Winter’s Awakening

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Margaret scooted away and looked at her directly. “So it’s Joshua? He’s the one?”

  “Maybe.”

  “You ought to know by now.”

  “Maybe I should…or maybe not. Courting and love are hard things, I’m finding. It’s not like putting two seams together on a dress and stitching it up neatly. Sometimes the stitches don’t come easy. They knot and get tangled.”

  Seizing on the metaphor, Margaret smiled with understanding. “Or the pieces don’t match up. That’s happened to me a time or two.”

  “Yes,” Gretta said, glad her sister understood. “Exactly.”

  “How are your seams looking now?”

  Gretta chuckled. “Like they match pretty good. But, I’m needing pins to hold them in place before they get stitched up.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Wait, I suppose.”

  “Mamm wants you to make a choice, soon.”

  “Mamm always wants something, and always the quicker the better. Well, this time, she’s going to have to be patient. This is something our mother can’t force, no matter how much she pushes or complains. I’m not on her time, I’m on my own.”

  “And Joshua’s.”

  With a smile, Gretta nodded. “Yes. It depends on Joshua, too. That means I’m going to need to wait a bit. Until he is ready and until I am ready, too.”

  Margaret sighed. “Oh, Gretta, you’re thinking too much! At this rate, I’ll be married before you.”

  “Sometimes, sister, I fear that you are right.” As she hugged Margaret tight, Gretta didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.

  A moment’s peace cradled them both, then like the rumbling of thunder, they both heard their parents’ loud voices echoing through the halls.

  Margaret frowned. “I wonder why they’re upset tonight?”

  “Sometimes I doubt if even they know,” Gretta said before thinking.

  When Margaret looked at her in alarm, Gretta almost took back her words, but then, just as suddenly, she decided against doing that. There was no sense pretending that their parents could get along…or that their inability to do so didn’t upset her.

  Once, Gretta had tried to make their home as peaceful as possible. She’d mistakenly imagined that she could control their anger toward each other. After a little while, she’d begun to realize that there was nothing she could do to make things change. Their parents seemed determined to constantly be at odds.

  Then, the front door slammed. Margaret rushed to the window and looked out. “It’s Daed,” she whispered. “Daed has on his coat and boots and is walking to the barn! Gretta, do you think he’s leaving us?”

  “I don’t know,” she replied. She was afraid to lie. Afraid to give false hopes or reassurances.

  “What are we going to do if he doesn’t come back?”

  Gretta held out her arms and hugged her sister tight. “First, I doubt Daed left us for good. He’s probably just walking off his anger or some such.”

  “But if he does leave us?”

  “Then you’ll just have to be with me, always.”

  “Even if you marry?”

  Gently rubbing Margaret’s back, Gretta nodded. “Yes. Even if I marry, you’ll stay with me. If things don’t get better, I won’t leave you here alone.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise,” Gretta said, closing her eyes.

  Chapter 19

  “How’s it coming, Joshua? Do you need help stacking the wood?”

  Looking up from his task, he saw his daed standing about a hundred yards away, heavy leather work gloves in his hands. Obviously, he was prepared to cross the field and help stack wood if asked.

  But Joshua was too old for that. “I don’t need help,” he called out. “It’s almost done.” For most of the afternoon, he’d been cutting wood and stacking it into the back of a wagon. Buster, their workhorse, was tied nearby and seemed to be enjoying his time in the field. Buster spent most days either penned in the barn or hitched to a wagon or plow.

  Joshua figured he wasn’t minding the change in routine either. It was good to be out in the fresh air instead of inside the store.

  His father had sent him home after hearing that a fierce ice storm was on the way. Being always a man with an eye out for a dollar, he’d asked him to split enough logs for their home and to sell at the store. If the dire weather reports continued, the store would be busy with customers wanting to stock up on supplies.

  Joshua spent the afternoon chopping and thinking and stacking. And though his pile of logs was growing, he still wasn’t sure how he was doing with Gretta.

  She’d seemed happy enough to see him at the restaurant, he thought as he loaded another stack of wood into the back of the wagon. In fact, when they’d started talking about Maggie and Toby and Caleb, her smiles and comments were just like they’d used to be. Fresh and happy and interested.

  But she hadn’t quite come out and said that she wasn’t interested in Roland Schrock.

  With a grunt, Josh hefted the ax from his shoulder, swung down, and neatly split a log in half. Ever since he’d seen her go out for a drive in Roland’s buggy, he hadn’t been able to squelch the bit of unfamiliar jealousy that had ridden up inside of him.

  Now he couldn’t stop wondering if her attentions had strayed. Especially since he’d been the one to say he’d needed a break. How in the world had things gotten so upside down? First he’d been tired of taking things for granted. Then he’d gotten his head turned by an English girl who was no more right for him than a brand new car.

  And now Gretta was getting driven around by Roland and he was reduced to calling on her at work. And thinking about their relationship while chopping wood.

  He now realized that his harsh treatment of her had bothered her more than he’d ever imagined. Things at her home weren’t like they were at his. His parents talked to each other and laughed and argued and then talked some more.

  At her house, any disagreement ended in strained silence.

  Groaning, he lifted the last of the logs in the back of the wagon, set the ax in there, too, then went to claim Buster.

  Buster tossed his head in irritation at being pulled from the little thatch of winter grass he’d discovered under the thin layer of snow.

  “I know it’s tasty, but we’ve got no choice,” Joshua said as he guided the large horse to the wagon and began hitching him up. “You have to work and so must I.”

  When the horse blew out air in annoyance, Joshua found himself laughing. “You said it.”

  He was just about to climb in the seat when he heard his name. “Joshua? Joshua! Wait for me!”

  Turning, he saw his brother approach with enough scarves and layers on that he resembled a snowman. As Joshua watched, Anson carefully tromped through the field out to him, nimbly hopping over rocks and a broken tree branch or two.

  “Anson, what are you doing?”

  “I was playing over with Ty, but I had to come home to do my chores.”

  “Are they done?”

  “Um…not yet.”

  “Daed won’t like that. Jim won’t either. He depends on you to keep his stall clean.”

  Anson hung his head. “I know. I was just having a good time, though.” Scrambling up on the seat beside him, Anson said, “Ty has all kinds of toys. And his mamm made us cookies and we watched cartoons.”

  Joshua smiled in spite of himself. Before long, these carefree days would be over for Anson. He’d have to accept more responsibility, especially if he and Gretta ever came to an understanding and started building a home of their own. Caleb couldn’t take up all the extra chores by himself. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, but you need to find pleasure in everything, right?”

  Anson wrinkled his nose. “I suppose.”

  When they reached the side of the barn, Joshua set the wagon’s brake, then unhitched the workhorse. Tomorrow would be soon enough to begin carting wood to the store. For now, he probably needed to keep an eye on his bro
ther as he did his chores. “I’m going to go put Buster in the barn. You’d had best get started on the water troughs.”

  “I will. But first I want to help you with the logs.”

  “Oh, no. You’re not strong enough. I don’t think your arm is ready for that, either. Remember, you just got that cast off.”

  “It’s fine. I am, too. I can help you.”

  Joshua prayed for patience. “I do want your help, but not carrying logs. Go into Buster’s stall and get his hay. That will help me the most.”

  “But I want to stack wood.” He puffed his skinny chest out. “Stop telling me no, Joshua.”

  “I’ll tell you ‘no’ whenever I think I should. Now, go do what I saw. Now.” When his brother finally moved away, Joshua directed his attention back to the horse. “Here you go,” he said, unfastening the bridle and leads.

  He continued to murmur to the horse as he rubbed him down, ready to go inside and rest.

  Then, a bit of foreboding hit him hard. Anson should have joined him in the barn by now. “Anson?”

  Closing the horse’s stall quickly, Joshua hurried outside. He skidded to a stop when he heard Anson’s pitiful cries. “Anson?”

  “I…I’m…h-h-here.”

  He raced to the back of the wagon. And found Anson crying softly on the ground, holding a foot. “Anson, what did you do?”

  “I was trying to get the biggest log I could find. To show you how strong I was. But the log was under four others. When I grabbed it, they all rolled onto my foot.”

  Kneeling down, Joshua tossed aside the trio of logs that covered his foot. Then came up short. “Anson, your foot is bare! Where is your boot?”

  “I took it off.”

  “Why?”

  “Mamm just had me clean ’em! I didn’t wanna get them dirty.”

  Praying for patience, Joshua knew it would do no good to point out that the boots were most likely already muddy from Anson’s trek across the field.

  But in the end, even a quick prayer couldn’t stem his impatience. “Honestly, Anson! Do you have no brain in that head?”

  “I do! I…” Tears came then, overrunning any words that he tried to voice.

  Helplessly, Joshua looked at the foot again, just as their father came running from the chicken pens. “What’s all the commotion about?”

  “About what you’d expect. Anson has been foolhardy again.”

  “Daedi! My foot’s all swollen!”

  “You’re going to be the life of me, child,” his father said. “Can you move your foot?”

  Anson wiggled a toe. “Not really.”

  Josh was already sliding an arm under Anson’s knees and another around his back. “He’s gonna need to go back to Dr. Kiran, I fear.”

  “You best hitch up Jim, then,” their father said wearily. “I’ll go tell your mother that it’s time to go to the hospital. Again.”

  “You going to come too, Joshua?”

  Joshua didn’t miss the hopeful thread in his brother’s voice. “I suppose I’d better. Mamm’s no match for you by herself. No match at all.”

  Chapter 20

  “In case you haven’t heard, I’m keeping the baby,” Lilly stated to her brothers in the middle of dinner. “I don’t want to give it to anyone else. Not even if it would make them happy. I’ve tried to think about it, and consider giving up the baby. I really have. But I just can’t.”

  Ty stared at her with wide eyes, then suddenly started inspecting his broccoli. Her parents sat in silence.

  Charlie, however, looked at everyone directly. “This is news to me. Mom? Dad? You two look almost calm. Have you already heard about this?”

  “We have.” While her dad didn’t look happy with the news, he definitely looked resigned.

  Looking at Ty and Charlie, Lilly said, “I know it’s going to be difficult, having a baby here, but I couldn’t live with myself otherwise.”

  Ty rolled up a long strand of spaghetti on a fork. “So I’m gonna be an uncle, right?”

  Lilly nodded. “Right.”

  “Hey, you’ll be one, too, Charlie,” Ty said.

  “I guess so.” Charlie put his fork down. “Since this baby is going to be common knowledge, I guess we didn’t have to move after all, huh?”

  Lilly looked at him in surprise. While she hadn’t expected him to be especially positive, she hadn’t thought that he would still be so resentful. “I guess not. Though, I like it here now.”

  “I like it, too,” Ty said with a smile. “I’ve made two friends in school, and Anson and me get along great.” Since he was sitting next to her, she reached over and ruffled the wayward curls on his head. She could always count on Ty to be on her side.

  “So, how do you plan to support yourself, Lilly? To support the baby?”

  Lilly couldn’t get a sense about her father. Was he mad at her? Trying to scare her? Or, did he think she genuinely needed to worry about these things? “I imagine I’ll keep working. And…maybe I could live here a while longer.”

  “You don’t plan to go to college?”

  “No. Not right now.”

  Both parents looked disappointed. She knew they were. But Lilly knew that the time had come to stop always being the child. Soon, she would need to be the parent and take on that role.

  And that meant that she sometimes had to do the right thing for her and her baby. Not just strive to please her parents.

  After giving her dad a look, her mom stood up and left the table.

  Lilly still sat, her heart sinking. She’d been a fool to think she could finally tell everyone her decision and expect her parents to embrace that decision with open arms. Obviously there was no chance of anything like that happening.

  “Are you going to tell Alec, Lilly?” Charlie asked.

  She turned to him, half expecting he, too, to be eyeing her with extreme disappointment. “I already told him. He was fine with it.”

  Stung, she stared at her plate as her father, too, stood up and left. Moments later, Ty scampered off. Leaving just her and Charlie and a tableful of spaghetti dishes.

  “Well, you sure cleared the table, huh?” Charlie quipped.

  “Yeah.” Lilly shook her head in disgust. “All along, everyone’s been telling me to do what I think is best, what’s in my heart. Now that I’ve done that, nothing’s any better. In fact, it’s worse.”

  “Are you okay? I mean, physically?”

  “I guess.” Actually, she felt sick. She felt sick and awkward and completely like a fool. Maybe she’d just made the biggest mistake of her life. Maybe she should go find her parents and tell them that she was wrong. That of course she was going to pick a family.

  Standing up, she gathered three pasta bowls and a salad plate and carried it to the kitchen. To her surprise, Charlie picked up a couple of plates and brought them in, too.

  “I think you made the right decision,” Charlie said as he started running the water.

  She looked at him in surprise. To her amazement, he was staring at her with a new respect and the corners of his mouth tipped upward slightly. Just enough to let her know that he was impressed. “You do?”

  “Yeah.” Efficiently, he opened the cabinet under the sink, pulled out some dish soap, and squirted a quarter’s worth into the running water. Instantly, foamy white suds formed. “What you’re doing, it’s hard. But you’re doing it for the kid. That’s a good thing, you know?”

  Lilly pondered that as she walked back to the dining room table and picked up more dishes. “I didn’t expect you to say that,” she said as he took them from her. “I’ve always thought you hated me for what happened with Alec.”

  He shrugged. “I’m not going to lie. I sure do wish you’d never gotten involved with Alec. And, I wish you hadn’t slept with him.” He frowned as he rinsed off a plate and stuck it in the dish rack. “And the baby wasn’t good news either.”

  She couldn’t help but smile. Her brother was right. All those things had been rude awakenings and tough to de
al with. “But?”

  “But…things happen, you know?” Dipping his hands into the sudsy water, Charlie swished a dishcloth around, then rinsed and stacked it. “I don’t think you’re the first girl to fall for the wrong guy and have to live with the consequences. You probably won’t be the last.”

  “So…”

  Finally, his almost smile turned into a grin. The type of smile that was vintage Charlie. It was a smile that had been absent for a long time. “So, I’m glad you’re not trying to pretend that you’re not pregnant. That was getting old.”

  “It was getting old for me, too.” She pulled at her khaki pant’s waistband. “I’m tired of everyone just thinking that I’m chubby. But most of all, I’m tired of pretending to be something I’m not.”

  “It’s too bad about college, though. Maybe one day you can go.”

  As they continued the routine of washing, rinsing, and stacking dishes, Lilly said, “I bet I’ll go one day. But right now I think it’s the least of my worries. Anyway, to tell you the truth, I don’t know if I would’ve been ready to go in the fall. School was never easy like it’s been for you. And, well, I like my job at the restaurant. People are nice there.”

  “Mom and Dad will come around soon.”

  “I know.”

  “Don’t give up on them. They’re just worried about you.”

  “I hope that’s it.” Thinking about lawyer bills and baby bills, she shivered. “I never dreamed they’d push me out on my own.”

  “I don’t think they will. Don’t worry.”

  “I’ll try not to.”

  “Lilly, you’re going to be fine. See, you’ve always been so comfortable with who you are, with want you want. Who knows? You might even stay out here in Sugarcreek forever.”

  She laughed because he made it sound like the ends of the earth. “Thanks, Charlie. And thanks for the help with the dishes. I’ll finish up the rest of them now.”

  He winked, then turned and walked down to his room in the basement.

  Of course he hadn’t argued with the offer, but she was so glad he’d stayed and talked to her that she didn’t even care. She liked the idea that her big brother had decided to support her because he felt it was important, not because their parents had pushed him that way.