The Time Between Us

by ChaShiree M

  “Sure thing. Dale will be asleep for a while longer.” I say as we make our way to her room.

  Before we get to the door, he stops pushing the stroller and turns to me. “I cannot thank you enough, Jace. Without you, I don’t know what I would have done and how I will ever repay you.” He says, with tears in eyes.

  “You are my brother Max. I would do anything for you, any of you, including bury a body if need be. You don’t owe me a Goddamn thing. Now, let’s get these munchkins to their mama.” I say, pulling him into as much of hug as we can without disturbing Dale.

  When we enter the room, I am not prepared for how amazing Rosy looks. With the amount of time she has been in here, I expected her to be emaciated and tired looking.

  “Rosy. How is my beautiful sister-in-law?” I say, clutching Dale as I bend down and kiss her cheek.

  “I am good. Better than I thought I would. How is my knight in shining armor brother-in-law?” Who is this that you are wearing?”

  “This is Dale. He’s the cuddle bug and needs to hear your heartbeat.”

  “Ok, maybe it is best not to disturb him. I feel like a terrible mother because I don’t know my own babies.” She says with tears in her eyes.

  “Cut that shit out, Rosy. This is not your fault.” Max says.

  “I know, but I still feel like a failure. I cannot help it.”

  “It isn’t true.” I say as I retrieve Max from the stroller and hand him to her.

  “This is Max. He’s the leader of the three and will not cuddle with me, but he does cuddle with Mom.” I say laughing. When he nuzzles into her chest and promptly falls asleep, I am amazed. She holds him for a while and places kisses all over his little head. Her arms tire quickly, but she wants to hold Selena too. I help by handing Max Jr. over to his namesake, then I take Selena out of the stroller and place her in her mother’s arms.

  “This is the Princess. She is totally independent.” I say with admiration.

  “They smell good.” Rosy says, with tears in her eyes.

  “They are precious.” Max says as he holds his son for the first time since his birth

  When Rosy starts nodding off, I take it as my cue to ready the children to leave.

  “Do you want me to follow you out and help put them in your car?”

  “Jace, man. I still cannot leave her. Please tell me you will still help me.” He pleads with me.

  “Of course.” I say. If I am being honest, I am a little relieved. I am not ready to not be with them and that is insane. I get everyone loaded back into the stroller.

  When I get back out to waiting room, Penny is gone. What a shocker. I can’t even keep the sarcasm out of my head.

  Two months.

  It has been two months since I was with Jace. Two months since I gave the man I love my virginity and snuck out like an unwanted dream. At first, I was able to convince myself it didn’t happen and was all a dream. Sometimes that worked. Other times, when I would remember the soreness and the feeling of being filled with him; both inside my body and my heart, I wanted to cry and tell him I was sorry as I ran back to him.

  But then if I did, what would it accomplish? I would not be able to become a nurse and live my dream. Which means, I would no doubt be stuck in Moosehead, pregnant, and married to Jace. Don’t get me wrong. My sister and her sisters-in-law seem happy and their husbands adore them.

  But is that it?

  I cannot imagine never being anything other than someone’s wife and mother. At least it is the excuse I tell myself, every time I feel shame about running away from him. I had almost convinced myself and talked myself down from the ledge of guilt and heartbreak. Until six weeks later, when I would wake and run to the bathroom every day, delivering the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

  If I was an ordinary college student, I probably could have ignored what was happening. But as a nursing student, there is no way I can ignore the vomiting, sore nipples, nausea, and sudden appetite change. Not to mention the fatigue and grouchiness. Going across to my mentor’s office for a private pregnancy test, three pee tests, a blood test, and an hour later; all my carefully laid plans came crashing down with one word….

  Pregnant.

  I am pregnant with Jace Crawford’s baby. The messed-up thing about it is, I am not even upset. I am not exactly happy, but I am not mad. My body seems to be numb with shock, but if I am being truthful, I feel relieved. Maybe this is the sign I need to stop running from him. Fates way of telling me, that no matter what course I decide to take in my life, my heart and soul will always belong to Jace. It has since the first moment I met him. It is why I ran so fast and so often.

  When I first saw him, my heart stopped beating for a second and I could not catch my breath. It wasn’t until he turned and looked at me, that I was able to exhale, and my heart began to beat again. He literally took my breath away and brought meaning to my life. And that scared the hell out of me. So, I ran and didn’t stop running. Eventually, I ran all the way into his bed and into motherhood in the blink of an eye.

  To make things worse, he is back in Moosehead dealing with one of the hardest situations he might ever have to go through. And I abandoned him to deal with it on his own. What does that make me? I have no idea what comes next, but I know I need to get to him. I will not tell him about the baby at first, because I need to know we are OK first. Besides, he is dealing with enough now. When the time is right I will tell him, but not a minute before. For now, I can do something for him, by helping him with the crisis he is in. Making it so he is not doing it alone.

  With that thought, I go to my counselor and let her know I will not be re-enrolling next semester. As my mentor as well as my advisor, she let me know how unhappy she is with my decision. She says she understands about the baby but reminds me I have options. I do not have to throw my life away. Those words make me feel nauseous and pisses me off. How dare she suggest I get rid of my baby. I say as much to her, before bidding her adieu.

  Unfortunately, I cannot go home right away. I must stay for another two weeks to finish finals or I will have to pay back my financial aid. But, as soon as I finish the last final, I am out of here.

  I am not sure what I will find when I get there, but I owe it to the little life growing inside of me and most of all, I owe it to Jace and I to try.

  Two Weeks Later

  Rosy is doing fantastic with her PT, but she is still not ready to go home, and I am dealing with my first baby crisis. No one else can help, because we don’t want the other babies to get sick. Logically I understand, however I am elbow deep in dirty diapers and baby boogers for the last three days. I have been praying for some sort of relief.

  I feel as if I never should have taken them to the hospital, but that was not my call to make. With taking care of all three babies, I haven’t really slept, showered, or eaten in the last seventy hours. To be honest and fair, I am sick too.

  Selena and Max have just gone down in their cribs to sleep. Thankfully, they seem to be on the mend. Dale, however isn’t getting any better. I am covered in all manner of substances and decide it would be easier to take a bath with Dale, since he will not let me put him down at all.

  Every fucking thing in the house needs to be cleaned with Lysol and bleach.

  A quick bath and Dale is redressed, but I have only my towel wrapped around my waist. I am about to lay Dale down for a minute, when there is a soft knock at the front door. Changing course, I head to the door and open it. At first, I am not sure my eyes are not playing tricks on me or I am in shock at who is standing there.

  Penny. My woman.

  I am pissed. Do not misunderstand me, I still love her. But there are too many emotions going through me, right now. The biggest one is I am confused why she thinks she can traipse back in here, after leaving me like that? Hell No. Her little gasp makes my cock hard, but I cannot let that happen again.

  “Jace. Hi. How are you?” She says, awkwardly.

  “Penelope.” I say. I must forc
e the pretty words I want to say to her beautiful ass, back down my throat. Looking down I notice she has a bag, but I cannot believe she would seriously be thinking of staying here. Fuck that.

  “Is that all I get?” She says, her eyes swimming with tears.

  Fuck.

  I already know her tears are going to be my kryptonite, but I do stay strong.

  “What do you expect, Penelope? Open arms. You have made your feelings for me and what we shared together, perfectly clear when you stole out of my bed in the middle of the fucking night.” I say with gruffness in my voice.

  Right at that moment, Dale power barfs all over me. Damn. I just got clean. “As you can see, I am dealing with a bit of a situation and you should just go.” I say, motioning as I go to close the door. My chest is congested, and my eyes hurt, I am sure causing me to look like the train wreck I feel. Even though I could use the help, right now the pain is too raw to be rational.

  “You’re sick, Jace. Let me help you, baby.”

  “You better be talking to Dale with that baby shit, because you have lost the right with me, Penelope.” Her eyes go around making me hate myself right now.

  “Jace. I can and will explain, but not right now. Give me the baby. Go get cleaned and then into bed. Your mama has said he cannot be without you, so as soon as you are in bed I’ll bring him to you. It smells like death in here and because it’s quiet, can I assume Max and Selena are sleeping?”

  “They are. For about twenty minutes now. They should be out for a while, unless they need a diaper change.” I say, reluctantly opening the door further for her. I glance down at her bag again and take it from her. No matter what has happened, I am still a gentleman after all.

  Telling myself I need the help and I am too tired, I am hoping will hide that I know I am lying. Shit. I am still pissed, but even I know to thank God for answering prayers. No sooner than I hand him over to her, he immediately starts crying.

  “Follow me.” I say as I shut the door behind her. He is still fussing, but at least he is not shouting the place down anymore. Dropping her bag in another guest room and then I take her to the nursery and show her where everything is.

  “Ok. I have it. Go and get in the shower.”

  I take a few minutes to get clean, again. When I go back out, I slide on some pajama pants and crawl into bed. After a few minutes, she brings Dale to me and then I am out. Right before I fall asleep, I could swear her lips were on my forehead and there was a soft whisper of “I love you.”

  Sometime in the night she took Dale again, but I immediately passed back out. I have a vague recollection of this happening several more times, throughout my time in bed. When my eyes finally pop open and stay that way, it is almost dusk again. Damn, I needed the sleep. Heading out into the living room, I see it is clean. Really clean and there is no smell…

  Each baby is in their own pack-n-play sleeping. How the fuck did she get Dale to sleep alone? There are ocean sounds playing through the surround sound and she is sitting on the couch, curled up reading. Reading! I barely had time to take a leak, but she has time to read. Amazing. It is then, I realize for the first time in days, I am starving. It may have something to do with the scents wafting in from the kitchen.

  “Penelope?” I ask.

  “DAMN IT! Jace, you scared the shit out of me.” She says, clutching her chest and hopping up.

  “Sorry. How did you perform a miracle?” I ask, gesturing to the pack-n-plays.

  “You have been asleep for almost two whole days. I was starting to worry. I found only one pack-n-play, so I called Ham and had him bring me two more. In the baby book, I read they should do tummy time and they love it. The ocean sounds are close to the sounds in a womb and then they were out.”

  I am in awe of her right now. Her hair is in that sexy bun and she is wearing the cutest glasses. I didn’t know she wore glasses.

  “Wow,” is all I can manage right now.

  “Um. I made a shepherd’s pie, if you are hungry.” She almost hesitantly tells me.

  “Oh yeah, I am hungry.” I say, and she licks her bottom lip so quickly I almost didn’t see it. Damn. I stifle a groan because I may be mad at her, but her tight pussy is still all I think about.

  “Let me dish some up for you.” She says as she starts to stand and go into the kitchen.

  “Thanks. How long are you staying?” I ask, a little bitterly.

  “Indefinitely.” Comes out with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

  “What about school?” I know how much it meant to her.

  “I’m over it.” I almost believe her too, but her eyes give her away every time.

  “Well, I am up now, and you can head out. Thanks for your help. I am sure your grandmother or Ava would like your company.” That sounds dickish to me, but when she squares her back I know I’ve hurt her. She turns to me with a bright smile, before she lays the bomb on me.

  “You misunderstand. I am staying here in this cabin with you. Helping you with the babies is my only priority for now. We can work out a schedule that will allow us to sleep too.” She says as she hands me a plate of food. When she pulls out my favorite beer, I know she has somehow been to the store.

  “You’ve been shopping?” I ask with awe.

  “Online. I had Ham and Ava go into St Paul and pick it up and bring it to us. There were only six diapers left.”

  “Well, that wouldn’t have lasted long.”

  “No, it wouldn’t have.”

  “So, about this schedule.” I ask as I take a bite of the best shepherd’s pie I’ve ever had. I cannot control the groan that escapes my mouth. Her big smile almost has me pulling her onto my lap.

  Almost. I am fucked.

  It would seem it will not be as easy as I thought. I knew he would be upset and rightfully so, but I never thought I would be met with indifference. Knocking on the door and not being greeted by his smile was harder than I thought. I wanted to tuck tail and run, the minute he answered the door and I was greeted by the cold unfeelingness of his stare; but I took one look at his tired beautiful face, while holding a sick Dale and I knew I had to weather the storm to get the sunshine.

  After witnessing the puke, seen around the world from the tiniest of babies; I insisted he go to clean himself up and get in the bed. Thank God I have been in contact with everyone else in the family, because I was given the rundown about the little angels. Especially, Dale’s attachment issues and sleep habits.

  Once he went upstairs, I walked the whimpering baby around, trying to get him to settle long enough for Jace to get clean. My initial observation of the house is a walking disease fest. Not because it is messy, but because all you can smell is poop, vomit, and staleness. According to his mom, he and the kiddos have been under the weather for the last three days. No one has been able to help because of not wanting to infect Ham and Sterling’s babies.

  My poor and incredible man has been on his own with three sick babies, and that includes himself. I must admit, I feel a certain type of warmth and love, knowing I gave my virginity to a person as devoted and stand-up as him. Taking one of my hands to rub my own belly, I think how lucky this baby and I will be to have Jace for a husband and a dad. If he can forgive me.

  Once I think enough time has passed, I go upstairs and find he is in the bed completely knocked out. I gently lay Dale on his chest and linger until, I see him register the weight on him and he cradles the baby. Looking down at the man I almost walked away from for good, I cannot help but feel determined to prove I am in this with him. No more running. Instead, I do what I have been dying to do since he opened the door. I lean down, push his hair off his forehead, and kiss him, while I whisper, ‘I love you’ and walk out.

  When I get downstairs, the first thing I do is start cleaning and disinfecting the house. It takes longer than I expected; but seriously when I say there is diapers, wipes, boogie wipes, vomit rags, and anything else you can think of covering every surface of the house, that is what I mean. Looking at ever
ything, makes me pissed for him.

  How could no one see he was drowning? He is knee deep in sick babies and his own health failing? It makes me want to scream at everyone. My sister and Ham included. Unfortunately, it probably wouldn’t do any good, would it?

  After four hours, three full containers of Lysol wipes, a bucket of pine sol, a can of Lysol spray and a whole bottle of Febreze I was finally done. Now, I am even more pissed at the lack of support he received when he really needed it. At this point, I decide to pick up my phone and show my ire to the one person I know I can.

  “Penny? Hi. How are you?”

  “Pissed.”

  “What happened? Is it school? Did mom say something to you again about getting married, so you don’t have to work?” My mom is one of a kind. She has had this conversation with Ava and I since we were little, and it always makes me mad every time.

  “No. I am pissed because I just spent four hours cleaning Max and Rosie’s house from top to bottom. I had to scrub every room from top to bottom, so they wouldn’t die of some secondary disease due to the spread of germs. Do not misunderstand, because I am not pissed about the cleaning. What I am more pissed about is that I even had to do it.” My voice is starting to rise a little at this point.

  “Is it not enough that he has given up his life to do this for Max and Rosy? I understand you all have your own lives and babies, but I expected more from the Crawford’s at a time like this. All four of them have been severely ill and no one, not even my sweet selfless big sister came to help him. There were no offers of help to clean the house while he and the babies were sleeping. Nothing.” I say with a lot of exasperation.

  “I don’t get it. Do you know how alone and helpless he must have felt?” At this point, I know I am yelling at myself as much as her because essentially, I did the same thing. Who am I to criticize them? But still, it feels good to get it out.

  “Your right Penny. And I know it. I have felt guilty about it, as have Hamm and the rest of the family. But, we couldn’t risk bringing it back to our babies; which is the only reason none of us went there. We are having nursery water and things delivered in a few days to help. What I don’t get though, is why you care? You have made it clear to him, this life is not what you want. So where is all this self-righteousness coming from?” She asks.