Perfect Little Plan

by Jennifer Miller

  I should have expected that my solitude wouldn’t last long. Olivia has been calling me constantly the last couple days as well. Being the awesome friend that I am, I’ve ignored her calls and messages too. It isn’t like me to ignore her and the fact I haven’t gotten in touch by now, well I should have known she wouldn’t just leave me be.

  When I feel the covers pull back from my face, my heart starts racing at first. Unfortunately, remnants from the break-in by Olivia’s ex-husband can still surface, making sudden sounds or movements startle me. But, when I feel a body slide in next to mine and a soft hand move the hair from my face, I don’t have to open my eyes to know who’s there. I would know her anywhere, sight unseen.

  “Did you really think I was going to let you keep ignoring me?”

  Sighing, I open my eyes a crack and glare at her, “I was hoping.”

  “Now that’s just rude.”

  “So be it.”

  “Wow, you sure are cranky. So what’s up, bestie? Why have you been hiding out in here? This isn’t the Pyper I know and love.”

  Moaning, I close my eyes again, “Go away.”

  “Not a chance, Pyper Elizabeth Lexington.”

  “Oh God, not the middle name.”

  “Damn straight, the middle name. Now answer my question – what the hell are you doing hiding out in here? It smells, Pyper, seriously. It’s musty and gross.”

  “Feel free to leave. You don’t have to be here.”

  “Not happening.”

  Sighing, I open my eyes fully and take in my friend’s concerned face and it makes me soften my attitude towards her, “I’m fine, Livvie, and I’m not hiding. I decided to relive my childhood memories of fort building. This one just happens to be awesome, so I decided to hunker down for a while. I don’t know why that has to be such a big deal.”

  Olivia snorts, “Very funny. What’s that saying? Denial is a river in Egypt?”

  “You’re an idiot.”

  “Whatever, you love me.”

  I can’t help but laugh softly, “True that.”

  Quiet for a moment, Olivia reaches down and grabs hold of my hand, giving me silent love and support in such a simple gesture. I want to cry in response. “He told Luke, and Luke told me. Now tell me honestly, how are you doing?”

  “This isn’t answer enough in itself?”

  “Well yes, I suppose it is, but I still want to hear the words.”

  Sighing, I roll onto my side, and prop my arm under my head so I can see her better. “I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m sad. I’m confused.” I swallow hard before continuing. “It’s only been a week and I miss him, but at the same time, I feel completely at a loss over what to do. How’s that for words? I don’t know how to make sense of any of this.” For not the first time this week, tears begin to trickle out of the corner of my eyes and down the sides of my face.

  “What is your heart telling you?”

  “My heart is telling me to pick up the damn phone and call him.”

  “Why do you think that is?”

  “I’m in love with him,” I whisper. “And I want to believe that maybe he feels the same way, and if so, that we can figure the rest out.”

  Olivia can’t hide the curve of her lips in the corners. She wants to smile at my revelation, not realizing I’ve already come to this conclusion. “So why don’t you do that then?”

  “Because this isn’t some fairy tale. A princess doesn’t fall in love with the prince and then they decide to live happily ever after in the real world. Instead, this is a princess that is in love with a cowboy who not only has a daughter, but an ex that is still very much in the picture. This doesn’t sound like the kind of story that gets a happy ending.”

  “Says who? And he has a daughter, and an ex-girlfriend, so what?!”

  “Are you serious? This is a big deal, Livvie. First, he didn’t tell me. He chose to keep it from me, and that in itself is hurtful and what does that say about what he thinks of me? You know, despite everything that I have always had planned for myself, I fell for someone that is completely different from my warped life plan. Then, because of that, I actually stood up to my father. When my feelings became obvious, I stood up to him and made it clear that Rixton is important to me. I knew damn well there was a chance my father would try to make my life hell because of it, and while it scared me, part of me welcomed it. You know why?” She shakes her head, “Because it meant that I was fighting for something that I want. I’m so damned sick and tired of living my life according to everyone else, and for once, I chose what I want. And that felt invigorating, even powerful.”

  “I think that’s wonderful and is the reason why I don’t understand. Why does Rixton having a daughter have to change any of that?”

  “For a couple reasons. First of all, if he couldn’t tell me about that, what else isn’t he telling me or won’t he tell me in the future? Secondly, this means that his life isn’t completely his or in his control. It’s controlled by his child and by this Joanna person in some way too. Where the hell do I fit into that? And do I want to? Is it right to? He said something about how he didn’t know at first that he even had a daughter. And so what? I just bust in on the scene and make her have to deal with sharing the father she just met?”

  “That is up to Rixton, Pyper. He wouldn’t have pursued a relationship with you if it weren’t something that he thought she could handle. I have no doubt that he never intended to keep you a secret from her or vice versa for long. You need to talk to him about all of this.”

  Sighing, I close my eyes and wish I could just go back to sleep and hide from the emotions I’m having. “Because how do I know he won’t say what he thinks I want to hear? And the worst thing… the thing that makes me feel like a complete bitch for even thinking it, is that I don’t know if I can share him.”

  “Pyper, that sounds so-“

  “Selfish? Yes, I know. But don’t you get it, Livvie? For years I’ve let what I’ve really wanted come in last compared to what my parents told me is important. I’ve lost sight of who I am, and what’s important to me because I’ve been too busy trying to configure to what’s expected of me. I’m finally allowing myself to get out of that. To want what I want, need what I need, do what I want to do. How will that be possible if I’m in a relationship with a man that will have to always put me last? Aren’t I giving up one box, to just put myself into another? There will be expectations of having a relationship with a man who is a father. His daughter will always come first. Maybe his ex even, because of the fact she’s his daughter’s mother. For once in my life, Pyper, I want to be first in someone’s life. I want my needs, thoughts, and feelings to matter. I don’t want to be stuck in a situation again where I have no say in anything.”

  “But is that really the same thing? Your parents wanted you to act and live your life a certain way. They placed expectations on you of how they think you should be and what you should become. Rixton isn’t going to do that. Rixton wants and loves you for you.”

  “He hasn’t said he loves me.”

  “Well, I guess you’re going to have to trust your best friend on this one. He loves you. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have bothered trying to continue a relationship with you given the multitude of other things he’s dealing with in his life. And think about that. He still made you a priority whenever he could, outside of his responsibility of being a father. The expectations required of you in a situation like this, my friend, would be nothing other than love, understanding, companionship and patience. All things that you have in spades. Think about it – married couples don’t put one another last just because they have children. Sure, there are times when the child’s needs come before their own, but that doesn’t mean their marriage comes last – it just means that life requires some organization and prioritizing.”

  “What about the fact that his baby mama confronted me? There’s something going on there. Do I really want to get in the middle of that?”

  “Again I ask you… si
nce when does the Pyper I know back down from a fight when it comes to something she really wants?”

  “I can’t compete here.”

  “That’s because there is no competition. You’re looking at this all wrong. I think that you decide if you want to be with Rixton, child and all. And if you do, then you talk to him. And the two of you will figure the rest out – including the ex.”

  “Livvie?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I’m scared.”

  She squeezes my hand and smiles softly, “I know, my sweet friend. I understand that and I’ve been there. But you can’t go wrong following your heart. Not ever. Don’t you dare let fear stop you from happiness.”

  “My heart lead me to Rixton. I miss him. Imagining myself without him actually makes my chest ache.”

  “Then stop being without him. You know, Luke could have decided not to try again with me. No, I don’t have a child, but I sure as hell have a lot of baggage. Even before Deacon kidnapped me,” she pauses and I just know that the memories are overwhelming her for a moment, so I give her hand a squeeze in encouragement. “I had an awful lot of baggage I was carrying because of having an ex-husband and Luke could have decided that he didn’t want to deal with it and that I wasn’t worth it. Thank goodness he didn’t.”

  “I would have had to kick his ass if he thought any differently.” Olivia laughs and it makes me laugh too. Then I sober when I tell her, “Rixton’s been calling and texting me a lot.”

  “I’m not surprised. Luke said he sounded desperate on the phone when he asked for help talking to you.”

  “You know, that makes me wonder, how did you not know that Rixton has a kid? I bet you anything Luke’s known.”

  “Yes, Luke did know but he chose not to tell me. He loves and trusts me, but he knows the temptation to tell you is too strong. I would have wanted to keep his confidence if he asked me to, but I’m glad he didn’t put me, or himself, in that position.”

  “Yes, that makes sense. I’m glad he didn’t do that too.”

  We lay in silence for a bit, each of us lost in our own thoughts. On some level I think I always knew I would want to call Rixton and work this out, but initially I just needed some space. “I think I’m going to clean up. I may even give Rixton a call later tonight.”

  “I think that’s a good idea about calling him, and an even better one about cleaning yourself up – you freaking stink. When is the last time you even took a shower? And don’t even get me started on this room. It smells like you haven’t lived anywhere else for a week. My God girl, I’m surprised the musty smell alone hasn’t drawn you out by now.”

  “Ha. Ha. Very funny.” As I get out of bed, I grab a pillow and laughingly smack it into her face. She squeals and it makes me laugh and run into the bathroom before she can retaliate. I’m not sure what will happen when I call Rixton. His calls and texts haven’t stopped, but they’ve definitely slowed down. Will he want to talk to me and explain? Or will he be angry because I couldn’t deal with this at first? I’m afraid he could tell me that this isn’t going to work out between us after all. The thought makes me feel ill. Pushing it aside, I remember that once again, taking it moment by moment is a good idea. Starting with getting cleaned up – relationship domination can wait – for now.

  “OH THANK GOODNESS! YOU ACTUALLY look like you belong to the land of the living again.” Olivia teases. “Please tell me that you also brushed your teeth.” Sticking my tongue out at her, I continue to my closet wrapped in my towel to get some fresh clothes. Pulling on yoga pants and a long sleeved shirt, I walk back out of my closet and see that Olivia has been busy during my twenty-minute shower.

  My bed has been stripped and she must have put my sheets in the wash, because she’s currently making a fresh bed. The blinds are open, letting light shine through for the first time in a week. I kind of want to make the form of a cross and hiss in pain like a vampire at the sight. It’s been too long. All the remnants of food and drink around my bed are gone and so are all the used tissues. Not for the first time I thank the lord for that snotty nosed brat Joey in the second grade that tried to bully Olivia. Angry over the way he was treating her about playing on the monkey bars, I stalked over and took care of business. The note that went home to my parents prompting the lecture from them as a result was totally worth it. Olivia and I have been inseparable ever since. And I’m so glad. And grateful. She’s the sister I never had, but always wanted.

  “You are such a bitch,” I laugh, “but yes, I brushed my teeth.” Grabbing a far corner of the fitted bed sheet, I pull it over the mattress to help. We pull up the comforter, fluff the pillows, and then plop on the bed. “Thank you. For everything.”

  “You don’t have to thank me.”

  “Yes I do. Not just for cleaning, and for coming over here, but for getting me. You know, I’ve never had to tell you that the face I wear most of the time is the face that hides how I really feel at times. Everyone always thinks I’m constantly happy and positive and clever. They see this confident, in control, and dare I say, high class entrepreneur. Inside, sometimes I feel like no one has a clue of what’s really going on. Of who I really am. It’s in those moments however, that I realize you do. You’ve always known and seen the real me, or the potential for the real me, regardless of the script I’ve used or how I’ve performed. And you have loved every part of me. And have cautiously and subtlety encouraged me to claim my true identity.”

  “Of course I see you – and accept and love you. No matter what ‘face’ you have on, you have always still been you. No matter what. It’s just now, you are finally acting on what it is that you really want. Not some ridiculous plan that has everyone’s needs and desires fulfilled but your own! I really am proud of you. I know this isn’t easy for you, but if it helps, I believe in you and am confident you are doing the right thing and in the end, you will be happy. I know it.”

  “I know. It was way past time that I took a stand and claimed me and my life. Speaking of that, I hope you don’t mind if I come and shack up with you and Luke when I move out of this place. I want to unravel as many attachments to what my dad owns as possible. I expect that I can find a place that is one hundred percent my own, say, within six months or so.”

  She pauses for a moment open mouthed and I know that she will tell me that it’s fine, whatever I need, but I take pity on her. “I’m only kidding. I would never do that to you two soon-to-be newlyweds. Ew. I can just imagine the horror I would likely walk into on a daily basis.”

  “Oh you mean kind of like the horror Luke walked into with you and Rixton.”

  If Olivia’s laugh is any indication, I know the look on my face is just as horrified as I think it is. “We shall never, ever, speak of that again.” Throwing her head back to laugh, she makes me smile too. “In all seriousness, thank you for coming over here, taking care of me, talking everything out with me… it means a lot. I have never and will never take our friendship for granted. I hope you know that.”

  She smiles with just a small curve of her lips and shrugs, “I do. You’ve been there for me in the past, and likely will have many chances in the future.”

  She laughs suddenly prompting me to ask, “What’s so funny?”

  “Remember when I came face to face with Luke again after all that time, or even before that when I was dating around and trying to make a life for myself again?”

  “Yes, I remember. You were taking control of your life again.”

  She nods, “You were so positive, happy and pushy. Always reminding me that life was about taking chances and I wouldn’t be happy unless I just jumped in and tried to be fearless.”

  “Yes, I do seem to remember something along those lines. Why is that funny and how did you not punch me in the face?”

  “It’s funny because the advice and laughs always come easily when you’re on the other side huh? I know how that is too. Some things are easier said than done, but I know for a fact that all of this is going to work out beautifull
y.”

  “And how do you know that?”

  “Because as soon as you pick up your phone and call Rixton, he will pounce on it and probably be over here in a hot second. That boy has it bad for you. He will be dying to talk to you.”

  “I hope you’re right and that I didn’t mess things up by waiting so long.”

  “Don’t feel bad about that. You took the time you needed for you and in doing so, it made you realize your true feelings and just how much you want to make this work, even though you still have doubts and questions, the two of you will figure them out together.”

  “You are so positive about all of this.”

  She shrugs, “It’s hard not to be when things worked out so well for me. I have to believe that they will for you too.”

  Before I can respond with how I hope she’s correct, Olivia’s phone starts blasting ‘Here Comes the Bride’ making her giggle. “New ringtone?”

  “Yeah,” she giggles, “isn’t it awesome?” I chuckle to myself while she answers. “Hi babe,” she lovingly speaks into the phone. My brow furrows when I see her face fall. “Luke, it’s hard to understand you – slow down. An accident?” My heart begins to pound when her eyes cut to me. “What do you mean you don’t know? Okay. Okay.” She laughs but it’s without humor, “Fat chance in that happening, I’m with Pyper right now. We’re on the way. If you hear anything in the meantime, call me back. Okay. I love you too. I will, I promise. Bye.”

  My hands are twisted together in worry, “What happened?”

  “Okay, don’t freak out, but-“

  “You know telling me not to freak out is going to make me freak out, right?”

  “Okay fair enough, but that’s not going to help anything because I don’t have a lot of details because Luke doesn’t know exactly what happened.”

  “Oh God, you’re scaring me. Please just spit it out. He doesn’t have all the details about what?”