by Inia Jardine
As I stomp out of the restaurant I am doubly glad that I always insist on my own wheels. It has saved me before. I pull out of the parking area in a rush and spatter mud all over Carl who followed me out. As I drive away I can see him making rude hand gestures at my back. Is most probably calling me a frigid lesbian bitch and worse, oh well I couldn’t care less.
As I get home, still in a huff, I take a very hot shower and get into bed with my book. It is still early and I am quite hungry. We never even got to the food part of dinner.
I put my gown on and go to look for something to snack on in my kitchen as I don’t really feel like making a meal at this stage. Hot cocoa yes, with a couple of blocks of dark chocolate melted in, that would be perfect. And maybe some pizza. I call the pizza delivery place and they promise to deliver soon.
A while later there is a knock on the door just as I put my empty cocoa cup in the sink and I call, ‘I’m coming’. I take the money out of my purse on the hall table and open the door with the other hand. It may be the pizza guy or Bella; she most probably wants to know why I rushed in on the paved driveway at this hour. I usually drive very calmly along these narrow roads; I would hate killing or maiming a hedgehog or hare or badger or some animal. The song 'Bright Eyes' about the Duncton Woods hare who got killed always plays in my mind when driving country roads at night. I always cry when I hear it.
To my utter dismay it is not Bella but Carl and he pushes his way in through the half open door. ‘Hey, what do you think you are doing! Get out. I am not dressed for company.’
‘Calm down girlie, I just wanted to see what upset you so much. I also remembered that we have to work together sometimes so we can’t be on a bad footing with each other.’
He is most probably correct and I allow him as far as the small entrance hall. The phone rings and I wonder whether I should get it or ignore it. Shit, I don't want to leave Carl unsupervised in my home. ‘Carl, just wait here, I need to go and get that. Be back now.’
He grabs me by the arm and pulls me to him. 'I don't think so Lilia, you owe me, you really embarrassed me in front of all those people at Mullets.’
‘I owe you nothing Carl, let’s just agree to disagree. We are colleagues, and must work together. I promise to be civil to you but go home now please.’
‘No way, I am too worked up’ he says huskily as he reaches for my mouth with his.
‘Hey, fuck off. I asked you nicely to get out, and you have overstayed your welcome.’ I push him off me but he is bigger and stronger than me.
He forces my face towards his with one hand as he holds my arms behind my back with his other hand. ‘How about a nice kiss, gorgeous’ he says as he sticks his tongue in my mouth.
He pins me back against the wall and I can feel his impressive erection against my gown. I am getting a bit worried here, but don’t want to show him that he is scaring me. I struggle to free myself and he pushes his dick harder against me.
‘How about you show me some more of that hot-blooded personality Lilia, luscious Lilia’ he breathes between his wet kisses and pulls my gown off my shoulders. ‘Many women would love to be in your place right now.’
‘Get away from me’ I scream and he clamps his hand over my mouth.
‘Now I am angry, bitch. I will show you what happens to someone who rejects my advances. Have you forgotten who I am? I am very important in this town; I am next in line for ownership of the Castle and the title.’
With his knee he forces my legs apart and unfortunately for me, does not encounter any resistance. ‘Naked hey, you were actually waiting for me, weren’t you? I knew it.’ He tries to push himself up into me and the more I struggle, the more excited he becomes. It hits me then that I am being raped. All the self-defence literature I have read, stated that you should not fight your attacker because they may become violent, but it is instinct. I twist my body and he slips off me.
Yes, now I just have to get him out of the door, I think.
‘You little shite, I will show you who is boss.’ With that he smacks me and as I hold my arms across my face to ward off the next strike, he kicks my legs out from under me. I collapse onto the floor.
By this time, I am crying, both from frustration and anger. He jumps on top of me and manages to get himself excited again and as his weight is now fully on me I cannot move, and I try desperately to suck in air. I realise that I am experiencing an anxiety attack and I cannot breathe.
‘Lilia, are you in there? What on earth is going on? There is a pizza guy out here’ Bella bangs on the front door. ‘Lilia, open up!’
Carl swears and gets off me. ‘You are such a cock teaser and I am still not satisfied. Say one word to anyone and I will come back and finish off what you started, you bitch. We both know that you wanted this and everyone saw us out together. You just keep fucking quiet or I will show you what happens to little lesbians.’
He pulls up his zipper and has the audacity to leave through the front door where he roughly pushes Bella out of the way with a ‘shut up or you are next you fucking lesbo’.
Bella runs to me and I weakly point to my throat. She can see that I am in distress and luckily remembers about my breathing problem. As quick as a flash she is back from my room with my asthma inhaler and squirts it into my mouth. Within seconds I breathe easily and start crying all over again.
‘Hush Lilia, you will just make it worse. What on earth happened here?’
‘That stupid dumb fuck tried to rape me. He tried to, twice, but never got his rocks off. I could kill him! It’s all my fault; I should never have gone out with him. I miss Jonah, damn, if I didn’t fight with him this would never have happened!’
‘Lilia, if you feel that you were violated we have to call the police.’
‘No Bella, I went out with him willingly, they will never believe me that what happened was not consensual. And he is Sir James's cousin. Just leave it. I think I will just sign up at the closest Convent. I have had enough of men. I hate them all!’
She shakes her head and helps me up. ‘Go and take a bath and wash him off you - only if you are sure that you don’t want to press charges. I will make you something to help you sleep. The dumb fuck didn’t hurt you badly did he?’
‘He slapped me, and I will most probably have some marks at least on my face but also all over my chest, arms and legs tomorrow from his rough handling. Please don’t tell anyone about this as I will only be embarrassed. It won’t help anyone.’
‘If that is what you want, so we learn my friend, so we learn.’
‘I can always say that I fell down the stairs you know.’
‘Which stairs?’
She hugs me and I go off to bath. The hot toddy that she brings me relaxes me and as I fall asleep I hear her say ‘I will lock the door with the latch Lilia, don’t worry. See you tomorrow morning. You can have the pizza which just came, for breakfast.’
She is such a good friend. The cats, who up to now hid under the bed, snuggle up to me and we fall into a deep curative sleep. I wonder what she put in that toddy. My last thought is that I am definitely going to the shelter tomorrow to find a big dog to protect me.
When I awake it is past lunch time. I jump up and run to the phone to let them know where I am, they must be worried about my absence. I see a piece of paper under the phone which is off the hook, and smile as I read it. Bella obviously still has keys to my house.
‘Took the liberty of phoning in sick for you Lilia,
they only expect you back tomorrow.
Fed the cats.
Enjoy a day of recuperation. Love B xxxx’
As I walk past the mirror I cringe. My body is black and blue all over. I will have to wear turtle necks and scarves for at least a week, luckily it is still fairly cold. I feel OK though, just very pissed off. I will get Carl back somehow; he cannot be allowed to get away with this.
Life goes on and I return to work the next day. I manage to avoid running into Carl as he obviously avoids running into me too.
I continue to take lunch in the Castle kitchen and not the restaurant as I have noticed him there before.
I have begun to heal nicely after our rough ‘date’ and I have not been scared of living on my own, the dark or any such things. I decided right after it happened to see this as an educational experience in men and dating, and will not let myself get into this awkward position with a guy again, ever. You never really know what they will do next, they really are strange creatures.
I have done something to get him back though, I have written a graffiti message with red permanent marker on the inside of all the Castle ladies room doors
‘Carl Tomlinson has a small dick’
Childish, I know, but it has made me feel better. It was extremely therapeutic.
7
As I walk down my garden path to my front door one day after work, struggling with my books and mail, I look up and see him sitting there. On my swing chair, with my cats. Willow has never liked strangers but here he is sitting on Jonah’s lap, letting himself be loved.
I realise at that moment that I must be a sorry sight. I have boring office clothes on and my hair is taken up in a granny bun. I have fallen back into the habit of wearing my hair up as opposed to loose and wild which I liked when I was with Jonah. It makes me look more sophisticated, older and most probably more unapproachable. Not as carefree as I once was, well for a short while at least.
Jonah is looking so good; I actually forgot how handsome he is. And big. He makes my porch look positively small. I try not to dwell on the past and past mistakes too much. It is counter productive. But he still has the ability to make my knees go weak. I wonder what he is doing here.
‘How did you find my place? You have never been to England before have you?’
‘Lilia, hi. Good to see you too. I recognised the cat.’
‘Now you are being facetious.’
‘Granted. OK, I am fairly intelligent, bought a local map as you told me that you lived on Burrough Close and that it is a Cul-de-Sac. On the DVD, remember, I got an idea of what it looked like with the huge oak trees. I also remembered your house as having a thatched roof. I can help myself in most situations.’
'Why are you here?'
He takes a deep breath and continues. ‘I find myself fairly lost without you. Can you please give me something to drink, I have been keeping the cats company for more than an hour since the cab dropped me off. I refuse to drink from the bird bath like they do and I can’t fit through the cat flap. They are delightful cats but I don’t want the refreshments they seem to prefer.’
‘Just for that long sentence and for being nice to my cats I will give you coffee. Come inside.’
‘Are you going to first say hallo nicely or not.’ Jonah puts Willow down on the porch and holds out his hand to me.
‘Jonah, what happened? What is the status quo between us? It has been months since we last spoke.’
‘I love you Lilia, and you love me. It is as easy as that. If we promise each other not to get out of hand, we will make it. We have both been around for about half a century and we are not kids any more. We know what is important and what not.
Oh, and by the way, I sold all my heirlooms on auction at Lloyds, retired most of my staff temporarily except the ones necessary for the day to day running of the place. I have put the estate on the market as a going concern. There are a few contracts still to fulfil but Patrick can handle that. I resigned from the Institute but had to work notice until they could find a replacement.
Does that say anything about commitment to you?'
‘Where are your suitcases? I don’t believe you.’
‘If you could leave SA with just one suitcase and you are a woman, I can do it too. My suitcase, singular, is around back. I didn’t want to shock you at first. You might have come home with some man, whom I would have had to kill unfortunately.’
‘Oh, and if we cannot manage on your salary we always have this to sell’. With that he puts the diamond and onyx bracelet on my arm.
‘Oh Jonah, you are serious. I love you so much.’ I kiss him deeply. ‘I missed you.’
I go inside to make a pot of coffee and we settle in front of the fireplace where Jonah has started a fire in the meanwhile. We both start talking at the same time.
‘You go first Jonah; I just want to look at you. But tell me, did Bella phone you?'
‘She did, but that is not why I am here. I am here because I want to be with you. Before we go any further I want to share something with you. Do you remember the tour I gave you when you first visited my estate?’
‘Of course, how can I forget.’
‘Do you remember the pergola at the far end of the garden?’
‘Yes I do Jonah, and I also remember a distinct feeling of discomfort emanating from you as we passed it.’
‘I need to share this with you, as I feel that we are now on the road of no return where our relationship is concerned. I trust you.’
‘Are you going to tell me that you murdered someone and buried the body out there?’
‘Well, almost. A murder, yes but not perpetrated by me. That is where my many times great grandma was burned to death. My many times great grandpa led the slave revolt on Gorgoleta Estate where he was a slave in the 1820’s. My great, great grandpa survived the fire as a newborn baby as he was pulled from his mother's arms before she was set alight by the angry mob. Only because he was black was he spared by the slaves.
They were aware of the fact that my many times great grandpa sired the dusky skinned child of the daughter of Gorgoleta Estate. My great, great grandfather was subsequently taken by his mother’s family who survived the revolt and was put up for adoption in England.
As a young educated man he then claimed his birthright and was given back the plantation after an epic legal battle. Do you remember me telling you part of that sad story?’
I look up at him with shiny wet eyes. ‘Yes Jonah I remember. Sorry about that stupid joke about the murder. Sometimes I just want to sew my own lips shut for saying amazingly idiotic out of place things.’
‘It’s OK, how could you have known. Anyway that is why I am also glad to be rid of that place, spectacular as it is. It is polluted by my stupidity in bringing all sorts of unsuitable ladies there to entertain me over the years. That is why everyone as you rightly stated, saw you as yet another of my girlfriends. We have to start afresh somewhere new.
That is why I am here. My mom got really sick at Gorgoleta Estate, and passed there. I have done my time there. She would not want me to be unhappy anymore.’
He takes a deep breath. ‘I am here now if you will still have me.’
'If you think I can make you happy, I will try my best. I love you too Jonah.' We kiss gently.
Even though we have not seen each other in about seven months, Jonah and I make slow-slow love, not our usual turbulent, frenzied coupling of tigers in heat. We curl around each other like tendrils of a creeper; we seem to melt into one another. It is like we are afraid to let go again. As he comes for the second time I feel the tension inside me loosening at last. I could not go from zero to one hundred like he did and it took some encouragement. The naughty Lilia has indeed taken over the reins from the sad, lonely one and she looks Jonah straight in the eye.
‘Big J, can I show you something?’ I take his hand and press his palm on my loins. ‘Now look at me while you press down hard and slowly move in a circle around and around...’
Within seconds I detonate. 'You see, I had to make myself happy when you were not around.'
‘Wow, what a trick! You make me hard again just by watching your face.’
‘I do not have a problem with that Jonah, I will take as much as you can give.’
Hours later Willow, Rainbow and Flower jump on the bed where we migrated to and loudly insist on being fed. ‘Shame my poor babies, now you have competition for my affection. But you are still my favourite four legged creatures. Come kiss your mom.’
Willow takes one
sniff of my musky face, must be remnants of the detour I made recently past Jonah’s crotch, and leaps off the bed.
‘I guess now you have marked your territory Big J, no other male would feel comfortable here again. Ever.’
