The Carmel Sheehan Story

by Jean Grainger

  After desserts, there was coffee and delicious Bailey’s Irish Cream chocolates, which everyone said they couldn’t possibly touch, but still managed to polish off almost the entire box. Sharif tapped his glass. The room became instantly quiet, even little Ruari was resting peacefully in Jennifer’s arms.

  ‘I’m not much of a man for speeches normally, but there is something I want to tell you all. Seeing everyone here today, so relaxed and happy in each other’s company, it feels like we are family already. Carmel and I can’t make any plans for our wedding until she can get a divorce, but as soon as she does, we will be getting married, and I know I speak for her too when I say we would love it if you’d join us on that day.’

  Joe was sitting beside Carmel and he put his arm around her shoulders. She turned to him and smiled. He winked at her and her heart melted. She realized now for sure, she wanted this man in her life. But maybe Jennifer was right, what would a DNA test prove? If it was positive, and he was her father, then they were exactly where they were now, and if not, well if not, who knew what anyone would feel?

  ‘The second thing is something to do with the clinic. I know I’ve only just met you and normally I am a very private person on such issues, but Carmel and I are going to need your support in the coming months. In a nutshell, I am being sued for malpractice.’ Even saying the words out loud was causing him pain, Carmel could see it.

  Nadia was outraged, ‘By whom? That’s ridiculous, you are the most diligent, conscientious…’ Sharif smiled as he saw the mother lioness emerge, protecting her cub.

  ‘Ammi, I know you think that, and I will, of course, fight this if I can, but basically, a patient who is suffering from dementia was photographed by her son in soiled, wet sheets and he is claiming that, on a regular basis, we neglect her.’

  ‘But, Sharif, my darling…how can he say such a thing? It’s that Derek Johnson, isn’t it? I knew he couldn’t be trusted. You are letting his mother stay here, with top facilities for nothing, just because she asked you to and now this is how he repays you?’

  Sharif had never told Carmel that Mrs Johnson wasn’t a paying patient, but she suspected. That made the whole thing so much worse.

  ‘That’s irrelevant, the thing is, it’s not true, he must have brought those sheets in and put them on the bed and then photographed her. In the pictures he showed me, her nightgown was all stains and her hair very disheveled, as well as the dirty sheets and rubbish all over the room. There was even a full ashtray. He clearly staged the whole thing, but as I was explaining to Carmel, malpractice suits are notoriously difficult and costly to fight, and often the damage is actually done by the suspicion anyway. Most of the time, doctors settle. I’ve spoken to my solicitor and he’s put me on to a legal team that specializes in this sort of thing, but their advice is going to be to settle, I would imagine.’

  Carmel placed her hand over his as he sat down.

  Joe was the first to speak, ‘Sharif, I don’t know anything about you, really, but from what my brother said about this place, I know that man is lying. Surely, he can’t just come up with a load of rubbish like that and expect to get away with it?’

  ‘Well, it seems he can. It’s not fair, but then…life isn’t fair sometimes. Anyway, there you have it. We’ll need your support as I said and I just thought it was better to tell you what was going on; I know I don’t need to say this, but I’d appreciate it if you kept this to yourselves.’

  ‘Of course, that’s awful.’ Jennifer and Luke both reached out for Carmel’s hand at the same time and for an instant, she felt a sibling connection.

  ‘Now, I don’t want this to spoil our lovely day, so let’s not talk about it anymore, but I wanted you all to know. It will all work itself out, I’m sure.’ Sharif smiled with a confidence Carmel knew he didn’t feel but he was right, there was no point in dwelling on it.

  ‘So, how long are you all staying around?’ Carmel hoped she’d have some time with them on her own before they went back to Ireland.

  ‘Well, myself, Damien, Luke, and the little prince here are going back tomorrow, but I think Dad is staying around for a few days, aren’t you?’ Jennifer must have known her father was a little nervous, afraid of outstaying his welcome, so she was encouraging.

  Carmel jumped in right away, ‘Oh, that’s wonderful. I’m really sorry you guys are going back so soon, but I know how it is with work and everything, and I’m so grateful that you came over, really, travelling with Ruari and everything, it’s meant to world to us, and especially to me. And, maybe we can spend some time together, Joe, over the next few days? That’s if the boss will give me the time off, he’s a bit of a tyrant.’ She winked at Sharif.

  ‘Somehow, Carmel, I think you have him wrapped around your little finger.’ Joe looked relieved that she was pleased.

  ‘She certainly does, Joe, I’m a slave to her whims.’ Sharif was mock mournful.

  ‘Hey, say if this is a bad idea now,’ Damien spoke up, but how about if myself and Joe mind the small lad and let Jennifer, Luke, and Carmel go out for a drink or something? We’re all going back tomorrow and maybe…’ he got embarrassed then, unsure of how to finish because nobody had yet said anything about the situation of Carmel’s parentage.

  ‘I’d love that. If it suits you two?’ Carmel knew Jennifer was anxious to welcome her but she’d love to talk properly to Luke as well. The family lunch was wonderful but it didn’t allow for any real conversation on the future.

  ‘Perfect. Now, I need to get over to the clinic, check on everyone, so I’ll take my leave of you all. We had a lovely time, thank you so much for coming and please come over again soon.’ Sharif was picking up his keys and making for the door.

  ‘Or, you could come to visit us?’ Luke grinned.

  ‘Maybe. Dublin was where we met, so maybe we could go back for a visit sometime?’ Sharif knew that Carmel had no desire to ever return to Ireland but maybe a family of her own over there would be enough of a lure.

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Don’t worry about clearing up. I’ll do it when I get back.’ And Sharif was gone.

  Nadia and Joe began removing the dessert plates and the glasses as Damien took Ruari off to change him into his pyjamas.

  ‘Right, Carmel, show us the highlights of this bit of the urban sprawl,’ Luke joked as he shrugged on his jacket.

  ‘Well, we are just a teeny bit too far out to be considered urban anything, but we could go in, up the West End or something if you’d like, or we could just stay around here? Whatever you two would like.’

  ‘Well, maybe this single lad is looking for a bit more action than a night with his sisters, but I’m happy to stay local.’ Jen smiled and Carmel coloured at the casual way she dropped in the word sisters.

  ‘What more could a fella want? I already had one nagging sister, now it seems I’ve got two. Brilliant.’ He threw his eyes heavenward, and with a martyred sigh, offered them an arm each. ‘Right you, where are you taking us?’

  Carmel thought quickly, ‘I’m not much of a pub goer but my friends Zane and Ivanka hang out at The Dog and Duck and they say it’s fun. We go there for lunch some days, so will we try there? We can walk, it’s about twenty minutes or we can call a cab?’

  ‘Oh, let’s walk. I’m stuffed after that lunch, I could do with some exercise.’ Jen patted her belly.

  Luke looked doubtfully at his sister’s high boots. ‘Are you going to be able to walk in those, and not be whining after three minutes? You know what you’re like and I’m not carrying you!’

  ‘Hmm, good point.’ Jenifer looked down ruefully.

  ‘What size are you? I can lend you a pair of pumps?’

  Jennifer looked at Carmel and grinned, ‘Maybe it’s not too late after all to be borrowing your stuff! I’m a six?’

  ‘Me too, come into the bedroom and see what you’d like.’

  ‘Here we go,’ Luke moaned dramatically, ‘One pair of shoes, Jen, and only to borrow, a thirty-second decision, not a half
an hour, okay?’

  ‘Yeah yeah, whatever…’ she punched him playfully on the shoulder.

  Five minutes later, Jennifer emerged wearing a pair of flat ballet pumps and a cream and gold jacket of Carmel’s.

  ‘I love this jacket, it’s so unusual.’

  ‘Ivy gave it to me, actually, someone bought it for her as a present but she’s in her sixties and she felt ridiculous in it. Keep it if you like.’

  ‘I couldn’t do that, it’s yours.’

  ‘And now it’s yours. I like the idea of you having it, you can think of me when you wear it.’

  ‘Okay, now that the fashion show is over, can we please get going? One sister was bad enough…’ he grinned and kissed Nadia on the cheek and gave his Dad a hug.

  Jennifer did the same and Carmel followed their lead. She was never quite sure what to do in these situations. Certainly, as a child, there was no physical contact at all, and during her years with Bill, it was kept to an absolute minimum. The twins would give her a peck on the cheek when they arrived and left, and she shook hands with people when it was time to show the sign of peace at Mass, but apart from that, she wasn’t really touched by anyone. Over here, she was constantly being hugged and kissed by Sharif, friends, Nadia, and while it was lovely, she was always a little unsure about what she should do.

  ‘Be careful and mind each other,’ Joe called as they closed the door behind them.

  ‘So, tell us more about this Johnson fella.’ Carmel was surprised at Luke’s interest, but she told him all she knew.

  ‘So, he just rocks up out of the blue and says he’s her son and starts all this trouble?’

  Carmel remembered that he was a detective and assumed that’s where his interest lay.

  ‘Well, we’ve no reason to believe he’s not her son, but yeah, that’s more or less it. Poor Sharif, it’s killing him inside, I just wish there was something I could do.’

  ‘Well, just be there for him, I suppose, y’know, what you’re doing. Imagine if he didn’t have you?’ Jennifer linked Carmel’s arm.

  ‘Well, I hope I’m being some use, but to be honest, I doubt it. I approached him the other day in the car park and he was horrible. Apparently, he hates Paddies and Pakis, so we are both equally bad. You should see him and his car, filthy, smelly, and I just can’t believe that he’s suddenly the caring son. None of it fits. I haven’t told Sharif that I spoke to him. Maybe I should? I just wanted to help him, but what if I’ve made things worse?’

  ‘I doubt that. He sounds like a piece of work. If you want me to, I could ask someone I know at Scotland Yard to run a check on him? If we knew a bit more about him, then it could help find a way to deal with him?’

  Carmel felt so touched at Luke’s offer to help, and the way he seemed to see it as a collective problem, not just Sharif’s.

  ‘I’ll speak to Sharif, see what he says, thanks so much, Luke, you don’t really need this crap in your life, but we really appreciate it.’

  ‘I deal with criminals all day every day, in general, they are cowards under all the bravado and nearly always have something to hide. Find that, and you have leverage. Simple really, when you know how!’ He winked.

  ‘Do you think he’s a criminal?’

  ‘Well, so far, he’s falsified evidence, made unfounded accusations, and made racist remarks. Let’s just say, I wouldn’t be stunned if it turns out he has a record. Normal, law-abiding people just don’t do things like that.’

  ‘And you could find that out for us?’

  ‘I would imagine so. Yeah.’

  Carmel looked at him and wondered if the whole student look wasn’t a sort of disguise. He came across as jokey and very much the baby brother when he was goofing around with the family, but now that he was in business mode, he was focused and professional.

  ‘If we can help in any way, Carmel, we will, you’ve been through enough in your life, you deserve a break. And it’s just so unfair that now that you and Sharif have found each other and your story with your parents is just starting to emerge, that you have to deal with this awful man and his horrible threats.’ Jennifer was sincere, Carmel just knew it.

  ‘You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that, both of you. Seriously, I was terrified before the party that you were coming over to tell me to back off, to leave your Dad alone. You’re both so easy to talk to. I don’t know because families were a bit of a mystery to me, I learned everything about relationships from TV soaps. To be honest, I thought it was always fraught. But seeing Sharif and Nadia together, and Joe and you lot, it all seems so easy. I can’t believe I’m actually in one, a real proper family. I just sat and watched you all over lunch, talking, eating, laughing, and I felt such awe, and then I realized I was actually part of it, not outside looking in, the way I have been all my life. I know that sounds pathetic, but honestly, I was breathing in and out and going through the motions but I wasn’t living, not really.’

  ‘What was Trinity House like?’ Luke asked as they walked along. In some ways, Carmel realized, it was easier to talk properly when walking, eyes straight ahead.

  ‘Okay. Like, I wasn’t abused or anything, that’s the first thing everyone thinks these days when they hear I was reared in care. So, there wasn’t anything like that, thankfully, but I was just there, nobody cared really. We were fed and educated and all of that, but we were just numbers, I suppose. We went to the local school, and I remember I used to dread when there would be a note to go home to have signed for different things. Each one of the normal kids would be given a note and then when it came to us, the kids from Trinity, they’d say, “Ye don’t need to take one, it’s been sent.” I used to cringe with shame. My First Communion, Confirmation, all of that, it was the same. We went with the others to the church, they even found dresses or whatever for us, but no photos, no family lunch, no cash from your aunties and uncles. The usual stuff kids think about, I suppose. So, it was lonely and embarrassing, and empty, but they weren’t cruel.’

  ‘But no love?’

  ‘No. Nothing like that.’

  ‘And you must have been wondering why you weren’t adopted?’

  Carmel knew now that Jennifer and Luke didn’t have the full story, so she couldn’t explain about the order Joe’s father had made.

  ‘I just supposed that nobody wanted me. Like, once you go past four or five, it’s almost impossible anyway. People really only want babies, so I remember on my seventh birthday deciding I wasn’t going to think about that anymore. It wasn’t going to happen and that was that.’

  Luke said nothing but put his arm around her and gave her a squeeze.

  ‘Is that why you married that fella from down the country?’

  She shrugged. ‘I was well over eighteen, time to be out of care and well, I’d nowhere else to go. I didn’t have any qualifications, I got my Leaving Cert, but without a proper address or some experience, I couldn’t even get a job in a shop. I could sew, and I used to make clothes for the kids in Trinity or adjust the stuff out of the charity bags that were dropped in, but there wasn’t any need for that anymore. I thought that because he had kids, and their mother had died, that they’d need me. I used to look after the little ones at Trinity House, and I like kids, so I just thought… Well, anyway, they didn’t need me or want me, as it turned out. I think Bill only got married to keep his awful sister out of his house and a bit for the girls I suppose, but then when they didn’t want me, it was all a bit pointless.’

  ‘How old were they?’ Jennifer was clearly upset at such cruelty.

  ‘Oh, they were only six when Bill and I got married, but Julia kind of dominated them.’

  ‘Oh, she’s the one that showed up the other day? She sounds like a right wagon.’

  ‘Oh, she’s a piece of work alright. Sharif says she looks like a witch in a storybook, all pointy.’

  ‘And did you not want to have a child with your man?’ Luke was so direct, it must be the policeman in him, but Carmel found that she didn’t
mind.

  ‘This is going to sound mad, but we never actually…well, you know. He was still married in his head to his dead wife, and so he never touched me.’ Carmel couldn’t believe she was admitting this to them, but somehow it felt safe.

  ‘Are you serious?’ Luke was incredulous, and Jennifer had tears in her eyes.

  ‘And you’re so gorgeous, and he never wanted… Oh, Carmel, you poor thing, that must have been so hard…’ Jennifer was trying her best to hold it together, Carmel could see, but it was impossible. Once again, she was surprised at the impact of her story.

  Luke stopped walking and drew both of them into his embrace.

  ‘Come on now, we’re supposed to be celebrating, so let’s try to focus on that, eh? They’re out of your life now, well almost, just the divorce to get sorted, and then you’ve got all sorts of options.’

  The pub was half full and there was a nice buzz of conversation. Carmel went to the bar, despite Luke’s efforts to buy the first round.

  ‘What can I get you, love?’ the barman asked as Luke and Jennifer went to sit down.

  ‘I’ll have a gin and tonic please and a glass of red for my sister and a pint of bitter for my brother.’

  The barman looked a little askance, generally, people didn’t specify who the drinks were for but Carmel wanted to say the words.

  ‘Have you decided what you’re going to do?’ Luke asked as he lifted his pint to his mouth.

  Carmel fought back the panic. She realized now that she was emotionally underdeveloped. She’d been reading a lot about children reared in care and how the normal human responses that happen between parents and kids and between kids and their siblings are often absent, and so it leads to emotional delay. Sometimes, she felt like she was in a foreign world where everyone else spoke the language except her. Sharif understood and wasn’t put off by her odd reactions sometimes, but she hoped she could explain it properly to the McDaids.

  ‘I don’t know. Jennifer and I spoke about it briefly earlier. I’m a bit weird, that’s the truth, Luke. I’ve had such a peculiar life compared to virtually everyone else I’ve met, that I’m afraid to move forward in case I mess it up. I don’t really understand about families, as I said, and what it’s okay to do and say. And I don’t even know if I am part of your family, so…’ she sighed heavily, knowing she was making a hash of explaining it to him.