Sunshine & Whiskey

by R. L. Griffin

  When I finally leave the peace of the bathroom, if you can call a nasty stall with toilet paper on the floor, peace, I’m lost while I’m looking down at my phone willing it to work. I want to text Laura to get the fuck out of here when I run into a familiar chest.

  “I don’t want to talk to you.” My head spins with the hate I feel for him. It’s disappointing too, because I want to feel nothing. I want apathy, but it escapes me.

  “I love you Megan, I always have.”

  I put my fingers on his mouth. “I don’t want you to talk to me either.”

  “What can I do? I don’t know why I said that. I know you’re smart and wouldn’t have sex with someone without protection.”

  Oh really.

  “Well, you did and I don’t think having sex with my ex-boyfriend in the parking lot was the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”

  “Can I buy you a drink?”

  A smile slowly spreads across my lips. “Please buy me a bunch of drinks, enough to make me forget that I just fucked you in the parking lot.”

  “What? That wasn’t good for you.” His fingers trail down my jaw line and a smirk appears.

  I feel my hand in his and have to fight how right it feels. What? I give up so easy? I already told you, he’s my person. Don’t worry, I’m not done yet, but I don’t want to fight now. I want to drink and enjoy the rest of the concert.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  I Must Buy More Underwear

  After the concert, I don’t even look for Laura. I’m sure she knew what would happen if we were together for five hours. My lower back waits for his touch before he ushers me to his car, which is different than the SUV my panties are in. Yeah, in my haste to get away from him I left my panties. Oh well, just another casualty of my dumbness. He presses me into his Subaru SUV.

  “You have a Subaru?” I smirk as he leans his entire body into me. His leg is spreading my legs apart. He grinds into me with his thigh and my head falls back involuntarily.

  “I will buy a different car if you get in immediately so I can have you in my bed sooner.”

  Should I be less easy? Probably. Do I change my mind when he reminds me where he’s taking me? Not a chance. “A Volkswagen?”

  “Whatever the fuck you want,” he breathes before he’s kissing me and I’m wrapping my legs around him and my chest is heaving. “You are so fucking sexy.”

  “Shut up and start driving.” I smirk when I drop my legs from his waist and he runs to the other side of the car and cranks it before I’m even seated in the passenger seat.

  For the first ten minutes the car is quiet. I’m lost in my own thoughts of Peter and my body’s reaction to him.

  “I can’t wait to taste you again, everywhere,” Peter comments.

  “Stop talking or I’ll make you pull over.”

  He laughs and it fills me with joy because I haven’t heard it in so long, but then I’m filled with regret and longing and the reality of what happened to us.

  “Stop,” he says as he grabs my hand and kisses my knuckles.

  I nod, trying to keep the building tears at bay. One of my favorite things in the entire world is when Peter holds my hand. Have you had that with anyone? Where just him holding your hand makes you feel more confident, prettier, hell, even smarter? I used to feel like our hands were made for each other, we were made for each other. I don’t believe that anymore. I can’t believe it.

  “I…” he stops before he even starts. I wonder what he was going to say and I stare into his eyes. They are full of lament and I want to make him feel better. I know I shouldn’t give a shit about his feelings. He crushed my future, but I need to feel him again, in a real way, not a five minute fuck outside of a car in the parking lot.

  “Let’s pretend,” I offer the only thing I know that will land us in bed with Peter under me, behind me, wherever he wants to be for tonight. Tomorrow may be full of regret and remorse, but tonight will be full of unrequited love and ecstasy.

  My phone is blowing up with texts and voicemails. Laura is pissed but resigned and not surprised. She is at Charlie’s. I text her while I’m lying on my stomach and my leg is in between Peter’s.

  I’ll get Peter to take me to the car, and I’ll come pick you up. Text me the address.

  Peter’s hand is tracing imaginary designs on my ass. We had sex so many times last night and this morning I lost count. His fingers begin to dive somewhere he’s become reacquainted with and I smack his hand away. I start to pull myself away from him, but he traps me and pulls me on top of him.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” His voice is gruff, full of pleasant exhaustion.

  “I’m going to get in the shower, and then you’re going to take me to get my car so I can pick Lo up,” I say as I get out of the bed and walk to his bathroom.

  “I could get used to that view,” he calls from his position lounging on his bed.

  I don’t say he had this view and he chose to give it up.

  I turn the water on as hot as I can stand it and close my eyes, letting it beat down on my sore muscles. I mentally go through what my day will look like:

  Get car and then Lo

  Get back to the hotel

  Shop

  Plan when we leave for Phoenix

  Get things set up for stay in Napa

  Call Justin and find out about lottery stuff

  Try to forget about Peter

  Do not fall back in love with Peter

  My thoughts dissipate as the door opens and I hear Peter peeing.

  “Well, there goes the sexy,” I call.

  “I had to pee. You do know I do that, right?” His voice comes from right outside of the curtain.

  “Well, you have another bathroom you can use.”

  “I know, but you’ve been in here so long I thought you may want company.”

  I can hear the grin in his voice.

  “No thanks.” I pull the curtain back and look at him. We stand there and simply stare at other, desire burning between us. He takes a step forward, and I step out of the tub and sidestep him. My vagina cannot take anything else right now.

  “Really?”

  “Really,” I confirm, not quite believing it myself.

  I’m back in my strapless dress and no underwear when he gets out of the shower, his hair combed back with his fingers. He looks like a Patagonia advertisement, and I decide it’s time to get out of here.

  “Let’s go.” I pop off the bed and walk through Peter’s house. It could be a log cabin from how it’s decorated. I stop midway through the den as I catch a picture of him and me at a happy hour one night a couple of years ago. I’m looking away from the camera, my cheeks flushed from alcohol and my face is full of so much joy I almost don’t recognize myself. Peter’s eyes are locked on my face and it’s clear he’s in love. I’ve never seen that picture, and it almost breaks my heart all over again to remember what we had and he threw away.

  “That’s my favorite picture,” Peter calls from the kitchen. “You hungry?”

  My stomach growls at the mention of possible food, and I try not to think of the fact that he doesn’t say it’s his favorite picture of us, but his favorite picture, period.

  He laughs. “Sounds like it.”

  “Let’s grab my car first, I’m sure Laura will be hungry too.” I’m really just trying to not be around him alone. I need a break. It was easy falling into bed with him, but emotions are swirling all around me and I need a break.

  He nods and follows me out the front door.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  I’ll Take the Big O Roll

  After breakfast with Peter, Charlie, who looks better in the morning with his hair ruffled, and Laura, I drive us back to our room at the Ritz Carlton. Yep, we’re going high dollar all the way until we get to Napa. I deserve it and Laura deserves it. There is a pool on the roof and I think I’ll head there next.

  Laura is on my new Mac Book and begins humming.

  “Okay,” she says
in between tunes. “From here to Phoenix is about 14 hours. You want to drive straight through or stop for the night somewhere?”

  I shrug because I’m not really thinking about the travel, I’m thinking of Peter’s tongue in places that make me blush.

  “Albuquerque,” she answers her own question. “It’s about halfway, I’ve never been.” She looks up from the computer. “You?”

  I shake my head.

  Then she looks at me. “What’s up?”

  “I think I’m going to go up to the pool,” I don’t answer.

  “I’ll go too. Just wait and I’ll book our hotels? When are we leaving?”

  I know what she’s doing. I shrug again.

  “Fuck,” she mutters under her breath. “Well, Phoenix to Las Vegas is a little over five hours, so that’s not bad at all. I think we should stay in Phoenix for like…” She pauses to think and examines my face. “At least four days to get this,” she swings her hand wildly in front of my face, “out of your system at a spa, then we will be partying our asses off in Vegas.”

  I nod and walk into the bathroom to change into a bikini. I don’t want to think about leaving yet. My phone buzzes.

  Can I see you tonight?

  Confusion clouds my vision for a minute as I think the text is from Chad because his picture pops up, but the number is a Denver number. Then I remember through my haze of alcohol last night I put Peter’s number under Chad’s picture. I laugh at the irony. I walk out of the bathroom and realize I haven’t checked my email in a couple of days.

  “I booked rooms, I can push them back if I need to, but we’re staying at the Wynn in Vegas and Royal Palms in Phoenix. My mom has stayed at both and she said they’re amazing.”

  “Okay,” I mindlessly agree and start looking at my email.

  “What you doing?” she asks in a sing song voice.

  “I haven’t checked my email since Friday, I just want to make sure Justin has everything he needs.”

  “You just talked to him the other day, he would’ve told you if he needed something?” Laura stands up, stretches, and walks over to where her suitcase is lying and rifles through it.

  “Well, he put the first amount of money in the bank, and that’s really all I care about,” I answer.

  I do see an email from him.

  Megan,

  I’m getting new flooring in your house, I hope you don’t mind. Also, I’m painting. I’m not a beige person, like there was any question. Also, just letting you know that Chad is on a rampage and Richard fired the secretary. I’m going to need you to come back to Atlanta for a little bit. We have tons of paperwork to sort through and also there has been another request for an interview. Let me know when a good time is for you to be here and I’ll get everything set up. Have a good time and stay off social media.

  Justin

  I type back a snarky response refusing to come to Atlanta when there is no need then close my laptop. I don’t even bother with the rest of the emails.

  Laura exits the bathroom in her tiny black string bikini. We both put cover ups on and head to the rooftop pool.

  “Anything important?”

  “Justin says he needs me to come back to Atlanta for paperwork and shit, but why can’t he just overnight or scan it? I’m not going back anytime soon.”

  “That is a little strange, you guys do business with clients all the time who can’t come to the office. Maybe he just misses you.”

  I smile at the thought of him missing me. His absence in my life is greater than what I thought it would be. “And someone else requested an interview, which I will not be doing.” I walk out of the elevator and sigh at the elegance of the rooftop pool. The sky is so clear it looks fake, there is not one cloud to skew the view of the mountains surrounding Denver. We both slip on our sunglasses, and the tension built up in my body begins to break away.

  “Did you tell Peter?” she asks as she picks up a towel for each of us and throws them on one of the loungers.

  “Nope.” I pull my cover off and walk toward the pool. I ease in and an audible gasp escapes my lips as the cool water reaches my stomach. “I’m actually sort of shocked he doesn’t already know.”

  “That’s true, but maybe it hasn’t made the news feed he watches, and you guys aren’t friends on Facebook, are you?”

  “Hell no.”

  “And why are you not telling him?”

  “We really didn’t talk that much after we fucked the first time and his first words were, and I quote, ‘I hope you’re still on birth control.’”

  “You’re kidding?” Laura’s mouth drops open.

  “Nope.”

  “And you still went home with him?” She eyes me curiously.

  “I couldn’t help it. I had a little taste of him and wanted more. He apologized of course.”

  “Of course,” she says as she waves over the bartender. “We need two Bloody Marys please.” The bartender doesn’t even look at her face, just her breasts bobbing up and down in the water.

  “After I hit him.”

  Her eyes snap to mine.

  “Multiple times.”

  “You slapped him?”

  “Several times.”

  “So…spill it. Quit this halfass bullshit.”

  “Ugh,” I grunt and push my sunglasses up my nose. “So we fucked in the parking lot.”

  “Excuse me?” Her eyebrows are so high they disappear into her hair.

  “Well, he kept touching me,” I say.

  “I touch you all the time and we don’t fuck in parking lots.”

  “We don’t fuck at all.” I laugh.

  “My point exactly.”

  “He…”

  “I get it Megan, you don’t have to explain, but shit, that just isn’t like either one of you.”

  “Well, I’m pretty sure we’re very different people, and we haven’t seen each other in a very long time.”

  “Was it good?”

  “It was, but not as good as the six other times later.”

  “Whoa, now your vagina is hurting.”

  “Yeah, it kinda is,” I agree. You know that feeling when you’ve had too much sex. There is an ache in your crotch, no matter what you do? Yeah, that’s how I feel right now.

  “But when he said that about birth control…”

  “Yeah and then he told me to hit him as much as I wanted to get me to stop hating him,” I fill in.

  “Oh shit, he still has the moves.” Laura shakes her head, her face showing pity for me and takes the first Bloody Mary the bartender is holding out for us.

  “I mean, he asked if we could just pretend he didn’t do what he did.”

  “Well, no, the fuck, you cannot pretend.” She shakes her head in disgust.

  “I said we could.” I don’t believe we can, but I did tell him we could. I don’t know why I did that. I’m perfectly sane, but I am acting like I had a lobotomy. I need someone to save me like Bromden does McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

  “Megan,” she starts slowly. “This will not end well.”

  “But this time I get to end it.” This is completely delusional. Help me, yell for help.

  “Oh Megan, no you don’t. You just get to walk away and those things are very different.”

  I close my eyes because I know this, but fuck if I’m going to let her think she’s right.

  “I’m fine and I’m just having fun.” I spread a smile on my lips that feels rigid, but I hope looks okay.

  “You and Peter aren’t just fun and you know it.” She points at my face. “Stop smiling like that, you look insane.”

  I take a sip of my drink.

  “You do what you want, I’m here whenever, but you will fall if you haven’t already.”

  I nod, but the problem is I fell years ago and I never got up.

  “This is crazy,” Peter says as he takes in the room at the Ritz Laura and I are camped out in.

  “I know, right?” I grab my purse and wave bye to Laura, who i
s in pajamas on the couch watching House of Cards.

  “You two don’t stay out too late,” she jokes.

  “Don’t expect her back tonight,” Peter retorts then he puts his hand on my lower back and guides me through the door.

  When we get in the elevator there is a crackling tension, but I don’t know if it’s the unsaid knowledge that this is ending quickly or the fact we both keep devouring each other with our eyes.

  “You look gorgeous.”

  I pull my hair back into a loose twist and smile.

  “Have you guys decided on how long you’re staying?”

  “No.” The truth is it all depends on me, on us, on him. I don’t tell him that though and honestly, I haven’t even admitted that out loud to Laura. She already knows though. She’s my person.

  “Are you going to tell me what you are doing here? Did you take a leave from your job?”

  “I told you why we’re here, we came to see a concert at Red Rocks.”

  “Megan…”

  “Look Peter, I’m pretending. I’m trying not to think about things that will make me hate you so don’t ask about my current life. You aren’t entitled to know anything about me. You gave that up a long time ago.”

  He rubs his beard in response, and then wraps his left hand around mine. The door opens and we walk silently to his car.

  The drive to dinner is quiet, but it’s comfortable. I’m trying not to over analyze anything and just go to fucking dinner, but Laura’s comment keeps bumping around in my head. When he pulls into a place called Sushi Den a smile plays at the corner of my lips. We used to love sushi.

  He walks to my side of his SUV, but I’m already out and shutting the door. He takes my hand in his, and we walk into the restaurant.

  “Peter.” The hostess nods. “It’s great to see you again so soon.”

  “Well, you know I’d eat here every night if I could afford it.” He smiles and pulls me with him as the hostess leads us over to the sushi bar.

  It’s easy to forget how well someone knows you when you haven’t seen them in three years, but I love to sit and watch sushi being made.

  “Perfect,” Peter says and thanks the hostess.