Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

by Luke Young

  Leaning against the wall, completely naked, she sighed in disappointment. She traced her finger along the door molding. “Sometimes I just can’t help myself.”

  “I think we can both make it a couple more days,” he said loudly through the door.

  After unlocking and opening the door, he spotted her naked hot body. He wore only boxer briefs as he covered his eyes and shuffled past her. “This is not good for our celibacy pact.”

  “You’re very weak, you know that.” She shook her head as she sauntered into the bathroom.

  Turning back, he caught a glimpse of her shapely rear end before she disappeared into the shower stall. He let out a sigh as he headed out of the room.

  That night, he struggled to fall asleep since his new hair-free balls were literally itching and figuratively itching for some female attention. With Jillian sound asleep next to him, he slipped quietly into the bathroom and spent a good minute checking everything out down there in the mirror. Lifting one part up, he craned his neck to see two other parts and smiled, pleased with his new clean look.

  The smoothness of his hairless parts felt incredible. He couldn’t wait to show Jillian and have her try out his new and improved equipment. Rather than use a quick self-pleasuring session to try to sleep and break his word, he turned to booze. After downing a beer, he returned to the bedroom and quickly fell asleep.

  The next day, Brian woke up late and discovered Jillian in the great room, frowning as she watched television. She exhaled and turned it off. “The lawsuit is all over the news.”

  “Oh no.”

  “They’re saying that I based the character on her. Natalie’s attorney, a Josh somebody, claims that Rebecca is Natalie, and the novel’s full of lies amounting to character assassination. He said they’re seeking damages to ensure this never happens to any other young woman. And something about repairing Natalie’s reputation and helping her move on with her life. He called her a ‘respectable, shy young girl who would never manipulate men or engage in the kind of sex described in the book.’”

  He gave her an incredulous look. “All she did was engage in the kind of sex described in the book.”

  “I know.” She scoffed and let out a sigh. “I think…”

  “What?”

  “I think we should postpone the wedding.”

  “But, we’re flying out tomorrow.” Sitting down next to her, he placed his hand on her knee. “Everything is set. Just forget about all of this.”

  “How can I forget? And we won’t have the money to pay for any of it when she gets through with us.”

  She rested her head on his chest, and he stroked her hair soothingly. “Don’t let her ruin this for us. It’s too important. It’s also too late to cancel. You probably can’t get any money back this late. I’ll call the bank and ask for my job back.”

  “Don’t do that.” She pulled up and looked him in the eye. “I need you with me now.”

  They kissed and he held her on the sofa for the next ten minutes.

  Later that day, the phone rang often with requests for comments and interviews. After turning down all of the ringers, she disconnected her phone. They kept the television off for the rest of the day and stayed off the Internet.

  21

  Jim, Caroline, and Ed and Bev Nash boarded the same flight to Miami early the next day. This was the first time Jim’s parents had met Caroline, and overall they treated her well. In fact, they almost acted like normal people; it was astonishing. Neither mentioned the word fornicate or anything relating to religion during the flight.

  Jillian and Brian met them at the airport and guided them to the correct gate for the charter flight to St. Barts. Victoria, Rob, Laura and the rest of the wedding party, along with the local guests, were waiting there, as well. All other out of town guests were flying directly from their own local airports to meet them on the island of St. Maarten for the puddle-jumping flight to St. Barts.

  As they waited to board the plane, a television was blaring in the waiting area. Jillian had been able to put the entire lawsuit out of her mind until the news story began on the screen:

  A lawsuit against bestselling author Jillian Grayson who writes under the pen name of Jaclyn West has been filed by Natalie Brookhart, a young woman who at one time dated both Miss Grayson’s son, Robert, and her fiancé, Brian Nash.

  All eyes locked onto the screen as the story continued.

  Miss Brookhart alleges that Jaclyn West used her likeness in her latest bestselling novel without her permission. She also contends that she was painted in an unflattering, if not slanderous, light in the story. Miss Brookhart is seeking unspecified damages rumored to be in the multi seven-figure range. She says she can prove her claims and offers up proof with this video of her striking the exact ballet pose depicted on the cover of the novel entitled The Leg Thing.

  On the screen, a split image of Natalie in the ballet position appeared next to a large image of the book cover.

  Miss Grayson has yet to comment on this suit publicly, but experts we spoke to believe that there is more than enough evidence to support Miss Brookhart’s claims. Rumors hint of a large settlement currently in the works.

  Jillian sat quietly with her eyes closed as everyone turned to her, attempting to deliver sympathetic looks. Finally opening her eyes, she glanced around to her supporters. “I’d rather not talk about it. Let’s just keep the TVs off the news channels this weekend.”

  Everyone nodded in silent agreement and continued waiting in the terminal. Victoria was expecting the results of the paternity test at any time. Her doctor had promised to e-mail them as soon as they were available. As she sat in the airport, her smart phone chirped. She read the message, smiled, then looked at Jim. She decided to break the news to him the next day.

  During the flight, as Victoria went over exactly how to tell Jim, Jillian spent the time with her mind reeling and wearing a solemn face. After Brian tried to lift her spirits with a few witty comments that missed their mark, he gave up and decided it was best to let her work through it on her own. As the plane descended, Jillian painted on a smile and promised that once they landed on the perfect tropical island, she’d put all non-wedding-related issues out of her mind.

  St. Barts, or as some call it St. Barths, is a beautiful island in the northeastern Caribbean, known for its crystal-clear blue water, fine white sand, nude sunbathing and exclusive clientele. The Nash-Grayson group’s charter flight landed in St. Maarten. There, they met up with the guests who’d flown in from other airports. The group split up and took two smaller planes for the fifteen-minute flight to the destination island’s Gustave Airport. The small low-flying planes treated them to breathtaking views of the spectacular sunset. Along with the beauty of the tropical paradise, even Jillian had a genuine smile by the time they arrived.

  The twin aircrafts landed at the tiny airport on St. Barts just after 7:00 p.m. about ten minutes apart. Two SUVs were waiting to take Brian, Jillian, Victoria, Jim, Caroline, Rob, Laura and the three other members of the wedding party along with two plus-ones to the house Jillian had rented. A bus transported everyone else to the Hotel Eden Rock, where the wedding was to be in just over thirty-six hours. The guests of the Nash-Grayson wedding occupied nearly half of the thirty-four upscale rooms at the resort. Jillian had arranged for meals and activities for everyone attending the wedding.

  Fifteen minutes later, the prospective bride and groom and their ten guests that made up the bridal party arrived at the huge lavish mansion that featured eight bedrooms and nine bathrooms. The house sat high on a hill overlooking the beach and town, which were both only a short five-minute walk away. The house included a gym room and two pools, a butler, full housekeeping staff and a chef. Everyone dropped off their luggage in their rooms, which featured king beds, ensuite baths and private balconies.

  After unpacking, Jillian and Brian headed to the Eden Rock to check on the guests staying at the resort. There they met with the general manager and were assured th
at every guests’ needs would be taken care of by the hotel’s attentive staff.

  When they returned to the house, the mansion guests met for a delicious late meal then retired to their rooms, completely exhausted from traveling. All were looking forward to the next day’s activities. Although Jillian didn’t mention anything related to the lawsuit, she remained mostly quiet throughout the night, and Brian was concerned.

  Jillian stood in their suite’s bathroom staring in the mirror while wearing a sour expression. Brian came up behind her and began to rub her shoulders. She groaned with her eyes shut.

  “I could really use a rub.” She opened her eyes and met his gaze in the mirror as she said curtly, “A good one—not one of those where you’re just looking for something more.”

  “Okay, okay. We’re not supposed to do anything else anyway.”

  “Oh, that’s right,” she said in a tired voice.

  There was a quiet knock on the door and Jillian rolled her eyes. Rushing over, she opened it to find Jim wearing a timid expression. She attempted a smile, but failed miserably.

  Jim asked, “Sorry. Is this a bad time?”

  “Sure, I’m just… no, this is fine,” she said, feeling a little guilty and trying a little harder to smile.

  “I just wanted to speak to you both for a few minutes.” Jim moved into the room and closed the door. He began, “I know this is your weekend and I don’t want to do anything to ruin that, but…”

  “What is it?” Brian asked.

  “I decided to ask Caroline to marry me and…”

  Jillian’s painted on-smile melted away. Moving to Jim, she grabbed him for a warm hug. For the first time since she heard the news story in the airport, she was truly smiling. After kissing him hard on the cheek, she took a step back and beamed without saying a word.

  Brian shook his hand. “Congratulations.”

  A tear slid down Jillian’s face. “We love her. This is wonderful. When are you going to propose?”

  “That’s just it. I want to do it here. It’s like the perfect place to do it, so gorgeous and all, but I don’t want to take any of the attention off your day. I was hoping I could do it Monday morning after the wedding. Only if it’s OK with you, that is.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You can do it whenever you want. Announce it to everyone. We won’t mind.” She said as she glanced at Brian for his consent. They shared an approving nod.

  “I wouldn’t feel right about doing it before the ceremony.”

  She smiled. “Well, how about this. Do it Sunday night after we’ve left the reception. You’ll both be all dressed up and standing out on the beautiful patio with champagne and great food, rather than doing it some sleepy morning or while sweaty and wearing a bathing suit. You want it to be romantic and memorable.”

  Jim gave them a hopeful look. “You really wouldn’t mind?”

  “Jimmy, I can guarantee you that after we leave the reception, we won’t be worried about what you guys are doing. It will be all about us.” She gave him a naughty grin.

  “Thank you,” Jim said.

  Jillian hugged him again.

  Appearing as if his emotions were about to get the best of him, he pulled away from her while his lip quivered a little. “I’ve got to get out of here before I, uh, lose it.”

  Brian and Jillian shared a smile, and she reached out to hold his hand as Jim left the room. Moving to him, she gave him a hug. She pulled back with her mood the complete opposite of what it had been only three minutes earlier.

  “I don’t care about the lawsuit or the book or any of it. All I care about right now is marrying you. No matter what happens, I promise I’ll be in a good mood for the rest of the trip.”

  He grinned. “Does that mean I don’t need to give you a rub now? You know, I’m kinda tired and…”

  She glared at him in mock anger. “Just get the oil.”

  “I was kidding.”

  “I know you were.”

  “In fact, I can’t wait to sit on your perfect little ass.” He shuddered as if reliving a sexy memory. “I haven’t done that in a while.”

  “I miss your touch.” She moved close to him.

  “I promise I’ll be good. I won’t try to slip it in or anything.”

  After giving him a sad look, she sighed. “If you don’t want to wait, I think I—”

  “As much as it’s killing me, I think we should wait.”

  “You’re right.” She pressed her body to his. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

  “I’m not exactly sure,” he said with a broad smile.

  “After the wedding…” Giving him a sexy smile, she ran a finger down his chest toward his stomach. “I’m so going to take care of you.”

  He gently caught her hand before it reached the problem area. “Okay, this isn’t helping things.”

  “Sorry.”

  Turning from her, he headed toward the bathroom. “I’ll get the oil, but I’m warning you, I’m keeping my underwear on.”

  She sighed as she pulled her shirt over her head.

  The next morning, Victoria woke just after sunrise. She lay in bed thinking about when and exactly how to tell Jim about the baby. Wanting to tell him soon, she vowed that she would do it at the first opportunity. She moved out to the pool area with a cup of tea and curled up on a lounge chair to enjoy the spectacular weather.

  Jim woke up a few minutes later; he lay in bed, obsessing about the proposal. Walking out onto the balcony, he spotted Victoria by the pool. He headed down, leaving Caroline sleeping soundly.

  Jim sat in the chaise next to Victoria. “It’s incredible here.”

  She nodded and at the same time, they spoke in unison, “There’s something I need to…”

  She finished the sentence with tell you while he finished it with ask you.

  They shared a grin, and she said, “You first.”

  “Okay… I know we haven’t known each other very long, but I’m going to ask Caroline to marry me.”

  Completely derailed by his words, she froze while he waited for her reply.

  After a few beats of stunned silence, he said, “Victoria?”

  “That’s uh…” she began. Knowing that there was no way she could tell him her own life-changing proclamation now. “Wait, what did you say?” She asked simply to buy some time.

  “I’m going to ask Caroline to marry me.”

  She wasn’t sure if she was more relieved not to have to tell him what she’d planned or if she was simply happy to hear his wonderful news, but she was thrilled. After pausing another moment, a genuine smile crossed her face. “That’s amazing news.”

  “I know. I feel weird telling you and asking you this, but I feel like I should. I mean, I already cleared it with Brian and Jillian. I didn’t want to take anything away from them on this trip, you know.”

  She looked away, torn.

  He obviously picked up on the change in her expression as he asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Oh, yeah.” She shook her head. “I’m just so, you know… Wow. So what did you want to ask?”

  “Jillian told me I should propose Sunday night after the wedding. Now I just want to be sure it won’t make you feel awkward or anything. We did share all that…” He batted his eyes at her. “Um, months ago. You know I still have strong feel… uh, I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.”

  She looked at him with her heart melting. “You’re just about the best guy on the planet. Don’t worry about me. All you should be thinking about is making it the perfect proposal. You’ve got to do it right. Let me see the ring.”

  He pulled it out of his pocket. “I was hoping you’d ask. I haven’t shown it to anyone yet.”

  After glancing around to be sure no one was watching, he handed her the box. She opened it and her jaw dropped as she gazed at the nearly flawless and colorless, not too small but not too large pear-shaped diamond. She looked at him speechless, then back to the ring. “You picked this out all by yourself?”
r />   “I saw it in the window and it just seemed perfect.”

  “I love pear-shaped diamonds.”

  “It’s in the one carat neighborhood.” He gave her a hesitant look. “Do you really think she’ll like it?”

  “She’ll love it.”

  She put her hand out to him and he took it. Squeezing his hand, she gave him a sincere look that bordered on tearful. “She’d be crazy not to say yes.”

  Their emotions began to get the best of them. She handed him back the box and he tucked it away back in his shorts as they both avoided eye contact in an attempt to collect themselves.

  After a few moments, he exhaled slowly and she returned his attention to him. “Do you think you can make it through the proposal without crying like a baby?”

  “I hope so.” His face brightened seemingly with a realization. “Oh, so what did you want to tell me?”

  Suddenly, she looked at him in shock, unsure of how to respond. “Uh, I, uh… wanted to say that if you needed someone to bounce your wedding toast off of, just let me know. I’d kinda like to get an opinion on my toast.”

  His eyes widened in alarm. “Oh shit! Oh, my God! I completely forgot about the toast. I’ve been so busy worrying about…” He quickly shot out of his chair. “Thanks for reminding me.”

  Watching him leave, she shook her head, vowing never to tell him about the baby.

  Natalie and Josh were settling into their seats on the airplane bound for St. Barts. At the same time, Tim Dale, who was using the other plane ticket billed to Albert Blair, was heaving his own heavy carry-on bag into the overhead bin just six aisles back from them. Albert was waiting for his plane to arrive at the airport only ten miles away.

  Jim rushed back up to his room. While Caroline continued to sleep, he went out on the balcony with a pad and paper and began working on his toast. Ten minutes later, Brian stepped out onto his balcony and saw Jim next door.

  “Hey.”

  Jim looked up from his pad. “Good morning.”

  “What are you doing?”