Sunshine & Whiskey

by R. L. Griffin

  I stare at Laura and give her the fuck humanity look and she simply smiles at me and shrugs. Then she sits next to Charlie and sips her beer with a smirk on her face.

  “It’s nice to meet everyone,” I say as I bend down to grab my sandwich out of the bag Peter put on the ground. “So how does everyone know Peter?” I sit in the chair next to Zach.

  “We all play on the same flag football team,” Zach answers and downs the rest of his beer. “You want a beer?”

  “Sure.” I take a bite of my sandwich and feel Peter watching me.

  “What kind?”

  “Pacifico,” Peter answers for me.

  “So you guys met in law school?” Zach asks.

  I nod as I take the beer from Zach’s hands. He opens it for me. I miss these things that gentlemen do. Chad never did small considerate things for me, it’s a nice touch. I smile appreciatively.

  Zach sits back down. “We met through my girlfriend. She used to work with Peter.”

  Hopes of riding this guy’s face fizzle out. Of course he has a girlfriend I chastise myself.

  “I was glad I was already on the team when we broke up,” he intentionally mentions.

  Riding back on.

  Laura’s got her hand on Charlie’s knee at this point. Well, that was quick.

  I take another bite of my sandwich and take in the phenomenal view of the rocks from the parking lot. “This is amazing.”

  “It is, isn’t it?” Zach follows my gaze. “I run the steps all the time. It’s a very cool place to work out.”

  “I bet.”

  “They have yoga up here too if you’re into that sort of thing.”

  “She won’t be here that long,” Peter comments. “Will you?”

  “I’m not sure,” I say without looking at him.

  “Oh, you don’t live here?” I can’t tell if Zach thinks that’s a good or a bad thing. Either way works for me.

  Okay, now you’re wondering what I’m doing? I’m currently performing a defensive maneuver. I know if I don’t focus my attention and possibly my crotch on this guy I will fall head first into Peter MacDonald. I know what you’re thinking, wouldn’t Megan MacDonald sound so perfect. I used to think so too.

  “So Megan, where do you live?”

  “Ah…that’s a good question right now,” I respond honestly.

  Peter’s eyebrows shoot up.

  “Laura and I are currently driving across the country because she was laid off.”

  “Oh really? Where have you been so far?” Zach asks, leaning in closer to me.

  I can tell Peter is listening intently. “We hit Nashville, New Orleans, and Austin.”

  “I love New Orleans,” Zach says.

  I clear my throat and shift, uncomfortably remembering Ben.

  “We’re hitting Vegas, Phoenix, and then Napa,” Laura adds, smiling.

  “Are you serious?” Peter puts his beer down and walks over to me. Standing over me he gives me the strangest look then pulls me up. “We need to chat a minute,” he says to Zach.

  “Well, I’ll be right back,” I say, looking back at Zach with a smile that says, “I want to ride your face, don’t forget.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t mess up your chances with him,” Peter says, steel in his voice.

  “Cool,” I answer back, standing near him on the other side of the SUV, my arms crossed.

  “Why are you driving cross country?”

  “Because I want to.” I owe him nothing.

  “What’s going on?” His eyes soften and he touches me on my wrist like he used to, and I’m right back there. I want to kick my own ass because I still feel it. That thing you feel with the guy. That thing you’re afraid you’ll never feel with any other guy.

  I pull my arm free from his touch and take a step back.

  “None of your business Peter. That is the only thing I’m sure of.”

  “Megan, don’t do this. Can we just…”

  I laugh. It’s a mean laugh, one that hurts me as much as it does him. I can see it in his eyes. “Can we just what? Be friends? Sure. So don’t fuck up my chances with Zach, and we’ll be good friends.” I take a step back.

  “I don’t want to be that good of friends.”

  “Oh…” My hands to my sides, I take another step back because what I want to do is wrap my arms around him. “Let me see if I care about what you want…nope.”

  He pulls me by my wrists into his body and I feel all of him. “I don’t want to be friends unless we’re naked ones.”

  “Well, we were never good at the friends thing, were we?” I relax into him. I curse myself, but it doesn’t change my proximity to him. His smell envelopes me and all the good memories of us roll past my closed eyes.

  “No and I’m glad. I want you in my bed tonight Megan. Mine, not Zach’s.”

  “Well, Peter. You don’t get to choose for me. You did that a long time ago.” I turn and walk away, but my vagina and my heart are still standing with him, longing. He doesn’t deserve my heart or vagina.

  At least I’ve gotten my vagina back by the time we walk with Zach into the concert. Laura and I have better tickets than the guys. We are currently panting and laughing because we both have to stop midway up the stairs into the venue because we can’t breathe.

  “Don’t worry, just leave me here.” Laura stops a couple of stairs ahead of me.

  “No, never mind. You guys get me a beer,” I call as everyone except for me and Laura continues up the steps.

  “I’ll get it.” Zach smiles over his shoulder at me.

  “How the fuck do people run these stairs as exercise? I feel like I may die.” I lean against the railing.

  Laura mirrors my position and nods without saying anything—this is how I know she’s feeling it too.

  “Drink some water.” Peter pushes a water bottle in my face, and then hands one to Laura as well.

  I didn’t even realize he hadn’t gone with the rest of the guys. He hovers around Laura, talking soothingly to her.

  “Hey, what’re you two doing up there?”

  “I was just handing her a water,” Peter answers with a smirk on his face. He walks down the few stairs and stands very close to me and his smell is again so familiar it actually hurts. “I like that you still lean into me like we’re back to when you loved me.”

  This snaps me out of my reverie. “Fuck you,” I whisper.

  Hurt springs on his face but disappears just as quickly.

  “Hey Megan, here you go,” Zach appears at the right time and hands me a beer.

  I sip it and it soothes me as I look into Peter’s eyes. “Thank you Zach.” I wrap my hand around his and begin walking up the rest of the stairs.

  I show my ticket to the guy at the end of the million stairs and walk a few steps before I realize there are more stairs. “What the fuck?” I barely get it out because I cannot breathe.

  “It’s the altitude,” Zach says.

  “I know.” I nod. I’m not an idiot. I know Denver is significantly higher in altitude than Atlanta, I made Laura search online for it when we decided to stop here in our meandering tour of the United States. I look up and see Laura.

  “Where are you going?” Our seats are in row C. That’s the third row if you are keeping track. Yep, Laura went all out and got fabulous seats.

  Laura turns around and smiles. “I’m going to my seat.” She stops so that I catch up with her. Leaning into me, she whispers, “I’m sitting next to Charlie. I think my vag has fully healed.”

  My head falls back with laughter. I guess that means Zach traded seats with Laura. I stop at Row C and wait for Zach to follow me.

  “I guess I’ll see you after the show. I have a feeling we may want to compare notes.” Zach smiles and dimples burst out of his cheeks. They take my breath away and I’m confused until I feel a familiar body stand behind me and a hand rests on the small of my lower back.

  “Why?” I ask without turning or acknowledging him. The feeling of pins pri
cking travels over every inch of my body. My shoulders slump with the knowledge that this is a bad idea.

  “Because I want to spend time with you without you throwing yourself at one of my friends.”

  I walk to my seat and sit down. I chug my beer while looking at the stage. “Go get me another beer,” I say as I shove the plastic cup at him.

  “Of course princess.” Peter leaves without another word.

  What the fuck? I pull my phone out to send Laura an eat shit text, but it’s not going to happen at this concert, too many people on their phones. I stand up and try to find her in the mass of people behind me so I can at least flip her off with my finger, but I don’t see her. “Damn it,” I mutter.

  A hard and fast beat of drums startles me, I turn and unconsciously start swaying with the beat. A beer appears in front of me, and I take it without looking at Peter. I still haven’t decided how to handle this situation. He left me. He doesn’t deserve to even smell my vagina.

  “Megan, I miss you,” he says into my hair.

  I stop swaying to Brett Dennen and look at him. He’s sincere, but I don’t care. “That’s not fair.”

  He sighs.

  I look back at the stage and try to get into the music again but two strong arms wrap around my waist, distracting me. His chin rests on my right shoulder. “I know it’s not fair and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. Can we pretend for the next couple of days that we…that I didn’t do that to you?”

  His question floors me because it’s all I’ve ever wanted—to pretend that he never uttered the words that changed my entire world.

  “What did you do to me?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it Megan. I want to wrap my arms around you and feel you. I haven’t felt you in so long. I want to take you to dinner and kiss you. I want to peel these clothes off you and put my tongue in every crevice of your body.”

  “Peter…” I hedge. I can’t allow myself to think about his tongue on me, it makes heat rush in between my legs and a coil start turning in my belly.

  “I want to make your body break out in those chill bumps you used to get. I want you to scream my name with such abandon I forget about the last three years.”

  And I die, right there and then. How does he know exactly what to say to make me forget my devastation of the past three years? How can he make me forget the hotness that is Zach waiting for me at the end of this concert? But, he does and I do. I forget it all when Peter touches me and says those things that make me wonder if we can go back and change everything.

  I know better, I know we can’t go back. It’s a lovely dream, but that’s all it is. A dream and eventually we must wake up. When I do wake up, I hope my heart and head don’t feel like they did for a year after he left me.

  Chapter Thirty

  Failure of the Highest Order

  I’ll admit it, I failed. I came to this concert and decided to make Peter jealous by flirting with one of his hot friends. Instead, I’m pressed up against the rock wall of the back exit with Peter’s tongue stroking mine and his hand up my maxi-dress. His erection is so hard, I’m afraid for him.

  “Please,” he begs into my ear.

  Chill bumps spread across my shoulders and down my arms. He nips at my shoulder with this teeth.

  “I need to be inside you.” He rubs into my abdomen with his dick and I remember how he can make me come with one roll of his hips. “Now,” he spits out of clenched teeth.

  “Peter,” I moan.

  “Come on,” he grabs my hand and pulls me toward the exit.

  “We’re going to miss Michael Franti,” I breathe and giggle at the same time. I’m afraid I drank too many beers to make good decisions. This is when your friend is supposed to help. Where is Laura now? I can’t believe she did this. If we weren’t separated through the concert maybe I wouldn’t be doing this. Doing what? I haven’t done anything yet...the second I let him kiss me I was done. I knew it too. I’m weak and I hate being weak. He makes me weak.

  “Oh, I’ll be fast, I can promise you that. I’m about ready to explode in my pants right now. If you blow on it we won’t even have to make it to the car.”

  “What about me?” My anticipation of the feel of him makes my knees shake. I was so proud of my resolve three hours ago. I am a puddle when it comes to him, and now he knows it. I don’t allow people to know my weaknesses.

  “When have I ever let you down?” His voice vibrates the shell of my ear as he says this, then he licks the rim of my ear and I almost melt.

  I know what you’re thinking. This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever seen. I know. I’m fully aware of the stupidity of what I’m doing, I just cannot help it. I’m going to fuck him for a few days and then I am going to leave him, just like he left me three years ago. I’m playing a losing game, you think? I lost last time and I don’t plan on losing again. Will I enjoy fucking him? Oh yes, it will be the best sex I’ve had in years. Will I mourn the loss of him again? Damn right, I will. He’s that guy. I’m not strong enough to say no when his hard-on is pressed into my stomach and his fingers are curled around my hip. I am strong enough to leave because I have Laura, and she will make me leave and that’s what I want. I want to keep going on this journey we’re on. I can’t be distracted by sparkly things like dicks that I know will make me fall apart many times a night.

  By the time we get to the SUV we were at earlier, Peter is buzzing with anticipation. I’m on the edge of sanity. I would never agree to fuck in a car. It’s not really comfortable. There’s not a lot of room to maneuver, but it’ll have to do for now. I guess this trip is all about things I’d never do.

  To my surprise, Peter opens the back door on the driver’s side, but doesn’t get in. He moves me in front of him, my hips bumped up against the seat. His hands deftly pull my underwear off and he throws them on the floor. The door is blocking anyone’s view from one side and he stands on the other, partially blocking that view of me.

  “Oh shit,” I breathe. A tingling sensation settles into my gut. I’ve never had sex where anyone could happen by and see me. It’s scary and strange, but I’m doing it. I can tell, I’m doing it.

  He gathers the fabric of my long dress to my hips and I get the clue. I take the bunched material in one hand at my left hip. Peter drags his fingers in between my legs, and I cry out like it was my first time to third base.

  “Megan.” His voice is husky with desire, and it’s sort of embarrassing that I’m so ready.

  His hands disappear and I hear a zip, but all I feel is where his fingers just were. Then he enters me without any other touch.

  “Ah,” I gasp. It feels amazing and right and I know I’m fucked. I mean, yeah literally that’s happening now, but emotionally I have just fucked myself and quite roughly.

  The music fills the air, but my head is fuzzy with need and hunger. The coil begins to tighten in my gut, and I know I’ll be moaning his name in about three seconds. He could always push me to orgasm in seconds if we needed it. Everything has changed, nothing’s changed.

  “But I know one thing, that I love you,” Peter sings the song into my ear. His hips rock against me, pushing me into the car and he is thrusting wildly into me.

  I’m holding onto my dress and the seat and his hands have pulled down my strapless dress and bra. He’s pinching my nipples. How did he get seven hands? I’m ignoring the lyrics about love, and I block out that nagging voice telling me this was a bad idea. I’ll drink that away.

  “Megan, I’ve missed you.” His last thrust is strong and then he stills, but fills me even more as he is stroking me.

  “Oh God,” I cry out. My entire body tenses and clenches.

  “Fuck, Megan. You know that drives me crazy.”

  I clench again.

  His forehead leans on the back on my head, the sweat gathered on his brow now in my hair. I clench again.

  He doubles over and pulls out. I mourn the loss of him immediately. I turn to kiss him in my lust filled haze.
/>   “I hope you’re still on birth control,” he says.

  Yes, I’m serious. I let my dress fall and any haze that remained falls effortlessly to the dirt below us. “Those are your first words after we have sex for the first time in three years?” I hiss. Drunk, just fucked, Megan is not pretty. “Fuck you, Peter,” I add, quietly though thoroughly disappointed in myself. I pull my bra and dress up to cover myself.

  Then I take off in a walk-run in my maxi-dress, drunk. I am sure the view from behind is attractive.

  “Megan, wait!” Peter is trying to pull up and zip his pants. It gives me a few seconds and I full out run.

  “Wait,” he’s calling, but I’m still running. I shouldn’t run in a strapless bra that is now not really covering the girls, but there is no way in hell I’m letting him catch up with me. I turn the corner and run up the ramp so I enter the venue from the back. I pull my ticket out and show it to the man at the back entrance. I am speed walking in my wedges and I know Peter’s behind me somewhere. Where the fuck is Laura? Where are their seats? I need to be away from this mother fucker.

  I have semen running down my legs now, this is a disaster. I need a restroom. Why don’t things work out like I want them to? I just let him fuck me over again. I am smarter than this. Why can’t I be smarter?

  I feel a hand grab my bicep and I turn and slap the shit out of him.

  “Hit me again Megan,” his eyes are full of determination. “Hit me until you’re done hating me.”

  So I do. I hit him in the chest and the abs and wherever I can. “Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

  He shakes his head. “I think you’re one of the smartest people I know.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” I spit. My energy has run out, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of the altitude. “Do you think I would just fuck someone without being on the pill? You’re the one who’s fucking stupid. You didn’t use a condom. Take some fucking responsibility.”

  “I…” he sputters.

  “Well, I guess one last fuck works.” I walk away, leaving him standing there gaping at me, and find the nearest bathroom.