Ten Seconds of Crazy

by Randileigh Kennedy

  “I know we lost a lot of time already by stopping tonight,” I replied. “You wanted to get to the next stop by tomorrow for your brother’s list, so we may as well just drive through. Unless you’re too tired?”

  “Honestly, I am a little tired. It’s been a long day. A good one though,” he said towards me with a wink. “I think you’re an amazing girl.”

  I studied his face as he said it, marveling at how innocent and sincere he always looked when he spoke to me. “You’re not so bad yourself,” I answered with a coy smile.

  “Sounds like I’m at least growing on you,” he teased back, making me blush.

  “You have no idea,” I muttered quietly, unsure if he actually heard me. I looked back at him and his smile suggested that he did in fact hear my admission.

  “Me too,” he said softly. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I wasn’t sure specifically what he was saying with those two words - I didn’t exactly ask a question. But if it was anything like what I was feeling, stronger words would have to make their way out sooner or later. We seemed so comfortable around each other. It was like so much time had passed, and I felt a closeness to him I’d never felt with anyone else. But I hated girls who fell in insta-love - it seemed fake and obnoxious, and I knew that wasn’t me. But this - whatever connection Reid and I had, somewhere in between - it pulled at me. It made me delirious and happy, but also doubtful and scared at the same time. I knew it would get to a point though where that would matter - some breaking point where either I would get out and think back to one of the best summers of my life, or continue on and likely end up the most heartbroken girl who ever loved Reid Carson. I really wasn’t sure what would be better or worse. It was like I needed something to snap me out of my love-haze. But spending more time with him certainly wasn’t the answer if I planned to get out of this at any point.

  Reid yawned and I could tell he was exhausted.

  “How about I drive for a bit?” I offered, hoping I could do something kind for him. I wasn’t sure he’d let me drive the precious Mustang, but it was worth a try.

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?” he asked sincerely. “I do want to make up some time, but I don’t think I have it in me.”

  “If you trust me with the car, I’d be happy to,” I replied.

  “I’d trust you with anything,” he said thoughtfully. “It looks like there’s a rest stop just a mile from here.” I also noticed the giant blue highway sign indicating the pull-out was just ahead. “If you get tired though, don’t try to be a hero. Just pull over somewhere. We can make up the time tomorrow if we need to.”

  A minute later we were pulling into the somewhat abandoned rest stop to trade places. We climbed out of the car to stretch our legs.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked again for confirmation. “We could just sleep under the stars again.” He reached out towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He leaned into me, gently kissing my face. It was slow and sweet, and I loved how his touch felt on my skin.

  “I know you’re tired, so you should get some rest,” I replied sincerely. “I’m wide awake for some reason, so we may as well make some progress. I’m not sure I could sleep in the car if we stayed here anyway.” I looked around the rest stop, taking in the old dirty bathroom building and the only two creepy trailers parked towards the back of the cracked parking lot.

  “What, sleeping in a scary, remote truck stop parking lot isn’t every girl’s dream?” he teased. “I would keep you safe.”

  “I believe that,” I said softly, leaning my body into his as we pressed against the side of the car. Without any city lights around, the stars looked magnificent against the black sky. The air was calm and the trees surrounding the lot remained perfectly still. These moments with Reid made me feel like we were the only two people in the whole world. Like time had stopped just for us, as if there couldn’t possibly be an ending to anything that was happening between us.

  “Stay,” he whispered softly in my ear.

  “At the truck stop?” I replied with a slight laugh.

  “No, not here. I mean stay with me. Wherever. In Michigan. Or if there’s somewhere else you want to be, we can figure that out. I’m anxious to get there, to the cottage, but I don’t want this road trip to be over.” He gently tucked a piece of my blonde hair back behind my ear. “This is pretty nice, right? Nobody telling us what to do. No schedule. Just us, under the stars doing whatever we want.”

  “It’s wonderful,” I admitted, “but it’s fleeting. We can’t live under the stars and dance in the corn fields or sing at the top of our lungs driving down an endless highway forever.”

  “Why not?” he said sweetly. “Maybe we could.”

  I loved his idealistic brain, but I was too practical to even dream about it. It’s like when you’re a child and you think you’ll forever be catching bullfrogs and swinging from trees. Then you turn twelve and you’re cleaning up your mom’s throw up, certain you’ll hate the stranger lying next to her. I hadn’t dreamed about a carefree life full of wonder and spontaneity and romance since the world first showed me its cruel version of adulthood. Falling in love under the stars was far more like an illusion than a reality.

  My thoughts were broken up by the sound of a loud door being slammed across the parking lot. A burly man stepped out of one of the trailers.

  “What’s on your mind?” he asked, gently turning my chin up towards him.

  “Thoughts of not wanting to be murdered here,” I teased. I squeezed his hand and moved towards the driver’s side of the car.

  “Are you changing the subject?” he mused, raising an eyebrow at me as we climbed into the Mustang.

  “I’m saving our lives,” I shot back with a laugh. I turned the key and the engine roared.

  “Uncle Buck’s car rules apply. If you get a scratch on her, we’ll have words,” he teased. The ironic thing was I couldn’t picture Reid even getting upset over something like that.

  “Deal,” I replied, pulling the car back onto the highway. I was relieved to see the road wasn’t very busy. I sat there with my hands on the wheel beaming, knowing this was truly the best birthday I’d ever had. This entire day was simple in many ways, yet so far out of the ordinary for me. Driving such a beautiful, old shiny vehicle certainly helped that feeling. The car felt smooth under me, and I loved it.

  There was something about Reid. I felt so comfortable around him, as if I’d known him forever, but our journey together had just begun. There was also so much I still had to learn about him, and I was enticed by the possibility of the time we had ahead to figure that out.

  My life thus far wasn’t exactly a fairytale. I knew people had it worse, so I didn’t complain much. But I also knew it wasn’t a life I wanted to continue living. I was merely existing before this trip - going through the motions from one day to the next. I was hoping for some kind of extraordinary change, but instead I was stagnant, working at a job I hated and moving through school at a snail’s pace. I knew I needed a change - one as radical as Reid Carson, I wasn’t sure. But his outlook on life was so infectious - he didn’t seem to have the world figured out much better than I did, but his version of living was far more exciting and intriguing than my own reality. He cared about the right things and had no worries about the rest. His calm presence astounded me, and I hoped those things would eventually rub off on me.

  “Now that I’m driving, I think I should be in charge of the music,” I stated matter-of-factly, wondering if he would put up a fight.

  “Something soft that will lull me to sleep?” he said with a smirk.

  “Oh no. Not yet. We’re just getting started.” I hit a button on my phone and Florida Georgia Line came blaring through the speakers.

  “I knew you’d go country on me,” he replied, still smiling. “But I like it.”

  I turned it up louder, singing the words to the song “Cruise” as we drove down the highway. We had the top up since it was pretty late, but the windows we
re still down and the wind whipped through the car. We both sang loud, laughing when we messed up the words. I was once again amazed by how Reid made every moment feel like the perfect summer night. A fast car, a starlit sky, loud country music - a drop dead handsome guy staring at me from the passenger seat. This moment felt infinite, like the road we were on had no end.

  I played a couple more loud country songs, one Reid knew and one he didn’t, and then finally turned on some softer music.

  “Get some sleep,” I said towards him as we both put the windows up. It was just before midnight.

  “Three more minutes until your birthday’s over,” he replied with a sleepy smile. “I want to wait until it’s over.”

  “Thank you for today,” I said sincerely. “It was wonderful. Especially the mauve heels.”

  “You deserve everything,” he said with a slow yawn. “Just wait til you see what I have planned for your twenty-first. It’s going to be epic.”

  I giggled, knowing full well he had nothing in mind for that yet. But just the idea of him thinking that far into the future made me smile.

  He took off his sport coat and scrunched it up to use as a pillow and leaned into the back of the seat. “If you get tired, just wake me up. I’ll drive the rest of the way. I just need a little power nap,” he stated, yawning again.

  “After that music I feel all pumped up and energized,” I said truthfully. “Besides, I like driving. I know that seems like a weird thing to say now after you’ve been doing it this whole time, but I really do enjoy it. It’s good reflection time for me. You know, to sort out my thoughts and all that.”

  “I hope those thoughts finish our earlier conversation,” he said towards me with a smirk. He was obviously referring to his earlier plans for me to stay with him in Michigan once we got there.

  “I might need the ten seconds of crazy speech again before that ever happens,” I answered playfully. Although I was more comfortable not talking about it at all. Something inside me understood it - I felt like that was what I wanted. But on the surface it was impractical and I wondered if I would ever be able to recover from that type of fall-out if he realized at any point that the reality of it wasn’t quite the way he imagined it.

  “Goodnight,” I said softly. He smiled back at me and closed his eyes.

  Over the next few minutes, the music was low enough that I could hear Reid’s breathing change. He must’ve fallen asleep.

  I pressed the voicemail button on my phone. I had some missed calls I hadn’t even noticed. I didn’t pay much attention to my phone at all while I was around Reid.

  There were two messages from Maria. The first one was just her checking up on me, followed by one warning me that Carl from the diner was going to call me. Sure enough, Carl left a message questioning whether or not I’d be interested in coming back to the diner, and even a very brief apology for the way things happened when I’d left. It was a relatively short message, but I definitely noticed a hint of sincerity in his voice. I also heard Maria in the background of his recording though, so I wondered if she put him up to making the call in the first place.

  The final message was from my mom, which surprised me. It had been awhile since we last spoke. She started off the message by wishing me a happy birthday. That part of her message sounded clear, but the rest of it after that was a bit jumbled. She said something about how alpaca farming wasn’t for her. Obviously. That woman couldn’t care for a houseplant, how would she fare any better with live animals? She also mentioned something about moving from Oregon to Arizona. I assumed that meant she found a new boyfriend.

  I thought about that message, and whether I even intended to call her back. I couldn’t possibly explain to her where I was or what I was doing. Then again, she would probably congratulate me for what I was doing. ‘Oh, you met a hot guy? And you’re roaming the country with him? And he wants you to move to another state with him so you can live happily-ever-after?’ Dammit. She would eat that up. She would be so proud that I turned out just like her.

  But I would hate it.

  Holy hell, was I really just like my mother? Impulsive, neurotic… All for some guy with a handsome face and nice abs.

  Although I obviously wouldn’t compare Reid to any of the losers she brought home. He had so much more going for him. He was one of the kindest people I’d ever met. He loved his family in such a big way that it melted me. He was adventurous and sincere and thoughtful.

  And he picked me up out of nowhere. He was making me believe he could just transport me to a better life - like a road trip and barn dancing could really save me from becoming her.

  I hated that those thoughts of my mother burned through me at that moment. I hated that I felt so similar to her. Most of all, I hated that being just like her would give her some sort of solace that she did anything right by me.

  I felt angry, and a slow, hot tear escaped. There were so many things I wanted to say to her - so many things I wanted to know. My whole life she pointed out that I was clearly a passing mistake for her. Why did she even bother keeping me? There were so many people coming and going through her life - and all of those transient, temporary people stirred more in her than any emotion I ever got. And now here I was - falling in love with a stranger, just like she had so many times before. I hated her for it.

  I wiped the tear off my face and focused back on the road. I didn’t want to think about her anymore. I tried calling Maria back, hoping with the time difference it wasn’t too late for her, but the call went straight to her voicemail. I didn’t leave a message, hoping I could just speak to her tomorrow instead. There was so much I wanted to talk to her about, even though I didn’t expect her to be much of a voice of reason.

  I listened to a random play list on my phone. Most of the songs were slower, sweet country ballads. At first they seemed too syrupy for my feisty mood, but eventually they mellowed me. I felt less angry at least after listening to them, but I also started feeling a little tired.

  Just another hour or so, that way Reid can get a little more rest.

  I looked over at him. He looked so peaceful next to me, lost in a deep sleep. I wondered what he was dreaming about. More importantly, I wondered if any of it was about me.

  Was it really crazy for me to think about moving to Michigan? I mean obviously I would get my own place, and we would be at different schools. There was no way I could afford a big state school like the one he was going to. But I could easily see myself at a small community college in the area like the one he mentioned to me previously.

  If I could afford it of course.

  Would it be weird to just completely uproot my life and move across the country? Just to date a boy? Obviously I would sell it to people like the move had something to do with my schooling - that sounded less irrational. But then again, what did I care if people thought I was crazy? I’d already lived through that once, pretty publicly, and I seemed to still be all right.

  I thought about Michigan, wondering what it would look like. All I’d ever heard about it was that it had thousands of lakes. That could be fun - Reid and I spending the rest of the summer curled up on a beach somewhere, relaxing in the warm sand, splashing each other in the cool water. I tried to picture what that actually looked like. For some reason though, the visual part of that picture looked blurry. Like I couldn’t quite make out the image of us.

  The silence in my brain was interrupted.

  A bright light flashed directly in my eyes, startling me. A loud horn blared throughout the quiet night.

  Disoriented, I let out a scream - but I couldn’t hear the sound.

  Somehow, it felt like I was flying through space. Like a foggy, slow motion dream where it feels like you’re merely hanging in between the stars scattered around a dark sky.

  Then, I felt nothing at all.

  CHAPTER 17

  Soft, rhythmic noises. There were quiet beeps, quick footsteps, air blowing… Despite the darkness in my head, I pictured the DeLorean from Back to
the Future flying through the air. I smiled, thinking of Reid and his love for that movie. Reid. Did I imagine him? Was he a dream I had one summer night - a dream I never woke up from? Was I still dreaming now? I tried gasping for air, but instead it felt like I was swimming. It was as if I could breathe through water. It was as if I was out in the universe, all alone, just floating… waiting. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t think of what I was waiting for. The air swallowed me.

  Beeping. I once again felt awakened by the soft, rhythmic beeps near my head, but I still couldn’t see anything. I tried gasping for air again, but nothing happened. There were small flickers of light, but still everything appeared blurry somehow. It was like my brain couldn’t focus on any one thing.

  Finally I gasped, taking in a giant swallow of air. I felt like it was going to suffocate me. Dim light filtered in as my eyes locked in on a wall. A large, cream colored wall. Or was it the ground? Maybe I was still floating?

  I blinked my eyes a few times, and an image hovering above me finally became clear. I could see Uncle Buck’s face. I smiled, wondering why his jovial cheeks replaced my prior vision of a blank night sky. I felt completely out of my head.

  “Cassidy?” he said softly. His eyes were moist and he had a look of fear on his face. I tried to reply, but my throat wouldn’t echo my words. Only silence came out.

  He made a quick movement up by my head. Did he hit the wall?

  “I’ll get the doctor, just hang in there,” he said in a low, calm voice. It felt like he squeezed my arm, but the sensation didn’t feel normal.

  Within seconds, a small Asian man in a white coat entered the room, followed by several women who were all wearing green.

  “I want her vitals again, check the IV drip,” the man ordered as the women scurried around me.

  My eyes darted back to Uncle Buck, and I couldn’t process where I was or what was happening. It was as if I missed part of my own dream sequence, and I was watching it outside of my own head.