained silent, and it was starting to unnerve me.

  Around eleven, Olivia finally drove us back. She turned the music down as we pulled into my apartment lot.

  “Are you waiting for him to call?”

  “Maybe,” I a
dmitted. “Is it possible my phone’s not working?”

  “The amount of times I’ve thought that myself,” she snickered, “including those real dark moments where I’ve even asked someone else to call my phone, just so I could make sure it was working…”

  She was right. I knew it was stupid to even have such a thought, but I so desperately wanted a simple explanation.

  “Why don’t you just call him?”

  “Is it weird that I don’t have his number?” I thought back to our time together and how our plans just fell into place somewhat organically the first two days. I hadn’t even realized I didn’t know his number until this afternoon. He only had mine.

  “Want to swing by his apartment?” She had a devilish grin. “We can egg his deck.”

  “No,” I laughed, “too soon to get psycho. Besides, haven’t we matured at least a little bit since high school?”

  “Remember when we caught Silas cheating on Lexi our senior year? We drove out to his parents’ place that winter and poured water all down the door frames of his truck so they would freeze and we put all those eggs in his truck bed so they’d roll around and smash… Those were the days,” she reminisced.

  “We were horrible youths. We were so immature.”

  “Hey, no one screws over one of my friends and gets off scot free,” Olivia continued. “He deserved that for what he did to Lex. And remember when Jacob stood you up for prom?”

  That was a memory I was still trying to forget. “You took all of those pictures of your cleavage and left them on the floor of his passenger seat for his new girlfriend to find,” I replied, still laughing. “Okay, he probably deserved that one. We were such idiots back then. Oh, but the memories we have.”

  “Maybe Lance had to work late, or maybe something came up with his parents back home, like a family emergency. There could be so many reasons. I agree, let’s not vandalize his personal property until we’re sure,” she said matter-of-factly.

  We said goodnight and I headed into my apartment, hoping for some sweet note taped to my door like the ones he’d left at my shop – but of course, there was nothing. A thousand thoughts swirled through my head. Did I completely misread our connection? What did I miss?

  I must’ve been lying in bed for at least an hour, unable to shut off my brain. So this is what insomnia feels like. My thoughts moved back to Lance, wondering what was on his mind so many nights that caused him to feel this way.

  Finally my phone rang in the darkness, and I eagerly grabbed it off my bedside table, expecting it to be him. Instead, the number flashing on the screen only increased my anger. It wasn’t Lance at all; the wrong number from earlier was calling me again.

  “What do you want from me?” I said sternly as I answered the call. I only heard breathing on the other end of the line. “I already told you, you have the wrong number. This isn’t Emily’s phone number anymore. I can assure you, I’m not who you’re looking for. I want nothing to do with you, and I suspect she doesn’t either.”

  No one on the other end spoke, but I could tell someone was there. It sounded like there was a TV on in the background.

  “Please don’t call me again,” I continued, breaking the silence. “I don’t know what you want, but I’m sure I can’t help you. I swear if you keep calling me, I will do something about it.” Still no one spoke back, and it further agitated me. “You said your ex-girlfriend was Emily Kensington, right?” I was thankful to still recall her name from our first conversation. “With that information, it won’t be hard to find you. And if you recall what you admitted to me the last time we spoke, that whole thing about killing someone… I’ll pass that along to the authorities with your number if you ever call me again.”

  A few more seconds of breathing, and then…the call disconnected.

  ***

  The next few days were agonizing. Still no call from Lance, and it was eating me alive. At first I was concerned; perhaps something happened to him while he was working? Construction sites were dangerous, right? Or like Olivia suggested, what if something happened to his father? He’d already suffered a recent heart attack, so another serious health issue wasn’t completely off the table. Logan had Olivia’s number from the night he walked her home, and he hadn’t called her either, which also seemed like more than a coincidence, although he’d made no promises to her like Lance did to me.

  Finally six o’clock rolled around, and even though it was a Friday night, my only plans were a long, hot bath and a sad book. I stopped by to see Grandma Eve on my way home, but that was a disappointment. She was having an ‘episode’ and didn’t want to see me, or anyone for that matter. I was willing to wait it out, but the nurses encouraged me to go home instead. My heart was an emotional rollercoaster, and I wanted nothing more than to soak my bones in wine. After returning to my apartment, I changed out of my work clothes and ate some cereal for dinner. Around seven, there was a knock on my door.

  My heart jumped. I leapt up from the couch, running over to the entryway. As I looked through the eyehole, I smiled as soon as I saw Olivia and Lexi there, staring back at me.

  “What are you guys doing here?” I asked as I opened the door, unsure if I was happy or bummed. I was always glad to see them, but I was also kind of looking forward to drowning in my sorrows tonight – alone. It had been a long, draining week for me.

  “This is an intervention,” Olivia stated, walking into my apartment with authority. Lexi followed right behind her, finally looking more like herself after recovering further from her surgery. Both of them were all dressed up.

  “I’m fine,” I replied hesitantly, though I’m sure they both saw right through it.

  “It sucks, Soph,” Lexi said sincerely. “I would know. I’ve been dumped and rejected more than anyone else we know.” Olivia and I laughed, always appreciative of Lexi’s self-deprecating humor. “It stings. I know that. But the best thing you can possibly do for a broken heart is to get right back out there. I’m telling you, nothing mends a heart better than making out with a hot stranger in a bar.”

  “I’m pretty sure that’s not true.” I giggled, thankful for the way they could always lift my mood.

  “It’s still not a bad suggestion though, right?” Olivia added. “We’re going out. We should at least see if it works.”

  “Guys,” I begged.

  “No more of this mopey sadness,” Olivia continued, cutting me off. “I just took a Friday night off work from the bar, which I haven’t done since my Aunt Bethany’s funeral. This is a big deal.”

  “You’re comparing the demise of my love life to the death of a loved one?” I shot back with animated arms.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “We’re just trying to show our support,” Lexi cut in. “This is important. I’m willing to mix painkillers with one or possibly two alcoholic beverages. That just sounds borderline dangerous, but I’ll do it for you. We hate to see you feeling like this.”

  “I’m not sad,” I tried to explain. “I’m just…let down. It’s not heartbreak, I barely know the guy. I’m not crazy. If anything, I just feel stupid. I thought we had some kind of connection. But that sounds so dumb saying it out loud. Who feels like that after two days?”

  “The wrong guy can make me feel like that in an hour,” Olivia further added. “We’ve all been there, Soph. Every girl falls fast like that at least once. There’s always one guy out there with the power to do that to us, and anyone who disagrees just hasn’t met him yet. But look, we’re young and beautiful, and we’re going out. Change your clothes.”

  I really didn’t want to succumb to their peer pressure, but I could never say no to them. I knew they always had my best interests at heart, and that mattered.

  Within twenty minutes, I was dressed in tight jeans and a form-fitting top. I straightened my hair and I was probably wearing too much makeup, but that was Olivia’s doing. Within an hour, Lexi was slowly sipping on a light cocktail while Olivia and I were slamming shots at a small club
on the edge of the downtown square. I wasn’t a big drinker, but I was mad, which always made me a little more feisty.

  We drank, danced, and talked to some acquaintances we ran into. I tried to remove all thoughts of Lance from my mind, but it wasn’t working. The more I thought about him, the angrier I felt. I tried coming up with a hundred excuses for him, but none of them fit. Even if he lost the card with my number on it, he knew where I worked. Hell, he knew where I lived. There was no other explanation for his lack of communication other than the simple fact that he was over whatever we had.

  Around midnight, we left the club, and I was thankful we were within walking distance from my apartment.

  “Let’s just stop by one more place before we head back,” Olivia suggested, slurring her words a bit. “We still haven’t found a new guy for you yet. We need to go somewhere new that we don’t go to all the time so we can find new guys.”

  “We don’t need new guys,” I replied, shaking my head. “The one I had for like, twenty minutes, failed me. I said it before and I meant it – I’m not looking.”

  “Oooh, what about Grave’s off Third Street?” Lexi suggested. “We’ve never been there.”

  “That’s a biker bar I think,” I scoffed dismissively. We had no business being in there.

  “It’s probably not that bad. Just one drink, Soph. Just to check the place out,” Olivia pled. She batted her eyes at me the way a four year old would to her parents. “The only plan we have tomorrow is to lay out at the beach all day. You can stay out just a little bit later. Please?”

  “One drink,” I agreed, following them down the sidewalk. Fortunately the streets downtown were well-lit. We walked six blocks and made it to Grave’s. There were definitely quite a few motorcycles out front, but I was relieved to see plenty of women inside the bar as well when we entered. It felt like less of a dive than what I expected. There were pool tables, shuffleboard tables, and some dart boards toward the back of the room.