Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

by Luke Young

  “What?” Eli knitted his brows together.

  “Me watching.” Michael crossed his legs, folding his hands on his lap and held his head high.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I’m getting you back for that time in college.”

  “What time?” Eli asked.

  “Think.”

  “Wait, you mean that time with you and that, that skanky drunk girl.”

  “She wasn’t that skanky and you were watching us.”

  Lifting the blankets up, he shared a wide-eyed look with Anne. She mouthed, “What’s he doing here?”

  He shrugged and returned his attention to his friend. “I wasn’t watching you. I was just waiting for the nightmare to be over and yeah, she was pretty skanky.”

  “Who’s your friend?” Michael stood and took a few steps closer to the bed.

  Eli put his hand up. “It’s, you know, a friend.”

  “Come on, I want to see her face at least. You owe me that.”

  “Dude, just go.” Eli pointed to the door.

  “I’m not leaving until I see her.” Michael folded his arms, defiantly.

  Eli sighed. “Listen, I—”

  “Get out of here Michael,” Anne blurted out from under the covers.

  Michael’s eyes got big as a confused look spread over his face. “Anne?”

  Eli exhaled deeply as she poked her head out. “Yep, it’s me.”

  Michael gaped, his entire body frozen. After a moment, he shook his head as though fighting off the shock. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “What are you doing here?” she fired back.

  Suddenly angry, Michael moved to the bed as Eli prepared for the worst, his arms up in defense. “Wait a second, I can explain.”

  In one swift motion, Michael yanked him out of bed, hooking his hand under his arm, as if he weighed nothing at all. The completely naked Eli’s legs dangled in the air for a moment before Michael let him go. Bouncing off the wall as he lost his balance, Eli righted himself and put his hands up once again. “I can expl—”

  “Can you?” Michael widened his eyes, pressing his palm against Eli’s chest, knocking him back and against the wall, hard. A picture next to him tumbled to the floor. “I told you, you could use my house, but I never said you could fuck my wife.”

  Gripping the sheets under her chin, Anne said, “I’m not your wife.”

  While still pressing Eli to the wall, Michael turned to her, scowling. “Just another one of your famous beyond brilliant mov—”

  Before Michael could finish his thought, Eli pushed him back then punched him square in the jaw. He flopped down to the floor, gazing up at Eli in shock and rubbing his chin.

  “Don’t you talk to her like that ever again!” Eli shot him a pointed look. “And another thing—you’ve been pushing me around since college. It stops now.”

  Anne gazed at Eli mesmerized then narrowed her eyes, glaring at her ex-husband. “And I’m not taking any of your shit anymore either. I’m keeping this house. I’ll buy you out.”

  Michael turned to her, his lips curling up in an amused grin. “Yeah, right.”

  “You can have all the furniture. I want it out of here.”

  Michael jeered. “You’d never—”

  “Get out!” Eli pointed at him.

  Michael slowly rose to his feet, his gaze stopping briefly on Eli’s naked groin. Noticing, Eli quickly covered up. Michael said, “Dude, why is your dick so red?”

  “I happen to like his red”—Anne began motioning toward his groin—“ish penis.”

  “Thanks,” Eli replied, self-consciously.

  Michael took a step back and turned his attention to Anne. “I can’t believe you’re fucking this guy.”

  “Go.” Eli jerked his chin toward the door, sneering.

  “Fine.” After pausing a few moments staring Eli down, Michael turned and walked out of the room.

  Eli climbed into bed. He glanced to Anne, holding back a smile. “That was interesting.”

  She nodded. “Wow, you really stood up to him.”

  “So did you.” He took a deep breath. “Before this month, I’d never been in a fight in my life and now…”

  She smiled proudly. “You’re 2 and 0.”

  “I know.” Lacing his fingers together, he leaned back with his hands behind his head. “I think I’m going to retire.”

  “I think you should too.”

  “Yes, I’m more of a lover than a fighter.”

  “That reminds me of where we left off before we were so rudely interrupted.” She lifted the covers up and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him to her.

  He settled in between her legs and pressed his mouth to hers. Pulling back, he asked, “You really don’t mind that it’s so red?”

  “What?” She appeared lost for a moment before the look of realization spread over her face. “Oh. No, I think it’s kinda sexy.”

  “That’s a relief.”

  Downstairs, Michael stood scowling in the foyer gazing down the hall to the partially closed powder room door. “Why didn’t you do that while I was upstairs?”

  “I did, but I had to again.” Mandy poked her head out the door then flushed the toilet before turning toward the sink.

  Suddenly the doorbell rang and Michael headed to the door.

  Mandy walked out of the bathroom right as Michael opened the door. Discovering an angry-looking young man standing outside, Michael said, “What do you want?”

  The man glanced at Mandy before glaring at Michael. “You bastard!”

  “What?” Michael’s eyes widened.

  The young man lunged at Michael and punched him in the face, knocking him, once again, to the floor. Michael gazed up at him in confusion, rubbing his chin. “What the hell?”

  “You’ve already got yourself another young one.” The young man scoffed.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” Michael asked, confused.

  “I’m Nicole’s boyfriend.”

  “Who’s Nicole?” Michael asked.

  “Does Dateline know about you?” After shooting him a sickened look, the young man stormed out the front door.

  Mandy glared at Michael. “Yeah, who the hell’s Nicole?”

  41

  The laptop that had been left behind in the Tampa house, not only contained proof of Michael’s erotic home movie making, it held evidence of his pattern of exchanging explicit images and messages with several other women. The sexting dated back earlier than anything testified to, under oath, in their divorce court proceeding. This amounted to perjury on Michael’s part. That nugget alone could have led to a renegotiating of their settlement. In addition, the laptop held damning evidence of Michael’s secret bank accounts, which proved he was hiding money from his wife and, more importantly, the government. All of this new information led Michael to a substantial renegotiating of the divorce settlement that left Anne in a much better position financially.

  Owning the Tampa house outright along with a large lump sum of cash, she was able to complete the renovation and redecorating that she’d always dreamed of.

  This time she picked out everything herself except she did allow her new boyfriend, Eli, to choose the paint color in the office she set up for him. It turned out his old company wanted him back and he negotiated an arrangement working remotely from home and only traveling to the office twice a month. He hoped it would be a temporary situation while he waited for his hand-modeling career to take off. He was, however, searching for a new job locally since that pipe dream only resulted in one job that didn’t pay very well at all.

  Eli was successful in expediting his divorce and combined a trip to sign the papers with a visit to his office. Returning home from his late flight, he stopped at the liquor store for an expensive bottle of champagne. He arrived at the beach house, went upstairs and discovered Anne lying in bed. He opened the bottle; poured them both a glass and they drank to his freedom.

  Afte
r a quick shower, he discovered her engrossed in a magazine.

  Finally, she looked up and giggled. “We should really try some of these.”

  He climbed into bed next to her, slipping under the covers. “What are you reading?”

  “It’s this article, Fifty Sex Adventures for Couples.”

  “I’m always up for an adventure.” Leaning over, he studied the page.

  “How about number twelve?” She gazed at him, grinning.

  He read it and said, “That’s not bad, but we should do twenty-one.

  “What’s that one?” Anne returned her attention to the article. She read it then scoffed. “You can do that one to yourself when I’m not here.”

  “That’s just mean.” He pointed to number twenty-three. “Remember when I did that one for you?”

  She read it and nodded. “I do and it was amazing.”

  “Uh-huh.” He frowned. “It was a lot of work too.”

  “I know. I know.”

  “You’d think I’d earn some reward points doing that whole thing.”

  “Points?” She snickered. “What, like I should punch your card or something? Deliver five number twenty-threes and get one twenty-one.”

  “Something like that.” He laughed. “Hey, check out number eleven.”

  She read it then said, “I could do that.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, maybe on your birthday.”

  “Oh.” Turning away, he looked disappointed. “That’s not for another couple of months.”

  “I’m kidding.” She touched her chin, cocking her head. “All right, let’s do that one now. Go get the ice.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes, let’s go, Clif…” She pressed her lips together.

  “Were you…” He narrowed his eyes. “Were you about to call me Clifford?”

  “Well, yeah.” She cringed. “Sorry.”

  “How’d you know about that?”

  “When Nicole sent me some pictures, she might have mentioned it.”

  “She sent you pictures? Why?”

  “I sorta asked for some.”

  “Ah.” After pausing for a moment, he pointed to his groin, asking hesitantly, “Hey, I thought you didn’t mind that he was a little reddish.”

  “I don’t.” She grinned, curling up on his chest and running her finger over his stomach. “Red is one of my favorite colors.”

  “That’s good to know.”

  Slipping her hand under the covers, she stroked his growing penis. “But maybe the ice will make him a little bluer too.”

  “We’ll see.” He chuckled.

  She pulled back from him and smiled. “Hurry back.”

  He got out of bed and turned to her. “Oh, I will.”

  THE END

  I hope you enjoyed Seriously Messed Up. I would love for you to write a short review and post it online. It only takes a few words and a few minutes and it makes all the difference in helping people discover my books. To find links to the retailer where you downloaded this book so you can post a review, please click here.

  If you haven’t had the pleasure of getting to know Jillian, Brian, Victoria and the wacky and naughty gang in my bestselling Friends with Benefits series, I’ve included the first two complete volumes in this series as a bonus, plus an excerpt from series book three. They begin right after the author’s note or you can jump there right now. I hope you enjoy my Friends with Benefits series which has been read by over 1,000,000 people and has more than 5,000 five-star ratings.

  Please help spread the word about my books by posting a review online, telling friends or simply by liking my Facebook author page by clicking here. It’s not easy to find new readers and I would sure appreciate your help spreading the word.

  I love hearing from readers. Feel free to email me with any questions, to maybe share a scene that you enjoyed or just to say hi at lukebyoung@gmail.com

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  To find out more about the author and his work, see http://www.lukeyoungbooks.com/

  ALSO BY LUKE YOUNG

  SHRINKAGE

  CHOCOLATE COVERED BILLIONAIRE NAVY SEAL

  CHANCES AREN’T

  SO FAR GONE, GIRL: A GONE GIRL PARODY

  SERIOUSLY MESSED UP

  The Friends with Benefits Series:

  FRIENDS WITH PARTIAL BENEFITS (Included)

  FRIENDS WITH FULL BENEFITS (Included)

  FRIENDS WITH MORE BENEFITS (Excerpt Included)

  FRIENDS WITH EXTRA BENEFITS

  FRIENDS WITH WAY TOO MANY BENEFITS

  FRIENDS WITH MULTIPLE BENEFITS

  FRIENDS WITH REAL BENEFITS

  The Friends with Benefits Prequel Series and Bonus Books:

  FRIENDS WANTING BENEFITS

  FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS BONUS BOOK - VOLUME ONE

  Ian Dalton Erotica

  DESPERATE THOUGHTS - Victoria Wilde’s Erotic Backstory

  SWEET PROCRASTINATION

  Author’s Note

  I hope you enjoyed Seriously Messed Up. It’s a story that I originally wrote more than a decade ago as a screenplay when I thought I would try my hand at writing a movie. I’ve wanted to adapt it into a novel for the last five years and have finally done it. It’s had so many titles along the way: Replacing Ethan, when the main character was named Ethan, Reinventing Ethan—a version where he and Anne invented something together (okay, so maybe that was silly), Anal Sex for Dummies of all things, then just Sex for Dummies.

  Now as a novel, I wanted to get the word Sex out of the title. I’m cleaning up my act a bit… LOL. I called it Seriously Messed Up because it’s a phrase I’ve heard my twenty-year old daughter say many times and I thought it was fitting. Anyway… if you know me and my writing you might remember that I like to ramble in my Author’s Notes. I’m funny like that…

  When I originally came up with the premise for this story, my goal was to explore all the ways a guy could be given a gift-wrapped “Every Man’s Fantasy” (AKA-a threesome with two gorgeous young women) and have every opportunity go horribly wrong. At the same time, of course, have him find the love of his life along the way.

  Sure, some of Eli’s misadventures are far-fetched, but what the hell—it’s supposed to be funny. I guess a bathtub could possibly catch fire like that if you used enough bath oil and lighted candles…maybe. Please don’t try that at home…

  In the original screenplay, the celebrity he saved was more of a Paris Hilton type—like a reality star heiress with rich parents. To update the story, I went with a pop superstar instead. I think the switch worked well and I enjoyed writing that concert scene. I hope my writing put you there as Eli. Every guy (and maybe girl) wants to be a rock/popstar, right?

  As always feel free to email me with any questions, to maybe share a scene that you enjoyed or just to say hi at lukebyoung@gmail.com

  I’d like to thank the following individuals for their help and support:

  My beta readers—A. Shonk, Rina N., R. Riley, Kate S.—for proofreading and providing wonderful suggestions to help improve this book.

  My entire ARC team for providing early reviews, proofreading and suggestions.

  And especially my wife, Bridget, who for the first time worked with me on a novel. She’s a wonderful and thorough proofreader. She also provided many great suggestions to make this book what it is today. I’m still trying to figure out why I never asked her to help me before. I guess, sometimes, you fail to recognize something great that’s right in front of you. I’ll strive to never do that again.

  Again, hope you enjoyed it and if you haven’t had the pleasure of getting to know Jillian, Brian, Victoria and the wacky and naughty gang in my Friends With Benefits series, please check out the bonus novels I’ve included below.

  Luke

  Seriously Messed Up.

  Copyright © Luke Young, 2017

  All rights reserved.

  This b
ook is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright 2017 by Luke Young. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, downloaded, transmitted, reverse engineered, decompiled or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Luke Young.

  Edited by Kerry Genova, writersresourceinc.com

  Cover Design by Luke Young

  Picture Credit: Tatyana Vyc

  V1.6ms

  FRIENDS WITH PARTIAL BENEFITS

  1

  Jillian Grayson sat up in bed, typing away on the keyboard of her laptop computer. She wore a nightshirt that wasn’t all that sexy, but what she was typing was… or at least it started out that way…

  Dallas lay in bed, unable to sleep and wondering if Katrina was suffering the same fate—and for the very same reason. Did she want him as much as he wanted her? Katrina was but a few steps away, yet he dare not go to her, for he was a guest, and then there was Katrina’s mother, who was just across the hall. For Dallas, sleep came minutes later, but it would be short-lived, for soon Katrina stood over him, completely nude and pondering how to proceed…

  Dallas must have been in a deep sleep, since he didn’t feel it when Katrina peeled the sheet carefully off him, exposing his muscular body, six-pack abs, and sizeable manhood. She quivered when his impressiveness sprang into view. For a long time, she kneeled next to the bed, just studying his body and savoring his scent. Taking his sex into her hand, Katrina worked it until it was rigid while she watched him sleep. When Dallas woke, he looked into her eyes, swallowed hard, and whispered, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

  Just as fast as his sex expanded, it lost its firmness and flopped against his leg. Katrina looked down at it in disappointment and then moaned in frustration. “What’s wrong?”