Burn Out

by Ruthi Kight

  When I looked down, there it was. My trusty Bic, ever diligent and trustworthy. It was ready for me and I was ready for it. Together, we were safe. Together...we were whole.

  I awoke with a jolt, unsure where I was or how I had gotten there. The last thing I remembered was waiting for Liam to come back. Obviously I had fallen asleep, but what the hell was that dream about? It was...intense. It had been a long time since my dreams had felt so real, so alive, like they had a mind of their own.

  It was the same dream as always, but this time I felt relief and joy at the end, not pain and fear. Something had changed the dream that was for sure. Was it the lack of medication? Was it the stress of being a newly free woman after so long?

  With a shake and a steadying breath, I sat up. I was on the couch, of course. My new home, for as long as Liam would have me. As I tried to clear my muddled brain, I heard the squeaking of the rusted doorknob as it turned. He was back already. How long had I been asleep?

  The door shut with a slam and I kept my eyes focused on the floor. Maybe if I pretended that I wasn’t there, he would ignore me. That would be better than seeing the hurt in his eyes again. Why the fuck did I care so much about how he felt? I barely knew the guy! Then again, I should care. He was a genuinely nice guy who didn’t deserve the drama that I had brought with me.

  His sandal clad feet appeared in my field of vision, stopping mere inches from me. Don’t look up. Act like you don’t know he’s there. Shit. I looked up.

  “Before I give you this present, I have a question to ask,” he said, holding his hands behind his back. I nodded slowly, scared to know what he was about to ask. “Do you still have that oak tree rammed up your ass? Or have you taken the time to remove the shit?”

  Stunned by his words, I let out a loud guffaw. Classy, I know. “Since you ask, yeah, it’s gone. But I think it left splinters behind. Wanna check for me?”

  “As tempting as that may be, I’d rather not. We’ll save that for another day,” he replied, handing me a plastic bag. Walgreens. What the fuck?

  “What is this?” I grasped the bag, my fingers grazing his and sending a shock of electricity through my body. Oh...how I wished that was only static build up. Why couldn’t we just exist here, together, without the bullshit that came from being attracted to each other? Well...I was attracted to him. I had no clue if he felt the pull as well.

  “Quit asking questions and open it,” he replied. He sat down at the other end of the couch and leaned back. With a final glance, I averted my eyes back to the package in my hands. With careful precision, I opened the bag and pulled out the white paper bag inside.

  There it was. My prescription. “What the hell...” I quickly closed it and turned to him. He was smiling, obviously proud of himself. “Why? Why would you do that? You don’t even know me,” I said.

  “You needed them, right?” I nodded my head, speechless with his generosity. “Then why wouldn’t I do it?”

  It was too much. How the hell did he afford them? That question gnawed at me. Looking at his home, it didn’t really look like he had a lot of money, so where did he come up with the cash to buy my medication? Something wasn’t adding up.

  “Do I even want to know how you were able to afford this shit?” I asked.

  He shook his head and gave me a small smile. “Probably not, but you’ve got them. That’s what matters, right?”

  No, that wasn’t what mattered. If he had done something illegal to get that money, there was no way in hell I could accept them. Sure, I fucking needed them, but it was the principle of the matter. And yes, I still had my principles. They hadn’t burned to the ground with the rest of my life.

  “No,” I said with a shake of my head. I thrust the bag back at him. “Take them back. This isn’t right. I have no fucking clue what you did to get these, but since you won’t tell me, I’m guessing it wasn’t good. So take them back. Fix it. Do whatever. But I can’t have that on me.”

  He just stared at me, a look of confusion spreading across his chiseled features. With a shake of his head, he snatched the bag away from me and stood up. “I didn’t rob the place and I didn’t steal. But since you think that low of me, fine. I’ll take them back. Do what you gotta do.”

  He stormed out, the door slamming in his wake. Fuck. The sound reverberated through my head, banging against every inch of my skull. It was better this way. I had to keep reminding myself of that. No favors, no getting attached...nothing.

  I had no one to answer to and that’s how I wanted to keep it. If I accepted the favor, who knew what he would have wanted in return? No. I couldn’t let myself get drawn in to something like that.

  With no phone and no car, I was officially stuck. Sure, I was stuck in a house that I didn’t have to pay for, that just happened to be located right on the beach, but still. With my screwed up ankle, which was slowly healing, I was limited as to how far I could go.

  The need to see the ocean was overwhelming, so I decided to stop worrying and just let go. The back of the house boasted a very small, very rickety porch, so I decided that would be my perch for the rest of the day. What better way to brood than with the salty air whipping your face as the seagulls overhead took random shits on your head?

  With absolutely no grace, and a lot of pain, I made it to the porch and flopped down. There were no chairs, no tables, absolutely nothing personal left out in the open. But it was cozy, and just what I needed at that point. Within a few minutes I was feeling better, my lungs no longer screaming at me for relief.

  Being outside had always had a calming effect on me, but the ocean was my true home. When I left the center I never imagined that I would end up here. I figured that I would hop the first bus out of town, never stopping to look back. That inner voice in my head kept reminding me that I should probably consider leaving, but it had been pretty easy to shut the bitch up.

  If the time came, and I needed to leave, then I would. For now, this was where I needed to be. My mind flashed Liam’s face again. The way he looked when I insinuated he was a thief and a crook. The anger and pain that had radiated off of him was stifling me. His face should never be marred by that dark of an emotion.

  I wanted to see him smile the cocky smile that he was so good at. The corner of his mouth pulled up, exposing only a few beautiful white teeth, as if he knew something that the rest of the world didn’t. Don’t get it twisted, there was more to that man than a pretty face...like a body that looked like it was carved from fucking marble.

  His body was like a siren song. I felt such an attraction to him that it felt like I would burst just from a brief contact. My fingers itched to explore every delectable inch of him. My body was aching to feel him above me, moving within my own. Sliding in, teasing parts of me that had never been touched before. Bringing me to the brink of pleasure, letting the waves crash over and over again.

  Fuck. Letting my mind wander would be the death of me. The pulsing need between my legs was growing with each passing moment and with only my hand as an option, I was getting more and more frustrated. There was nothing wrong with handling my business. I had done it plenty of times before, but the need that was pulsing through my body wouldn’t be satisfied until it got who it wanted.

  With a quick glance all around, I made sure that no one was walking along the beach or near the house. Considering how fucking turned on I already was, this wouldn’t take long, but I didn’t want some unsuspecting stranger to stumble upon my personal moment.

  The coast was clear so I closed my eyes and lay back on the deck. I pulled the top of my pants down, sliding my fingers down to my core. My flesh was hot and wet, ready and waiting, desperate for the satisfaction that it craved. Finding the sensitive bud, I began a slow, rhythmic pace.

  I pictured Liam’s hand there instead of my own, his fingers delving into the depths of my body. Would he be gentle and steady? Or would his fingers pound into me with such intensity that I would see stars? I had a feeling that he knew his way around a woman’s b
ody. His fingers...his tongue...all experienced in raising a woman’s pulse to a deafening roar as she lay there helpless, and unwilling, to stop him.

  My pace increased as I felt my orgasm building. My fingers were frantic, no longer gentle, as they explored my tender folds. I slipped a finger inside, my canal throbbing with the need to be filled. Pumping in and out, it was almost too much, but at the same time not enough.

  I needed more. I needed him. As soon as the thought entered my mind, my body responded with the most intense, body-numbing orgasm I had ever experienced. It pulsed through me, lighting every nerve on fire, as it ran from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. The release was fucking wonderful, but my body was still waiting for something more.

  As I lay there, struggling to catch my breath, I tuned out the world around me. It wasn’t until I heard the clearing of a throat that I opened my eyes again. I shot up, immediately pulling my hand out of my pants. So. Fucking. Embarrassing! I looked all around, my eyes finally settling on the source of the noise.

  Liam stood there, his body leaning against the door frame that led to the inside of the house. His eyes were focused on the hand that had just brought me the best orgasm of my life. He slowly raked his eyes over my body, finally settling on my face. The hungry look in his eyes almost did me in again. It should have been a sin to be able to bring a woman so close to the brink, again, with only a look.

  “How long have you been standing there?” I asked, moving to stand. When we were eye level, he began walking towards me. My body quivered in response to his movements. Fucking traitor.

  “Obviously not long enough,” he said with a disarming smile. His hooded eyes focused on mine as he took hold of my hand. I tried to pull it back, ashamed at what it had just done for me, but he wouldn’t let go. “Just a taste,” he murmured as he pulled my hand to his mouth. His tongue snaked out, running the length of my middle finger, the one that had just been buried deep within my body, before gently sucking it into the warm recesses of his mouth.

  The wolfish grin was my final undoing. I closed the few inches between us, my chest rubbing against his. “Do you make it a habit to watch people fuck themselves?” I slid my free hand up and down his body, my fingers briefly grazing the zipper of his pants. The bulge that greeted me made my mouth water.

  His sharp intake of breath told me he was as affected as I was. “Next time you could wait for me to get home. I wouldn’t mind,” he replied before licking his lips.

  Our eyes locked, entwined in their silent dance, the sexual energy crackling between us. Such a new sensation, but I wasn’t scared. Not of him. The thought of losing my virginity had never plagued me, but since meeting Liam it was something that I couldn’t seem to get off of my mind.

  “So umm...I didn’t take the medication back.” He held up his hand, stopping me before I could say a word. “Look, I didn’t do anything that’s going to get either of us in trouble, okay?”

  “But they’re so-“

  “It doesn’t matter. Just accept them, okay? I won’t take them back, so if you don’t take them, they’ll just go to waste.” He ran his hands up and down my arms, my chest heaving and rubbing against his. My nipples were aching, screaming to be touched. The strong hands that were caressing me should have been on my tits, not my fucking arms. “Besides, we can always figure out how you can repay me later.”

  With a wink, he stepped back, leaving my body cold and bereft. He had just propositioned me. Right there, after licking my juices off of my hand. For some reason, I had always thought something like that would feel sleazy, but it didn’t. It was a total fucking turn on.

  I shook my head and laughed. “Sure thing, stud. Whatever you say.” He couldn’t know how much his words affected me. How easily I came undone just being close to him. Or the fact that it was his face that had sent my body over the edge earlier.

  With a sultry smile and a quick wave, I made my way back into the house. He didn’t follow, instead staying on the porch and enjoying what was left of the sun’s rays. I looked back at him, studying his profile through the glass of the sliding door.

  I had no fucking clue what I was getting myself into, but at that point, it was irrelevant. For once, I was able to enjoy myself and just let go. Even if it was for a brief moment, I was going to enjoy the reprieve that I had been given. Fuck the rest of the world. This was about us.

  Chapter Seven

  With my medication safety tucked away, I laid down on the couch, ready for the day to end. I hadn’t seen Liam since earlier, when I left him on the back porch. He had taken off shortly after I went inside and still hadn’t returned hours later. Wherever he was, and whatever he was doing, it wasn’t my business. But that didn’t stop me from being curious as hell. And somewhat nervous.

  The intense moment that we had shared earlier had left me utterly confused. Liam was constantly flipping between hot and cold. One minute he wanted to lick my essence right off of me, then the next, he was avoiding me like the plague. A small part of me wondered if our exchange earlier had done more damage than good, but the other part of me was begging for that tongue to explore other areas of my body.

  No. I had to stop myself right there. I couldn’t let my mind wander, yet again. He had already caught me once that day, he sure as hell didn’t need to walk in on me yet again. What would he think of me if he found me like that yet again? What would he say if he knew I was a fucking virgin?

  That last thought made me laugh. I sounded like a maniac, having a big ole belly laugh while sitting on the couch, with no one else around. Maybe I was a maniac. They had kept me locked away for a fucking decade for a reason. Maybe that was one of the reasons.

  I could feel my mind wandering off on tangents, leading me down roads that shouldn’t be explored. That was a sure sign that it was time to sleep it off. With a brief glance at the front door, I found it locked and secure. It was officially safe for me to pass out and let the world of sleep take me.

  With a quick yawn, I snuggled down into my lumpy pillow and pulled the thin blanket over my body. Normally, I spent a few minutes picking out the path of my dreams, giving my brain hints as to where I wanted it to go, but not this night. Nope. This time it was straight to sleep. Do not pass Go. Do not molest the Monopoly Man.

  ***

  “Look what you did to us! You let us die, Delia!” the voice of my mother called to me. I shook my head vehemently, denying her words. She should know that it had been an accident. Of all people, she should have known that! Why didn’t she know that?

  “Mom! I didn’t mean to! Please!” I screamed to her, begging for the forgiveness that I knew would never come.

  The flames were surrounding her again, but this time they were licking at my heels as well. They didn’t feel hot, like I imagined they would. It was soothing and comforting. As I stared down at the ground, my mother’s voice screaming at me in the distance, I wanted to run. To get as far away from here as possible. But I couldn’t. The flames were calling to me, pulling me in.

  Their warmth was hypnotic. The smell of wood burning was like aloe to a burn. There were no words for the relief I felt as I watched them devour everything in their path.

  “Delia! Delia!” I heard my name being called, but it was an unknown voice. No, not unknown, just new.

  “Liam? Liam! Where are you?” I whirled around, searching for the source of the voice. He shouldn’t be there. He wasn’t supposed to be there. I couldn’t let him see me like this. “Leave me alone! You need to leave now!”

  I felt hands on my shoulders, gripping painfully, shaking me violently. It was as if I was being pulled away, the flames moving further and further out of my reach. They were engulfing my mother by that point, swallowing her whole. I wanted to scream for her to move, to run, but the overwhelming part of me just felt jealousy.

  Why couldn’t that have been me?

  ***

  “Delia! Wake up!” As I fought my way out of the hazy reality of my dream, I slowly came back t
o the present. I let my eyes slowly open, adjusting to the blinding light that was focused on my face. “Sorry,” he said, shifting the flashlight away.

  I pushed his other hand off of my shoulder and sat up. So, that was why I had been pulled out of the flames. Liam wasn’t actually there, in the dream with me, but was here. He was protecting me while I slept. I wanted to yell at him, call him a creeper, and push him away, but I knew he was only doing it because he was worried.

  Or because I had been screaming while I slept. Again.

  “What time is it?” I asked as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. As I scanned the room, I found it was still dark outside as there was no light pouring in through the windows. When I focused on Liam again, I noticed how beautifully disheveled he looked. His hair was sticking up all over the place, begging to have fingers combed through it.

  With no shirt on, and wearing only his boxers, I wanted him to move away, desperately. He was far too tempting to be sitting there as if it was completely normal to walk around half naked in front of people he had just met.

  Just met. Shit. We had just met and I had let him lick my taste off of my finger. I hadn’t flipped out on him when I found out he had watched me during a very private moment. There had been no embarrassment. Well, not as much as I would have thought. What the hell was wrong with me these days?

  “Thank goodness Are you okay? I heard screaming,” he said as he raked his eyes over my body, checking for injuries.

  I jerked the covers up to my chin and looked him straight in the eye. “I'm fine. Just a...just a bad dream.” He shook his head as he stared at me, his eyes narrowed as he tried to discover the lie within my words.

  “Are you sure-”

  “I said I was fine.” I scooted back from him like a trapped animal. The only thing missing were my teeth bared and drool flying from my mouth. “Look, I'm fine, really. I just need a minute, okay?”

  He nodded and stood, pushing his fingers through his already disheveled hair. “Okay then. I'm gonna jump in the shower. If you need anything...” I nodded in understanding, trying to hurry him on his way.