BOMAW 7-9

by Mercedes Keyes

  "Come on, let's go over here, tell papah-Shawn." He invited turning her, putting his arm across her shoulders, leading her towards an outdoor guest table, with parasol now folded down. He seated her on the table top while he took the bench seat to it, made of the same materials, cement and pebbles, and sat below her, holding her hand, looking up at her. She needed to blow her nose, neither of them had Kleenex, so he took off his top button up shirt and removed his white muscle shirt passing it to her, then put his other shirt back on.

  "I can't use - your-your shirt."

  "Sure you can, wipe your eyes, blow your nose. I showered today, promise it won't knock you out." He grinned and winked up at her.

  Sniffling, Crystal smiled, wiped her eyes and blew her nose in it, "Sorry." She apologized, feeling bad for having done it, or even needing to.

  "You've got nothing to be sorry about, what's wrong with my lil'mo? Hm, tell me pum'kin."

  "Angela's your pum'kin." She corrected him softly.

  "You're both my pum'kins ... now don't get off the subject, tell me what's wrong."

  She sat quietly for a moment and wondered how could she tell him all the things she'd just been thinking on the way there. Once more, she was finding it hard to talk to someone, but she had to get it out somehow and just said the first thing that came to her mind, "There's ... so much stuff, that's wrong with me. In my head, you know ... and the way that I - I act, I don't mean to be that way ... I am, but ... I can't ... I can't help myself." The tears started rolling again.

  Shawn stood before her, wiping her tears away with his fingers as she dabbed at them. "Something happen tonight? While you were out?"

  "No, not really. I was having a good time and well - Ben was being so nice to me, you know. And it came to my mind, that even after my divorce, I'll never be ... any good ... to ... to anyone ... because I'm so ... so messed up."

  "Hey! You are not messed up! Who the fuck says you're messed up? Bullshit!"

  "I am ... you just don't know ... I think ..."

  "What don't I know? Tell me, I wanna know. You tell me, you hear? Listen to me ... wipe your eyes and look at me!" He lifted her chin up so she could. "I may not, have planted the sperm that made you, but you are mine. What's your mother's ... is mine ... what's mine, is your mother's. That includes you; that includes your brother. I have many things too Lil'mo to be ashamed of about myself... but I will not ... have that to bear. How any man, could swear to love a woman and not love her children as well hasn't a clue of what real love is. I love your mother, like I've never known I could feel. You and Mundo, are a part of her. I see her in you, I see her in your brother and I love you both. I swear before the creator and all of his angels, just as I would not blink in tearing someone apart for daring to hurt her, I would do no less for you. You are a part of her." He breathed adamantly, his words fierce and dramatic. "Crystal Bella, you became my daughter and have been from the moment I knew that Sylvia Lucinda McPherson would be my wife. You understand?"

  Crystal stared at him and nodded that she understood; baffled by his earnest hardcore feelings for them. Looking at him, she knew that he was not your average anything, nothing at all average about Shawn Everett McPherson.

  "Talk to me, tell me what's wrong." He softened instantly, brushing the hair back from over her eyes. "Why do you think you're all messed up?"

  "Because of what I did to Victor when we were together." She said softly, looking down.

  "Look up! Stop bowing your head like that, like you have a reason to be ashamed."

  "I do."

  "Pum'kin, you're a human being with complicated issues. I know ... believe me my daughter, I know. You and I, we are so much alike. For all intents and purposes you should be mine and I think there's a reason God brought us together."

  She glanced up at him, "You think we're alike?" She asked.

  "Oh yeah, I do. We're the ones going to anger management aren't we?" He laughed, and she started laughing as well.

  "Well I don't mean to get angry." She whined.

  "Of course you don't. Tell me something, did Armundo Sr. do other things to you, while growing up?"

  She looked down again and then nodded yes.

  Shawn stood staring at her, scared to death to ask her, "He - uh - he never - did he - uh - ever well ... touch you - inappropriately as a father? I mean, I know about the time he hurt you really bad by what you told me; but uh ... besides that ... did he ever ... ever ... touch you wrong?"

  Crystal sat quiet, not wanting to talk anymore. Again, memories.

  "Crystal ... talk to me ... tell me. Did he ever ... touch you wrong?"

  "Mama ... slept light at night. But ... once or twice, when he was drunk ... he - he came into my room, thought I was sleeping. He uh, tried touching me on my breasts and I turned over pretending to be asleep. He heard mama get out of bed and rushed from the room, pretending like he never came in there. Another time, he did it again, trying to touch between my legs ... that time I whispered, "No! I'll tell mama!" He stood there a moment and then backed out. After that, he never tried again but, he got more and more mean towards me. Said, really mean - mean things..." She started weeping once more.

  With tears in his eyes, Shawn grabbed her to him, her face against his chest, her arms around him holding on tight as he held her.

  "Shhh shhh, its okay. I'm here, I'm here ... and I'm not ... going anywhere. You're safe now, you're safe now. You're not messed up. He was. He tried to ruin, a perfect and beautiful little girl, but we're not gonna let him win. No way. You hear me. He will not win in this, the sick, twisted fuck! Oh my God, thank goodness he's already dead, thank goodness."

  He stood a moment imagining him.

  Shawn had seen some of his pictures in Sylvia's photo albums. He tried to ignore them, but truth was, he hated the man. Hated him for all that he'd done to Sylvia, to Crystal and yes, Mundo Jr. as well. Shawn on one occasion, reflected on after speaking with Dennis, remembering the things he told him about what he'd done to Sylvia, he sat staring at his picture. It had been early morning, when all were sleeping and he was up. He'd wanted to remove every single one of his pictures from the album but didn't, they weren't his property. Now, after hearing this, he would demand that they all be removed and burned. He didn't want a trace of that man's presence in his home, to further haunt them.

  "Pum'kin, does your ... mother know?" He asked.

  She shook her head, bringing her head back she looked up at him, "Please don't, whatever you do, tell her. She wouldn't be able to take it. I know she wouldn't. She's already had a nervous breakdown before, she wouldn't be able to take it, please never tell her, I don't wanna hurt my mama that way."

  "Shhh shhh, don't worry. It's our little secret. It's between you and I. What about Mundo, does he know?"

  "He knows some things, but not everything."

  "I see. Okay. So ... here it is. You and I, we're going to continue on the way we're going. We're going to ... enjoy our little vacation in California, right?"

  She looked up at him and nodded, "Yes."

  "We're going to then come back afterwards, call up Mr. Withering, so he can set you up for further counseling."

  "While I know I may need it, problem is ... I'm not working anymore, and counseling costs, I-..."

  "You let me worry about that okay?"

  "You shouldn't be carrying all of that, it's enough that you're providing me with a place to stay-..."

  "Crystal! It's what any father would do who gives a shit about his daughters. The things I need you to do is this; let me and your mother take care of you. Which means staying with us. No more thinking about finishing school and then moving on, no. I want you to stay at HOME - did you hear that? Home ... yeah, your home. It's going above the garage and will be connected to the house. That place is yours... not for a while, but for as long as it's wise to be there. I want you to finish school. Get your degrees. Attend counseling and talk to me, like this ... anytime you need to. I will never turn you away. Now, no
more crying. Take a deep breath."

  She cleared her eyes and did as he instructed, sucking in deeply and exhaling it slowly.

  "That's a good girl. From now forward, together as a family, we're all going to help get each other through the rough roads. No more of this self torture about Victor. He's a strong able bodied man and he was just as responsible for your wellbeing as you were for his. That's what marriage means. If something is wrong with your mother, its my job, my place, my responsibility to find out what's wrong; I'm the one to get to the bottom of the matter. And I will not back off unless I have. He backed off. He walked away when you needed him the most-..."

  "Please don't say that about him, he tried."

  "Bullshit! I will say that! I am not going to stand here and let you carry all of this on your own. Marriage is serious business! It's not to be taken lightly."

  "But you divorced your first wife." She pointed out.

  "Yeah I did. Because Crystal, I couldn't get her to let go of her money, family ties and L.A. I wanted her to follow me here to Wisconsin, she kept making excuses and wouldn't do it. There were other elements that drove a wedge between us as well. Maybe, maybe I too should have tried harder, but ... I'd run out of steam."

  "Well, maybe so did he. I don't want you to hate him papah-Shawn, because well - I still love him."

  Shawn sighed, staring at her, the curse of having daughters. Dealing with them after someone had broken their heart. He didn't give a burning hell what she did to Victor. He was a man, a male. He didn't care what anyone said, a woman couldn't truly physically hurt a man unless he let her, or she had a weapon, knife or gun. She'd had neither. If she tried to hurt him, he needed to know how to deal with her without hurting her, doing injury back. That too was a fine line with him. Because he didn't care, what she did to him, or any other man for that matter, none would ever lay hands on her. He would not allow it, he would not stand for it.

  Shawn stood thinking, stroking her soft cheek, looking into her gentle sad eyes and wanted to do anything to take her hurt away. "Look, I don't hate him. But, at the same time, I'm not going to lie, I will not forgive him for leaving you this way, he wasn't ready for you. He tucked tail and ran. Difference between you, and my first wife. She hid behind her parents and let her mother and father manipulate us and keep us apart. You hadn't run and hid behind anyone. He knew where to find you and he knew you still loved him. To me, that's enough. He still walked off. Now, he can continue to fuck off in that direction he's gone, I'm not going to kiss his ass and neither are you, understand?"

  Crystal felt her stomach hurt at his words, but she would not say another word in Victors defense because he had given up on them. He had cheated. He had done in a sense what Shawn's wife had done, let his parents, or rather, his mother dictate his next move when he'd always known that his mother didn't like her. Yet, he'd stood by and accepted her low opinion of her as if he secretly agreed. Maybe that too was one of the reasons she was so impatient with him, lashing out at him. He'd let his mother bad mouth her and carried on with her, taking their sons by her home to see them, often leaving her out of it because it made things uncomfortable. Being left out of family outings as well, again, because things would be too uncomfortable for her in his mother's presence.

  "Aye, understand?"

  Crystal took a deep breath, nodded, looked up at the man she considered her father and nodded, "Yes, understand."

  "You don't need him anyway. You have what you need. Your boys, your mother, your brother, Angela, there's even Ben now, and you sure as hell have me. No more tears, papah-Shawn has spoken." He kidded her, smiling.

  She took another really deep breath, one of absolute resolve, "Yes, papah-Shawn has spoken. Time for a new me."

  "Absolutely! Shiny and new, head held high, and all the wonders of a new life and world stretched out before you. You don't need a man, you got your papah-Shawn and I'll be spoiling you so, you'll be telling them all, "Excuse me, what can you do for me? My papah-Shawn takin' care of me ... what you - gone do?!"

  Crystal rocked back on the table laughing so hard she felt tears come to her eyes as Shawn stood there, trying to mimic the black female attitude, after all, he'd seen it many times in his days of Jesse. The more she laughed, the more he did, putting his hands on his hips, trying to roll his head.

  "You bes' check yo'self fool! I ain't the one! My papah-Shawn got him a bad ass set a boots, size 12 be up yo'ass fo' you can blink!"

  Crystal stepped off the table, holding her stomach, "Stop! Oh my god! Don't say no more! You makin' my stomach hurt!"

  He was laughing as well, turning back towards the hotel, "Come along lil'mo, its late. Time for bed. Those young men of mine had better be getting their asses here and soon."

  Crystal actually skipped in joy, and then ran to catch up with him, taking his hand. He smiled looking at her, squeezed her hand, winked. "I told them papah-Shawn what you said."

  "Hmph, young men ... not half as good to have as daughters." Shawn was surprised to hear himself saying that, his father's very own words coming out of his mouth; especially considering how much he wanted his Jesse James. But that was the thing, the way it should be. Loads of sons and a daughter or two for them to learn to protect. Sets them up for life.

  Back at their rooms, Crystal didn't want to sleep in hers alone and so wanted to get her boys and Angela. One by one, Shawn picked them up and carried them across the hall to lay in their beds, Angela included.

  After standing by to make sure Crystal locked up tight in her room, he went back to his own, climbing in bed next to his wife who was still fast asleep. He moved up behind her, gathered her close in his arms, her body right up against his, looking down at her profile. He whispered, "Are you sleeping?"

  "Nooo, just pretending." She whispered back, then smiled, "Why?" She asked.

  Shawn's body rumbled and shook with his quiet laughter, "I took that nap and I can't sleep. Wanna fool around?"

  "No I do not wanna fool around." She grinned, snuggling her butt further back into his groin area, despite her words, snickering devilishly.

  "Ach! That move right there tells me different, careful now, rouse Otis and its over."

  She laughed into her pillow, drowsy with sleep, yet luxuriating in their closeness. "You know what, I so wish, I hadn't gone and stayed in L.A. so long. I wish I'd come back east side. I wish it had been to Chicago and I wish it had been back, when ... well ... when you really needed me. I'm so sorry I came so late." He murmured softly below her ear, at her neck where his face rested.

  Sylvia froze all play and motions, then gently turned over. He had to lift his head so she could. On her back, she stared up at him through the dark room, faintly lit by the light of the bathroom.

  They were quiet, staring at each other.

  "What brought that on?" She finally asked, softly, hesitantly.

  "Oooh, Crystal was feeling a bit down. Hurting still about her break-up with Victor. I just feel, had I been here sooner, for you...and for them, maybe things would have been different; no, I know they would have been different. I wasted so much time in my life running you know? From ... responsibility ... from what my father was trying to get through my thick skull. He was so right about so many things. I was made for this, for this right here. To have a wife and children. I'm blessed because, there's no pressure to catch up on my loss. Time that is, not anymore. I have your two now, they're mine. Quite possibly I have Benjamin as well."

  "No possible about it, that boy is yours, I can tell you that right now Shawn Everett McPherson. You are all in that boy."

  "That's okay with you? For sure?"

  "You claiming mine. I'm claiming yours. Yours, mine and ours, right?" She smiled.

  "Yep ... that's right." He stared down into her face, stroking her skin, "I'm in love with you ... I am so much in love with you. You and our children, coming together like this, brings it all home to me. Within me, there is no doubt where I belong and the role that I am to fill." He lowered his
mouth to hers, softly kissing her lips. "Mind if, I ... come inside?" He asked, nudging her nose with his nose, pressing his erection against her hip.

  "By all means sir, there's a fire burning just for you, come on inside."

  * * *

  Camp Daniels Saturday night...

  Because he was now left out of the loop, Victor stood leaning against his car in front of Sylvia's home wondering where everyone was. He'd not long left his parents house, getting more of his things to move back to the house he had once shared with his wife. His mother was quite upset with him, very disappointed. So she'd stated while he was gathering his things.

  "I thought we'd come to an agreement you and I? I thought we agreed that you would stay here, until that is, you turned matters around in your life?"

  "Yes, so we had, only one problem with that mother, that's what you want. I've had second thoughts, its not what I want. I can turn matters around in my life on my own, I don't really need your assistance in that. Therefore, once I collect my things, I'll be on my way."

  "On your way where, exactly? Where will you be staying?"

  "In my own place."

  "And that is where?" She persisted.

  Victor had stood from loading his bags to look at her, "You know what mother, I've given you enough control over my life. I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've been doing a lot of comparing. You don't like men, do you know that? Or, you are so envious of men, that you desire to be one. Any man in your life; you do all that you can to strip all power and control from him, claiming it for yourself. That cannot be right. I think I need to get out of here before its too late. Before this control you hold so tightly over me, turns me into-..." Victor had stopped, because his father stood in the door watching him, wondering what was going on. Percival had been standing and listening to his son before he became aware of his presence. "...hello dad." He had said, and then turning to look at his seething mother he boldly finished, "... as I was saying, before you turn me into ..." He hesitated once more, wishing he didn't have to hurt his father, but he couldn't go on the way they were. "... him." He finally got it out looking back at his father, saying further, "I don't know why you've let her do this to you, to us? I don't understand you."