Winter’s Awakening

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “I think we will, too,” Miriam replied in her usual excited way.

  Though Gretta felt that there really wasn’t that much to be excited about.

  Looking at them both, Mrs. Kent continued. “Now, one more thing. I promised a church group that we’d provide some box lunches for them tomorrow, so we need to prepare those.” She pulled out a list. “You two divide up the chores as you see fit. I need to go run to the Grabers’ store for supplies, then I’ll be right back.”

  And with that, she rushed out again.

  Gretta couldn’t help but feel a little stung. She knew why Mrs. Kent had asked her to bake the pies. She was a very good pie baker.

  But she also felt that Mrs. Kent also knew she wasn’t near so good with the English as Miriam was. She simply wasn’t all that chatty and upbeat.

  But perhaps she could make herself be more outgoing. People were reaching out to her lately. At least Roland was. It was time to stop hiding behind her shyness and reach out to them, too.

  She’d just make sure she did some reaching out to the Lord while she was at it. She had a feeling she was going to need His help as much as possible.

  Chapter 15

  When Joshua drove his buggy home from a long day of work at the store, he spied Lilly waiting for him on the other side of the hedge. After getting Rex, their second buggy horse, settled in his stall, he wandered out to see his new neighbor. “What are you doing out here?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Oh.” Well, if she simply wanted to stand around in the cold, he had nothing to say about that.

  “I mean, I’ve been waiting for you to come home.”

  “Why?”

  “I have news. I got a job today.”

  “Why, that’s mighty nice. Where will you be working?”

  “At the Sugarcreek Inn.”

  He almost choked. “The Surgarcreek Inn?” Out of all the places in the town, she’d picked the one spot where Gretta worked? Well, perhaps the girls wouldn’t talk too much. Or at least talk about him.

  Yes, surely his name wouldn’t even be brought up! They most likely had many other things to discuss.

  But his hopes were not to be.

  Weaving her way through the snaggle of trees and branches, she broke through to his driveway. “I met a friend of yours, by the way.”

  “Yes?”

  Looking at him strangely, she said, “Gretta.”

  He played dumb. “Gretta who?”

  “I don’t know her last name, and I don’t need to know it now, anyway. Isn’t she your Gretta, the Gretta you mentioned on our walk?”

  “She’s not mine.” Not any longer. It didn’t help that he’d firmly pushed her away.

  “But she’s the girl you spoke of, right?”

  “Yes. She is.”

  “Well, she’s really pretty. And nice, too. Plus, Mrs. Kent says she can bake like a dream. I tasted a piece of her coconut cream pie today and it was fantastic.”

  “She does make a good pie.”

  “And?”

  “And, she is all those things. Gretta Hershberger is a right wonderful girl…” Inside, his mind was racing. What had Gretta thought when she met Lilly? What had Lilly thought when she’d realized that Gretta was the one he’d been courting? He could only imagine the things that had come up in their conversation.

  Lilly didn’t seem to notice that his voice had trailed off. “Anyway, I can’t tell you how excited I am to have a job. I’ve been going crazy, staying home all day and doing my classes online.”

  “When will you start?”

  “Tomorrow. Isn’t that something? Nothing like being thrown into the thick of things. Mrs. Kent said that there’s some women’s group coming to town from Toledo and they’re going to need all the help they can get.” She patted her pocket. “I might even make some good money in tips.”

  “I hope you will do well.” Josh meant that sincerely. He hoped she liked working at the restaurant and enjoyed Mrs. Kent. However, he also really hoped she and Gretta were so busy that they wouldn’t have an extra moment to spare.

  “I hope so, too. I mean, I’ll do my best.”

  She still stood there, looking at him expectantly. It suddenly occurred to him that she was lonely. Unlike the day they’d walked to the river, the clouds were out in abundance today, covering up any chance to feel warm rays of sun.

  The cloudy day, combined with the bursts of wind, were enough to chase anyone from standing outside. “Lilly, would you like to come into our house for a bit? It’s getting too cold out here just to stand and talk, don’tcha think?”

  “You wouldn’t mind? It’s not against the rules or anything?”

  “I’m not sure what rules you mean.”

  “You know…Amish rules. My parents said you all have a lot of rules you have to follow.”

  “Perhaps we do. We have the Ordnung, which is the agreed-upon rules of our community.”

  “The Ordnung,” she repeated earnestly, like she was preparing for a test.

  He chuckled. “Having company over is not against those rules. But I need to warn you. Being in my house might give you a crying headache. We’re a big family of seven children, just to remind you.”

  “I don’t mind a full house at all. Not even a busy three-year-old. I like kids.”

  “If you like kinner, then you’ll be happy inside. Come in, yes?”

  “Yes. If you don’t think anyone would mind.”

  “If I thought someone would mind, I wouldn’t have asked you in.”

  She chuckled. “I tell you, Joshua, sometimes your directness catches me off guard.”

  He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He didn’t know how to speak in the English way, of filling his talk with half-truths and white lies.

  Seeking to reassure her, he added, “We’ve had English guests over before. Why, we used to have the Wilsons over sometimes. My mamm enjoyed Mrs. Wilson’s company.” Of course, as he said it, he recalled his mother’s warnings about becoming too friendly with Lilly. She hadn’t looked very convinced about his protestations that he and Lilly were simply friends.

  But perhaps as soon as she spent some time with Lilly, she’d understand more about their true relationship. “What do you say?”

  “I say it is cold out here. If you think it’s okay, I’d love to come over for a visit.”

  Then, with a shrug of her shoulders, she began to follow him across the field to his house.

  Right outside the front door his little sisters Maggie and Carrie were playing Four Square. The red ball fell to the ground when he and Lilly neared. They scampered toward them like puppies, then skidded to an abrupt stop when he and Lilly came closer.

  He performed the introductions as casually as possible. “This is our neighbor Lilly. Remember we talked about her family?”

  Seven-year-old Carrie solemnly nodded. “You’re English.”

  Lilly smiled. “Yes, I am.”

  “Why are you here?”

  “No reason. I…I just came for a visit.”

  That answer was accepted readily enough. “Well, then, welcome, Lilly,” Carrie said, right as little Maggie pulled on Lilly’s sweater and practically screamed, “Welcome!”

  “Danke,” she replied with a smile.

  “We’re going inside now,” he told the girls. “It’s too cold for us.”

  “We’re playing tag!”

  “I hope you catch each other good and well,” he teased with a laugh before holding the door open for Lilly. “Something hot sounds good, don’t you think?”

  She nodded, then followed his example and took off her coat and hung it on a peg near his. Joshua couldn’t help but notice how out of place her fuzzy jacket looked next to his family’s dark-colored coats and capes.

  Next, he led her into the kitchen where his mother and Anson were working on Anson’s math problems.

  They looked up in surprise when Lilly entered the room.

  Anson recovered first. “Hi, Lilly.”

>   With a grateful smile, Lilly replied. “Hi, Anson. I sure am glad your arm is feeling better. Hello, Mrs. Graber.”

  Joshua watched his mother get to her feet. “Hello, Lilly Allen. What brings you here?”

  “Nothing. I just happened to see Josh outside and we started talking.”

  His mother crossed her arms over her chest. “Yes?”

  “And…well…I…” Lilly’s eyes went wide as she turned to him for help.

  Joshua knew his cheeks were stained with embarrassment. Never before had he seen his mother behave so rudely. “I asked her over, Mamm.”

  “Why?”

  “No reason. Just to talk.”

  Once again, she looked Lilly over from head to toe, just as if Lilly had been covered with a contagious rash. She frowned. And to his surprise, didn’t say another word.

  Lilly took a step back and looked toward the door.

  Joshua put a stop to that. “Please sit down. So, does hot cocoa still sound good? Or would you prefer coffee or tea?”

  She shook her head no just as Anson’s eyes lit up. “I would! I’d like some hot cocoa.”

  When Lilly slowly took a chair, his mother stared at their guest a moment longer, then pulled out a pan from one of the many carefully stained oak cabinets. “I will make everyone some hot cocoa.”

  “That sounds mighty good, Mamm,” Joshua said, hoping his mother would take his full meaning to heart. He was thankful for the drink and for her kindness to Lilly. “Danke.”

  “Yes, thank you,” Lilly said quietly.

  Though it was probably the last thing he wanted to talk about, Joshua said, “Lilly was just telling me that she took a job at the Sugarcreek Inn today. As a waitress.”

  “But that’s where Gretta works,” his mother said, just as his sister Judith entered the room and stared at Lilly, too.

  When Lilly seemed frozen, Joshua gave her a gentle nudge. “Tell everyone about the job.”

  “It’s…it’s just a waitressing job,” she managed to say. “I’ve waitressed before so I think I’ll be good at it. I like helping people and being busy.” Without hardly stopping for breath, she continued on. “I met Gretta, too. She seems real nice.”

  Slowly, his mother poured some cocoa and sugar into the hot milk in the pan and gently stirred. “So, will you be working at the restaurant a lot? With Gretta?”

  “I’m going to try to. I’m hoping to make some money and meet some more people.”

  After a moment, his mother said, “I imagine it would be terribly hard to meet new people at your age.”

  “It has been. I’m being homeschooled now, so there’s not an easy way of meeting other teens.”

  Judith entered the conversation. “There’s a big high school in town. Why are you going to school at home?”

  “Well…it’s a personal reason,” Lilly replied. Joshua noticed her voice had become awfully quiet. “My parents thought it would be better that way.”

  In no time at all, his mamm poured five mugs of hot chocolate, then carefully added a large homemade marshmallow to the center of each mug.

  Anson hopped up out of his chair and helped her carry the mugs over.

  After taking a small sip from her mug, his mom examined Lilly again. “So why is it that you are going to school at home? I’m afraid I didn’t hear the reason.”

  Joshua groaned. “She didn’t tell us, Mamm.”

  As strict as a schoolmarm, his mother stared at Lilly. “But is there a reason?”

  Lilly sipped her hot drink then slowly put it down in front of her. “Actually. There is.”

  They all waited. Well, all except for Anson, who was pretty much concentrating on his hot cocoa.

  After another few seconds passed, Judith came to the rescue. “It’s none of our business, Lilly. You don’t have to tell us a thing.”

  “No, actually, I think it might be good for me to share this. It’s been weighing on my mind. See…I—” She stopped.

  His mother frowned. “Is it because you want to be near Joshua?”

  Lilly looked shocked. “Oh, no! Not at all. Josh is a nice friend and all, but being homeschooled and taking the job at the inn has nothing to do with him. It’s because…” her voice drifted off as her cheeks bloomed. Then, pushing her mug to one side, she lifted her chin. “It’s because I’m pregnant.”

  Stunned silence met her news.

  “You’re what?” his mother asked.

  Lilly’s face turned bright red. “I mean, I’m going to have a baby. In six months.”

  Anson’s mug clattered to the table. His mother’s eyebrows shot to her hairline. Judith looked as if she’d turned to stone.

  And Joshua felt ill. Lilly was with child? And she’d kept the news from him, even though she’d talked about how nice it was to have a true friend?

  She’d kept her secret while he’d told her all about Gretta and his conflicting feelings for her?

  He now felt ashamed and embarrassed and more than a bit resentful.

  Why, oh why had he asked her to come inside?

  Chapter 16

  As Lilly looked from one shocked expression to the next, she felt as if her world was falling apart. What in the world had possessed her to blurt that she was pregnant? To a bunch of Amish no less! Now they’d probably really wanted Joshua to have nothing to do with her.

  Lilly stood up. The sudden movement caused her chair to scrape the wood floor with a loud screech. Wincing, she looked at Josh, at Mrs. Graber. “Sorry. And, um, I’m so sorry about the news, too. I don’t know why I said that.”

  “You don’t?” Mrs. Graber’s brows drew downward. “You aren’t really expecting?”

  Oh, this was getting worse. “Oh, no. I am. I just never intended to tell you all.”

  “I’d like to know why not,” Joshua said grimly.

  Before Lilly could figure out what to say to that, Judith came to the rescue. “I think it’s fine and good that you told us. We would have found out sooner or later, yes?”

  Thoroughly miserable, Lilly nodded. “Yes.” Peeking again in Joshua’s direction, she inwardly groaned. He was glaring at her in distrust. Like she was an invader in his home.

  She supposed she was. Here, they’d invited her into their home, and she’d ruined things by shocking them. Stepping backward, she held up her hands. “Listen, I think I’m just going to go on home now.”

  “But you haven’t finished your hot chocolate,” Mrs. Graber said.

  “It’s okay. I’m sure you don’t want me here.”

  Judith looked at her in confusion. “Why would you ever think that?”

  “Because of what I just told you. Because I’m not married.”

  Judith’s cheeks turned rosy but it was Elsa Graber who clucked a bit and smiled. “We might be Amish, but we know how kinner are made, Lilly Allen. What you said isn’t so shocking.”

  Joshua took a deep breath. “Yes. Please sit down, Lilly. With you standing there, it feels like you’re hovering over us.”

  Warily, Lilly sat. She supposed there were benefits to sitting and seeing this moment through. If she ran from the room, Lilly knew she’d very likely do just about anything to avoid her neighbors. She might as well finish up the conversation. Tentatively, she sipped her drink. Finding it deliciously hot, she sipped again, the liquid comforting her insides. At the moment, she felt so cold from the raw embarrassment of what she’d just revealed. So cold, and so exposed.

  Mrs. Graber watched her and smiled in a tender way. “There, now. Drink up. Milk’s always gut for the bobbli, jah?”

  “Bobbli means baby,” Judith said helpfully.

  “Oh. Yes…milk is good for the baby,” she replied slowly. Lilly tried to recall a meal when her parents mentioned something like that. She couldn’t. Her entire family struggled to forget her secret. “Mrs. Graber, you seem to be taking my news better than my parents.”

  “Your parents aren’t pleased?”

  “Uh, no. Not at all.”

  “What about
your man?” Judith asked. “Is he most pleased?”

  “No, he isn’t. Actually, he’s out of the picture.”

  “What picture is that?” Josh asked.

  His question almost made her smile. Almost. “I meant, uh, he, Alec, didn’t want much to do with me once he found out.”

  Alarm crossed Mrs. Graber’s features. “Well, my goodness. Now that sounds terribly harsh.”

  “It was.” Then, thinking that wasn’t near the whole story, Lilly amended her words. “He doesn’t want the baby, but I can’t say I’m all that upset about that. Alec and I…well, we’re not well suited. I’d love to say I did everything right, but I did many things wrong. I liked a guy who I knew wasn’t right for me. And I let myself be talked into something I wasn’t ready for.”

  Judith looked at her compassionately. “You made some mistakes.”

  “I did. It’s hard to explain, but I didn’t want to make any more by forcing this boy to pretend to care for me and the baby when he didn’t.”

  “No, you can’t force relationships,” Josh said, looking lost in thought.

  “No, you can’t.” Then, because it felt so good to just talk about everything that had been going on instead of being lectured, Lilly added, “My parents want me to put the baby up for adoption.”

  Mrs. Graber blinked. “Ah.”

  “And will you?” Judith asked.

  “I can’t decide,” she said impulsively, giving away to the usual half-truths that she’d been teasing herself with over the last few weeks. But as the caring feelings of the Grabers circled her heart, Lilly knew she could no longer lie to herself, or to everyone else.

  “Actually, what I just said…that’s not true. I have made up my mind. I don’t want to give the baby up. Even though there are plenty of good reasons to do that.” Flushing, she added, “I’ve even called Ms. Vonn, the adoption agency lady, and told her the news. So everything’s pretty much settled. I just haven’t told my parents.”

  Judith whistled low. “Oh my. They’re going to be mighty surprised.”

  “They sure are. They’re going to be surprised and disappointed that I’m not listening to their advice. See, they have a whole future planned out for me. And college, too. Plus, they’re going to be upset that I didn’t tell them that I changed my mind right away. That I called up Ms. Vonn without letting them know first. It’s a real mess.”