Irresistible Fear

by A. Meredith Walters

  Finally, the president stopped talking and directed them to begin their individual tours. Sasha grabbed her arm. “Come on already. Let’s go take a look around.” Emily and Sasha left the main building and began to walk around the grounds. The day was really warm and Emily enjoyed the sun on her back. She took off her fleece jacket and tied it around her waist.

  They wandered in and out of the buildings, looking in classrooms, asking questions of people who attended the school. Despite her misgivings, Emily was becoming excited. She could see herself going to school here. And when they went into Deacon Hall that housed the art programs, her excitement went through the roof. They had a full on dark room and the classrooms were covered in the most amazing photographs she had ever seen.

  Emily stood in the doorway, watching the light come through the windows, several of which were stained glass. Sasha smiled at her open mouthed appreciation. “Like it huh?” Sasha asked. Emily nodded. “The ambience is unbelievable.” Sasha snorted. “The ambience huh?”

  “Oh shut up.” Emily playfully shoved Sasha and the two left the classroom. “You can see yourself here can’t you?” Sasha asked her. Emily nodded. “Okay, so you were right. I like it. But that doesn’t change the fact that I couldn’t even begin to afford it. So don't start celebrating yet.” Sasha rolled her eyes. “Alright Negative Nelly, I think that's our cue to go meet with the financial aid officer. I will love to see you get proven oh, so wrong, yet again!” Emily didn't want to admit it but she hoped Sasha was right...this once.

  They were walking down the hallway when Emily felt an uncomfortable sensation. Every hair on the back of her neck stood on end and prickles of ice spread through her arms. She immediately stopped walking and looked around.

  Emily’s stomach knotted up and she felt dizzy. “You okay?” Sasha asked, peering at her questioningly. Emily just shook her head and doubled over as she was wracked with a wave of nausea. “Are you going to be sick or something? Because you know I don’t do vomit.” Sasha sounded panicked as she scouted the area for a trashcan.

  “Just give me a sec.” Emily whispered, taking deep breaths. Sasha paced back in forth and front of her, waiting for the first signs of sick. Emily wanted to tell her to stop, but didn’t trust herself to open her mouth.

  “Are you alright?” A voice cut through her single focus of not throwing up. However, the sensation intensified and lights flashed in her eyes. She sagged to the floor, putting her head between her legs. “Whoa Emily! Help me please.” Emily didn’t know who Sasha was speaking to but suddenly felt two pairs of hands picking her up by her arms and helping her out of the building. She could tell Sasha’s hands by the slight warmth and the prick of her manicured nails.

  The other hands were hot, as if they had been left in scalding water. They hurt and Emily wanted to yell out for whoever it was to let her go. But just as she was about to say something, the hands released her and she sat down hard on a cold stone bench outside. The nausea continued to roll through her stomach and a sickeningly sweet smell filled her nostrils.

  “Go get her some water.” The strange, female voice told Sasha. “Okay.” Sasha sounded relieved to do something and Emily heard her steps hurry away. Emily felt the person lean towards her, as if they were checking on her. Not once had Emily lifted her head to look at them, though she wanted to. Emily didn’t feel as if she were able to.

  She felt as if she were going to black out, stars appeared on the backs of her closed eye lids and her heart beat increased to the point where she felt it would explode from her chest. Just as she felt she couldn’t stay conscious anymore, she heard a soft voice next to her ear. “Why is he so interested in you? You are nothing.” Emily was confused. The voice was whispery soft and Emily wasn’t sure she had heard correctly. She tried to look up at the woman but she felt like there was a hand at the base of her neck, making it impossible for her to lift her head. The woman's anger was obvious, rolling off of her in waves like heat. The bile rose in Emily's throat and she knew she was about to spew everywhere.

  The very pissed off lady gripped Emily's arm, her nails biting into her arm and probably drew blood. “I'll be watching you Emily. Every second of every day. I'm watching you both.” What? Emily wanted to ask. There was a rush of air and the intense heat disappeared and Emily was suddenly able to move again.

  She opened her eyes, the nausea miraculously gone, though she could still taste vomit in the back of her throat. Emily looked around for the woman who had just been with her but didn’t see anyone. What the hell had she been talking about? She got the distinct impression the woman had sought her out on purpose. But why? Her last words had the distinct sound of a threat and it totally freaked Emily out.

  Emily saw Sasha running down the cobbled path towards her, a bottle of water in her hands. She thrust it into Emily’s hands. “Drink this now.” She commanded. “I’m fine Sasha. Calm down.” To make her friend feel better, Emily took a big gulp from the bottle.

  “What the hell was that Emily? You scared me to death!” Sasha lightly punched her upper arm. “I don’t know Sash. I thought I was going to puke there for a sec. But see, all better.” Emily stood and did a little tap dance, ending with a flourish. “You dork. Don't do that stuff to me.” Sasha told her angrily.

  “Where did that lady go? I wanted to thank her for helping me. There was no way I was gonna drag your butt outside by myself.” Emily shrugged but couldn't help but ask. “What did she look like Sash?” Sasha frowned and seemed to think about it.

  “You know what's weird? I don't really know. I mean, I looked right at her but it's like it was all fuzzy or something.” Emily felt her heart sputter. Some instinct was telling her not to ignore this, that this whole thing was extremely important.

  Sasha shrugged. “Whatever, it's probably my stress from dealing with your traumatic ass. Again, don't do that to me ever again.” Sasha picked up her purse that she had thrown on the ground in her mad dash for a bottle of water.

  “Alright, well let's go see the financial aid person and then I think you need to go home.” Sasha said, walking across the grass. Suddenly Sasha stopped and turned to face Emily; that confused frown back on her face. “What Sash...you look like you're going to blow a gasket.” Emily asked.

  “You know, I do remember something about that lady now.” Sasha looked at Emily in a funny way. Emily felt her breath stop for a second. “What?” She whispered. “Her eyes. They were purple.” Sasha told her with a cocked eyebrow.

  “Purple?” Emily asked incredulously. “I know right...but they were. Anyway...” Sasha's words trailed off and she walked away. Emily just stood there, not sure what to make of all of it. Rubbing her arm, she winced at the sudden sting. Looking down there were four clear punctures in the skin, the woman’s nails branding her.

  “Hey, wait up.” Emily called to Sasha, running after her friend who was making a bee line toward the financial aid office. Walking quickly to catch up with Sasha, Emily couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling of eyes on her.

  Chapter 5

  “See that wasn’t so bad. And you even got some good news.” Sasha enthused as they sat in her living room eating popcorn and watching an old black and white horror movie. Emily put a handful of popcorn in her mouth instead of answering.

  Sasha was right. Emily had been pleasantly surprised at the options she had for paying for college. Even with the less than stellar grades she had recently, there were loans and grants available to her. Emily had never dared hope that college was in her future but it suddenly seemed attainable.

  Emily however, didn’t want to talk about it. Almost as if discussing it too often would jinx it and it would never happen. But she conceded with Sasha. “Yep, not bad at all.” She mumbled around the food in her mouth.

  Sasha gave her a self-satisfied smile. She was basking in “I told you so.” Emily let her have her moment of glory, not putting into words any of the million other worries that threatened that feel good moment.

  �
�Do you really have to work this evening?” Sasha whined, pouting from across the sofa. Emily chuckled. “Yes, some of us have that thing called...responsibility.” Emily laughed at her friend. She pulled out the sleeve of pictures she just had developed from the local drug store. She was excited to see how her latest pictures turned out.

  “I do not know this word you speak of.” Sasha joked. Sasha got up to microwave some more popcorn. “What time do you have to be there?” “5:30.” Emily answered. “Well, I can give you a lift if you want.”

  Emily nodded, not really paying attention. Her focus was on the pictures that sat in her lap. “What the hell?” She whispered, flipping through them quickly. Each picture was obscured by a large shadow. Emily picked up picture after picture, squinting her eyes as she held them close to her face. There was something about the shape that was familiar.

  “Hey, how did your pictures turn out?” Sasha asked coming up behind her. She grabbed a pile from beside Emily and looked through them. “Well that sucks. You can barely see them.” Sasha moved the pictures to view them from different angles.

  “It doesn’t make any sense. This doesn’t look like overexposed film or anything.” Emily really looked at the pictures. The photographs were essentially shadowed by a dark object. She could make out the trees and the clouds but it was as if someone had walked in front of the light.

  The thing that really bothered Emily was that the shadows seem to be in the shape of a person, a female person to be exact. Sasha picked up on this as well. “Who was standing next to you? You should give them hell for ruining your pictures like that. They look like they could have been really good.” Sasha tossed them back on the couch without another thought and returned to the kitchen to get the popcorn.

  Emily couldn’t look away from the photographs. She wished Sasha’s explanation was the end of it. But what really bothered her was the fact that she knew she had been alone when she took the pictures. She would never have been with anyone while taking photographs; it wasn’t the way she worked. So there was no way someone’s shadow could have shown up on the film. A tingle started running down her arms and she had a feeling of foreboding. She felt as if ice water was running through her veins and that uncomfortably familiar sick feeling began in her stomach.

  When Sasha returned, she quickly put the photos away, stuffing them into her backpack. “You alright?” Sasha asked, flopping back down on the sofa beside her. Emily plastered a smile back on her face. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just not wanting to go to work this evening.” “Then don’t go. Call in sick.” Sasha gave her an amused look. “Have you ever called in sick before?”

  Of course they both knew she never had. Emily worked when she had a 101 degree fever. “Your work ethic is so inspiring.” Sasha remarked sarcastically. Emily threw a handful of popcorn at her friend. “Hey, if mom gets mad about the mess, I’m telling her you did it.” Sasha complained, stooping to pick up the pieces.

  “She’ll never believe you.” Emily giggled. Sasha groaned. “The sad thing is you’re right. Poor little Emily can do no wrong.” Emily just laughed and helped her pick up the mess.

  When they were done, they sat back on the couch, arguing about some trivial plot point in the movie they were watching. Emily’s hand lay lightly on her book bag, wanting to look at those pictures again, but not wanting to call attention to the fact that she was obsessing about it.

  “Earth to Emily.” Sasha waved her hand in front of Emily’s face. Emily blinked and looked at Sasha. Had she missed something? “Sorry, what were you saying?” Sasha’s face showed her irritation but she went on anyway. “I SAID, so did you hear that Jeremy was taking Liz to the movies tonight?” Emily gave Sasha a double take. “Really?” She asked incredulously, eyes wide. She was shocked considering the conversation she had with him just the other day.

  Sasha was watching Emily’s face closely, looking for a sign of a response. “Stop staring at me like that.” Emily told her irritably. “Wow that bugged you huh?” Emily’s good mood snapped. “Will you stop looking for signs that I’m jealous? I’ve told you that I hate the thought of Jeremy being hurt but it has nothing to do with wanting to get back together. Why are you so fixated on me being with Jeremy? Maybe you should be a little more concerned about your own love life, or lack of one.” Emily knew she was being nasty and the second the words were out of her mouth, she felt horrible.

  Sasha looked taken aback and didn’t say anything for a moment. “Sash, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Emily said quickly, trying to repair the damage. Sasha looked at her blankly, but then gave her a small smile. “No, I actually think I deserved that. I just want you to be happy Em and you just never seem to be happy anymore. Apart from your million physical ailments, you just seem depressed and I don’t know how to help you is all. I guess in my shallow mind I think a boy could fix it all.” Sasha smiled at her and Emily felt even worse about snapping at her.

  “I get it Sasha, but going out with Jeremy won’t solve any of my problems. You don’t need to worry about me so much. I’ll be fine.” Even as Emily said the words, she could hear how false they rang. She didn’t know if that was true or not. Sasha seemed reassured, however.

  “Okay, well, why don’t we find something ridiculously girly to waste the afternoon with?” Sasha jumped up and began to go through the rows upon rows of movies sitting on the shelf. “Sounds good, just not the Notebook, I can't deal with that one again.” Emily remarked just as Sasha pulled it from the pile. Well maybe she would just take a nap instead. Settling down into the warmth of the couch, she felt the familiar tingles of sleep over take her and pull her into the dark.

  ********************

  Snap. Snap. Picture after picture fell to the ground. Almost like Polaroid’s. Trees, a river, a rock formation that resembled a small Stonehenge.

  Snap. Snap. Snap. She was in frenzy. Picture after picture. Image after image developed on the celluloid at her feet. The air was warm, balmy almost and she wasn’t able to determine exactly where she was. It was a strange mixture of several places she had been at different points in her life. There was the river that looked remarkably like the one next to the camping spot she used to frequent with her childhood friend, Meaghan and her family when she was in elementary school. Meaghan had moved away when they turned ten and so those great camping trips had ended.

  Yet there was that very identifiable river, drifting lazily along. Then to her left was a grove of trees that were obviously the little orchard of apple trees that grew behind Jeremy’s house. She and Jeremy had spent several weeks out there as she had photographed every possible apple and branch. It looked exactly the same as she remembered it.

  Then directly in front of her was a small graveled path, the same one that connected her Nan's house to the beach. If she listened hard enough, Emily could almost hear the pounding surf.

  The blend of images was unsettling and made it hard for her to get a handle on herself. And she was compulsively taking picture after picture, capturing everything as if that were the last time she’d ever see them. But of course, this wasn’t real. This was a dream, one that would inevitably become something else.

  Emily went through the motions, feeling no control over her movements. She was a puppet on a string, no thought or clear purpose. She felt herself moving along the graveled path. Snap. Snap. Taking pictures of the funny little formations the rocks made on either side of the walkway. Funny… that one looked like an outline of Mickey Mouse. And that one, that looked like the Eiffel Tower.

  There was no sun, no sky, but the world around her was awash in a strange, fuzzy light. Things began to slow down and she felt her feet thicken as if she were walking through mud. Her palms became damp around her camera and her fingers slid along the smooth surface, making it slip out of her grasp so that it hung limply around her neck.

  Here it begins. Emily thought to herself. The horror was overwhelming as she anticipated the change. The moment when an otherwise pleasant dream became a soul sucki
ng nightmare. Soul sucking. That’s exactly what it felt like. As if she were being drained dry and she was left with nothing.

  At first it was the noise. A high-pitched scream. More of a squeal really. It hurt her ears and she tried to cover them with her hands, but found she was unable to move her arms. The sound intensified until it jarred her insides.

  What was it? She could feel the weight of her camera around her neck, feeling more like a ball and chain, choking her. She rounded a bend in the trail and stopped short. Lying along the path were pigs; pigs everywhere. Pigs in different stages of decay and decomposition. Some were freshly butchered and it was then that she realized this is where the noise was coming from. Several appeared to still be alive, despite the decay. Well, there went any desire to eat pork ever again. She shuddered, feeling sick to her stomach yet again.

  Emily closed her eyes and began to run. She held her breath against the smell. She ran like this, blindly, for what felt like an eternity. Finally, when she couldn’t run any more, she stopped. She opened her eyes and was thankful that the only sights before her were grass and trees.

  She collapsed on the ground, breath coming in short, painful gasps. Then it started again; the sound. The horrible, penetrating sound that seemed to come from all sides. Not the damn pigs again! She stood up and looked around, not seeing anything. But the sound continued. The high pitched squealing that was like nails on a chalk board.

  The sound was too much, and this was in some ways worse than the actual images from before. “I can’t take this.” She thought to herself as it reached a fevered pitch. Then just as quickly as it began, it stopped. Emily breathed in a sigh of relief and touched her camera reassuringly. She just wanted to wake up. Why couldn’t she ever make herself wake up?