Perfect Little Plan

by Jennifer Miller

  “All I know is that Rixton has been in some kind of accident.”

  I stand from the bed immediately and run to my closet to get my shoes, “Oh God.”

  “Calm down, Pyper. I do know that Rixton was well enough to be able to place a phone call to Luke. He called him because he’s not going to make it to work because of whatever happened. Luke’s concerned because he said Rixton sounded extremely upset and stressed on the phone but had to go before he could give any other details. Instead of waiting around to hear anything, Luke is going to the hospital in order to see if he can help, and at the very least to get more information.”

  “Well, we are going too.”

  “Luke said he would call back with any information he gets.”

  “I don’t give a shit. Would you sit around and wait for information about an accident involving the man you love?”

  “No way in hell, which is why I told Luke we are on the way.”

  We race out of the room and I grab my jacket and handbag on the way out. “Let’s go. I’m not about to sit here and wait for news.”

  “I know. I agree. Come on, I’ll drive. I’m not going to let you behind the wheel.”

  On the drive to the hospital I’m quiet with constant thoughts about how stupid I am. I’m thankful Rixton was able to communicate on the phone, so he’s not hurt in a life threatening way, but what if he had been? Why did I let fear get in the way of being with Rixton? No matter how large the challenges, we should be able to work them out, if we really want to be together. I’m ashamed that I ran instead of standing up to my fear and insecurities. If you love someone, isn’t the love unconditional? I’m not the kind of person to end a relationship with someone I love because he has a child. This child is half of the man I love, therefore just because of that, I love his child already too. How could I be so thoughtless, so impulsive?

  “Rixton and I can handle this, right Livvie? We will make sure his daughter knows that I love her dad and I’m not there to take the place of her mother. I can’t let him go, I won’t. I hope he can forgive me for acting like a scared child. I love him. I love him so much. That’s all that matters, right?”

  “It matters. This will all work out. Just try to relax.”

  As soon as we pull into the hospital parking lot, Olivia parks in the first spot she finds and we both race in through the doors of the emergency room. I stand there for a moment, unsure of how the hell I’m going to find him. I don’t even know for sure if he’s in the emergency room. An irrational part of me wants to yell out his name over and over and see if he responds. That would definitely be one way to find him. Likely not the best, however. Without wasting another second, I go up to the nurse behind the information desk and ask for Rixton.

  “Are you family?”

  “Yes.”

  She looks at me doubtfully, “Just a moment.”

  She walks away and I have no clue what she’s doing. I wait a total of two minutes before I ask for the entrance doors to the exam rooms to be opened, and start racing all over the place, peeking in rooms that are open, and asking for him when I see a hospital employee. Finally, some kind nurse takes pity on me and points me into the right direction. She seems to scan the area and has a somewhat guilty look on her face the whole time. I give her a quick thank you and move in the direction she tells me even when I realize she was about to tell me something. I don’t want to wait around to hear it or have her change her mind about letting me go.

  As I turn a corner, I see Luke standing outside of a curtained area. Olivia, who’s right behind me, calls his name. He turns, but I barely spare him a nod before I’m racing into the room already calling out, “Rixton? Oh God, Rixton.”

  Racing into his arms, I practically knock him over in my relief to see him. I squeeze him tight and murmur words I’m not even aware of, not wanting to ever let him go. I’m so relieved to find him okay that I can’t even form a coherent sentence at first. Until it suddenly dawns on me that he’s fine, and not really squeezing me back.

  Freezing, I pull away from him. He’s not in the hospital bed – he doesn’t even appear to be hurt. He looks surprised to see me and… and nervous? He reaches out and cups the side of my face and it makes me close my eyes for a moment in relief. It’s a loving gesture and I soak it up. “Pyper? What are you doing here?”

  I quickly inspect him from head to toe, trying to discern if he’s sustained any injury, I look at him in confusion. “I was with Olivia when Luke called saying you had been in an accident. I didn’t even think, I couldn’t even breathe, Olivia brought me here and I was racing all around to find you. But you look… you look fine. What’s going on?”

  Rixton’s eyes shoot behind me and I immediately turn around and make a noise of surprise when I see a small figure lying in the hospital bed, staring at me wide-eyed. She’s adorable with long dark hair, eyes the color of Rixton’s and she’s wearing a frown upon her small lips. One of her arms is in a sling and there’s a doctor next to her, holding an x-ray film in his hand. He’s also looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.

  “I’m… oh gosh… I’m so sorry. I thought…I thought.” I turn to Rixton, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

  Rixton steps forward and wraps me in his arms, “It’s okay. I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispers to me. “We can talk later, okay?” I nod against his chest. He pulls me back, and turns me around. “Pyper, I’d like you to meet my daughter, Emily. Emily, this is my very, very good friend, Pyper.”

  “Hi, Emily, it’s very nice to meet you although I wish it wasn’t happening for the first time in a hospital room.”

  “Hello.” Emily says quietly, almost shyly, in return. The frown on her lips is still present, but her glassy, heavy eyes make me wonder if she’s under the influence of some pain medication.

  “Is she okay?” I ask turning to Rixton.

  He smiles, “She will be, she gave me quite a scare. We were just being told by Dr. Lewis that Emily did in fact, break her arm when she fell out of a tree at the park. Just what we thought.”

  Jumping right in, the doctor explains, “That’s right, Mr. Andrews. As I was saying, Emily has a clean break in her ulna and a hairline fracture of one of her carpals, one of the bones in her wrist. We are going to have to set the break, and she will be in a cast for six to eight weeks. The cast will keep the bone sturdy and allow the healing process to occur naturally.”

  “Okay. I understand,” Rixton nods.

  The doctor turns to Emily, “You are doing a great job, Emily. Tell me, what color would you like your cast to be? We have blue, yellow, orange, red, pink-”

  “Blue, please,” her small voice requests.

  “Okay, blue coming right up!”

  The doctor approaches Rixton and lowers his voice, “We will put her to sleep in order to set the break. Once we get it casted, we will send you home with some pain medication for her as well as instructions for cast care. Do you have any questions?”

  “No, I don’t. Thank you very much Dr. Lewis,” he glances at me, “and thank you for your patience.”

  He gives us a small smile, “No problem. Someone will be here shortly to take Emily to the casting room.”

  “Okay, thank you.”

  Once the doctor leaves, Rixton turns to me. “I know this is probably going to take a little time, but will you stay with us? When she’s discharged, we can go back to my place and talk. Does that sound okay?”

  “Yes. We have a lot to talk about.”

  He nods, and bends to give me a kiss on the cheek, “Yes we do.”

  With that, he leads me over to the side of Emily’s bed and she looks at me curiously through her drug-induced mind and I try to focus on making sure she’s okay and push away all the questions I have spinning through my mind.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  While Rixton gets Emily settled in what I see is her very own room in his apartment, I use the opportunity to walk around and take in his place. It’s obvious to me now why he ne
ver wanted to have me over – Emily’s room – plus there are pieces of her all over. A jacket, a child’s book, and a few toys scattered about. Clearly, a child resides here some of the time.

  Decorated with leather furnishings, and large masculine wood pieces accented with black, this is definitely a guy’s pad. Tidy and clean, it could definitely use a woman’s touch here and there.

  Walking to the bookshelf, curious about the photos I see framed there, I take in his collection. Pictures of what must be his parents, siblings, horses, the ranch and even some of Emily. There are some of them at the park, one of her eating a hot dog with ketchup smeared on her face and another of her at Navy Pier. To my surprise, there’s also a picture of me, and another of Rixton and I together. Picking up the one of us together, I see it’s a candid shot that someone else must have taken at Luke and Olivia’s bachelor and bachelorette party. I have no recollection of it being taken, but I love it. Rixton is leaning toward my ear with a wicked smile on his lips like he whispered something dirty in my ear, and I’m laughing at whatever it is he said. The photo takes my breath away. Our feelings for one another are clearly displayed on our faces. It’s ridiculous that it took me so long to realize what I was obviously displaying to everyone else.

  The other photo is intimate and brings tears to my eyes. I’m lying in my bed sleeping. It’s clear that it was captured by someone lying next to me. My face is soft and relaxed in sleep, but only a person in love with me would find beauty in a shot like this. And to have it so boldly displayed on his bookshelf in his own home, is telling and profound.

  I’m startled by Rixton speaking just behind me, “You look so beautiful when you’re sleeping. I had to get a photo that I could hold onto forever.”

  Turning with the photo in my hands, I look at his face. I take in his eyes, tired, but hopeful. “I’m surprised you have this here where anyone can see it.”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Well, with Emily and Joanna-”

  He sighs and takes the photo from my hand, placing it back on the shelf. “Come and sit on the couch with me. Let’s talk.”

  “Okay.” I sit and shift my body to the side so I can face him. “First, I just want to apologize.”

  He immediately shakes his head, “You don’t owe me an apology.”

  “Yes, I do. Instead of talking about this with you a week ago, I pushed you away and ran away instead. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I behaved the way I did.”

  “You were in shock. I can’t blame you for that. I’m not sure how I would have reacted if our roles were reversed.”

  “Fair enough. So, if you’re willing, I’m ready to listen now.”

  He takes a deep breath and begins, “Joanna and I met in college. Like I told you, we dated and obviously slept together. When my mom called and told me about my dad being sick, and I made the decision to go home and help them, I broke things off with Joanna. She didn’t want to break things off. She pleaded with me to try and have a long distance relationship with her, telling me she would save money and fly to visit me or vice versa during our breaks. I told her no. In fact, I wasn’t exactly kind about it.” He wipes his brow and runs his hand through his hair, “Actually, I was an asshole. I was completely stressed over the news about my dad and pissed off too that I had to leave college to go home. When she kept clinging to me and begging me not to break it off, I was mean and told her to leave me the hell alone – that she was the last thing on my mind.” He sighs and looks at me with apology in his eyes as if he owes me one. “You see… I never loved Joanna. Her feelings for me were more than mine for her and I knew that, but I didn’t respect that at all.”

  “You mentioned that she called you at the ranch to tell you about Emily?”

  He laughs without humor, “Yeah. I hadn’t spoken to her in all that time. When I left and went back to Texas, my life became nothing but my responsibility at home. Sure, I went out occasionally and dated here and there but nothing serious. My focus was on helping out at the ranch and assisting in the caring of my father while he was still there. So you can only imagine my surprise when I picked up the phone and Joanna was on the other end.”

  Rubbing a hand over his face he looks in the distance and I can tell he’s reliving that phone call all over again. “She told me that she was only calling me because she had to. That she had never even intended on telling me about Emily. I was so angry. I’m still very angry.” He looks at me and I can see the anger flashing in his eyes, “She’s almost seven-years-old, Pyper. Seven years old. I missed out on almost seven years of her life because I was an asshole to Joanna and she got back at me by not telling me that I had fathered a child.” He shakes his head in pure exasperation. “She found out about the pregnancy not long after I left. She dropped out of school right away and got a job to start saving money for the baby. At first, I didn’t believe her. I flew out here before I actually moved out in order to have a paternity test done. The results were positive, Emily is mine.”

  “I’m glad she told you and she should have from the very beginning, but what made her finally change her mind?”

  “Joanna’s sick.”

  “She’s sick?” I feel confused. She didn’t look sick when I met her at Starbucks that day.

  “Yes. She has lupus.”

  “What’s lupus? A form of cancer?”

  “No, Lupus is a complicated and unpredictable disease. It constantly changes, as do its symptoms, even within the same person. It’s an autoimmune disease. Normally our immune system makes proteins called antibodies that fight against viruses and bacteria. With Lupus, her body’s immune system becomes hyperactive and attacks her normal, healthy tissue. Her symptoms are swelling, damage to joints, skin, her kidneys, blood, heart and lungs. So far, her kidneys have taken the worst hit.”

  “That’s horrible. I’ve never heard of Lupus before.”

  “It really is hard on her. One day she can feel just fine and have no problems and the next day she can have swelling or fatigue so bad that she can hardly move. Her joints can swell or get so still that movement is hard. Her fever can spike out of nowhere, and her muscles hurt so bad that basic ibuprofen doesn’t help. Sometimes she gets skin rashes and sores in her mouth. It’s made her life difficult at times and she reached out to me because she was desperate for help.”

  “Does she have family that can help you guys too?”

  “No, she doesn’t. Her dad left when she was young and her mom passed away years ago. She finally called me because she needed help and decided to quit being stubborn. As much as I hate this disease for her, I hate to say that I’m grateful for it in a way too because it allowed me to find out about my daughter. I feel like such a douche for even saying that.”

  “No, I understand what you mean. I get it. You don’t wish it on her by any means, but at the same time it’s what brought you to your daughter.” I pause and look at him, “Wow, Rixton. You have a daughter. I can’t imagine how that revelation had to feel.”

  “Scary, horrifying, amazing, wonderful. So many things. I’m still figuring it out. And we are still figuring out what we think about each other. It hasn’t been easy with me just showing up like ‘hey, I’m your dad,’ but we are figuring it out one day at a time.”

  “She looks so much like you.”

  “She does. When I saw her eyes, I knew she was mine, but I still performed the test anyway. After the results came in, I decided to move here immediately to help Joanna out and to get to know Emily. It’s been a strange and amazing road so far and the last thing I was expecting, Pyper, was you.”

  “I can’t believe that you’ve even given me the time of day in the middle of all of this.”

  “Are you kidding me? How could I not? You came into my life like a fiery angel and no matter how I told myself it wasn’t the time or that I wasn’t being fair to you, I couldn’t help myself. You sucked me into your sexy, flaming vortex and wouldn’t let go.” I laugh at the image that creates. “I told you, I
decided not to tell you about Emily because I was afraid of losing you. There was this moment when you popped out of bed with me after our first night together and you started gesturing madly at me without words. Freaking out about me being in your bed. A sheet was wrapped around your body and your hair looked like it was on fire with the sunlight from the blinds trickling in and setting it ablaze. You looked crazy and beautiful and I knew in that moment I was falling in love with you. We’d been flirting and trading insults for months, and I approached you at that engagement party on a whim, but I’ve thanked my lucky stars that I did ever since. I wouldn’t trade a moment with you, but here’s the thing. This last week I realized that I need you to be either in this or out of this.”

  I open my mouth to say something, feeling tears flood my eyes at his words of when he fell in love with me and all I want to do is tell him I love him too but he holds up his hand silently asking me to stay quiet while he gets out whatever is on his mind.

  “I know that’s asking a lot and I know that we are still figuring things out here and it’s still early in the game. I know all of that. What I’m saying is that if we give this a shot, then we throw it all in. No running away, no hiding or keeping things from one another. I hate, absolutely hate, what Joanna did to you and she and I have already had words about it. I want you in my life, Pyper. I’m in love with you and I want to see where this goes. I know that I’m not part of your plan. I know that I’m not what your parents or maybe even you would prefer for yourself, but I can promise you that I will take good care of you.” He laughs and it catches me off guard. “Have you ever heard of the cowboy way?”

  “No, what’s that?”

  “It’s a promise a cowboy makes with God. He promises that when God helps him find the one, he will protect her, spoil her, laugh with her, dance with her, make promises of forever with her but mostly, he’ll never stop loving her because if he doesn’t do all of those things, then someone else will. That’s how I feel about you. It’s asking a lot. I know I’m a package deal, and maybe you need time to think about this, and I understand. The thing is, I can’t have what happened this week with us, happen again. I was useless. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, needing you, wanting you. I wanted to fix this and make it right, but I knew I needed to give you space. I’m not saying that you either commit to me forever right now, or damn it all. I’m saying that we go all in and promise to give this everything we have, not caring about what anyone else thinks. If, God forbid, it doesn’t work out, then we will part ways amicably. I can’t have an unstable environment, though, with Emily involved. She already has that enough with her mom’s unpredictable disease. I wasn’t expecting you, Pyper, but I believe that there’s a reason that I found you now. And I don’t’ want to let you go.”