Winter’s Awakening

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “Do you think even people who become Amish have to give up that stuff?”

  “I do. Joshua said he knows a lady who was once English and she had to give up all her things.”

  He paused. “I guess I don’t need to watch television anymore.”

  “Then we’ll have to get you a horse.”

  “That would be great! I like Jim.”

  “Jim’s a good horse, that’s true. Now, since the rest of us aren’t Amish, you’re going to have to promise to take good care of him.”

  “I will. I feed Jim carrots all the time.”

  “He’ll need more than carrots. You’ll have to feed him oats and hay in the morning and walk him and clean his stall.”

  “Anson doesn’t do all that,” Ty blurted, obviously taken aback.

  “I think he does more than you realize. Sometimes he even works at five and six in the morning. Every morning. Even on Saturdays.”

  “But I can’t do all those chores. I have basketball practice at the school.”

  “You won’t if you’re Amish.”

  “I think I’m only going to be Amish on Sundays.”

  Crossing her arms over her chest, their mother glared. “Sorry, but that is not an option. Since you’re not Amish yet, go do your homework.”

  Lip out, Ty did as he was asked and left the room. Once they were alone, Lilly grinned at her mom. “I had forgotten how hard it used to be to win a battle of words with you.”

  “Used to be? You mean you don’t think I can beat you anymore?”

  Looking at her mother, all five-feet-four inches of her, Lilly felt a warmth cascade through her. Barb Allen was a good woman, and had worked hard all her life to be a good mother. Funny how she was just now recognizing those things. “Some days, I definitely think you can get the best of me.”

  “But on others?”

  “Others, I think I could give you a run for your money.”

  For a long moment, her mom looked like she was going to find fault with that, then her face, too, melted into a wide smile. “I think you’re exactly right. On some days, I think you’ve definitely given me a run for my money.” Walking across the kitchen, she sat on a chair across from Lilly. “So, how are you feeling? I know you were a bit morning sick yesterday.”

  “Oh, I felt queasy. I was so tired, too.”

  “But today, you’re feeling a little better?”

  Lilly rocked her hand back and forth. “So-so.” Of course, today it wasn’t her physical ailments that were bothering her as much as the mental strain she was feeling.

  “Things will get better. Before you know it, the tiredness will pass and you’ll feel like yourself once again.”

  “I know.”

  “And when Ms. Vonn stops by again, we’ll definitely know how to plan for the next steps.”

  Shame flew through her. She needed to tell her parents what she did. How Kelly Vonn wasn’t going to stop by anytime soon because she’d canceled all the adoption plans.

  But Lilly knew what would happen if she did tell her mom. Things would morph into a huge discussion and tears would follow. Lilly would end up feeling like she was the worst person in the world—and bitterly angry that her parents couldn’t recognize her maturity.

  Yes, it was on the tip of her tongue to tell her mother that she’d made her decision. In fact, she’d already practiced how she’d explain things. She’d slowly talk about how she really didn’t want to give her baby away to anyone. That she wanted to be the baby’s mother, for better or worse. It was what felt right in her heart. Even though she knew there were a lot of good people out there who would be good parents, they wouldn’t be her.

  None of them would be the baby’s birth mother.

  Only she could be that.

  But even though Lilly knew she needed to share all that information, she didn’t.

  Because right this minute, things were good. For once, things were nice between her and her mom. All of the tension that had permeated every conversation had lifted, leaving just the two of them sitting together, remembering how things used to be.

  Remembering how much they still enjoyed each other’s company. It had been so absent, and she wasn’t in any hurry to call the tension back.

  And, well, she did have months of being pregnant to get through. Weeks and weeks to let them know about her decision. Weeks and months to deal with the aftermath of that.

  So for now, she knew it was time to do something else besides stew. “I think I’m going to look for a job tomorrow.”

  “Really? Are you sure you’re up for that?”

  “I think so. I feel fine, and I can’t sit around here any longer. All I do is worry about the future.”

  “You have more to do than that, silly. You’ve got all your schoolwork! We have to make sure you get all A’s so you can get into college.”

  “I’ll get it done. I need to be around other people, Mom. And, you know how I like to be busy, how I need to be busy. Last year I played volleyball, worked at the pancake house, and still did a lot of things with Alec and my girlfriends.”

  Looking her over, her mother slowly nodded. “You’re right. I’d forgotten how busy you used to be. It seemed like every time I turned around, you were on your way to another event.” A smile flashed. “I guess I’ve gotten used to you being here. Do you have any place in mind?”

  “I saw that there was a Help Wanted sign outside the Sugarcreek Inn. I thought I’d go in and check it out.”

  “Just promise me that you’ll listen to your body if you get too tired. You’ve now got someone else to think about, you know.”

  “I know.” Though her mother probably hadn’t meant anything by the reference to the baby, Lilly felt so happy that she’d even mentioned it. Maybe when her mom found out the truth, she wouldn’t act like it was the biggest mistake of her life. “I’ll be careful,” she promised.

  On Monday morning, when Lilly was driving into town to fill out an application, she wondered if perhaps things were about to change. Maybe they’d get better. Maybe she’d even meet someone at the restaurant, make a friend.

  She was so tired of feeling all alone.

  But if she didn’t, she vowed right then and there to begin to confide in someone who had always been right beside her, right from the start, her heavenly Father.

  She knew in her heart that He’d been with her during the whole experience. Perhaps it was time to start reaching to Him like a friend. To have conversation with the only one who was sure to understand her feelings and to be supportive of her, no matter what.

  In the silence of the car, as she reached out to Him, she suddenly realized He’d always been reaching out to her, too. She’d never been as alone as she thought she’d been.

  It was a welcome feeling—much like the feeling she’d had when she’d first become a Christian when she was fifteen. Until that time, she’d only gone to church because it was what her family did. But one day in Bible study, as they were reading the book of Matthew, everything had suddenly clicked. One moment she was reading about Jesus’s struggles, and the next she was applying his lessons to her own life.

  She knew she’d walked astray from those convictions over the last year. She’d been struggling ever since she started her relationship with Alec—and choosing to sleep with him didn’t help things.

  Then, she’d felt too ashamed about her pregnancy to reach out to God again. After all, how could she call herself a Christian while ignoring so many of His guidelines for how to live out her faith.

  But now she realized that He had just been waiting for her to reach out to Him. He didn’t expect her to be perfect, or to be free from sin. She only had to admit her transgressions and seek His will.

  “Oh, Lord, I’ve been so silly. Thank you for reminding me that you are still on my side. No matter what.”

  After parking the car, her mood perked up. There was a spring in her step as she stepped out onto the sidewalk. For the first time in a while, she felt hope.


  Chapter 14

  “Hi. I’m Lilly Allen. I called here earlier and Mrs. Kent said I could fill out an application?”

  From the other side of the counter Gretta couldn’t help but stop what she was doing and stare. This was Lilly? The Lilly Allen who had so intrigued Joshua? Well, now. She was far different in looks than she’d imagined.

  Gretta had pictured an English girl looking very fancy and worldly, with lots of paint on her face and revealing tight clothes.

  But those imaginings surely didn’t match with the girl standing in front of her. Sizing her up, Gretta had to admit that Lilly was a pretty thing, to be sure.

  Her short curly blond hair was fetching. Her light brown eyes and smattering of freckles across her nose made her look fun and friendly. She wasn’t all stick thin either, like some of the English girls Gretta had seen around town.

  Her outfit was fairly simple, too—not all fancy. She wore a pair of brown pants and a loose sweater the color of raspberries.

  But still, it didn’t matter to her whether Lilly was pretty or not, it was terribly awkward to be meeting her face-to-face. Especially since she wanted to work right here at the Sugarcreek Inn.

  At Gretta’s continued silence, Lilly swallowed and looked nervously around. “Um, I won’t stay very long. And Mrs. Kent said there might be an opening. That it was okay for me to apply. I’m just applying to be a waitress.”

  Now it was Gretta’s turn to feel ill at ease. Here she’d been staring at Lilly Allen like she was a wolf in the hen house. “I’m sorry, my mind went running. Yes, of course, I’ll go get you an application. And please, take a seat. I’ll bring you some pie and coffee too.”

  “That’s okay. You don’t have to—”

  “It would be a pleasure. Sit now, I’ll be right back.”

  As Lilly slowly lowered herself to one of the tables by the front window, Gretta turned and quickly ran to the kitchen.

  “You all right?” Miriam asked when she rushed in, her face flushed.

  “Oh, yes. But I need to get an application. There’s an Englischer out there looking for a job.”

  “To waitress?”

  “Ja.”

  Miriam smiled. “I’m glad about that. Ever since Donna moved away things have been a little topsy-turvy.” She leaned toward the open area and peeked out. “Where is she? Does she look nice? I can’t see her.”

  “She looks nice enough. That’s her, sitting over by the windows,” Gretta said over her shoulder as she pulled open the heavy door to the walk-in refrigerator. “I told her I’d bring her some pie.”

  Miriam took two steps to the side and looked at Lilly. “She’d just about our age. Well, that will be a nice change now, won’t it? Donna was a grossmutter.”

  “I suppose.” At the moment, she was missing Donna the grandmother something fierce. Hurriedly, Gretta sliced a thick portion of coconut cream pie and placed it on a plate. “I better go bring this to her.”

  “You look nervous. And giving a new girl pie? Why are you going to so much trouble?”

  Though Miriam would have lent her ear and offered plenty of advice, Gretta knew the time wasn’t right to share her grievances. “It’s no trouble. We’ve got plenty of coconut pie. It won’t be a hardship to share.”

  “I suppose.” Miriam tilted her head. “Are you sure there’s nothing else going on? You seem like you’re on pins and needles.”

  Changing her mind, Gretta decided to share her news after all. “Actually, I am a bit flustered.” Lowering her voice, she confided, “The girl applying is Lilly Allen. Joshua’s Lilly.”

  Miriam’s eyes went wide. “No wonder you look so worried! Do you want me to bring the coffee and dessert to her?”

  “No, I can do it. She seems nice.”

  “But she is surely not. She’s caused Joshua to look around.”

  “It’s not her fault. I’m afraid Joshua did all that on his own. Besides, I just went riding with Roland, so I’m not one to talk.” But even as she said the words, she felt herself blushing. There was more going on inside her head than mere good wishes.

  Inside of herself, she was jealous, plain and simple. She didn’t like that Joshua had a new friend, especially since that new friend was pretty and seemed nice, too.

  “Don’t you worry, Gretta. I’ll go take this to her.” Snatching the pie plate from her hands, Miriam sauntered right through the swinging doors dividing the kitchen from the dining room.

  Gretta followed, but kept her distance. She couldn’t help but smile as Miriam paraded around the room like a bossy hen. Regally, she nodded to a pair of women who’d recently sat down, then walked over and deposited the slice of pie right in front of Lilly. “There you go.”

  Lilly stared at the dessert in confusion. “Thank you. Um, this looks great. But…I came here for an application.”

  Gretta closed her eyes and quickly asked the Lord to help her. Stepping out from around the counter, she called out, “I’ll bring it right out. Coffee, too.”

  Gretta trotted back into the kitchen and began looking through a pair of cabinets in the front of Mrs. Kent’s office. She was so frazzled, she could hardly think straight! As she opened another cabinet and frantically looked inside, Miriam appeared in the doorway. “Mrs. Kent just called. She said she’ll be here in ten minutes. She was so pleased that Lilly was here that she asked if I could ask her to stay to be interviewed.”

  “Oh, my.” Gretta’s spirits sank. Before she knew it, she’d be working next to Lilly all the time. “She’s going to want to have Lilly fill out an application, but for the life of me, I can’t find it anywhere.”

  Miriam winked. “That, I can help you with.” As competently as ever, she wiped her hands on a dishcloth and plucked the neatly typed application from a stack on Mrs. Kent’s desk. “Here is one. Don’t worry, I’ll go deliver the application and tell Lilly about Mrs. Kent’s interview. She’ll be right pleased, I think.”

  Following Miriam back into the kitchen, Gretta heaved a sigh of relief. “Danke. Now I wonder what I should do?”

  “Take a deep breath and roll out the pie dough,” she said with a grin. “You’re going to need all your wits about you from now on.”

  Gretta felt like she was in such a fog, she knew Miriam was right. At the moment, she’d most likely forget to put her head on straight.

  “You’ve helped me along a time or two. I’ll help you today. Don’t worry so, Gretta. We’ll get through this together. If it’s God’s will that brought her here to work instead of the many other restaurants in town, we’ll deal with that.”

  Gretta murmured, “Danke, Miriam. I’ve been running scared here. In fact, I’m so muddled I don’t know what to do or how to act.”

  Miriam simply smiled. “Don’t worry so much. You’re a kind person—I’m sure you’ll get along with most anyone. And this Lilly might surprise us, yes?”

  “Yes. I need to think as positively as possible. And pray! I’ll take a few moments and say a little prayer.”

  “I think that’s exactly what you should be doing.”

  As the doors swung shut behind her, Gretta heard Miriam’s usual chatty voice both welcome the ladies and introduce herself to Lilly.

  In no time, Lilly was chatting with Miriam and smiling. Just like they were friends.

  Gretta closed her eyes and reached out for the one who always was looking out for her. Dear Lord, please be with me today. I know you have a plan for me and for Josh, and for this Lilly Allen, too, I suppose.

  If you wouldn’t mind, though…could all our plans work together? That would make me so happy, indeed.

  Feeling better, she finished rolling dough, then got to work chopping pecans for a batch of pecan sandies. As she methodically crunched up pecans by putting them in a bag and rapping them lightly with a rolling pin, Mrs. Kent came in, said hello, then walked out to greet Lilly.

  Miriam stayed in the dining area, though whether it was to refresh the table of women’s coffee or eavesdrop was hard to kn
ow.

  After a time, Miriam finally returned to the kitchen, an empty plate in her hands and a satisfied expression on her lips. “Well, that’s done.”

  Gretta hurried to her side. “What is?”

  “Mrs. Kent hired her right away. Lilly Allen will begin to work with us tomorrow.”

  Her stomach somersaulted. She’d hoped to have a few days to get used to the idea of working with Lilly at the very least. “That seems mighty sudden.”

  “Why? We need the help.”

  “Doesn’t Mrs. Kent want to think about things for a bit?”

  “No need. You were right, Gretta. I’m ashamed of the terrible things I was thinking. That Lilly Allen is a nice girl, and real easy to get along with, too. What’s more, she talks as if she’s a hard worker, which we all will appreciate. I like her.”

  “Oh.”

  “I know you aren’t sure how Joshua feels about her, but that hardly matters, right?”

  Gretta wasn’t sure what in particular Miriam was referring to. Was she speaking of how things weren’t too good between herself and Joshua? Or of how Lilly was English, and therefore not much of a rival anyway?

  Or was she merely thinking of only work? One didn’t need to be best friends with a person in order to work well by their side.

  “I suppose it doesn’t matter after all,” she said.

  She was about to expand upon that when Mrs. Kent came bustling back in.

  “Girls, we are destined to have a very busy week. That’s what my meeting was about this morning. I met with a representative of a women’s group in Toledo. They’re going to be touring the area and want to have lunch here on Wednesday.”

  Miriam’s eyes lit up. “How many women?”

  “Sixty-five.”

  “Oh my.”

  “Oh my, is right.” Already calculating everything in her head, she turned to Gretta. “I need you to make four shoofly pies and several batches of dinner rolls.”

  “I’ll start on that now.”

  “Miriam, I’m going to let you work in the dining area with Lilly. Lilly’s done some waitressing before so she should be up to speed in no time. Already I think the two of you will get along just fine.”