Winter’s Awakening

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “Joshua, I don’t think sitting with you would be a good idea.”

  “You sure?”

  “I am. We needed a break, yes?” He looked so confused, so helpless, so handsome, she almost changed her mind. His eyes always did find a way to pierce through any resistance. To penetrate her heart. It reminded her of how much Joshua always was able to see and understand beyond words.

  After a moment he nodded. “All right, then. Maybe another time.”

  “Maybe so. Or…maybe not.”

  When he looked at her in surprise before turning and walking away, Gretta almost blushed. Being so snippy was not her way. But at the moment, she didn’t think she wanted to be any way else.

  Certainly not a person to be played games with or pitied.

  Definitely not to be pitied. She had some pride. She still remembered just how she’d felt when Joshua had said he wanted a break between them. She’d felt like her heart was breaking.

  She just hoped he missed her sometimes, as much as she knew she missed him.

  She’d just placed her napkin on her plate when Miriam coughed a warning. “What now?”

  Miriam’s eyes were gleeful. “Oh, Gretta, looks who’s walkin’ your way!”

  Following her friend’s not-so-subtle finger point, Gretta inwardly groaned. Oh, for heaven’s sakes!

  To her consternation, there was Roland Schrock, making a beeline right for her.

  “Hi, there, Gretta.”

  “Hello, Roland. Good day.”

  “The weather is nice. It’s not too cold. Perhaps you’d like to go for a buggy ride with me?”

  She’d been cold all morning. She had a headache. She was confused and irritable.

  But as she looked into his brown eyes, Gretta recalled his kindness the other day. In addition, she remembered just how she’d defended him to her mother. Surely she hadn’t defended Roland simply to give her mother trouble?

  Was she at all interested in Roland? She should at least try to be, Gretta supposed. He was the type of man she’d been praying to have in her life. He was so stable. He didn’t ask much of her. Not like Joshua, who made her mad and anxious. Who could make her heart beat a little too fast with one slow, meaningful look.

  Who could also crush her spirits with one unkind comment. Who also had been seen spending time with that English neighbor of his.

  Sternly, she told herself that it was most definitely time to think of the future instead of the past. “Why yes, Roland, I would like to take a ride with you. It sounds mighty nice.”

  Roland smiled and lifted his chin a bit more. “I would like that. You can tell your mother that I’ll bring you home, too.”

  Well, where else would he be bringing her? She thought somewhat peevishly. Then she recalled she was trying to encourage him. And that she wanted to be a good Christian woman, too. “I will tell Mamm that. Danke.”

  Around her, the air was thick with anticipation. Well, perhaps it was time to give the gossipmongers some of their wishes. “When would you like to leave, Roland?”

  The outside of his eyes wrinkled a bit as he smiled. Those lines gave her a bit of reassurance. They surely showed that he was a man who liked to be happy. “Now?”

  He didn’t seem to notice that she still had a full bowl of soup and needed to help gather and wash the dishes, too. “After I finish my soup and clean up, yes?”

  “Oh. Of course.”

  “I imagine I’ll be ready within the hour.”

  “I’ll be waiting.” When he smiled again before turning away, Gretta caught sight of Joshua looking at her very curiously.

  “What are you doing?” Miriam whispered as soon as Roland was out of earshot. “The way you were smiling at Roland caught everyone’s notice! You’re tempting fate, I think.”

  “I most certainly am not. I’m doing my best to follow the Lord’s advice.”

  “Which is?”

  “He’s obviously put Roland in my path for a reason. I need to see what that reason is.”

  “Maybe he put Roland there to remind you of just how wonderful Joshua Graber is.”

  “Joshua is wonderful-gut,” Gretta agreed. “But I don’t know if he’s wonderful-gut for me.”

  “Roland only wants something Joshua had.”

  Miriam’s words hurt her feelings, even if they might be true. But Gretta vowed to not let her hurt show. She knew Miriam had not meant the statement in a harsh way. “I best finish my soup now. I’ll need to help with the clean up, too.”

  Miriam rolled her eyes. “And we canna forget that Roland is waiting. Waiting and watching you.”

  At the moment, Gretta knew he was only one of many.

  After giving up any hope of eating her soup, Gretta stood up and looked for her mother. Finally she found her near a back table, eating snickerdoodles and visiting with a trio of her lady friends.

  After greeting the ladies, she bent toward her mother. “Roland is going to take me home today.”

  “Not Joshua?”

  “No.” Sneaking a peek at the other women, who weren’t even trying to look like they weren’t eavesdropping, Gretta lowered her voice. “I’ll explain things to you and Daed later.”

  “But Gretta—”

  “It’s done, Mamm.”

  When her mother reached out a hand to halt her progress, one of the other ladies clucked. “Let her go, Deanna. Watching her dilemmas makes me feel young again.”

  Gretta smiled gratefully, then went on her way.

  When Roland’s buggy left with Gretta inside of it, Josh pretended to be inspecting his horse’s bridle. But in truth, he found if he adjusted his body just so, he could watch the buggy go down the lane for just a little bit longer.

  He hoped no one would notice.

  Of course, Judith did. She’d just come to stand beside him, and made no secret of the fact that she was very curious about Gretta’s decision—and about her brother’s almost nonchalant manner about it. “Want me to talk to her tomorrow? I could see what she’s thinking.”

  “There’s no need.”

  “You sure? You look a bit bothered. And her behavior is curious, for sure,” Judith added.

  Caleb wandered up to the buggy and added his two cents. “I don’t know what she’s doing with Roland.”

  “I do,” Joshua replied. “And I don’t think her behavior is all that curious, either. I know what she’s thinking—she’s thinking that maybe there’s nothing wrong with a boy being nice to her.”

  “Weren’t you nice?”

  Recalling his behavior with her, Joshua shook his head. “Sometimes. Others, not so much.”

  Caleb frowned. “Don’t you still like Gretta?”

  “Things have changed between us.” Shaking his head, Joshua amended his words. “But I still care for her.” But he wasn’t sure if that was enough any longer.

  Judith looked at him in sympathy. “I saw you speaking with the bishop,” she prodded. “What did you talk about?”

  “About what you’d expect. I told him that I was ready to be baptized.”

  “I’m so glad.”

  “Jah, me, too.”

  “Why did it take you so long anyway?” Judith asked. “You could have gotten baptized as soon as you were done with your rumspringa.”

  “I don’t know. Part of me was just being lazy, I suppose. I was afraid to commit to being an adult. To my responsibilities. But those days are over.”

  “I’m glad about that. Sometimes I worried that you were going to leave us.”

  “I never even considered not joining the church. I just had cold feet. And, being the oldest, I felt like Mamm and Daed were rushing me, and I was in no hurry to be rushed.”

  Looking down the empty road where Roland’s buggy went, Judith tilted her head. “Why do you think Gretta is acting the way she is?”

  “I’m not sure.” However, even as he spoke the words, Joshua felt his cheeks heat. He knew all their problems had started when he’d argued with her that afternoon in his buggy. H
e had a feeling that now Gretta was attempting to find happiness with someone else.

  But he was uncomfortable admitting that.

  For a moment, Joshua considered trying to keep his conversation private but he knew it was no use. From the glint in his brother’s eyes, Joshua realized Caleb knew that Gretta had been spending time with Roland…and not with Josh.

  “I think Roland’s the one pursuing her,” Judith added with a frown. “You know how he’s always fancied Gretta.”

  This was news to him. “I didn’t realize that.”

  “You never noticed Roland always following her around during the singings?”

  “No.”

  Caleb exchanged a knowing look with Judith. “Well, he did. He followed her around last summer, too, when everyone was getting together to play volleyball on Friday nights.”

  Trying to keep everything in perspective, Joshua said, “They went for a buggy ride. That’s all. Don’t make more of it than it is.”

  “That’s all for now,” Caleb warned. “But we all know how Roland is. He’s a fellow who goes after what he wants. And he wants Gretta to be his wife.”

  “She may not want that, though.” Tired of worrying, and tired of having his brother and sister so involved in his business, Joshua opened the buggy’s door. “Let’s get in and head on home. Mamm and Daed are going to wonder what kept us.”

  Caleb and Judith got in obediently enough, but there was enough tension inside to make Joshua realize that each one of them was still thinking about Gretta and Roland.

  “I wonder if we’ll pass them?” Caleb said.

  Oh, he hoped not. Joshua didn’t mind having competition. But he sure minded being reminded of all that he’d lost.

  And hadn’t been able to reclaim.

  Chapter 13

  Roland had little to talk about besides the state of the weather. Gretta tried not to let that bother her too much. Instead, as his pretty gray mare pranced along the snow-covered winding roads and the brisk wind kissed her cheeks, she attempted to look at Roland’s ways in the best possible light.

  After all, it wasn’t his fault that his thoughts were so wearisome to her.

  When he pointed out the bank of gray clouds forming on the horizon, Gretta tried to listen carefully to the differences between stratus and cumulus clouds and what that meant to the productivity of agriculture in Ohio. But no matter how hard she tried, she didn’t quite understand his meaning.

  When he told her how he’d read the Farmer’s Almanac and had memorized the last eight years’ records on snowfall for January, Gretta replied that she was impressed with how much he could learn.

  Only when Roland pointed to a flower bed on the side of the road and pondered over what color the blooms might be, did she genuinely smile. Blooming flowers she could relate to, especially since they would signal the coming of spring.

  Oh, she so needed spring!

  Over the last few weeks, her world had felt frozen in time. Joshua’s departure left her feeling bitter cold inside. So cold, she knew she needed to set her mind on new joys instead of focusing on old heartaches.

  Firmly she intended to include her social life in that realm, too. Roland was a nice man. He cared about her, and enjoyed her company. She needed to appreciate that. Needed to count her blessings that such a wonderful-gut man cared so much to make her happy.

  Feeling like she needed to move the conversation on, she said, “Spring is always a time for new beginnings. But January has its beauty, too. Each season has something to appreciate.”

  “That is a good point you have, Gretta,” Roland said. “There is a good to be found in most all things.” Nodding a bit, he looked at her with fresh awareness in his eyes. “Because you said that, why, I’m going to try to value this time of year as much as I can. Yes, I’ll really do my best to look on the bright side. You know what they say, don’tcha? ‘If you can’t see the bright side, why ya just need to polish the dull one.’”

  In spite of herself, she chuckled. “That’s a good sayin’.”

  “It’s good, but it’s only something I heard before,” he said modestly. “You are the one who’s making me think of new ideas. Yes, you, Gretta, are mighty wise.”

  She felt terribly self-conscious, and more than a bit ashamed. After all, she was still comparing Roland to Joshua, and that wasn’t a kind thing to do at all. “I’m not so wise, Roland.”

  “I think you are, and I’m going to remember every bit of our time together, too. You’ve given me much to think about. Why, just last night I was wishing the skies wouldn’t get so dark so early, but now I’m going to think on it different.” He slapped his palm on his thigh. “Why, the extra hours of darkness gives me more time to appreciate what I have.”

  Because she felt responsible, she played along. “And it gives me another hour of rest at night, for which I am most grateful.”

  “The snow gives me an excuse to go walking and look for hares.” Somewhat shyly he added, “Sometimes I don’t go hunting neither. Sometimes I just look for rabbits because I think they’re one of the Lord’s kindest creatures.”

  In spite of herself, Gretta felt her heart melt. Roland really was trying so hard to please. He’d known that she had a soft spot for rabbits and didn’t want to upset her.

  Now, when was the last time Joshua had been so considerate of her feelings? She couldn’t remember.

  “I like rabbits as well. One time I saw a mother rabbit in spring with two babies. They were sweet.”

  “Once I held a bunny in my palm.”

  Hesitantly she added, “And I like to read a fair bit, as well. I enjoy sitting next to our front window and watching the sun come up with a hot cup of coffee.”

  “Watching the sun rise is surely a wondrous gift.” As they plodded along in his buggy, the cold banks of snow passing with each yard, Roland ventured, “I also enjoy prayer in the morning, too.”

  That’s how Roland was, Gretta decided. Careful and contemplative. Full of hope and sunshine. He was a kind man, and a man who was always considerate of others. He would be easy to be married to. A wonderful partner for life.

  She could already see that he would be the type of husband to plan his day around her morning cup of coffee with a book, just so that she would be happy. “I enjoy prayer, too.”

  “Sur gut, jah?”

  “Yes.”

  “Gretta, if we turn right we’ll be at your home in no time. Is that what you wish?”

  Oh, he was so aware of her needs. So eager to make her happy. Recalling the last time they’d gone skating, when Joshua had acted like their time together was as bad as visiting the dentist for a hurt tooth, Gretta smiled at Roland. “I would like to ride with you a bit more, if you don’t mind.”

  “It would make me happy, Gretta. But the air is crisp, I fear you might get chilled. Do you think you will be warm enough?”

  Things were chilly in his courting buggy, but they were covered in quilts and her heart was warm. Roland had made it so. His manner was so pleasant, his companionship so easy, he made her feel toasty and happy. “I’m warm enough, Roland.” Smiling his way she added, “Certainly not so cold that I’d be in a hurry to leave. I’d like to stay with you a little bit longer, if you want to know the truth.”

  Motioning his horse ahead, Roland smiled. “Then we’ll continue a little longer, yes?”

  “That would be fine. I mean, that would be mighty nice, indeed.”

  “Anson told me that the Amish don’t work on Sundays,” Ty Allen announced the very moment they’d walked in the house on Sunday afternoon. They’d spent the morning at a nearby Congregational church and then went out for pasta and pizza for lunch.

  Lilly groaned as she brought in their container of leftovers. She knew where her little brother was going with this announcement.

  Ty stuck out his tongue at Lilly before turning angelic back at their mother. “It’s true.”

  “My goodness. I didn’t know the Amish didn’t do work on Sundays. That�
��s interesting,” their mom commented as she put her purse down on the kitchen counter.

  “I thought so, too. Anson said none of them work on Sundays, not even his dad. They don’t clean or anything,” he added.

  Though he got on her nerves, Lilly had to smile at her little brother’s sense of timing. He obviously had a lot to learn about being subtle. His announcement came just moments after their mom had told Ty that he had to clean his room and finish up his book report before he could play.

  “Well, they do have to take care of the animals,” she said. “And those probably count as chores.”

  Ty screwed up his face, then made another pronouncement. “Yeah, but that’s it. So…I don’t want to work on Sundays either.”

  “Well, the Bible does say we all need a day of rest. You might have a point there.” With a wink in Lilly’s direction, their mother asked Ty a question. “If you don’t plan to do any work today, what do you plan to do?”

  “Play with my trucks in the basement.”

  “Ah. But what about your homework? It’s due tomorrow, isn’t it?”

  “That counts as work, so I don’t think I should have to do it.” Looking serious, Ty added, “Mommy, you might need to write my teacher about that.”

  “What about making your bed and putting away your laundry?”

  “That’s a lot of work, Mom.” Tilting his chin a bit, Ty added, “I like having Sundays off.”

  “But that’s not really our way, you know. We do catch up chores and homework on Sunday afternoons.”

  Chewing on his bottom lip, Ty made another pronouncement. “Then I might want to become Amish real soon.”

  After motioning to her mother that she would answer this one, Lilly murmured, “Wow. I think that’s really commendable.”

  His eyes widened. “You do?”

  “Yep. I can’t wait to see you give up all those toys in your room. And your television shows, too.”

  “Wait a minute—”

  “No television or Hot Wheels, Ty.” Tapping her foot, she tried to look like she was thinking hard. “Hmm…I wonder where we could donate all your things?”