Becoming Faith

by Joy Eileen

  If she showed up tonight. I bit the inside of my lip, trying to concentrate on what the manager was saying.

  The night crawled by. Catcher and I were both on edge. We took turns searching the room for Emily. Signing books and talking were extra hard. I found myself asking numerous times how to spell even the simplest names.

  When the last book was signed, I was both relieved and disappointed. Emily still hadn’t shown, and I was afraid Kill was going to be right. After all the photos were taken, Tilly approached me.

  “Are you all right, Faith? You seemed off tonight. It wasn’t about what happened on the stairs, is it? It really was an accident, and I shouldn’t have overreacted.”

  “I know it was an accident, Tilly. And I actually forgot all about it, until now. I do have something on my mind, and I guess I should let you know.”

  “What is it? Did I send the wrong swag out? Did Kill break off the engagement?”

  I made a mental note to check the swag she’d just sent. And maybe keep her away from Kill. “No, the woman we were searching for last night sought me out after the signing. She’s in a bad relationship, similar to the one I was in. She asked me for help. Catcher and I are going to get her away from her husband tonight.”

  Tilly’s jaw clenched. Something passed across her face, but it was gone before I could read it. “Are you sure she’s not just taking advantage of you? I mean, some women say they’re in an abusive relationship because they want attention. Or to seem more intriguing. Some do it to ruin a man’s life, just because they can.”

  The force behind Tilly’s voice had me stepping back.

  “I’m sure that’s the case in some relationships. But domestic abuse is more common than we would like to think. This girl was legitimately scared, and we’re going to help her.”

  “I don’t know, Faith. I don’t trust women. They say a lot of things to hurt people who love them just to get ahead in life.”

  “Is there something you want to tell me?” I asked, not understanding why Tilly was getting so heated on the subject.

  “No. I think you’re spreading yourself too thin. I really wish you would rethink this book tour. The circles under your eyes show the stress. I really think it would be in your best interest.”

  I patted her bony shoulder. “Thanks for worrying. I promise I’m fine.”

  “Faith, we should check outside to see if Emily’s waiting for us.” Catcher clenched his fingers, making a fist and then extending his hand out. He was nervous, and not doing a very good job of hiding it.

  “I’ll talk to you later,” I told Tilly.

  Catcher and I stood outside. The night air was cooling down finally, and it felt wonderful against my nervous, heated skin. It was the end of June, and summer was in full force. I couldn’t wait to get up north where it was cooler. Thankfully, in July the JackholeS and my signings were scheduled mostly in Oregon, Washington, and the surrounding areas.

  “Do you see her?” Catcher asked, even though we were both looking at the same area.

  “Why don’t you go inside and look for her? I’ll stay out here.” I asked, afraid we missed her.

  “I would rather you go inside. I don’t like you being out here alone.”

  “It feels good out here. I don’t want to go inside. I’ve been inside all day. Why don’t you send Tilly out here so I’m not alone? I have my cell phone.”

  “You haven’t eaten all day.”

  “I know. I’m nervous. When Emily’s safe, I promise to gorge on every room service item available.”

  Catcher frowned, not keen on leaving me. I wanted to finish my conversation with Tilly, and I really didn’t want to go inside again.

  “There are security cameras. I’m safe.” I pointed to the camera mounted near the back entrance.

  “Fine, but I’m sending Tilly out. If I don’t see her in twenty minutes, I’m coming back out.” His tone changed when he talked about Emily being a no-show. I wanted to kick myself for letting her go last night.

  My muscles were jittery from not eating, and I felt weak. It wasn't for lack of trying, but just having food near me made my stomach want to crawl up my throat.

  I heard footsteps and assumed Tilly had come out to keep me company. “Tilly, we should go get ice cream,” I said without opening my eyes.

  “Emily’s mine,” a deep, scratchy voice said to my side.

  I wrenched off the wall. Fear slammed into the base of my spine and traveled until my scalp felt tight from it. A man wearing a stained white T-shirt that bulged as it tried to contain his beer belly came toward me. His gait was slow and unsteady, and I questioned how much alcohol he’d consumed before leaving to find me.

  “Who are you?” I asked, stepping back with every step he took.

  “Who am I? I’m the man whose wife you tried to steal away from him.” His wicked smile made my stomach shrivel up. My heart beat hard against my chest.

  The adrenaline pumped through my veins, making my temples throb a frantic staccato. I clenched my hands together to try and stop them from violently shaking. With each step my knees wobbled. The blood rushing through my ears made it almost impossible to hear over his nasty grimace.

  “What did you do to her?” I asked, glancing over his shoulder. Terror hot and thick filled my stomach when I noticed Emily was nowhere to be seen.

  “That’s none of your concern. You need to get your nose out of other people’s business.”

  My eyes scanned his shirt. In the dark the stains looked black. Horror curdled inside me, dulling my senses. I quickly locked back on his face, afraid that if I studied the stains, they would reveal themselves as blood.

  “Is she hurt?”

  His nostrils flared and he pushed his large hands inside his pocket. A scream wrenched through me when I saw the glint of a knife in his hand. In slow motion, the man disappeared from my sight.

  Blinking, I realized Catcher had tackled him to the ground. The knife he held was jarred free from Catcher’s force when he slammed to the ground. I watched the glittering blade slide across the asphalt. My knees gave up their post and turned to jelly.

  Tilly’s face came into view during my trip toward the ground. I thought she was close enough to catch me, but my vision must have been off. Pain exploded in my skull and everything went black when I met the ground.

  “Wake your sexy ass up, baby.”

  Weight held my eyelids down, making it impossible to open them. Kill’s terrified plea hit my eardrums, renewing my energy to fight to the surface. I needed to break out of the blackness that had a hold on me.

  At first a moan was all I could muster. My muscles felt like they’d been replaced with fire. With each breath my head throbbed. Each slow and steady heartbeat pulsed pain through me.

  “That’s it, baby. I need you to wake up for me.” The fear was fading from his words and now held a hint of a smile.

  I needed to make him smile. Kill had brought me out of the darkness so many times. It was my turn to give some of it back. With that thought, I was able to flutter my eyes open. The harsh light burned, forcing me to slam them shut.

  “Hold on, Slick. Let’s turn the lights down for you.” Kill moved around the room, clicking and flicking things.

  A small smile flitted around the corner of my mouth.

  “All right, let’s try that again.”

  I squinted, Kill’s face framing the small amount of vision I had. His forehead creased as his eyes searched my face. I tried to reach out to touch him, but the movement was too much. My hand flopped back on the bed after only lifting a couple of inches.

  His warm hand enveloped mine, his dimples flashing on his cheek. “I heard you had quite an exciting night.”

  My lips cracked open to talk, and I winced at their dryness. “Water,” I hissed out from my parched throat.

  Kill released my hand and grabbed the waiting cup, helping me with the straw. After I washed the nasty dryness away, I pushed the straw away.

  “Emily?” I c
ried out.

  Kill placed his hand on my shoulder, keeping me from jumping out of the bed.

  “She’s here. Catcher held her husband until the police arrived, and they found her.”

  “Is she okay?” He pressed down, ensuring I didn’t launch out of bed.

  “She’s stable. He beat her up pretty bad, but the doctors said she’ll make a full recovery.”

  “I knew I shouldn’t have let her leave yesterday.” I felt defeated.

  “Slick, you know better than anyone you can’t force a person to leave a situation. Not until they’re ready. None of this—”

  I turned my head, not wanting Kill’s comfort.

  “Look at me.” He gently turned my face with his finger. “None of this is your fault. You did everything you could. She’s safe now. If she chooses to leave him, her life will be better because of you. We have to wait to see what she decides.”

  “I feel so useless.”

  Kill climbed into bed, careful not to disturb my battered body. “You have to know how amazing you are.”

  I moved until my head rested on his chest. His heartbeat was strong in my ear and just the sound of it healed me.

  “You’re biased. I feel like I haven’t helped anyone. Emily’s in the hospital because I failed her.”

  “You didn’t fail her. You have done so much good.”

  “What about Jason’s newest girl? She has her family sick with worry. And her brother blames me.” I didn’t realize how much my encounter with Maddy’s sister had got to me, until I spoke.

  My tears soaked Kill’s shirt. Ever since planning the book tour, I felt like I was doing the right thing. Like I’d found my calling. Helping women realize they could get away and live a better life. In just minutes all my confidence was destroyed.

  “You did everything you could for Emily, Slick. As for Jason’s newest girlfriend’s brother... shit, that’s a lot of words. He has no idea what you’ve been through. I’ve seen firsthand the impact you’ve made. Don’t think I don’t check your website and read the messages. You’re doing a fantastic job. Don’t let anyone take away the power you’ve gained from this experience.”

  I tilted my head and kissed him. Our lips pressed against each other, both taking solace in the nearness. I felt better already, just being with Kill. He always knew the exact thing to say to mend my shattered heart.

  “We both knew there was a chance Emily would change her mind. You’ve done all you can. There’s nothing else you can do. And think, Slick, if you had exposed Jason the way that ill-informed asshole wanted you to, it would’ve brought him front and center of our lives. Living our dreams is the best thing we can do. When Jason surfaces, we will be prepared to take him down the right way.”

  “I’m worried about that guy’s sister, Maddy. Kill, the look on his face was painful to witness. And compile it with Emily. I feel like a failure.”

  Kill’s finger traced the curve of my chin. “Always wanting to take care of everyone. I promise everything will work out. I’ll call our PI as soon as we break you out of here. We’ll find his sister. Emily will recover. She knows you’re here if she wants help.”

  “Thanks, Killer. Where is everyone?” I asked, realizing I wasn’t surrounded by the boys.

  “They’re finishing the meet and greet. When Catcher called, I convinced them to finish up our obligations. I needed to make sure you were fine with my eyes.”

  A yawn hit me and it took me a minute to recover my words.

  The heat and safety Kill’s body provided was lulling me to sleep. “Where’s Catcher?”

  Kill’s hand ran over my arm, his caress pulling me further into sleepiness. “He’s sitting with Emily.”

  The smile in Kill’s voice showed he approved of Catcher’s choice.

  “It’s not going to be easy for them,” I said, thinking about how hard I made Kill fight to break through my walls.

  “The ones that are worth it never are.”

  I don’t know how long I’d been asleep when the lights were flicked on. Someone cleared their throat, bringing me back to consciousness.

  “Mrs. Taylor.” A man’s soft voice filtered through my sleep fogged brain.

  The overhead light dimmed as footsteps headed toward the bed.

  “She’s sleeping,” Kill whispered, his hand protectively coming to the back of my head.

  “I’m awake.” My head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds when I lifted off Kill’s chest. I ignored the big drool stain plastering his shirt against his rock hard pec.

  “How are you feeling?” a nurse asked, checking the machines and fluid, while the doctor reviewed my chart.

  “Tired. Sore,” I admitted, slumping on my back.

  “Yes, I could imagine. According to your bodyguard, you had quite a night.” The doctor snapped my file shut and regarded me.

  Kill’s hand stilled on my back. I could guess what he was thinking, knowing how his brain worked. He was beating himself up for not being with me.

  My hand pressed against his chest, far away from my now drying drool stain. Even though I addressed the doctor, my words were for Kill.

  “It was a crazy night. I think it was just a series of unfortunate events. By the way, do you know how Emily’s doing?”

  Maybe by reminding Kill I wasn’t the one who came out worse for wear would help him put everything into perspective.

  “Mrs. Thornton’s doing well. She has a long road to recovery, but her family is with her now.”

  My muscles jackknifed under my skin. “Her family?” My voice squeaked. I was already forming a plan to get her away from any danger.

  “Relax, honey,” the nurse replied, shooting the doctor a death glare. “Her parents are with her. She shut them out during her marriage, and they are now reunited. She’s in good hands.”

  I melted back into Kill, siphoning off his heat as I let out a deep breath, happy Emily was safe.

  “She asked me to thank you for your help, and to apologize to you for not leaving with you yesterday. Her family also wanted me to thank you for putting her back into their lives. You did a good thing tonight.” The nurse smiled, and I blinked back tears.

  “She’s an amazing woman,” Kill responded, kissing me on the tear drenched cheek.

  The doctor cleared his throat, pulling the attention back to him. “Your husband explained your ulcer history in your forms. He also informed us you’ve been having some symptoms lately.”

  My whole body shut down at the word husband. My face turned toward Kill to see him wearing a huge shit-eating grin. A grin I couldn’t help but return.

  “What my husband told you is correct.”

  Kill squeezed me close. I wanted everyone to disappear so we could spend some time together. It’d been too long without him.

  “We performed some blood tests while you were recovering. Your loss of consciousness seemed to have come from multiple symptoms such as dehydration, low blood sugar, fatigue, and there was one more factor as well.”

  I glanced at the doctor, anxiety flooding my stomach. I knew it was my ulcers, or something worse. With the energy I had left, I sat up in bed. Kill was right beside me.

  “What else did you find?”

  The doctor’s eyes shifted to Kill before landing back on me. “It’s a private matter. Would you like him to leave the room?”

  Kill latched onto my hand. From the look on his face, he was worried I was about to kick him out. I held on to him as if he were a life-vest and I was in murky, churning water.

  “Anything you have to tell me, you can say in front of him.”

  Kill let out a long sigh and my heart broke. He really thought I would kick him out in my time of need. It appeared there were more wounds I’d inflicted, he was still healing from.

  The doctor nodded, and the nurse stood next to him. She had a shine in her eyes, confusing me.

  “Your HGH hormones were very high,” he explained as the nurse’s smiled widened.

  “What does that
mean?” Kill asked, glancing back and forth between me and the doctor.

  My mouth opened and closed as I tried to assimilate what he’d just said. He couldn’t be right. I’d been told numerous times I would never hear what he’d just said. “I’m pregnant?” I wheezed. The room spun. Bile rose in my throat.

  “We’re pregnant?” Kill asked. His voice sounded far away with a hint of astonishment.

  “You are,” the doctor replied.

  The nurse actually clapped.

  My clammy hands grabbed the sick bag next to the bed and I dry heaved until my stomach muscles were sore. Tears flooded, spilling over my cheeks, letting my grief pour from me.

  “Slick?” Kill’s hand was hesitant on my back.

  I needed to say something, but my heart and tongue refused to work. Glancing over at Kill, I saw the happiness all over him and it loosened my tongue. I averted my eyes to the doctor, unable to face Kill.

  “I can’t get pregnant.”

  The nurse’s smile vanished. The doctor’s body went into full-on alert.

  “I have too much scar tissue in my uterus. My gynecologist has told me, several times, I can’t conceive. And if I did, I wouldn’t be able to carry the baby to term.” The last sentence clogged my throat as it slid over my tongue and out of my lips. It tasted vile, and I wanted to spit it out.

  Kill let out a small groan full of torment. His arm contracted around me, pulling me into him for support.

  “I see.” The doctor flipped through the chart. “Can you call for an ultrasound machine?” he asked the nurse, still not looking up from his notes.

  The nurse patted me on the arm before walking out the door.

  “Now you must understand, we don’t have your full medical history here with us. You would need to speak with your primary physician. The lab results show a high amount of HGH. It seems you’re very far along in this pregnancy. When was your last period?”

  The room was doing its spinny thing again. I clamped my eyes shut to get it to stop, but it only made it worse. A warm finger hit my chin and turned my head. When I opened my eyes just a slit, Kill stared at me with only love shining on his face, giving me the strength to stop the room from spinning. I focused on him. His face said it all. He would love me whatever happened.