Burn Out

by Ruthi Kight

  “Delia!” The feel of a hand rudely making contact with my face brought me back to the present. My body jerked back from the impact and I found Ashley standing over me. I was lying on the floor, my hands grasping at my throat. It had been so real. Gazing at her scared face from my position on the floor, I wanted to cry for her, as well as my parents. It seemed that no matter what I did, or who I was with, someone always ended up hurt.

  “Girl, what the hell was that?” She pulled me up into a sitting position. When she released my arms, I wrapped them around my drawn knees.

  “Ashley, can you please give us a moment?” Dr. Jenkins was standing by the end of my bed, her face as pale as a ghost. When Ashley growled at her, she put her hands up in defense. “Please?”

  I nodded at her, assuring her that I would be fine. As she made her way to the door, she jumped at the Doc, sending her scurrying back. I had to laugh. While Ashley may talk a good game, she wasn’t dangerous.

  Once the door closed, I looked up at her. “What do you want?” I asked shakily.

  “We still need to complete your release packet.” With an incredulous look, I stood up. She backed away, yet again, revealing her true fear of me.

  “How ‘bout this. You answer how you want, and I’ll tell everyone that I helped you.” I walked to the door before turning back to face her. “You want me gone as much as I want to be gone. So, let’s just make this as easy as possible.”

  “That’s…we can’t…Delia!” She was still sputtering when I walked out of the room. With my head held high, I walked away from all of them. Every last demon, both real and imagined, that had ever haunted me. I left them there, in that room, with the last person on this earth that I ever wanted to see again.

  Chapter Two

  The next morning arrived and I was overcome with nerves. Ashley was still asleep, which made leaving a little easier. I didn’t think I could have dealt with her blubbering before the sun came up. With my belongings safely stored in my plastic bag, I gathered my wits and made my way to the front office. There, seated with Director James, was Dr. Jenkins. Unlike their personal offices, this one was bleak, like the rest of the building.

  The entire feel of the front office was that of loneliness, a feeling that you have to get used to when you get sent here. It’s inevitable, unless you’re one of the lucky ones. Finding a friend here was like winning the lottery. You keep getting nothing but shit, but one day, when you least expected it, you hit the jackpot. Ashley was my jackpot…and as much as I would miss her, I knew that I would never see her again.

  For us, this was it. It couldn’t go any further. We were able to function together while here, but neither of us knew what would happen once we were free. Once there were no restrictions.

  “I see you’re ready to go. The shuttle is outside waiting. You’re lucky, you’re the only one being transported today,” said Director James.

  With a blank stare plastered on my face, I stood there, unmoving. I had nothing to say to these people. All I wanted was to hear those two little words: you’re free.

  “Here are the items we spoke about yesterday. Inside, you’ll find your allowance and any of your personal items that you had when you arrived.” Again, I didn’t respond. What did he expect? For me to thank him for throwing me out on my ass with nothing? Fuck that. He wouldn’t get platitudes from this girl.

  Dr. Jenkins took a step forward and our eyes finally met. “You’re free to go.” She put her hand out for me to shake, but I wouldn’t give her the pleasure. Turning away, I made my way out of the office, to the front doors. I pushed them open and was greeted by a mix of fear and a freedom. It was a heady concoction, causing me to stumble momentarily.

  With a quick shake of my head, I walked to the shuttle bus waiting at the curb. A little dark skinned man sat behind the wheel, his glasses thicker than the bottom of a soda bottle.

  “Try not to kill us before we get to the bus station, will ya?” I said, under my breath. His eyes met mine as I walked up the short flight of steps to board the shuttle. He didn’t say a word, only smiled at me. “Weirdo…” I muttered before making my way to the very back row of seats.

  I threw my bag on the seat and sat down beside the window. The sun was beginning to rise and the rays were shining through the dirty glass. The warmth that slowly spread across my arms and legs was an experience I had missed for far too long. Being locked away from the world for ten years had taken even the smallest of joys from my life. Hell, it had taken every single one, not just the little ones.

  With a lurch, the bus took off. I aimed one final look at the shriveled bus driver, then I closed my eyes and laid my head back on the head rest. I didn’t have much time, since the bus station wasn’t too far from the center. At least it hadn’t been the last time I had been in town. What would it be like, back out there? To face all of those faces again. The questioning stares, the whispering behind my back…hell, the blatant verbal attacks that had happened the last time.

  No matter how many times I had tried to defend myself all those years ago, no one ever really believed me. Why would they? I was the weird kid. They didn’t understand, and at no point did they ever try. I had been condemned the moment news spread about the…incident.

  The only person who had ever believed me was Ashley, and since she had been riding the crazy train with me, it didn’t really count. She wasn’t actually crazy, but when her parents had caught her having sex with Pastor Thomas…well, they couldn’t just let it slide. That was one thing we had in common. The town hated both of us. She knew of me, of course. She had heard the stories. To her, I was a celebrity. I’m not sure which part of that scared me more…that people still talked about me, or that she idolized that sort of crime.

  The bus suddenly jerked then slowed, approaching our destination. As I stared out the window, I caught sight of the rundown building that had always held Sunny Shores’ only bus station. It was nothing like I remembered. The last time I had seen it there was a fresh coat of blue paint on the bricks. Now the paint was so faded that it could have been mistaken for a dull, lifeless gray. Kinda like my life, I guess.

  The closer we got, the harder my heart began to pound. This was it. I was finally free…something that I had wanted for so long. Then, why did it feel like my world was now spiraling out of control? I hadn’t really given much thought to what would happen when this day finally arrived, but I had been sure that I would feel nothing but relief. Guess it just goes to show how stupid I really was.

  The sound of the doors sliding open caused a sharp intake of air. Which of course, in perfect spaz form, caused a coughing fit. Tears sprung to my eyes as I struggled to catch my breath again. The bus driver’s eyes met mine in the mirror and he smiled. Yeah, you little troll, I bet you are loving this.

  I snatched my bag up and made my way to the front. It was a short distance, but with the creepy little man’s eyes on me, it felt like it took an eternity. Moments like these, it was harder to control my urges, even with my medication still fresh in my system. What was I going to do once it was all gone?

  I stalked down the stairs and heard him chuckle quietly. I glared back at him over my shoulder, but he just kept smiling and closed the doors. Good riddance. That little weirdo gave me the heebie jeebies.

  With a quick look around, I found a bench on the side of the building. It was currently occupied, but I had a feeling as soon as I walked over, they would leave in a hurry. At least my reputation would come in handy, for once in my life.

  With rapid steps, I made my way over lone bench. The young girl raised her head and when we made eye contact, she immediately gathered her bags, practically running away. The other occupant, a guy who couldn’t have been much older than me, continued to remain seated. He was engrossed in a very thick, heavy looking book which made me pause.

  How had he missed his fellow bench warmer’s hasty departure? He had to have noticed. A few feet away, I stopped and stared at him. He wasn’t too hard on the eyes, so maybe
having him stay a little longer wouldn’t be all bad. I closed the gap, put my bag on the ground, and then sat down. Well, more like plopped down. If he didn’t notice that, then something was seriously wrong.

  But he never even looked up. I took a moment to study him, since he couldn’t be bothered to take a hike. Dressed in worn out jeans and a black tee shirt, he looked like your typical bad boy wannabe. There were tattoos peeking out from the sleeves of his shirt, and with the size of his arms…it was definitely a tantalizing image.

  What really did me in was the buzz cut. When I was younger, the “it” style had been longer hair on guys, but I had never understood the interest. My soft spot had always been for the ones who chopped off the majority of their hair. They weren’t hiding behind a messy mop. They were open.

  Staring became the order of the moment. There wasn’t a single red-blooded female in this world who wouldn’t have done the same, so no judgment allowed. Besides, it had been ten years since I had even seen someone who wasn’t heavily medicated and wild-eyed. Without warning, his eyes suddenly jerked up to meet mine, and I nearly fell off the rickety bench.

  Ever heard the shit about being mesmerized by crystal blue eyes, or being able to fall into their depths? Or some other poetic mumbo jumbo like that? Well, before that moment I would have laughed if someone had said it to me…but at that moment, I literally felt like I was falling. Sure, my ass was now hanging off the bench from being startled, but this was more of a figurative fall.

  He stared back at me, unblinking. Only moments before, I would have just called him hot…but once our eyes locked, it went much deeper than that. He was flat out gorgeous. Like, I wanted to drop my panties right there and ride him home.

  With my thoughts running amok, my cheeks began to feel warm, betraying me. The heat spread from one side to the other quickly, giving my face a nice rosy glow. He chuckled and I almost came apart. Did this man have any idea what that one small sound did to a girl? I bet he did, he had to, given his current shit-eating grin. There was no way that he couldn’t know. Guys like him knew they were walking fuck-me advertisements.

  “Careful. It’s a little too soon to fall for me.” He smiled, dimples and all, and I nearly lost it again. Dimples! I was in serious trouble already and I hadn’t been out of the loony bin for an hour yet.

  “Not likely,” I replied. I righted myself and leaned back casually. “Are you planning on being here long?”

  He quickly scanned my face, and then returned his focus to the book in his hands. “Not sure. Ask me again in an hour.”

  Argh! Infuriating and sexy as hell? Great combo. My head told me to walk away, but my traitorous body was trying to convince me to inch closer to him. With a quick scoot, I was mere inches from him, our legs nearly touching.

  “Whatcha reading?” I tried to get a look at the book, but he closed it before I could figure out what it was.

  “Homer.”

  “Simpson?”

  A slow grin spread across his face. “As in The Odyssey. Greek epic poem…ring any bells?”

  “No. The only Homer I know is married to a woman with a giant blue beehive.”

  With a shake of his head, he opened his book once again. “Sheltered?”

  His attitude was really starting to piss me off. “No. Unless you consider ten years in the wacky shack as sheltered.” I had expected my words to have some sort of impact. Nothing. He didn’t even flinch.

  “I guess that would depend.”

  “On what?”

  “Did you have access to the Internet? A library? Anything like that?” He twisted his body to face me. I was instantly mesmerized by his body, again. Damn hormones.

  With a shake of my head, I replied “No Internet. They were scared we would suddenly get crazier. Definitely no books. We could have harmed someone with the paper. Have you ever had a paper cut before? They’re quite dangerous, or so I’ve heard.”

  Instead of a small chuckle, this time he let loose a laugh that would have been contagious, if I hadn’t been so serious. Shit, a paper cut was serious business. Maybe he just hadn’t had one yet.

  “You’re a weird one, you know that, right?” he asked.

  It was futile. He wasn’t going anywhere. If I wanted to stay on that bench, I would have to share it with him. While that prospect wasn’t exactly terrible, I had been hoping for some privacy. You know, just in case I decided to fall apart. It was hard to live down a hissy fit, no matter what your age may be.

  “I’ve heard that a time or two.” He smiled, then looked over my shoulder. His smile faded quickly, replaced by a scowl, complete with deep wrinkles in his otherwise flawless forehead. I had the sudden urge to reach up and smooth them away, but since he already believed I was nutty, I wasn’t going to give him another reason to believe I was loco.

  I turned to look over my shoulder, but before I could make the rotation, his hands were on my shoulders. “Don’t. Look.”

  “You know, when you say shit like that, it just makes people want to look that much more.” I shook off his hands and watched as they fell to his lap. “What exactly am I not supposed to be looking at?”

  “Cops.”

  I waited for the joke, but his face was as serious as it had been moments before. “Are you running from them? Did you rob the library before coming here?”

  His eyes finally found mine again, but there was a look of concern that rattled me to my core. “No, but I figured…I mean. Umm…are you not running from them?” What?

  “Why the hell would you think that? Do I have ‘criminal’ tattooed on my forehead now?” I moved away from him, no longer enjoying the close proximity of our bodies.

  “I just figured that, you know…just forget it. Me and my assumptions.” He tried to play it off with a smile, but his eyes were still troubled. He had seriously thought that I was running from the cops.

  “Do you always make an ass out of yourself so soon after meeting someone?” At that moment, I wanted to run. Grab my shit and hit the road. He couldn’t have lived here for any length of time and not heard about me. It was either that, or he lived underneath a rock.

  He stood and stretched, drawing my attention to where his shirt had risen up, exposing a sprinkle of hair below his belly button. His body was lean, but the muscle definition was insane! I was pretty sure that drool was running down my chin, but I managed to cover up my reaction quickly. He didn’t need to know how he affected me.

  “I usually try to wait at least until the second date. Guess I’m off my game today.” He bent to pick up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “While this has been…entertaining, I have to go. It was nice meeting you…”

  Lie, dammit! “Delia.” Stupid!

  “Liam. Nice to meet you,” he said as he reached out to take my hand. With a quick shake, it was over. He smiled and walked away from me. While the view from the front had been enticing…the view from the back was fucking heaven. His ass, in those jeans, was insane! Did guys in real life actually have bodies like that? Especially ones that kept their noses in books?

  With a deep sigh, I released all the pent up crap that had begun building in my body since I first laid eyes on Mr. Sexy himself. Liam, whoever he was, had done a number on my system. My body was on sexual overdrive. Images of us, buck naked and rolling around in bed, kept flitting through my head. I was a fucking virgin, for shit’s sake! I guess when you hold out for, well, ever…that tended to happen.

  I closed my eyes and leaned back, trying to settle on the bench, despite my overcharged state. There wasn’t anywhere that I needed to be and no one that I had to see. My day was open to pretty much anything. I knew that I would need to find somewhere to crash at night, but right then, it was the last thing on my mind. At that point, I wanted nothing more than to unwind and come down…and possibly to chase after a certain Homer fan that I couldn’t get out of my mind.

  Chapter Three

  With no distractions and no sex god sitting next to me, the day dragged on. Boredom w
asn’t exactly a foreign concept, but I was itching to do something. Anything. My first day of freedom shouldn’t be spent parked on a bench outside of the damn bus station. Should I head deeper into Sunny Shores…or hop my ass on a bus and kiss this town goodbye? That was the question of the decade.

  The grumbling of my stomach gave me my answer. I wasn’t going anywhere until I got some food. I reached into my bag and pulled out the envelope that Director James had given me and looked inside. There, nestled neatly together, were five twenty dollar bills and a bus ticket.

  With a shake of my head, I pushed the ticket to the side. I pulled a twenty out and shoved it into my pockets before putting the rest back into my bag for safe keeping. While this town wasn’t known for its high crime rate, you never knew when someone would decide they liked your shit and wanted to make it their own.

  Things had changed so much in town that I wasn’t sure where the closest food joint was. Like the rest of South Carolina, there wasn’t a whole lot of change to start with. Especially in a town this damn small. But as I glanced around, I noticed a lot of businesses from my childhood were missing.

  My mother had always been a shopper. Since our little slice of heaven didn’t boast a mall, the next best thing was Main Street. There used to be a shop just for kids, and I used to beg my mother to let me spend my Saturdays in it. Be Beep. That was the name. You would think it would be easy to remember since it was such a unique name…but times like this reminded me, yet again, just how long I had been gone.

  I started off in the direction of Main Street, scanning everything as I walked. Most of the smaller businesses were boarded up. The ones that were still open looked like they had seen better days. The sidewalk was even cracked and crumbling. It was such a drastic change from before.

  Had the people changed as much as the scenery?

  There weren’t very many people out and about, but the ones who I had the misfortune to run across, kept their distance. One even went so far as to cross the damn street just to avoid me. My name was like poison around here, polluting the water with barely a glance.