by Quil Carter
Silas’s hand gently and lovingly stroked my cheek. Strangely, I could smell burnt on him… like singed hair almost. “I know my love so well. I knew what I had to do to get you to enjoy it. You’re so much more mature than your brothers, my golden boy. Oh, I love you so much.” His hand slipped down and he kissed my cheek, and when he pulled away there was a beaming smile on his face.
Past that smile I saw something else, something that made me just as uneasy as this delusional and alarming state, not to mention the strange burning.
There was love in his eyes.
This didn’t make sense at all. He can’t be that deranged. I was begging him not to do it, pleading with him to stop. Did me slipping inside of my own head to escape him translate to some weird acceptance to him? Because I wasn’t kicking and screaming and fighting him off?
“I look forward to our next time together, my beautiful Adonis,” Silas murmured as he touched and caressed me. He opened his mouth to speak more, but the seize in my heart over that admission had him pausing.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern apparent on his face. “Did it hurt, love? I told you it might…”
“N-nothing’s wrong,” I said hastily. I had to escape this conversation. I didn’t want any more conflict. God dammit, I just fucking wanted a good day! No fighting, no yelling. Just give me one good day.
Silas didn’t look convinced. He took Ceph from me when the baby outstretched his arms and leaned towards him, and gave me a concerned look. A genuine concerned look. “You didn’t wake up and get scared when I wasn’t here, did you? I had to run to the lab, love, I wasn’t long.”
You went to Perish’s lab? Why? And… if you woke up after I left, you’d know I’d left too.
Something… wasn’t right here.
But I didn’t care. I just… didn’t care.
“I’m just sore today,” I said, hoping that would be good enough for him. I glanced behind Silas and saw Nero leaning against one of the walls in the hallway, he looked dazed and out of it. “I’m fine though. I didn’t… wake up.”
Silas nodded understandably, then his lips split into a smile. “I suppose I may have lost control a few times.” He tried to remove several strands of hair that had fallen over my eyes. “You’ll be coming with me to my council meetings today and tonight we’ll be announcing the new districts as well. You’ve impressed me greatly, love, and you’ll be getting a lot more responsibility from now on. Skyfall will flourish under your touch, and I’ll be able to have a much needed break.” He kissed my cheek one last time and left me where I stood.
When he’d disappeared into Ceph’s bedroom my eyes found Nero, now walking slowly towards the stairs to the second level. His eyes were glassy and he had a miserable look on his face. He gave me a pitiful glance, a drip of blood running down his nose, before he left me as well and shuffled towards his bedroom.
Silas and I both went to the council meeting late afternoon. He was all smiles, the good mood continuing and the praise for me being layered on thick. At every opportunity he was telling the council members how proud he was of me, and asking my opinion on everything.
The council members at first seemed puzzled over this night and day transformation of their king. But it didn’t take them long to just roll with it, and a few of them even wormed in specific requests, taking full advantage of Silas’s positive mood.
I wasn’t just confounded by this uncharacteristic switch, seeing him this happy over forcibly taking me last night was rotting me from the inside out. I didn’t know what was wrong with him, or what delusions he’d succumb to since it was obvious that he was going through some sort of manic episode. Seeing him this cheerful was destroying me, and having him be so affectionate towards me made me feel like I’d swallowed something rancid.
He was treating me like he used to treat me… when I was still the apple of his eye, his golden boy. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feed that leftover thirst of approval. I don’t believe there was a single person in the world who didn’t react in some way to praise from their authority figure, especially such a strict and cruel one like King Silas.
But it didn’t matter. I didn’t care if he was treating me better. I didn’t care that he was no longer beating me and screaming horrible things at me and crippling me in every way he could… there was no erasing what he’d done. He might be able to brainwash himself into believing he hadn’t raped me last night, and hadn’t drugged me, but I was still stone-cold aware.
And my hatred for him had only grown.
A part of me wanted to confront him, but there was a voice inside of my head that told me to shut up and let him pretend everything was okay. If Silas was happy he would leave me alone, and if he was happy with me… maybe it meant he’d treat me a bit better.
And also… I wouldn’t have to worry about him hurting Julian.
All it would take was sacrificing my dignity… and becoming a veritable sex slave.
I put a hand on my stomach as the growing lump I’d been feeling dropped from my throat into the churning pit of bitter acid, then winced when my stomach throbbed with pain and tensed up tight.
“Are you okay, my beautiful?” Silas asked kindly. He put his hand over mine and when I slipped it away he started rubbing my stomach. “Did dinner not agree with you?” We’d just finished dinner around the table, just Silas, myself, and the baby. Nero and Ellis were at Cardinalhall doing their military training and Garrett was in one of the greywastes laboratories, a newer one in the blacksands in a city that had once been called Seattle. It was a new facility that had just became operational in the last year.
So it was just Silas and myself here. We were alone tonight… even the baby’s eyes were starting to droop. The only thing that was keeping him awake was the fact that Silas had mixed his formula with chocolate milk powder and he was refusing to sleep until the bottle was empty.
“It’s been hurting a lot lately,” I admitted quietly. “It’s stress, I believe.”
Silas clucked his tongue and he made his touch cool. “Does that feel a bit better?” he asked as he rubbed above my navel in slow circles.
The cold did help. It hadn’t even occurred to me to use the fluctuating touch I’d now mastered. “Yeah,” I said. I glanced at the clock. It was eight thirty in the evening. I was counting down the hours until I could escape and go to Julian’s. Every time I thought about him my heart jumped and my body was coated in sparks and shivers, as if the thought of him alone had ignited internal fireworks. He’d been the fuel that had kept me going through what had been an incredibly long day.
A long day of being forced to talk to people and come up with ideas in the council meeting, then after that Silas had taken me out to lunch where he’d continued to dote and fuss over me. Acting in such a strangely bizarre way it was alarming. Once lunch was over, I’d been given several hours to do my school work as he planned the announcements regarding the new districts and what that meant for the residents of Skyland, an announcement that had already been delayed. I stood beside him while he read the script in front of the video camera, and after several more errands… I was finally free.
Not to my bedroom however. I hadn’t been in there yet. I was… planning on sleeping in Nero’s room again. I would find a solution to this issue tomorrow.
“I’ll be taking you to Dr. Liam tomorrow morning,” Silas said concerned. He rose and picked up the baby who’d finally succumb to sleep, then went into Ceph’s bedroom to put him down.
“You’re always so stressed,” Silas said when he came back. He motioned me to the living room. I stayed where I was for a moment, watching him with a dry throat as he sat down on the couch, then slowly I rose and followed him. “It just radiates off of you. No wonder your stomach hurts. Do you ever relax, love?”
He shifted towards me when I sat down, until our legs were touching. The pain in my stomach increased and my heart began to thump. “No…” I said quietly. How I wanted to tell him everything he did to me last
night. Scream it at him that he fucking raped me and that the least he should do is admit it. I wasn’t even asking for him to show remorse; I knew now he never would. Just don’t make me feel like I was screaming in that crowded room again, invisible to all but one man.
All but Julian.
I could get through this… just like I got through today. Silas will eventually let me retire to sleep.
And when he does…
Happiness found me drowning in the sea of misery and threw me a life preserver. Julian was that life preserver, and clinging to him was what was getting me through what Silas had done to me.
I hated having Silas so close… it… it reminded me of his naked body pressed against mine. It made me smell the Old Spice on his sweaty body, and feel the painful pressure as he forced himself in and out of me.
And the cum, of course, the cum I felt the rest of the evening, until of course my mind broke and I slashed my wrists in a stranger’s bathtub. Wrists that Silas had thankfully missed seeing.
Just then, I felt Silas’s lips on my neck.
Automatically I jumped back, my heart throwing itself into my throat then launching itself into overdrive. I looked at Silas, not with alarm, but with devastation, and he shushed me then brushed my chin-length hair from my forehead. “My poor stressed out Elish,” he murmured. His hand wandered to the front of my pants and he expertly unbuttoned them then slid down the zipper. “I think perhaps I will be relaxing you every night. You don’t take care of yourself at all, do you?”
Inside I felt sick, just sick and scared. I didn’t expect it to be so soon. I thought he’d leave me alone tonight.
“Can we just… talk?” I said desperately. “Please… I–” Silas grabbed my chin and turned my mouth to his lips. He kissed me hard, his hands pulling down my trousers, and as I shrunk back from him, pressing myself against the couch to try and get away from his body, he pulled my pants and underwear down.
I desperately grabbed them and attempted to pull them up, but Silas pushed my hand away.
Then I looked down, and saw that his cloth pants were now dangling from only one leg.
Silas got on top of me, one leg on each side. Then he looked down at me with a devious smirk, and seemed to drink in the expression on my face. “You look adorable when you’re nervous, love,” he purred, then he leaned down and kissed my neck. “I’ll be the one in control. I’ll let you fuck me one day. But tonight I wish to ride that beautiful cock.”
“Please get off of me,” I cried. A stifling feeling of claustrophobia took me. He was too close to me and my brain had seemingly set up inner alarm systems for that. My mind knew what happened when Silas was close… it was never anything good. “Please… please, you just did it last night. At least give me a day’s rest!”
Silas suddenly stopped and the smirk faded. “W-what?” he whispered. His brow knitted and his eyes shot back and forth as if he was reading something inside of his mind. I didn’t know what to make of it. “You… didn’t like last night?”
I stared at him, confusion and terror mixing together to make the strangest of catalysts. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it was giving me what was needed to speak my thoughts out loud.
Or perhaps there was just no way I could push down the audaciousness I was feeling over Silas’s odd shift in attitude. “Are you insane?” I yelled. I pushed him off of me and jumped to my feet with my chest heaving and my fists clenched tight. “You – you fucking raped me!” I screamed. “Are you that fucking mentally ill that you forget something that happened to you last night? I begged you to stop!” I let out a sob. Silas stared at me dumbfounded. “I detached myself from this fucking world I was so traumatized by having you on top of me! You tore me, you treated your damn golden boy like a whore!” I started to take in gasping sobs, my hand clutching my mouth. “How can you not remember?”
Silas was frozen, standing so still that even time forget to take him forward. He was staring at me in catatonic shock… he looked – he looked… just devastated.
“No… love,” he whispered. “That’s not what – what happened.”
“There’s blood all over my fucking sheets, Silas!” I cried. “Have you seen how much I’ve been limping? Or the fact that I can’t even go into my fucking room because I can’t stand your smell? Or how about this?” I pulled my long sleeve shirt down, exposing the bandages on my left, then my right hand. “How’s that for enjoying it? Does that look like I enjoyed it?” I stifled a sob, my legs buckling from underneath me. “What the fuck is wrong with you? How can you hate me so much that you decided to just ignore what you did?”
Silas’s gaze dropped, and as he stared at the ground his hand rose to his head. He strangely touched the back of his head, then as if it were a button pressed, his face became anguished.
I didn’t understand. Nor did I care.
“I’m – I’m going for a walk,” I stammered through my heaving breaths. I was worried I was on the verge of another anxiety attack. I knew I was on the fringes of something.
I had to get out of here.
I needed Julian.
Quickly, I grabbed my trousers resting beside my feet and fled the apartment. I was without a jacket, shoes and socks, the only thing I had on me was my black and blue long sleeve shirt, and the pants clutched in my hand.
As the elevator closed… I heard Silas give off an agonizing cry, the third one I’ve heard him make upon me leaving.
I felt nothing for him.
While the elevator descended to the lobby, I put on my pants. There was only one thing on my mind now, one focus: Get to Julian’s apartment as quickly as I could.
In less than twenty-four hours I’d become dependant on this stranger to make me feel good, to give me some shred of will to wake up another day. I knew this was a stupid thing to do, that I was an idiot for depending on someone I didn’t know… or perhaps it was just a window into the state I was in, the desperation that held my body like I was being crushed by a giant clenched hand.
Something had to give. That was all I knew. I couldn’t live like this. I was either going to kill myself or run away, I knew of no other solutions.
Not only was Silas forcing himself on me now… but he was obviously either blocking the memories from his brain, or his insanity was greater than I’d realized. I didn’t know which it was, or if it was anything, what I did know was that it put me in an even more dangerous situation. Because I couldn’t rely on his self-control, or his love for me, to stop him from doing it.
Something was wrong with the king… and that just meant more danger for me.
The thiens in front of Alegria were the same ones that I’d seen last night. They both gave me concerned glances, especially the older one that had asked me if I was okay, but said nothing. I walked past them with no words exchanged, and when I was out of sight, I broke out into a run.
I needed him… and I didn’t care how pathetic that made me.
CHAPTER 31
Unfortunately, my injuries inside of me, and my lack of shoes, prevented my body from moving fast, but I still got to the skyscraper in half the time. There were people roaming around though which made me uneasy, it was earlier in the evening than it had been when I’d come here with Julian yesterday. But these people were just moving ink blots in a backdrop of midnight blues and the yellow faded lights from the overhead streetlamps, so I continued on without fear of being noticed. It was too dark for anyone to recognize me unless they were up close, and soon enough I’d be inside and away from the inquisitive gazes of the public.
I glanced behind my shoulder while I climbed the dusty stairs, then winced when my left foot stepped onto something jagged and sharp. I looked down to assess the damage and was surprised to see the bottoms of both of my socks covered in blood. It looked like the adrenaline from running to this skyscraper had prevented me from feeling the debris that had injured me.
I’d take care of it once I was inside. So with that conclusion, I continued to the top of the st
airs, now limping even worse than I was yesterday, and moved the heavy board I’d seen Julian push to the side. Then, with one more glance over my shoulder, I crawled inside and replaced the board.
Every step I made towards that third floor apartment had my pulse quickening with anticipation and the tightness in my throat restricting my airflow until it was physically painful to swallow. It was a pathetic feeling to know I now saw this stranger as my support, my rock to lean against, but I just didn’t have anyone else. I couldn’t trust my brothers, and I loved Sacario like a brother but his endearing goofiness and relaxed attitude towards life didn’t make him a suitable candidate to deal with these overwhelming issues that had been piled on top of my crumbling shoulders.
I didn’t even know this man… and yet I felt desperate to have him near me. Once again I was a beaten dog fleeing from my abusive master to lean against the man who’d given me a pet and a biscuit, and not only did I hate myself for being so weak, it made me feel even more cheap.
Because it didn’t take much to buy my friendship. I was damaged goods now. I’d been bought and returned so many times I’d been thrown into the discount bin.
I’d said to myself with such solidarity that I wouldn’t let myself so easily affix to people. That I’d learned my lesson and my heart had been closed off to everyone. I thought after what had happened during my ill-fated month at school, and subsequently Ryan’s murder, that I would know better now. That I would no longer grow attached to things, I’d close myself off so I wouldn’t be hurt again… nor could Silas take away those I love.
I’d been saying this since I was five years old, holding my dying hamsters in my clenched fist. But here I was, making mistake after mistake, letting myself get attached to these men and drinking of them, until I’d become addicted to their essence, and how they made me feel. I continued to make these mistakes, and whenever my heart broke, or Silas took them from me… I’d swear again the mistake wouldn’t be made again.
